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 This is how I would pursue women, if I were a man

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godhand
post Jul 2 2018, 10:40 AM

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QUOTE(Ralna @ Jul 1 2018, 01:31 AM)
There are generally 4 types of women:

1) for hook-ups, play-play only = materialistic (no money, no honey)

2) bitches = use men for financial or status gain; materialistic. Once she's done using him, she dumps him and goes for the next.

3) doormats = low self-esteem, clingy, desperate; may or may not be materialistic, coz some are afraid to lose their bfs, so she's willing to pay everything for him, while some are vain due to insecurity, so wanna show off how wealthy bf is.

4) wife material = money is important, but it's for future together (wedding, family, children) = practical, not materialistic
To be honest, men are actually quite generous with their resources, but they don't like to be exploited (who likes, anyway?).

I'd say most women are actually quite dumb when they place $$$ as the top priority, coz:

1) A man's potential is more important than the money he's earning now.

He can be earning a lot now, say RM10k a month, but how about 5 years down the road? Accidents and retrenchment can happen, and there's something called inflation.

How much money a man can make in the future is more important than how much he can make now. Be that woman who can adequately support his ambition and help him to achieve his goals, and push him to realise his fullest potential.

2) Most rich men are actually low profile.

They don't flaunt their wealth, and they don't provide financially, until they feel safe enough to show how much they have in possession. Don't judge a book by its cover.
If most women you date are the playgirls/ bitches/ doormats, it's only natural that you'd feel most women are materialistic. If you wanna settle down, then look for wife material. You should be able to feel the difference.
*
this is very vert true Be that woman who can adequately support his ambition and help him to achieve his goals, and push him to realise his fullest potential. . if you can do that, you already succeed as a wife and every words that come out from your mouth carries heavy weight. This is ultimately what every women wants but most of them cant achieve it


tokyochilli
post Jul 2 2018, 10:41 AM

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QUOTE(Ralna @ Jul 2 2018, 10:05 AM)
Sorry to hear about what happened. Obviously, the relationship wasn't long and deep enough for her to accept your family circumstances. It's only the 3rd date when you decided to confess the truth to her.

To be honest, it's your brother who is in jail; your whole family are not criminals, including yourself. You and your family shouldn't be sentenced morally (by her, her family or the society).

I think it's unwise for you to confess at such an early stage, because confession should go both ways. I'm sure she or her family have their own dirty stain or dark history, which she's not telling you yet.

When she chose to tell her parents about your flaws, she had actually thought of dumping you already. She just needed a good reason/ support so that she had the courage to dump you, and then block you on FB after that.

The truth is, if I know my bf has some dark family history, and I really love him, I won't wanna tell my parents coz I want them to have good impression on him. Plus, my bf is not a criminal, so why should he bear the judgement? & when you love someone, you accept him/her as the total package, not partially.

I know it feels hurtful, but please get over her. Be wiser in your next date. Remember, confession should go both ways and occur at a more mature stage in the relationship.
*
Ralna - your post and earlier posts are by far the best advice i've seen recently on this forum! Thanks for sharing all the incredible insights of the opposite sex.

kkxhamtan - So sorry to hear that, I agree with Ralna that you're you and should not be morally judged. Complete respect to you to be open and truthful, it goes to show that her family plays an important role in her life in decision making. So good to know that she's may not compatible at an early stage, unless you think its worth fighting for. Relationship includes her family and inner circle, so hope it works out if you're pushing for it. She might just be afraid and unsure, but if she doesn't have the maturity and wits to see beyond - then she may not be really into you... so why not move on?


TSRalna
post Jul 2 2018, 10:46 AM

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QUOTE(honeysweetstar @ Jul 2 2018, 10:32 AM)
you think everyone like to use msg app? you think every woman is talkative? you are a man or woman first of all ? non stop talking for man

also ,most of your advice is mere generalization

dunno why must trust you when you merely date once lmao
*
Generalisation is what statistics is all about. If you wanna be specific, it's a niche study.

I don't need you or anyone to trust me. My writing is just a sharing, so you judge the content. If an idea is good, it is good regardless of who wrote it. Apply your critical thinking skills, and avoid the logical fallacies.

Lastly, if you could give better advice, I challenge you to do so then. Go and write something equally long or even longer, since you have dated so much that my dating experience is "lmao" to you.

Looking forward to your writing soon. wink.gif

This post has been edited by Ralna: Jul 2 2018, 10:51 AM
tokyochilli
post Jul 2 2018, 10:48 AM

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QUOTE(Ralna @ Jul 1 2018, 01:31 AM)
There are generally 4 types of women:

1) for hook-ups, play-play only = materialistic (no money, no honey)

2) bitches = use men for financial or status gain; materialistic. Once she's done using him, she dumps him and goes for the next.

3) doormats = low self-esteem, clingy, desperate; may or may not be materialistic, coz some are afraid to lose their bfs, so she's willing to pay everything for him, while some are vain due to insecurity, so wanna show off how wealthy bf is.

4) wife material = money is important, but it's for future together (wedding, family, children) = practical, not materialistic
To be honest, men are actually quite generous with their resources, but they don't like to be exploited (who likes, anyway?).

I'd say most women are actually quite dumb when they place $$$ as the top priority, coz:

1) A man's potential is more important than the money he's earning now.

He can be earning a lot now, say RM10k a month, but how about 5 years down the road? Accidents and retrenchment can happen, and there's something called inflation.

How much money a man can make in the future is more important than how much he can make now. Be that woman who can adequately support his ambition and help him to achieve his goals, and push him to realise his fullest potential.

2) Most rich men are actually low profile.

They don't flaunt their wealth, and they don't provide financially, until they feel safe enough to show how much they have in possession. Don't judge a book by its cover.
If most women you date are the playgirls/ bitches/ doormats, it's only natural that you'd feel most women are materialistic. If you wanna settle down, then look for wife material. You should be able to feel the difference.
*
Thank god i've not met any or avoided 1) and 2) .... but have gone through quite a number of 3)s for some reason... Looks like a there's a lot of peer pressure from both men and women... and one-up-manships as well as broken-hearted people out there today.

I think you're quite spot on with b] - growth and character is long sighted, what he's earning now is short sighted
MeToo
post Jul 2 2018, 11:02 AM

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Sorry i stopped reading at

"I'm a woman, so obviously, I don't (need to) pursue men."

cause this is one of the main reason women lost out on good men. Just like there are better quality women (looks, smarts, etc what have you) there are also higher quality men. If women are passive then they are as good as putting themselves in the market waiting for the right guy to come peck. While if they are active, they can actually take the initiative to do the picking/choosing.

Just think about it, you choose the best among the men who show interest in you, and thats what? 10% of the pool? While if you take the initiative, you get to pick form them entire pool.

I have personally witness a guy, I would rate him high, nice guy, awesome temper (or lack of), caring., loyal, nice looking (might be biased was my best buddy), a specialist doctor (now). He liked this girl in college, but they were both too shy to initiate... so then another loud mouth, crude lady comes along, she was aggressive and finally got the guy... they are married now.. its his first relationship.
tokyochilli
post Jul 2 2018, 11:06 AM

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QUOTE(MeToo @ Jul 2 2018, 11:02 AM)
Sorry i stopped reading at

"I'm a woman, so obviously, I don't (need to) pursue men."

cause this is one of the main reason women lost out on good men. Just like there are better quality women (looks, smarts, etc what have you) there are also higher quality men. If women are passive then they are as good as putting themselves in the market waiting for the right guy to come peck. While if they are active, they can actually take the initiative to do the picking/choosing.

Just think about it, you choose the best among the men who show interest in you, and thats what? 10% of the pool? While if you take the initiative, you get to pick form them entire pool.

I have personally witness a guy, I would rate him high, nice guy, awesome temper (or lack of), caring., loyal, nice looking (might be biased was my best buddy), a specialist doctor (now). He liked this girl in college, but they were both too shy to initiate... so then another loud mouth, crude lady comes along, she was aggressive and finally got the guy... they are married now.. its his first relationship.
*
"loud mouth, crude lady comes along, she was aggressive"

Lol - sounds like he got butchered and slaughtered

Agreed with you on this point. I really think sometimes the ladies can initiate or give a more obvious signal if keen, not all men are immediately extroverted in the midst of it all....

This post has been edited by tokyochilli: Jul 2 2018, 11:07 AM
godhand
post Jul 2 2018, 11:10 AM

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can u also give advice on why women prefer married men or men with girlfriend?


TSRalna
post Jul 2 2018, 11:16 AM

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QUOTE(godhand @ Jul 2 2018, 10:40 AM)
this is very vert true  Be that woman who can adequately support his ambition and help him to achieve his goals, and push him to realise his fullest potential. . if you can do that, you already succeed as a wife and every words that come out from your mouth carries heavy weight. This is ultimately what every women wants but most of them cant achieve it
*
True, most women can't do it. For a woman to push a man to success, she needs to be ambitious and far-sighted, patient and encouraging. She must not belittle her man to make him feel inferior or useless; instead, build up his confidence level and empower him to dream big and go far, and help him to overcome self-doubts and provide the support he needs.

It's difficult to meet such women, so if you ever meet one, you know she's precious. wink.gif

MeToo
post Jul 2 2018, 11:40 AM

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QUOTE(godhand @ Jul 2 2018, 11:10 AM)
can u also give advice on why women prefer married men or men with girlfriend?
*
I doubt women generally prefer married men/men with gf.

But... it all goes back to quality, if the men is married/with gf... chances are he have some desirability, to get there in the first place. Hence they are wanted NOT because they are married, its cause of their general quality to begin with.
TSRalna
post Jul 2 2018, 12:12 PM

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QUOTE(MeToo @ Jul 2 2018, 11:02 AM)
Sorry i stopped reading at

"I'm a woman, so obviously, I don't (need to) pursue men."

cause this is one of the main reason women lost out on good men. Just like there are better quality women (looks, smarts, etc what have you) there are also higher quality men. If women are passive then they are as good as putting themselves in the market waiting for the right guy to come peck. While if they are active, they can actually take the initiative to do the picking/choosing.

Just think about it, you choose the best among the men who show interest in you, and thats what? 10% of the pool? While if you take the initiative, you get to pick form them entire pool.

I have personally witness a guy, I would rate him high, nice guy, awesome temper (or lack of), caring., loyal, nice looking (might be biased was my best buddy), a specialist doctor (now). He liked this girl in college, but they were both too shy to initiate... so then another loud mouth, crude lady comes along, she was aggressive and finally got the guy... they are married now.. its his first relationship.
*
I think you misunderstood the meaning of pursuit. Pursuit is "the act of following or searching for someone or something, in order to catch or attack the person or thing"

I don't pursue men = doesn't mean I'm passive, just wait at home and expect the right guys to come when I don't even go out to meet people (become an otaku and expect love to fall from the sky).

If I really like a guy, I will make it clear to him that he can take action, and I won't reject him.

Why don't I take the lead? coz I wanna show my respect to him, to build up his confidence level, and help him overcome his self-doubts. If he can't even overcome his struggles to pursue me despite the clear hints and encouragement, then how can he overcome other challenges in his life or career? Plus, when a man loves a girl enough, the fear of losing her (to other men) is greater than whatever self-doubt he has.

***

Yeah, being aggressive can make a woman get the guy she wants (if he reciprocates), but then she will emasculate him and play the domineering role = becomes possessive, easily jealous, and perhaps, controlling.

Emasculate = "deprive a man of his male role or identity"; "make someone or something weaker or less effective".

If you like a woman who's like that, then accept her pursuit.

Real life is different from manga/anime/ drama, as in, cute girls confessing to guys, and then this and that... in the end they are happily together ever after.

As for your case, I have a similar story. My aunt pursued my uncle when they were both single, coz my uncle was tall, handsome, good-tempered and gentleman type. You know what happened after their marriage? She yells at him a lot (from upstairs), calls him by his full name, and says things like, "If it's not because of me, you'll still be poor/ useless" etc, and scolds him. They have been married for decades, but the marriage is long broken, and affects the children (my cousins) a lot.

Now that's real life.

Girl pursuing guy is not something wrong, but please be careful as to why she takes this approach and not let you do the chase. Is it because you are too passive yourself, or she has ulterior motives, or she does this to other guys as well, or what? Don't instantly feel happy and think, "Yeah, finally some girl is interested in me and chase me!"

Yeah, you can say it's gender equality or her personality type is like that, but whatever it is, do know that if something or someone behaves out of the norm, it's either skewed to the extreme left (bad) or to the extreme right (good) of the spectrum. Most of the time, it's too good to be true. If it is genuinely good and true, then it can withstand any tests.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Jul 2 2018, 12:13 PM
steel52
post Jul 2 2018, 12:17 PM

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its nice to hear someone thought on this.

good share
TSRalna
post Jul 2 2018, 12:23 PM

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QUOTE(godhand @ Jul 2 2018, 11:10 AM)
can u also give advice on why women prefer married men or men with girlfriend?
*
QUOTE(MeToo @ Jul 2 2018, 11:40 AM)
I doubt women generally prefer married men/men with gf.

But... it all goes back to quality, if the men is married/with gf... chances are he have some desirability, to get there in the first place. Hence they are wanted NOT because they are married, its cause of their general quality to begin with.
*
+1. Agree with MeToo.

In real life, a woman fall in love with an unavailable man (despite knowing his relationship status), is because she can't seem to find/ meet the right single man. Maybe her social circle is small, maybe she's lonely and the man happens to show her some affection and care, maybe they both fell in love before but due to circumstances, couldn't be together. There are so many reasons behind this, as each individual and relationship is unique.

Do know that, any sane woman would wanna date a single and available man (ideally), unless she is a psychopath and likes to destroy other people's happiness coz she's so bitter and revengeful inside.

ChAOoz
post Jul 2 2018, 12:28 PM

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QUOTE(MeToo @ Jul 2 2018, 11:02 AM)
Sorry i stopped reading at

"I'm a woman, so obviously, I don't (need to) pursue men."

cause this is one of the main reason women lost out on good men. Just like there are better quality women (looks, smarts, etc what have you) there are also higher quality men. If women are passive then they are as good as putting themselves in the market waiting for the right guy to come peck. While if they are active, they can actually take the initiative to do the picking/choosing.

Just think about it, you choose the best among the men who show interest in you, and thats what? 10% of the pool? While if you take the initiative, you get to pick form them entire pool.

I have personally witness a guy, I would rate him high, nice guy, awesome temper (or lack of), caring., loyal, nice looking (might be biased was my best buddy), a specialist doctor (now). He liked this girl in college, but they were both too shy to initiate... so then another loud mouth, crude lady comes along, she was aggressive and finally got the guy... they are married now.. its his first relationship.
*
This is exactly my though when I was reading the articles. So sometime it's depending on whether you like to be the hunter or the hunted.

I find TS article to be relevant to chase the "typical" women archetype. But end of the day, it depends on who you are and what you feel more comfortable with.

QUOTE(Ralna @ Jul 2 2018, 12:12 PM)
Yeah, being aggressive can make a woman get the guy she wants (if he reciprocates), but then she will emasculate him and play the domineering role = becomes possessive, easily jealous, and perhaps, controlling.

Emasculate = "deprive a man of his male role or identity"; "make someone or something weaker or less effective".

If you like a woman who's like that, then accept her pursuit.

Real life is different from manga/anime/ drama, as in, cute girls confessing to guys, and then this and that... in the end they are happily together ever after.

As for your case, I have a similar story. My aunt pursued my uncle when they were both single, coz my uncle was tall, handsome, good-tempered and gentleman type. You know what happened after their marriage? She yells at him a lot (from upstairs), calls him by his full name, and says things like, "If it's not because of me, you'll still be poor/ useless" etc, and scolds him. They have been married for decades, but the marriage is long broken, and affects the children (my cousins) a lot.

Now that's real life.

Girl pursuing guy is not something wrong, but please be careful as to why she takes this approach and not let you do the chase. Is it because you are too passive yourself, or she has ulterior motives, or she does this to other guys as well, or what? Don't instantly feel happy and think, "Yeah, finally some girl is interested in me and chase me!"

Yeah, you can say it's gender equality or her personality type is like that, but whatever it is, do know that if something or someone behaves out of the norm, it's either skewed to the extreme left (bad) or to the extreme right (good) of the spectrum. Most of the time, it's too good to be true. If it is genuinely good and true, then it can withstand any tests.
*
Which is true, I find aggressive women that does the pursuit of what they want will emasculate the men over the course of the relationships and cause the men ego to be bruised and act passive aggressively over time.

On the flipside, women like these are also very interesting. If the dynamic of the relationship is good and you as a men held your ground and have a good grip of your own principle. You could have your best bro, best friend and partner all lump into one. It's like being in a relationship with your best bro with less the hassle and complexity of a women. Sometime women think too much.

MeToo
post Jul 2 2018, 12:41 PM

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QUOTE(Ralna @ Jul 2 2018, 12:12 PM)
I think you misunderstood the meaning of pursuit. Pursuit is "the act of following or searching for someone or something, in order to catch or attack the person or thing"

I don't pursue men = doesn't mean I'm passive, just wait at home and expect the right guys to come when I don't even go out to meet people (become an otaku and expect love to fall from the sky).

If I really like a guy, I will make it clear to him that he can take action, and I won't reject him.

Why don't I take the lead? coz I wanna show my respect to him, to build up his confidence level, and help him overcome his self-doubts. If he can't even overcome his struggles to pursue me despite the clear hints and encouragement, then how can he overcome other challenges in his life or career? Plus, when a man loves a girl enough, the fear of losing her (to other men) is greater than whatever self-doubt he has.

***

Yeah, being aggressive can make a woman get the guy she wants (if he reciprocates), but then she will emasculate him and play the domineering role = becomes possessive, easily jealous, and perhaps, controlling.

Emasculate = "deprive a man of his male role or identity"; "make someone or something weaker or less effective".

If you like a woman who's like that, then accept her pursuit.

Real life is different from manga/anime/ drama, as in, cute girls confessing to guys, and then this and that... in the end they are happily together ever after.

As for your case, I have a similar story. My aunt pursued my uncle when they were both single, coz my uncle was tall, handsome, good-tempered and gentleman type. You know what happened after their marriage? She yells at him a lot (from upstairs), calls him by his full name, and says things like, "If it's not because of me, you'll still be poor/ useless" etc, and scolds him. They have been married for decades, but the marriage is long broken, and affects the children (my cousins) a lot.

Now that's real life.

Girl pursuing guy is not something wrong, but please be careful as to why she takes this approach and not let you do the chase. Is it because you are too passive yourself, or she has ulterior motives, or she does this to other guys as well, or what? Don't instantly feel happy and think, "Yeah, finally some girl is interested in me and chase me!"

Yeah, you can say it's gender equality or her personality type is like that, but whatever it is, do know that if something or someone behaves out of the norm, it's either skewed to the extreme left (bad) or to the extreme right (good) of the spectrum. Most of the time, it's too good to be true. If it is genuinely good and true, then it can withstand any tests.
*
I see where you are coming from, its generally the traditional view where most Asian women has. Being passive, feeling that the men is the one who should initiate etc.

I'm married, with a kid, I have seen my share of relationships both locally as well as abroad. Western(nised) women are generally more pro-active, they see something they like they go for it. Not sit back and wait while giving 101 obscure signals.

THis is the 21st century, women all over the world are demanding equality, equal rights, equal opportunity. It seems strange if they still expect the traditional gender roles in a relationship.
ChAOoz
post Jul 2 2018, 12:47 PM

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QUOTE(tokyochilli @ Jul 2 2018, 11:06 AM)
"loud mouth, crude lady comes along, she was aggressive"

Lol - sounds like he got butchered and slaughtered

Agreed with you on this point. I really think sometimes the ladies can initiate or give a more obvious signal if keen, not all men are immediately extroverted in the midst of it all....
*
If both people are passive, the relationships dies as well. Both are on a date / dating, but they are not presence. Most of the time they are stuck inside their heads, remunerating too much and waiting for the other person to initiate.

In a traditional sense, it is always up to the man to initiate. And the most winning / desired men in a tribe are those with the best hunting skills. However culturally many things has changed.

Upbringing wise, it was programmed in me that I should place preference on my partner to be feminine, polite, sensitive and cultured. However through dating I find that "typical" does not made me happy. I need the dose of loud mouth, direct, & crude partner to made me at ease and also allow me to come out of my head once in awhile.

With technologies and also internet, the hunter seemed to be getting extinct and being replaced with Herbivore men.

The question is, should women and men adapt to the changing of time, or should we stay with our core DNA which is the role of hunter / gatherer.
1qaz1qaz
post Jul 2 2018, 12:50 PM

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Finding someone that worth me pursue is easy for me to find out.
If this girl willing to go on a 2nd/3rd date with me via my old car and did not complain about it, thats good enough for me haha should be a keeper
1qaz1qaz
post Jul 2 2018, 12:58 PM

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Since you wrote this based on Tinder/online apps, im not sure if u know that from girls and from guys prospective Tinder is totally not same
girls swipe 10 times, 9 match. guys swipe 1000 times, maybe 1 match. How presentable the profile is does not help much maybe u will get 10% more match
and girls like to promo their instagram on Tinder just to get free followers by linking their IG and put something like "pls hit me up on IG, not active here" and all those desperate guys will go follow and DM there but dont get reply wala got scammed hahahaha

but in general what u said is somewhat correct la have to agree with you and yes, what men want are simple ! lol
Drian
post Jul 2 2018, 03:25 PM

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QUOTE(Ralna @ Jul 2 2018, 10:31 AM)
Yeah, it's just the basics, but most guys can't even get it done right. If the men I went out with had done all these right, then I would't have mention those steps as necessary. Those men were in their 30s, and were professionals. Using this as a sample, imagine the mistakes younger men (in their 20s and 30s) and those who are not professionals/ high ranking/ less educated can make.

& the topics you suggested, those are for later stage. I can't write all these in one thread, can I? It would then be a book. One topic, one thread, coz this is a forum, you need to be specific and give space for discussion.

***

From what you wrote, I feel that you are the type of men who jump too fast to conclusion, and too eager to speed things up to achieve desired results. While efficiency and effectiveness are good when you apply it at work, this doesn't apply well in pursuits/ relationships.

I'd say you're the fisherman type of man: cast one net, to get as many fish as you want in a short time. In fact, most men do that. I won't say it's a wrong approach, but a good catch always takes time, and bigger fish live in the deep sea, not near the shallow shore.

Another type of men, I call them the hunters. A hunter sets the lure, waits patiently for the prey to approach, and aims at the prey. He enjoys the chase to hunt the prey down, and when he succeeds in it, the prey is now his prized possession. Of course, during the chase, he wants the prey and only the prey, and give up on hunting other animals. It is the whole experience that gives him the thrill.

If there are too many fishermen out there fishing in the sea, perhaps you should sail deeper into the ocean, or try hunt in the jungle.  wink.gif
*
It's not jumping into conclusion fast or not. It's knowing not to waste time on girls who are not interested.
Your advice is to ask guys to persevere and continuously chase the girl to make her feel touch. I understand your advice is geared towards girls best interest (and hence your own best interest), but if you are claiming to be advising men , shouldn't you give advice that is geared towards the men's best interest?
Guys here are putting too much effort on women who are not into them (and hence the big disappointment and whining) and your statements are encouraging that.

And then what happen ? Scenarios like this appear

https://forum.lowyat.net/index.php?showtopic=4285896&hl=

https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/4561696

QUOTE
I'd say you're the fisherman type of man: cast one net, to get as many fish as you want in a short time. In fact, most men do that. I won't say it's a wrong approach, but a good catch always takes time, and bigger fish live in the deep sea, not near the shallow shore.



It is not getting as many fish as you want in a short time, it is not trying to get that particular one fish in 3 years.
And yes there is nothing wrong with getting many fishes. And women do it all the time too, for eg you yourself went out with many guys, so nothing wrong with guys doing the same right ? rolleyes.gif

QUOTE
If there are too many fishermen out there fishing in the sea, perhaps you should sail deeper into the ocean, or try hunt in the jungle.  wink.gif


err what does this got to do with you advising men to focus on just one girl.

This post has been edited by Drian: Jul 2 2018, 03:25 PM
RUI
post Jul 2 2018, 03:25 PM

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QUOTE(Overlord118 @ Jul 1 2018, 02:35 PM)
How to know if im being played by a girl who play-play only or something like that?
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QUOTE(Ralna @ Jul 1 2018, 12:33 AM)

& yes, back then when my bf-now-fiance pursued me, I rejected him straightaway, but he didn't give up. He didn't let my rejection diminish his value and self-worth, and he proved himself to me that he truly deserved me. I was really impressed with his high self-esteem and confidence. It took him a whole year to pursue me, and to get me give up dating other men. (Another tip: Women like to test men, level by level.)

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QUOTE(Ralna @ Jul 2 2018, 09:51 AM)
First, you can easily judge her interest in you by looking at the speed of her reply to your text, and the content. A girl who likes you won't take a few hours, or a whole day or a few days to reply your text, and when she replies you, it's usually not 1-2 lines only. In other words, a girl who is serious will give you her time and attention.

Men often text in short sentences (one or two words, or one or two lines), so they don't notice that women actually have different texting behaviour. Short texts from women are actually not okay, coz women are naturally more talkative.

2nd, you know a girl plays-plays when she doesn't initiate or give her input. She lets you do everything by yourself, and the effort become one-sided. Then when you ask her, she usually says "Dunno" or "Okay" (no opinion or preference), and then when she goes on dates with you, she doesn't smile or talk much.

3rd, she doesn't appreciate what you do. Maybe you have spent a few days thinking what gift to buy for her, and when she receives and opens it, she doesn't like it, and she complains. Girls like this are difficult to please, and if you are not "useful" to them, they can easily dump you to go for the next.

If a girl really likes you, even though the gift is not that satisfactory, she will still appreciate your effort and money spent to prepare it.

***

Of course, a girl who play-plays tend to give excuses or lie, so if you ever catch her doing that, you should blacklist her. & when a girl is very inconsistent (keep changing her minds or change her plans) that it affects your dates/ relationship with her, you should watch out.
to
These are some red flags that are easy to spot and more common. Sometimes, guys are so in love that they refuse to see... until they get hurt.
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He pursued u and u rejected him outright; You probably did all the above.
If ur now fiancee had taken your advice; will he still be your fiancee? The answer is obvious.

You say you rejected him. I can't imagine how un-reciprocated creepy text for 365 days allows your relationship to progress to this stage.
That leaves two possibilities. 1) You never rejected him to begin with. 2) The narcissistic him, just don't give a damm about what you think or said.

My interpretation of what happened then was, he topped the chart in the pool of the guys your were dating. He knows he topped the chart. You "rejection" isn't rejection. It was more like provocation for him step up his game. My take is, you already approved him wayyy before that 1 year. The pursue is more like spending honey moon together and enjoys the "chase".

Else, please do elaborate on what he had done that changed your mind and how did that happened. What did he do exactly during THAT defining invitation that your normally says "NO" to a "YES" that qualifies him to be in the chase. That will be useful.

TLDR
1) Top the chart of the pool of the guys the target is dating.
2) Be a narcissistic prick that do not accept a woman's no means no.
3) Guys, you gotta know how to tell if you are in "the chase".

P.S. I know. TS, It's not easy to admit that he is hot and you have fell head over heel over him. The story "rejecting" him is more like a futile effort to redeem ur...


TSRalna
post Jul 2 2018, 03:49 PM

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Well, I tried chasing guys before (had unrequited love), but I didn't enjoy it. I felt I had to engage my masculine/dominant side (we all have yin & yang side) to do the pursuit, which I didn't feel comfortable with. It actually scared them away too, seeing women being bold and take action, e.g. asking men out or indicating interest to know him better first (though it's mutual likes/ swipes). Maybe some men are more open to pursuits, but other men may not be. At most, I'd say "Hi" to the guy first, but I'd let him do the asking out.

I also changed my approach. Instead of texting men first or asking them out, I sparked their interest, and they pursued me. While this is more indirect/ traditional, it worked well and I had been asked out by many men.

I believe it has something to do with alpha/beta type as well. I'm the alpha type, so sometimes that energy and confidence level can really deter beta ones. Yeah, I've been told many times, "You're so confident/ capable/ etc, I feel inferior." or "You can easily intimidate men." or "I feel I don't deserve you."

To be honest, I don't mind dating men who earn less than me, or are less highly educated, or come from less privileged background etc. He doesn't have to be the outspoken, extrovert leader type. I've gone out with beta males before, and I quite like them, coz they are low-profile, homely and caring. They feel like a home/nest for an active woman to rest in. I don't mind being the breadwinner while he be the secondary one.

The only reason the relationship didn't proceed is because of they kept thinking they didn't deserve me. Sigh. I didn't look down on them, yet they already looked down on themselves. It's like they have this inner demon which makes them think those better women won't stick with them through thick and thin.

QUOTE
Alpha Females are by nature an incredible package of qualities and abilities: Self-confidence, intelligence, success, wealth, and style. Most men cannot handle being with a woman like that. They either feel inadequate as men or they feel uncomfortable never being the center of attention. It takes real confidence as a man to be with an Alpha Female.


So, while men want women to do the pursuit (coz they are shy or introvert), please also consider if they can handle the dominant, aggressive alpha women. If they are not ready to be challenged, then adhering to traditional gender roles is still the safest choice.

Btw, you are dating an alpha woman, you either become a doormat (if you can't control her), or you two reach a balance in energy (taking turn to lead the relationship).

Beta women are introverted, demure, shy and laid-back, so they are much less likely to pursue men. Men will need to initiate the pursuit.


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