I notice most guys feel frustrated when trying to get the girls they want. It's either the girls aren't interested/ rejected them right at the start, or suddenly ghost/ leave after a few months, or change to become worse/ demeaning and the relationship becomes toxic or end with betrayal/ sudden breakup.

I grew up having more male friends than female ones, but I'm not a tomboy or the brotherly type. Sometimes I have empathy/ sympathy for men, seeing them so frustrated and hurt, either during pursuit, or during the initial stage, or while in the relationship, or the breakup.

Actually what men want are simple, it's women that's complicated, as they have more wants and needs = more picky and demanding/ high expectations. I'm guilty of this as well, but I don't play guys' feelings or take advantage of them.

***

I'm a woman, so obviously, I don't (need to) pursue men.

I've gone out with 22 men, one-on-one lunch/ dinner dates via dating apps. Most of them are in their 30s (that's the range I set), and are professionals. Among them are engineers (mechanical, O&G), managers (software development, app designs, logistics, real estate, finance), business owners (car parts supplies, water filtration systems, logistics), a scientist in manufacturing technology, a strategy director and others.

Of course, I've chatted with even more men, about 100-200 in the past few years. When I first used Tinder, I got 99+ likes and 30+ pm's within 12 hours. (Side note: Now I know why I was popular. I asked my male buddy to show me his Tinder girls, we swiped left and right together, hmm... I was kinda disappointed? The photos and profile write-ups were kinda...unsatisfactory. Then I looked at how he chatted up with different girls. )

So yeah, I'm quite seasoned. I don't sleep around & all my dates are serious/ proper ones (not looking for hookups). Now I don't use dating apps anymore, and funnily, I met my fiance via lowyat forum.


First Date Matters

Men are actually more feeling-based/ visual ("I like the girl, I have feeling for her, so I chase her"). Men tend to fall in love hard and fast when the gut feeling/ instinct/ hormones gets triggered (by her looks, her smile, sexy photos, body shape etc).

Women aren't like that. They have a mental checklist when it comes to screening and selecting potential partners. Let's begin with the first date.

First impression is, of course, important. As long as you look decent and presentable, display good table manners and etiquette, you score points.

Women tend to be naturally guarded, so you'll need to make them feel at ease/ more relaxed, and show that you are caring, such as asking "Would you like some hot tea?" "Do you feel cold?" "How's the food? Is the soup hot enough?" Ask simple questions to just have a quick check on how she's feeling, and if she says she's fine/ it's okay, then say something like, "That's good. I'm glad you enjoy the soup/ you're feeling comfortable" and then smile at her.

Then the topics you talk about should be something interesting. Usually, men will need to lead the conversation first to break the awkward silence. It can be telling stories (about what happened at work, or a project you just completed etc), or talking about some fun activities that you'll be doing, or asking for her opinion about vacation ideas etc. It should be interactive, and ideally, men should listen more than they talk. When you can get a woman to open up and talk about what interests her, and make her smile and laugh, the date is then a successful one = you are making her feel good and happy.

After the lunch/ dinner ends, pay for the meal (you asked her out and you like her). Don't schedule the next date immediately. Just say it's kinda late, she should go home now and sleep early, get some beauty sleep after a good meal and chat with you.

If you like her, accompany her to pay the parking ticket, or to the car park if it's kinda late. Then when you're home, text her to say you're home and ask her if she has reached home safely too. Then thank her for her time to dine with you, and you enjoy it. Don't ever ask her how she thinks of the date, or how she thinks of you. It's still too early to judge, so please don't invite unnecessary preliminary evaluation.

Up till now, notice that on the first date itself, you'll need to:
1) pay attention to details
2) show that you are warm and caring
3) don't show your desperation (by asking her when's the next date or how she feels about you etc)
4) unguard her by 10%-20%

***

As mentioned earlier, I've gone out with 20+ men. 90% of them paid for the first date. Some of them asked if I would consider a serious relationship with them, which I rejected outright. On the other hand, with some of them, I had a second and third date.

Why Women Reject Men

Many reasons, such as:

1) physical compatibility: height, body shape, body frame
2) bad impression: lack of punctuality, no table manners, poor body language (yawn, burp etc)
3) lack of common interests or common topics
4) lack maturity and depth, e.g. cold jokes or sarcastic remarks, which women don't find funny at all
5) don't feel safe or comfortable with him; he's too desperate for next date or for sex

and other reasons, of course.

The thing is, don't feel frustrated with women reject you outright. If it's something you can change to be better, you can impress her again in the next date, provided that she will give the 2nd chance and you still wanna pursue her.

& yes, back then when my bf-now-fiance pursued me, I rejected him straightaway, but he didn't give up. He didn't let my rejection diminish his value and self-worth, and he proved himself to me that he truly deserved me. I was really impressed with his high self-esteem and confidence. It took him a whole year to pursue me, and to get me give up dating other men. (Another tip: Women like to test men, level by level.)

A man who is very sure and confident of himself (in a good way, not delusional), despite the "disadvantages" he has, is very attractive and sexy to women. I call it the winning attitude/ mentality.

If you are at a disadvantage (no good looks, not rich etc), you need to demonstrate to her you are a man worthy of her in some other ways, such as you can make her laugh and be happy, you are caring and filial etc. Demonstrate your strengths despite the weaknesses you have, and don't feel inferior.

***

Ok, shared a lot. I'm not sure how you guys pursue women; I'm just sharing some input so that you can refine your tactics, and hopefully, increase the chances of succeeding.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Jul 1 2018, 12:56 AM

Did woman always seek materialistic man? Any set of money benchmark that woman used to set when deciding to marry with? I assume you are the top league of woman that man always chase so will be glad to hear your opinion..

interesting but not the same with most cases as most find their mate with out apps or online....so the first date would be less boring ....as it will not be an introduction session....and about compatibility....it also depends on what women want....but as usual they dont always get what they want and get less choosy thru experience ,,,and settle for the guy they use to rate less the 5/10.....due to searching for a guy which is above 5/10 which are mostly taken or married

Try figure why TS picked 30 and above.
Try figure what would hv changed significantly after 30’s.

I’m damm sure it’s not maturity. It’s more like his b*llshit starts to walk if u know what I mean.

Yes, being tested at every level. Taking a whole year is alright when the lady is all that he imagined.

Things you mentioned is pretty much how many men (oppose to some inexperienced chaps.

Sometimes it gets complicated as the lady concern isn’t single.
For reasons maybe like you say, options.

There are generally 4 types of women:

1) for hook-ups, play-play only = materialistic (no money, no honey)

2) bitches = use men for financial or status gain; materialistic. Once she's done using him, she dumps him and goes for the next.

3) doormats = low self-esteem, clingy, desperate; may or may not be materialistic, coz some are afraid to lose their bfs, so she's willing to pay everything for him, while some are vain due to insecurity, so wanna show off how wealthy bf is.

4) wife material = money is important, but it's for future together (wedding, family, children) = practical, not materialistic


To be honest, men are actually quite generous with their resources, but they don't like to be exploited (who likes, anyway?).

I'd say most women are actually quite dumb when they place $$$ as the top priority, coz:

1) A man's potential is more important than the money he's earning now.

He can be earning a lot now, say RM10k a month, but how about 5 years down the road? Accidents and retrenchment can happen, and there's something called inflation.

How much money a man can make in the future is more important than how much he can make now. Be that woman who can adequately support his ambition and help him to achieve his goals, and push him to realise his fullest potential.

2) Most rich men are actually low profile.

They don't flaunt their wealth, and they don't provide financially, until they feel safe enough to show how much they have in possession. Don't judge a book by its cover.


If most women you date are the playgirls/ bitches/ doormats, it's only natural that you'd feel most women are materialistic. If you wanna settle down, then look for wife material. You should be able to feel the difference.

I agree When you said a man potential is more important than he’s earning, what do you think with man who is in lost direction with his life, fully educated but still dont know about his fully potential and a loner? Mind to share ur opinion

No one likes to be tested, but again, view it in a positive light.

Why?

Choosing a partner to spend your life with is a major decision. I had to set some levels to test him, to find out:

1) whether he knows what he's getting into & who he's really dating. I don't want him to regret his decision one day.
How to test: Tell him my problems and see if he can/willing to handle them. If a man doesn't love the woman enough, he won't go through thick and thin with her.

2) to make sure he can take up the responsibility and commitment. I don't wanna date and only to get dumped one day.
How to test: Talk about future plans and family planning. Observe his reaction about having children and how to manage finances.

3) whether he can handle my bad side.
How to test: Show him my worst side. If he can accept and know what to do, then I know he's the right person to be with. We all have our bad moods once in a while, and we definitely need to let it out (doesn't mean we can abuse or vent it out on our partners).

***

Just a few examples. I also got tested in many ways, but I passed all of them; that's why he and I are still together and going for the next stage.

How men test women:

1) $$$ - greedy or not
2) xoxo - compatible or not
3) family - how she thinks of his family and buddies
4) hobbies - how she perceives his favourite activities
5) honesty & loyalty - will she go for the next guy if she meets a better one?

plus others. The testing goes both ways, actually.

Relationship is not always lovey-dovey, so it's important to find a partner who can understand, comfort and accept you totally, and help you to be a better person than you previously were.

Actually, it's common for men to feel lost from time to time, coz of the challenges they face, the decisions they have to make and the expectations/ responsibilities they shoulder (as a man, a son, a father/ husband/bf, employee/manager). It's just that they don't show it, coz they are supposed to look strong/ tough.

This journey of self-discovery will take years, or decades, and it can be really lonely and frustrating, but it's necessary for breakthrough to differentiate the real men from men.

yeah self discovery somehow is very frustrating and lonely, anyway your analogy is so inspiring, are u married woman? i'd be glad to date with you if u r still single, Lol

Thanks for the compliment. You made my day.

I'm not married yet; currently engaged. In the unlikely event that the engagement breaks (I'll be around 30-32 years old that time), I'll be back to the dating scene.



Potential Partners for Women in Their 30s

1) Single men in their 30s and 40s. They may be single because they are highly focused on their career (no time to date/ working overseas etc), or they are the loser type.

2) Divorced men in their 30s and 40s. A divorced man may come with children from his previous marriage, but for a woman is in her 30s, she can accept his children better than a woman in her 20s. Of course, having a blended family has its own set of challenges. If she loves him enough, she will go through the challenges with him.

***

I'm writing this so that men don't have to worry they can't find good women (thinking that they are all taken or married), and women don't have to worry about being "leftovers" (thinking that good men are near extinct).

In marketing terms, each product has its own target market, so if the marketing mix/ 4Ps (product, price, place and promotion) are done right, there will be buyers. You need to know your value and USPs to be able to get what you want, be it relationship, career, wealth or others.

How to know if im being played by a girl who play-play only or something like that?

TS you missed out one point, family backgrounds could be critical factor.

I met a girl through tinder, text & chatting everyday for 1 month. Then we decided to meet for lunch, movie and so on. Things moved on very smooth Until the 3rd dating, she hinted me to be my gf. In my mind, I was so worried that about my family background may pulled us back (my brother under jail term due to drug trafficking). So I told her and she eventually shared to her family about our relationship. Her family so worrying and angry about our relationship. In the end, she texted me that we should stop here and remain as friend and she blocked me in FB.

I intended to pursue her again perhaps she testing me about my sincerity. But I gave up after a thoughtful moment about our relationship. When she told that to her parents, I guess she must serious about me and respectful to her parents by telling them before we started.

Since then we haven’t texted to each other. Now I hope I can get over her.

This post has been edited by kkxhamtan: Jul 1 2018, 07:15 PM

I feel what you share is pretty much just the basics. You must be presentable, rich , caring , understanding, funny bla bla bla ,
that's just basically what the hollywood movies tells you to do.



If you truly want to help the men start with telling the real truth about women.
For eg:-

BS women say when they're not into you.
How to observe body language and make your move.
Do not limit yourself to 1 girl, date as many girls in 1 time.
Know how to pursue and pull back .
How not to be a doormat for women
How do women manipulate men and how to know you're being manipulated.

These are the things that are more important.




I totally disagree with this advice you give. Tonnes of "boys" here have done this and got disappointed at the end and they come whining here. The time and effort wasted could have been better utilized to get other girls.

Good write, good share.

Thanks TS !

This thread should've been made sooner for those guys having problem out there. Honestly, most of these are common sense if you were to go out with someone for the first time.

Good writing. I am sure it benefits many male forumer here

First, you can easily judge her interest in you by looking at the speed of her reply to your text, and the content. A girl who likes you won't take a few hours, or a whole day or a few days to reply your text, and when she replies you, it's usually not 1-2 lines only. In other words, a girl who is serious will give you her time and attention.

Men often text in short sentences (one or two words, or one or two lines), so they don't notice that women actually have different texting behaviour. Short texts from women are actually not okay, coz women are naturally more talkative.

2nd, you know a girl plays-plays when she doesn't initiate or give her input. She lets you do everything by yourself, and the effort become one-sided. Then when you ask her, she usually says "Dunno" or "Okay" (no opinion or preference), and then when she goes on dates with you, she doesn't smile or talk much.

3rd, she doesn't appreciate what you do. Maybe you have spent a few days thinking what gift to buy for her, and when she receives and opens it, she doesn't like it, and she complains. Girls like this are difficult to please, and if you are not "useful" to them, they can easily dump you to go for the next.

If a girl really likes you, even though the gift is not that satisfactory, she will still appreciate your effort and money spent to prepare it.

***

Of course, a girl who play-plays tend to give excuses or lie, so if you ever catch her doing that, you should blacklist her. & when a girl is very inconsistent (keep changing her minds or change her plans) that it affects your dates/ relationship with her, you should watch out.

These are some red flags that are easy to spot and more common. Sometimes, guys are so in love that they refuse to see... until they get hurt.

Sorry to hear about what happened. Obviously, the relationship wasn't long and deep enough for her to accept your family circumstances. It's only the 3rd date when you decided to confess the truth to her.

To be honest, it's your brother who is in jail; your whole family are not criminals, including yourself. You and your family shouldn't be sentenced morally (by her, her family or the society).

I think it's unwise for you to confess at such an early stage, because confession should go both ways. I'm sure she or her family have their own dirty stain or dark history, which she's not telling you yet.

When she chose to tell her parents about your flaws, she had actually thought of dumping you already. She just needed a good reason/ support so that she had the courage to dump you, and then block you on FB after that.

The truth is, if I know my bf has some dark family history, and I really love him, I won't wanna tell my parents coz I want them to have good impression on him. Plus, my bf is not a criminal, so why should he bear the judgement? & when you love someone, you accept him/her as the total package, not partially.

I know it feels hurtful, but please get over her. Be wiser in your next date. Remember, confession should go both ways and occur at a more mature stage in the relationship.

Yeah, it's just the basics, but most guys can't even get it done right. If the men I went out with had done all these right, then I would't have mention those steps as necessary. Those men were in their 30s, and were professionals. Using this as a sample, imagine the mistakes younger men (in their 20s and 30s) and those who are not professionals/ high ranking/ less educated can make.

& the topics you suggested, those are for later stage. I can't write all these in one thread, can I? It would then be a book. One topic, one thread, coz this is a forum, you need to be specific and give space for discussion.

***

From what you wrote, I feel that you are the type of men who jump too fast to conclusion, and too eager to speed things up to achieve desired results. While efficiency and effectiveness are good when you apply it at work, this doesn't apply well in pursuits/ relationships.

I'd say you're the fisherman type of man: cast one net, to get as many fish as you want in a short time. In fact, most men do that. I won't say it's a wrong approach, but a good catch always takes time, and bigger fish live in the deep sea, not near the shallow shore.

Another type of men, I call them the hunters. A hunter sets the lure, waits patiently for the prey to approach, and aims at the prey. He enjoys the chase to hunt the prey down, and when he succeeds in it, the prey is now his prized possession. Of course, during the chase, he wants the prey and only the prey, and give up on hunting other animals. It is the whole experience that gives him the thrill.

If there are too many fishermen out there fishing in the sea, perhaps you should sail deeper into the ocean, or try hunt in the jungle.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Jul 2 2018, 10:48 AM

this is very vert true Be that woman who can adequately support his ambition and help him to achieve his goals, and push him to realise his fullest potential. . if you can do that, you already succeed as a wife and every words that come out from your mouth carries heavy weight. This is ultimately what every women wants but most of them cant achieve it

Ralna - your post and earlier posts are by far the best advice i've seen recently on this forum! Thanks for sharing all the incredible insights of the opposite sex.

kkxhamtan - So sorry to hear that, I agree with Ralna that you're you and should not be morally judged. Complete respect to you to be open and truthful, it goes to show that her family plays an important role in her life in decision making. So good to know that she's may not compatible at an early stage, unless you think its worth fighting for. Relationship includes her family and inner circle, so hope it works out if you're pushing for it. She might just be afraid and unsure, but if she doesn't have the maturity and wits to see beyond - then she may not be really into you... so why not move on?

Generalisation is what statistics is all about. If you wanna be specific, it's a niche study.

I don't need you or anyone to trust me. My writing is just a sharing, so you judge the content. If an idea is good, it is good regardless of who wrote it. Apply your critical thinking skills, and avoid the logical fallacies.

Lastly, if you could give better advice, I challenge you to do so then. Go and write something equally long or even longer, since you have dated so much that my dating experience is "lmao" to you.

Looking forward to your writing soon.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Jul 2 2018, 10:51 AM

Thank god i've not met any or avoided 1) and 2) .... but have gone through quite a number of 3)s for some reason... Looks like a there's a lot of peer pressure from both men and women... and one-up-manships as well as broken-hearted people out there today.

I think you're quite spot on with b] - growth and character is long sighted, what he's earning now is short sighted

Sorry i stopped reading at

"I'm a woman, so obviously, I don't (need to) pursue men."

cause this is one of the main reason women lost out on good men. Just like there are better quality women (looks, smarts, etc what have you) there are also higher quality men. If women are passive then they are as good as putting themselves in the market waiting for the right guy to come peck. While if they are active, they can actually take the initiative to do the picking/choosing.

Just think about it, you choose the best among the men who show interest in you, and thats what? 10% of the pool? While if you take the initiative, you get to pick form them entire pool.

I have personally witness a guy, I would rate him high, nice guy, awesome temper (or lack of), caring., loyal, nice looking (might be biased was my best buddy), a specialist doctor (now). He liked this girl in college, but they were both too shy to initiate... so then another loud mouth, crude lady comes along, she was aggressive and finally got the guy... they are married now.. its his first relationship.

"loud mouth, crude lady comes along, she was aggressive"

Lol - sounds like he got butchered and slaughtered

Agreed with you on this point. I really think sometimes the ladies can initiate or give a more obvious signal if keen, not all men are immediately extroverted in the midst of it all....

This post has been edited by tokyochilli: Jul 2 2018, 11:07 AM

can u also give advice on why women prefer married men or men with girlfriend?

True, most women can't do it. For a woman to push a man to success, she needs to be ambitious and far-sighted, patient and encouraging. She must not belittle her man to make him feel inferior or useless; instead, build up his confidence level and empower him to dream big and go far, and help him to overcome self-doubts and provide the support he needs.

It's difficult to meet such women, so if you ever meet one, you know she's precious.

I doubt women generally prefer married men/men with gf.

But... it all goes back to quality, if the men is married/with gf... chances are he have some desirability, to get there in the first place. Hence they are wanted NOT because they are married, its cause of their general quality to begin with.

I think you misunderstood the meaning of pursuit. Pursuit is "the act of following or searching for someone or something, in order to catch or attack the person or thing"

I don't pursue men = doesn't mean I'm passive, just wait at home and expect the right guys to come when I don't even go out to meet people (become an otaku and expect love to fall from the sky).

If I really like a guy, I will make it clear to him that he can take action, and I won't reject him.

Why don't I take the lead? coz I wanna show my respect to him, to build up his confidence level, and help him overcome his self-doubts. If he can't even overcome his struggles to pursue me despite the clear hints and encouragement, then how can he overcome other challenges in his life or career? Plus, when a man loves a girl enough, the fear of losing her (to other men) is greater than whatever self-doubt he has.

***

Yeah, being aggressive can make a woman get the guy she wants (if he reciprocates), but then she will emasculate him and play the domineering role = becomes possessive, easily jealous, and perhaps, controlling.

Emasculate = "deprive a man of his male role or identity"; "make someone or something weaker or less effective".

If you like a woman who's like that, then accept her pursuit.

Real life is different from manga/anime/ drama, as in, cute girls confessing to guys, and then this and that... in the end they are happily together ever after.

As for your case, I have a similar story. My aunt pursued my uncle when they were both single, coz my uncle was tall, handsome, good-tempered and gentleman type. You know what happened after their marriage? She yells at him a lot (from upstairs), calls him by his full name, and says things like, "If it's not because of me, you'll still be poor/ useless" etc, and scolds him. They have been married for decades, but the marriage is long broken, and affects the children (my cousins) a lot.

Now that's real life.

Girl pursuing guy is not something wrong, but please be careful as to why she takes this approach and not let you do the chase. Is it because you are too passive yourself, or she has ulterior motives, or she does this to other guys as well, or what? Don't instantly feel happy and think, "Yeah, finally some girl is interested in me and chase me!"

Yeah, you can say it's gender equality or her personality type is like that, but whatever it is, do know that if something or someone behaves out of the norm, it's either skewed to the extreme left (bad) or to the extreme right (good) of the spectrum. Most of the time, it's too good to be true. If it is genuinely good and true, then it can withstand any tests.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Jul 2 2018, 12:13 PM

its nice to hear someone thought on this.

good share

+1. Agree with MeToo.

In real life, a woman fall in love with an unavailable man (despite knowing his relationship status), is because she can't seem to find/ meet the right single man. Maybe her social circle is small, maybe she's lonely and the man happens to show her some affection and care, maybe they both fell in love before but due to circumstances, couldn't be together. There are so many reasons behind this, as each individual and relationship is unique.

Do know that, any sane woman would wanna date a single and available man (ideally), unless she is a psychopath and likes to destroy other people's happiness coz she's so bitter and revengeful inside.

This is exactly my though when I was reading the articles. So sometime it's depending on whether you like to be the hunter or the hunted.

I find TS article to be relevant to chase the "typical" women archetype. But end of the day, it depends on who you are and what you feel more comfortable with.

Which is true, I find aggressive women that does the pursuit of what they want will emasculate the men over the course of the relationships and cause the men ego to be bruised and act passive aggressively over time.

On the flipside, women like these are also very interesting. If the dynamic of the relationship is good and you as a men held your ground and have a good grip of your own principle. You could have your best bro, best friend and partner all lump into one. It's like being in a relationship with your best bro with less the hassle and complexity of a women. Sometime women think too much.

I see where you are coming from, its generally the traditional view where most Asian women has. Being passive, feeling that the men is the one who should initiate etc.

I'm married, with a kid, I have seen my share of relationships both locally as well as abroad. Western(nised) women are generally more pro-active, they see something they like they go for it. Not sit back and wait while giving 101 obscure signals.

THis is the 21st century, women all over the world are demanding equality, equal rights, equal opportunity. It seems strange if they still expect the traditional gender roles in a relationship.

If both people are passive, the relationships dies as well. Both are on a date / dating, but they are not presence. Most of the time they are stuck inside their heads, remunerating too much and waiting for the other person to initiate.

In a traditional sense, it is always up to the man to initiate. And the most winning / desired men in a tribe are those with the best hunting skills. However culturally many things has changed.

Upbringing wise, it was programmed in me that I should place preference on my partner to be feminine, polite, sensitive and cultured. However through dating I find that "typical" does not made me happy. I need the dose of loud mouth, direct, & crude partner to made me at ease and also allow me to come out of my head once in awhile.

With technologies and also internet, the hunter seemed to be getting extinct and being replaced with Herbivore men.

The question is, should women and men adapt to the changing of time, or should we stay with our core DNA which is the role of hunter / gatherer.

Finding someone that worth me pursue is easy for me to find out.
If this girl willing to go on a 2nd/3rd date with me via my old car and did not complain about it, thats good enough for me haha should be a keeper

Since you wrote this based on Tinder/online apps, im not sure if u know that from girls and from guys prospective Tinder is totally not same
girls swipe 10 times, 9 match. guys swipe 1000 times, maybe 1 match. How presentable the profile is does not help much maybe u will get 10% more match
and girls like to promo their instagram on Tinder just to get free followers by linking their IG and put something like "pls hit me up on IG, not active here" and all those desperate guys will go follow and DM there but dont get reply wala got scammed hahahaha

but in general what u said is somewhat correct la have to agree with you and yes, what men want are simple ! lol

It's not jumping into conclusion fast or not. It's knowing not to waste time on girls who are not interested.
Your advice is to ask guys to persevere and continuously chase the girl to make her feel touch. I understand your advice is geared towards girls best interest (and hence your own best interest), but if you are claiming to be advising men , shouldn't you give advice that is geared towards the men's best interest?
Guys here are putting too much effort on women who are not into them (and hence the big disappointment and whining) and your statements are encouraging that.

And then what happen ? Scenarios like this appear

https://forum.lowyat.net/index.php?showtopic=4285896&hl=

https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/4561696




It is not getting as many fish as you want in a short time, it is not trying to get that particular one fish in 3 years.
And yes there is nothing wrong with getting many fishes. And women do it all the time too, for eg you yourself went out with many guys, so nothing wrong with guys doing the same right ?



err what does this got to do with you advising men to focus on just one girl.

This post has been edited by Drian: Jul 2 2018, 03:25 PM

He pursued u and u rejected him outright; You probably did all the above.
If ur now fiancee had taken your advice; will he still be your fiancee? The answer is obvious.

You say you rejected him. I can't imagine how un-reciprocated creepy text for 365 days allows your relationship to progress to this stage.
That leaves two possibilities. 1) You never rejected him to begin with. 2) The narcissistic him, just don't give a damm about what you think or said.

My interpretation of what happened then was, he topped the chart in the pool of the guys your were dating. He knows he topped the chart. You "rejection" isn't rejection. It was more like provocation for him step up his game. My take is, you already approved him wayyy before that 1 year. The pursue is more like spending honey moon together and enjoys the "chase".

Else, please do elaborate on what he had done that changed your mind and how did that happened. What did he do exactly during THAT defining invitation that your normally says "NO" to a "YES" that qualifies him to be in the chase. That will be useful.

TLDR
1) Top the chart of the pool of the guys the target is dating.
2) Be a narcissistic prick that do not accept a woman's no means no.
3) Guys, you gotta know how to tell if you are in "the chase".

P.S. I know. TS, It's not easy to admit that he is hot and you have fell head over heel over him. The story "rejecting" him is more like a futile effort to redeem ur...

Well, I tried chasing guys before (had unrequited love), but I didn't enjoy it. I felt I had to engage my masculine/dominant side (we all have yin & yang side) to do the pursuit, which I didn't feel comfortable with. It actually scared them away too, seeing women being bold and take action, e.g. asking men out or indicating interest to know him better first (though it's mutual likes/ swipes). Maybe some men are more open to pursuits, but other men may not be. At most, I'd say "Hi" to the guy first, but I'd let him do the asking out.

I also changed my approach. Instead of texting men first or asking them out, I sparked their interest, and they pursued me. While this is more indirect/ traditional, it worked well and I had been asked out by many men.

I believe it has something to do with alpha/beta type as well. I'm the alpha type, so sometimes that energy and confidence level can really deter beta ones. Yeah, I've been told many times, "You're so confident/ capable/ etc, I feel inferior." or "You can easily intimidate men." or "I feel I don't deserve you."

To be honest, I don't mind dating men who earn less than me, or are less highly educated, or come from less privileged background etc. He doesn't have to be the outspoken, extrovert leader type. I've gone out with beta males before, and I quite like them, coz they are low-profile, homely and caring. They feel like a home/nest for an active woman to rest in. I don't mind being the breadwinner while he be the secondary one.

The only reason the relationship didn't proceed is because of they kept thinking they didn't deserve me. Sigh. I didn't look down on them, yet they already looked down on themselves. It's like they have this inner demon which makes them think those better women won't stick with them through thick and thin.



So, while men want women to do the pursuit (coz they are shy or introvert), please also consider if they can handle the dominant, aggressive alpha women. If they are not ready to be challenged, then adhering to traditional gender roles is still the safest choice.

Btw, you are dating an alpha woman, you either become a doormat (if you can't control her), or you two reach a balance in energy (taking turn to lead the relationship).

Beta women are introverted, demure, shy and laid-back, so they are much less likely to pursue men. Men will need to initiate the pursuit.

That exactly what they want. And that exactly who he is.

There is one type of man that can be emasculated. The alpha-wannabe.

From the start of my thread, the context is about first date, what to do etc.

If a girl agrees to go on date with you, it means she has some slight interest in you (that's why she agrees to going out, otherwise why would she?). Then my advice is about how to make the good impression etc.

In the first post, I did write:

"Don't feel frustrated with women reject you outright. If it's something you can change to be better, you can impress her again in the next date, provided that she will give the 2nd chance and you still wanna pursue her."

She will give the 2nd chance = still have interest in you.
You still wanna pursue her = you still have interest in her.

In other words, if both individuals show no interest, there is of course no 2nd chance and no more pursuit. Please go for the next date and don't waste your time on the girl.

I'm asking men to put in effort in women who are interested in them, and they are interested in. Maybe you should re-read.

& did I say it's wrong to cast nets to catch many fish? I said it's not a wrong approach, didn't I? Go re-read.

& did I say just focus on one girl?

Even for hunter, when they set the trap, they will be different animals getting attracted to the lure. For example, a hunter puts a few carrots in the jungle to lure a few rabbits. If he doesn't wanna wait, then just wait for the first rabbit to appear, and hunt it down. If he's willing to wait, then when more rabbits come, only then the hunter decides which rabbit he want to hunt down. That one rabbit will then run away and the hunter will chase it, and enjoy the thrill of chasing. The hunter is hunting the animal who gets attracted.

This approach is different from the fishermen approach: cast the net, wait wait wait for the fish to swim in, and then pull the net up and select the fish. Sometimes may have good catch, sometimes no.

Please read carefully, and interpret the context correctly. Maybe you read too fast and you miss a few key points.

Perhaps that’s the reason why many men failed to read the signals of women. Men don’t read, men are generally visual creatures, hence don’t try writing too long sentences 😥 😂
LoL joking.

Was it somewhere or someone that say women are more “need base” in the forum somewhere.

I agree I too may not be at best doing the part understanding women. I try not I guess but we can’t always avoid

Carry on Ralna, it is beneficial to many (reading this) but the guys need to be aware, it’s a ‘guideline’ and there are exceptions to the rule as not all dating rules are alike.

It’s just a overall ‘guide’ and to be honest it’s helpful to many (but not all/everyone)

This post has been edited by koolspyda: Jul 2 2018, 04:54 PM

I think you interpret rejection as "bye forever; can't even be friends at all."

Reject = "dismiss as inadequate, unacceptable, or faulty"

Rejecting a man and rejecting his pursuit are two different matters.

If a woman rejects a man, she doesn't wanna even keep in touch with him. She finds him irritating, annoying and won't wanna hear from him again.

If a woman rejects a man's pursuit, it means she doesn't wanna start a relationship. Maybe it's because she's not ready, or she still have doubts about him, or it's too fast. However, it doesn't mean she wanna shut him out.

Look, if you have been friends with a girl for some time, you two can chat and hang out together, she likes you and you like her (as friends), and then you find yourself having feelings for her, and start pursuing her, and she says no.

Does it mean she hates you? No right?

She just doesn't want you to pursue her. It doesn't mean she will cut off the relationship. As long as she doesn't cut off the relationship, and you still have feelings for her, you can still find other ways to pursue her. Maybe she won't accept you now (need to find out why), but it doesn't mean a (future) relationship with her is doomed and hopeless.

In my case, he and I were friends at first, then he fell for me and pursued me. I said no. He asked why. I told him the reasons. He didn't give up. He addressed my concerns one by one, and found ways to work things out. That's why it took a whole year to pursue me, coz I needed the time to think and accept.

My relationship is very challenging, coz it involves LDR, different religion and other factors. Just LDR alone is already a challenge by itself. Then different religion? Yeah, strong opposition from family and relatives.

I could have easily given up and shut him out, but I didn't. & it's not like I didn't have other admirers; I had.

The reason I'm with him is because he accepts me for who I really am and be a better person. I feel happy, loved and cherished. The positive influence he has on me, in the end, made my family finally accept him, that's why we can proceed to the next stage.

You call this topping of the chart or playing games? I don't think so. Which women don't want a simple and easy relationship? I think men too; most men won't wanna get involved with complicated girls.

Yeah, I tried to be as clear as I can in my writing, but then maybe the content is too long/ a lot to digest, it might be difficult and challenging to follow through. It's okay. I'm a communication major, so I understand the challenges. Also, how men and women process info are different. Women mean A but men interpret as B, and that's how argument happens.

Yeah, I'm sharing based on my own experience and what I know/ learn/ observe all these years, so it's subjective. When it's subjective, it's an opinion and not a fact. We all experience life differently, and see things differently, so I don't need people to agree fully with me.

It's just like blind men trying to figure out the shape of an elephant. If you don't know the story, here's it:



Cheers.

Fair enough.

But to me a better advice is to simultaneously date other girls in addition to the 2nd date to the girl who rejected him.


That was my point, a guy shouldn't just focus on one and forget about the rest.
It will give him more choices and more choices mean better decision.



This post has been edited by Drian: Jul 2 2018, 05:44 PM

Different men have different criteria, perhaps for you. I’m not that type.

A lady friend once shared how naive she was (she’s quite a looker) and many men have been trying, mind you men with “good taste” but much of these men love the persuit of fine women until they often to go 2-3 girls at a time. They simply have the resources.

The problem arises when such men have the pursued ladies fall for the same guy the same time. Even Being a smooth talker, the discovery of the ‘other’ isn’t too pleasant.

The scenario probably also applies men have complained that’s some girls inevitably invite men/guys to pursue the same time (going with different men for dates)

I don’t know, when you are exclusive, you are exclusive. Younger men and women may not have sorted all their wants in life.

So if it justified that you should be allowed to date simultaneously with 2-3 women, I think it’s your choice and if your resources allows (time and mullah)

So, did u approve or disapprove his pursue on you?
And if you disapprove it, why did he continue? How would someone did something you disapprove eventually gets your approval.

Because, you neither reject him as a person, nor his pursuit. You admitted that. You all you just said, it's A problem. A list of problems.
That's not the same as disapproving his pursuit. You refuse to come off easy is not the same as rejecting his pursuit. I totally get that.

To large extend, you actually wanted him to find ways to get around it which would define your worth. You would be disappointed if he didn't wouldn't you.

Alright, don't bother to respond to that. It's obvious and pointless continue.
There is nothing useful discussing there.

What you obviously demonstrated here is, a woman's no doesn't always mean no. It's a conditional no. Perhaps, temporary.
What would be useful is how to identify a woman's no is a conditional no. Don't bother with unconditional NO. That would be "gave up and shut off".

What I believe is the problem is men confused between the conditional no and a real no means no. And in that process, he wasted his resources unnecessarily.
This is resonates what Drian said. And when dudes in Drian's example comes here, the bottom line is he failed in meeting the conditions of the conditional no.

You did set a list of condition for him. You admitted he met them one of after another. And in that process, you are checking those condition is the list one after another. Probably, with very inflated ego. How is that defined as "rejected his pursuit"? That's more like accepting and validating his pursuit. Don't answer. It's OK.

Topping the chart in my context is being top 1% in YOUR 100 person dating pool. Not playing games.
And that's not true. Scandals of different degree proved that.

And trust me, it's alot easier if guys did a quick assessment the target's dating pool and where does he actually stands.
Personally, I would have saved alot of embarrassment if I have been better at that. One of my few most memorable lesson ends with, "Nice try!" i totally came off an idiot . If just I know that my "business" card isn't as impressive as those business cards from her dating pool. Its still pretty impressive to me. It would be a pretty fun story to tell.

First impression matters, totally agree with that.
Because that would be the inception of a person's bias. Once the biased is formed, it's not easy to debunk or correct.
But if used correctly, it could be very useful to form a stronger favourable bias.

Best post in this thread. Totally agree, especially the 10% pool theory.

How Alpha you are, by nature you are still a women and would still appreciate care and comfort. How beta a man is, by nature they are still men, and they would need their ego to be stroke.

Hence to reach the balance, the guy has to step up from time to time and the women has to be aware and tone down.

I agree with the part you said women have 2 types of no: conditional & non-conditional no.

& as I wrote earlier, women "have a mental checklist when it comes to screening and selecting potential partners".

At first glance, when we look at our suitors, we mentally screen them. You can say it's like HR screening potential candidates for the job. If you see this as inflated ego, well, that's the way it has been. You can complain it's unfair, it shouldn't be there, where's equality, this is discrimination etc etc, but denial and complaint can't change the inbuilt mechanism that women have in them.

In my case, I set my own mental checklist, and found that he didn't fit some criteria, so I said no to him. It's like HR saying, "Your application is rejected", but if you reapply for the job, submit the required documents, find ways to impress the hiring manager, you might get hired.

If you apply the same concept to relationships, HR is the woman, applicant is the man, and the job is the role of bf/ future husband.

& as I wrote earlier, women setting criteria/conditions isn't a bad thing, coz individuals have unique preferences. It's only when the criteria get too extreme and unrealistic, then it becomes a problem. You can choose not to pursue such women and leave them alone.

Btw, don't men set criteria as well? Men are more lenient when it comes to dating, but they are more selective when deciding who they wanna settle down with. A man can date as many women as he wants, but when it comes to future spouse, I'm sure he has his own set of criteria which the woman will need to pass so that he can get down on his knee and propose to her.

The difference is that, women have the screening process much earlier than men do. It may be biologically inbuilt, or culturally influenced, but this is how it is.

I'm not sure if guys know this or do this, but we girls share the criteria we look for in males among ourselves since young. We play dolls (papa and mama and baby doll), gossip about boys, fantasise about how our future bf/husband will be like, and really look forward to becoming a beautiful bride, with our best friends as bridesmaids and have a lovely wedding and family.

Yeah, you can laugh it off or whatever, but most girls grow up believing in fairy tales and happily ever after. That's why we role play, watch love dramas, imagine we are princesses (and we like them so much!). It's only when reality kicks it do women get crushed and the hope dies off.

That's why men feel some women are like the princess type. We grow up believing we are one, our father pampers us like that, our brothers and close male friends protect us that way. Of course, not all women are this type. Just generally speaking, esp. if the girl comes from well-being family/ middle and upper class. Eh wait, even those from poor background also believe in Cinderella story.

From young, we are told be careful, to not easily give our heart away, to protect ourselves at all times etc; that's why women are naturally more guarded than men. & hence, the mental checklist is there.

If you try to understand women using the male brain (logical and analytical), then you can never understand them well. When you can't understand them well, it affects your pursuits a lot. That's why it's so frustrating.

For a girl who is more into practical stuff than beauty (like flower, ring etc), and also allergic to metallic wearable, what is your recommendation to make a good propose?

So how would you differentiate between this and women stringing men along or women who has already put them in the friendzone?

Do you think that the advice " continuously pursue the same girl" and hoping for success is a good advice given the context and history of the guys who are posting their problems here. Lots of men have done exactly what you said and ended up as failures. Do you think this advice is in the men's best interest or women's?

This is one of them
https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/4513716

This post has been edited by Drian: Jul 3 2018, 10:01 AM

That is true but I disagree with women understanding women.
That is why players who do exactly the opposite of what women tell them to do are very successful and the men who listen to women are not.

Until you guys are seriously dating and attached, there's nothing wrong with dating other girls. Women do it all the time too.
You're not suppose to discuss or tell who you are dating with with your current date.
If the girls find out, they do not have the right to get angry at you if they themselves do not want to commit. If they get angry they are just being hypocrite because they expect commitment from you when they themselves are not committing to you.

Seriously do you think that Tinder girl you are chatting with are just chatting with you or just dating you. Be realistic.

As for the moolah, you first few dates should be cheap . She's not your gf, you shouldn't splurge now.
In fact the ideal first date should be in a dessert/coffeehouse after dinner. Allows you to talk to your date without splurging with lots of money.



This post has been edited by Drian: Jul 3 2018, 10:40 AM

" Women like to test men, level by level "

This is the problem.

Yes, always assessed where you are in the pecking order, if the women eventually came back to you or respond affectionately to you after a period of "side lining" you, it is likely after a period she found that no one better came along and she re-valued her self worth and match them against her pool of suitors again OR she re-valued you and placed you higher in the pecking order due to disappointment from others or she discover new information about you that is favourable.

In the end, pursuing women boils down to how you market yourself to match their points system. On first impression, you will be assign a rank, whether it is favourable, neutral or rejected. If the women has a lot of pursuer or highly sought after, then those from the rejected can straight away give up while those with favourable and neutral may continue to put in effort to be in the running for the prize.

From there you can improve your rank and if you are not the first, and she has not selected the candidate yet, you can outlast the competition by always be on your A game. Alternatively, if you think she is not worth the effort, you can screw it don't participate in the chase.

So if you are pursuing women like TS, unless you totally blow her scale, be prepare to sacrifice some of your ego and realized you are still not the best and keep at it until you beat the competition. This is how they separate the winner from the average. Test after test. You must have some worth to dish out these test tho .

If Ralna is all that she say she is, I would say TS fiancée is consider a fighter/alpha, they will get what they want, be it the highly sought after women or that lucrative business project that everyone is aiming. A winning candidate.

Alright alright

Matter of definition.

You include casual dates. Simple, ones etc those I would consider as just casual hang outs. Yes initial “dates”

I’m refer to dates that’s exclusive, with intent. Both knows it may lead to emotions getting ‘complicated’

You have your idea which is alright. It ain’t playing the girls heart nor stirring yours.

I'm just gonna summarize this with one word: STANDARD

Before anyone can set a standard for anyone else to meet, he/herself must be of a person of certain standard.
There is no way for anyone to expect Snapchat CEO to come pursue you if you aren't Miranda Kerr.

What useful here. Embrace the profound truth that, "Begger can't choose. If you wanna choose. Don't be a begger".

1) Are you trying to rationalize BAD BEHAVIOUR with childhood fantasy?

2) In your Cinderalla story, everyone loves Cinderella. She is hopeful. She is grateful. She appreciates everything and everyone around her. She goes through hardship without complain. The problem is not the society has increasing numbers of Cinderella, but Cinderella's STEP SISTER. Ungrateful. Lazy. Entitled.

The right social conditioning should incline towards conditioning women into Cinderella. Cinderella has lot more to offer than a pussy. But step sister literally have only pussies. Hopefully, u get where is my disagreement with your statement, "who you are determines what you deserves". The society do not glorify virtues of Cinderella and her sacrifices. It's more like glorifying the step-sister bad behavior. Try pay attention to this when u r in ladies nite out.

It's always what you do. That's empowering because everyone single one of us has a choice to choose what to do.

There are many other bullshit to deal with. It's u hv affinity to deal with other bullshit.

Personally, I deal with bullshit that pays. The reason is there no other tools more powerful than money. There is no other better definition of success other than the ability to make money.

Any man of value would understand the concept of appreciating value and diminishing value.
No man of value trades something of appreciating value with diminishing value. In any successful partnership, both partners offers leverage.

What i'm trying to say is, "Sorry, the boat has left". She might be still in my standard if you maintains/improve on whatever leverage she has.

He blew her scale. But we don't know what her scale is. But he blew her scale.
U know, the 99th person in her scale might did everything the the number 1 in her scale. But, she will never talk about it.

I always ask my female acquintances...when Z did this and you despises it. But if A, did it...you say, Awww... how sweet. Why so unfair one?
They hate me for pointing that out.

You may disagree. What I'm trying to say is, if you are top 10 in the list, maybe you can outlast the other 9. But if you come from the bottom 10, it's more like no matter what you do, you will never be mentioned.

is TS Dr Love or Hitch?

Ok “the intent” does not come out the way it did. It sounds so “I wanna sleep with you”

No, no, ‘intent’ where stirring hearts where emotions are factored in.

“Here lies on the platter the inside story of my life,.. exchange stories, laugh, jokes, stupid jokes etc”

Ok never mind. Discussion is getting quite serious and laughter doesn’t seem to be a big part 😋

Taking the meat of the content, what we can learn from TS insightful sharing is:

1) Your standing as a man in society is important. You will be judge and screen even before they engage in conversation with you. Try to be a high valued man via obvious cues and your initial resume You can see TS only date within certain "scope". There is no college bums, no mechanics, no dispatch boys, no electrician, and also no fcuk boy in there. So if you want certain "scope" of women, prep yourself to be in their "profile" as well.

2) Cold read your profile to gauge what they value during dates to score points. Eg -> In TS case, she valued culture and well presentable men. Obviously this is important to her. So if your date value materialistic stuff, you can ditch that whole chivalry front and just order the most expensive things in the menu and follow up by impressing her with obvious bragging. In TS case, that is a no-no as you will come off as a show-off orge.

3) Act different to what is expected and be congruent to their ideals -> don't go for what's natural to you, but rather stop and think in their shoes and act according to their expectations. This demonstrate empathy and also good emotional control, key indicator of an emotionally strong man. This would prove you are a class different from the rest and they will have a good perception of you, leading them to lower their guard faster.

4) After going on first date and doing all that, assessed where you stand. Keep at it or pull back -> If you did all those well, and she placed you within a reasonable range. Then you can redouble your effort and increase in the aggressiveness and intensity. If the girl is slightly interested, your action would further reaffirm her and reassured her of her worth and she would feel a sense of control in the interaction and loosen her guard around you. All human like attention, especially if given from someone they valued. If she see you as a pest, please pull back and stop. Anything you do further is a nuisance.

5) Once they consider you. Keep doing things to assured them and get them to justify their decisions -> Once a girl consider you, try to win points from their surroundings. Many girls highly valued people's opinion of their partner especially people close to them, so before they pull the trigger they would like to have assurance from their social circles. So act in ways that win points from their family, and close friend so she can further justify her reason to be with you.

6) Go in for the close -> Secure the relationships and make it official once you know they have all the reason to be with you and is able to confidently make that decision. This is a big decision for them, once they make it, the power dynamic of the relationships may shift as now you hold the key and they will die trying to justify that their decision is correct as their ego / pride could not accept otherwise. For girls that changes a lot of partner this may not apply, as they do not hold pride in their decision of partners and don't mind people knowing that they have made the wrong choices.

Our ego and pride is what feed us. We will do anything to justify and make sense of our decision. No matter how ridiculous and flawed the argument is.

This apply to both men and women.

Not sure is it just me or my insecurity flaring up but seemed like TS advice is coming from a very high place. It's relevant, but at the same time highlight how pretentious this whole courting process is.

some work and some fail. since TS experience is onky.at 30s

It's not about age, it's more about viewpoint and perspective.

https://www.nicknotas.com/blog/women-give-t...-advice-to-men/

Hi TS or anyone here,

can you give me your opinion on my case because I'm very confuse what should do.
shall I move on or shall I chase her.

I fell in love with this women and she is older than me about 9years.
At first, I am not interested at her but after befriend with her, she caught my heart.
since then, I can stop thinking about her. I love her personality. She has what I am lacking. she is cool headed and supportive when her friends has trouble. She looks weak and low self-esteem on the outside but inside she is actually a strong person.
I love that side of her. Unlike me, I pretend to look strong on outside but inside me, I am actually a weak person. Sometimes, I wonder How can she be that strong, I wanted to know. Since then I my life been changed 180degree and I grateful I met her.

Recently,I have confessed my feeling to her. She shocked after hearing my confession.
she : "are you serious?" ,
me: "yes, Im serious"
she : you know my age right?
me : it is not an issues
she : since when?
me : from our first meeting.
then she changed the topic and asked me to sleep.

from here, I don't know what to do.
after my confession, both of us will pretend nothing happens when we outing with friends. But deep inside me, it's very painful.

Sometimes, I message her via whatsapp, mostly work related. yeah, she reply my message like nothing has happened. Of course, Im happy she not avoiding me, but at the same time, I have feeling "do I have a chance? is she give me a hope? or she is testing me? or she wants to see my effort?". I cant stop thinking all those question from my mind.

Last week, I have an exam. She pm-ed me and says "good luck tomorrow". Yes, I am happy seeing those words that coming from her. that was the first message ever she initiate the conversation. usually, it just me to initiate the conversation. But I'm still confuse, maybe she looking me as a friend, because it's not unusual for friend to encourage each other.

I really need someone's opinion because I'm totally lost and confuse what should I do next. do I have a chance? is she wanted to test me to see my seriousness? or she looks me as another friend of her?

She is the first women that I really interested to be my lifetime partner/wife.
Yes, I do have a lot of secret admire since school,uni and workplace but I rejected/ignored them. Because that time I focus to build my career but after met her, I really wish I could build my career with her and at the same time I want her to be my mental support when I down and I want to support her at her lowest state.

I planned to confess again to her.

edit: I'm 26 now.

This post has been edited by UJil: Jul 3 2018, 11:13 PM

Pursue yes, but don’t need to confess (again). She knows but I suspect she needs to be on her guard. She’s older, for reasons she may choose to be still ‘single’. So respect her for that.

I think she’s open for lunch, dinner perhaps. And sharing stories, both can then evaluate each other compatibility.

Unless you are under 19, I’ll say don’t raise your hopes too high up. Just enjoy the friendship. You will fall in love many times over in your life

This post has been edited by koolspyda: Jul 3 2018, 11:05 PM

UJil 9 years is a big gap and this also depends on your current age and hers and your current financial status.

If you are still in your early 20s, its still possible to to start a relationship but still very challenging cos you stil need time to build your career and money, etc.

By the time you are stable, she will be close to 40 and you may not feel the same way anymore.

If you are in your mid to late 20s are you ready to settle down now and immediately start a family. Do you want your own biological children as a 9 year age gap means she is almost 40 and breaching the age of conventional wisdom to have the first child.

As someone in his 40s, my sincere advice is for you to expand your social circle and meet more women.

Make sure you feeling for this woman is not out of feeling lonely.

You will certainly face huge family resistance for this relationship.

Cool things for a while and if you still feel the same way after couple of months then go and pursue this woman.

thanks for the feedback.
I'm 26 and I made 5k above at the moment.
It's not like i'm lonely, it just she is the first women that change my perspective. Usually, I can guess correctly of someone's personality, attitude on the first sight, maybe this is my habits to observe someone before I approach them.
And she is the first women that I met is different from other girls that I have met so far. during school, uni and my working place. there are girls who confessed her feeling to me or admire me (hear from my friends).

This post has been edited by UJil: Jul 3 2018, 11:21 PM

one thing that is missing from top reason why women reject guy, money, try date a guy that is not financially stable, don't tell me money doesn't matter women, I think most women will say " well, it's important to have someone that is financially stable so that our kids will have a good life" duuhh, I think most women only cares about themselves, want to have fark tons of money to enjoy life, no?

Hi Friend,

I am really appreciate your response,
don't confess to her 2nd time, PLEASE DO NOT, I REPEAT.
can I know your reason, why i cant do so? sorry, this is my first time I chase a women and sometimes I lost my mind due to scare of losing her.

Be appreciative of her friendship. She hasn’t scoff you off.
Maybe she is still evaluating (you) or the situation of someone who is willing to like her.

We do not know her reasons why she remained (are you sure she is single single?) single, unattached, keeps her private life totally private.

We here do not know her reasons


By telling her, confessing again will scoff her off. Scare her.
Until you both are going out often, she is completely comfortable with you, yes share that thought. You both will chuckle about it too

Otherwise zip for now

nice sharing.... TS *thumb up*

be man or women, we are looking for someone who are willing to go thru think and thin with us...

ever met some who keeps asking what car i have, declined to hangout at low class mamak shop, focus on studies (padahal had met someone else), bla bla... emm... and lotsa of excuses which make me cant stop laughing whenever i recall back well this is the assam manis hidup, not the viral assam ikan cacing

Yes, TS sharing does resonate some areas for men to not lose all hope BUT there are exceptions to the rule given sometimes all heart of gold for a man isn't enough for his Ideal lady (from his perspective)

TS did say, or i believe she pointed(?) i would read it as her own experience/observation.

It gives some courage to guys, all is not lost on first "rejection" (*qualification* this as it broad understanding "type of reject”)

If im going after a girl, i do take heart that "an initial not convenient/time not right to be together" is not a permanent NO, but it too boils down to how he was "let down". Boils down to circumstances I guess.

But some guys need to read between the lines, TS pointers does not mean it validate blind confidence to guys who thinks they have a valid chance/shot at Emily Ratajkowski, Hannah Jeter or the hottest malaysian insta girls. Ii think TS is pretty clear (at least my POV)

girls that willing to go thru think & thin. yup conditioning since young, so guys just need to slug it out and not claim bruised ego stating their standards are too high

This post has been edited by koolspyda: Jul 9 2018, 03:05 PM

Thank you TS for this wonderful post. It is really helpful even to people like me.

There are times when we are confused and dunno what to do, even it does sounded like common sense to others, we ourselves may not realize it.

And like other has pointed out, a partner that's willing to go through thick and thin with us is the utmost important.

Just that guys really needed to be aware on what the girl said.. for example,

did she keep complaining about her work or colleagues?

how she describe her colleagues/friends, she may be similar to them

most importantly do she often go mamak? Why this? I had met some bitches not willing to go mamak.. padahal stayed in pprt only. Act high class.

declined to hangout at low class mamak, she got tell you reason? Let me bet.. is amoi right? I got similar experience. That amoi told me all her friends all no hangout in mamak one. LOL

.

This post has been edited by lightworks: Apr 5 2019, 09:23 AM