Low Energy Problem


A man went to the doctor because he was concerned about his lessening level of energy. He told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

LOLOL...

this joke is just so good!! haven't had a good laugh for long time.

Sex and Dirty Jokes: Artificial.


A married couple was having dinner and the conversation got around to transplants and artificial body parts.

"They 'll make an artificial d*** next," the wife said.

"Bullshit!" replied the husband, "There are something's you can't make - besides, what would you make it from?"

"Iron," she told him.

"Don't be stupid, woman. It'd rust."

"Ok, brass then," she insisted.

"That's bloody ridiculous," scoffed the husband. "Men would never be able to keep it clean."

"Rubbish!" she told him. "I've watched you polish yours while watching porno videos for years!"

married oso still need to masturbate meh lol

Why marry an engineer...


Ladies, when Choosing A Mate, Compare These Other Professionals To Engineers:

Here is a plug for all the Engineers out there.

DOCTORS Supposedly, all women are after a Doctor, so don't expect your relationship to last more than 5 years. Eventually, he'll run off with some nurse from his office, or one of his young women patients that is pretending to be sick. He'll wait until you are stuck with a few kids to do this. This is not a problem with your Engineer husband. He had a hard enough time meeting you. It is unlikely he'll ever meet another woman in his profession.

LAWYER Do You seriously expect an honest, trusting relationship with someone who gets paid for lying? Once again, this is not a problem with your Engineer spouse. He doesn't have enough social skills to lie convincingly. An additional drawback to marrying a lawyer is when the divorce happens you will get nothing.

SALESMAN See honesty segment under Lawyer. Plus, he will be traveling to trade shows, etc. where he will be in the company of other equally trustworthy individuals. Don't be surprised when you get the invitation to show up on the Ricki Lake show. The company that your Engineer husband works at will keep him in a cage, often called a cubicle, until he is ready to go home to you.

HAZARDOUS PROFESSIONS, I.E. POLICE OFFICER, FIREFIGHTER, CONSTRUCTION WORKER, ETC. Your husband, if he is not dead by some accident, will likely be crippled with a back injury, etc. just about the time you are at your sexual peak. The only hazards that your Engineer husband will face is losing his eyesight by staring at the terminal for too long. This hazard actually has some benefits. For one, he will not notice that you are getting older, since you will be a blur. He will remember you as when he first met you, because the memory will still be sharp, and you ask "Honey, were you looking at her?", he'll honestly be able to say that he didn't even see her.

TEACHER The only reason he entered this profession is so that he could be surrounded by newly post-pubescent girls who idolize him. He'll be in jail soon, and then you'll have to look for another man.

MINISTER See Teacher and substitute the word "girls" with "boys".

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge:
"Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge.
She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

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Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be
home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in
another man's arms. Why, Dad ? Tell me why!"
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she
didn't get the fax."

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A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first
married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my
slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after
ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers
and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"

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One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her
husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but
have I ever said anything bad about him?"

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A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts
shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares to
answer her."
One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?"
The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the
house and none of them dares to answer back.

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A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came
home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said
the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three
o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you,
Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."

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"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?"
He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.

"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

Great Milk


A salesman's car breaks down, so he asks a farmer to let him spend the night, and the farmer agrees. In the middle of the night, the salesman wakes up and is really thirsty, so he decides to go to the barn and get some milk from a cow.

Soon, the farmer hears noises coming from the barn and goes to investigate. He then sees the salesman coming out of the barn-soaking wet and with a white liquid dripping down his face. The farmer asks, "What happened to you?" The salesman says, "I just got thirsty, so I milked your cow. It was so dark in there I don't know how I did it. But I'm telling you, that cow has great milk! I must have drank a gallon of it!"

The farmer then stares at him with a puzzled look and says, "But we don't have a cow. We just have a bull."

holy god. a gallon of sperm?

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.


A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Is it Love


Bill and Steve are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Bill says.

"Thought?" Steve asks. "What do you mean?"

"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Bill says.

"Wasn't that love?" Steve asks.

"No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."

"Wasn't that love?" asks Steve.

"No, that was lust," Bill replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."

"Well, wasn't that love," asks Steve.

"No. That was motion sickness!" Bill replies.

a programmer also same like an engineer characteristic, trust me

totally aagree

Invitation to Dinner


"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

Third time a charm

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the lady. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my husband's mule
stumbled.
"My husband quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time.
My husband promptly removed a revolver from his pocket and shot him.
I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"

Oh Gawd, I'm ROFLing!
Wish us men can be like dat.

i prefer the wife version...

Any more jokes?

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.
Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.
I was a fool - nobody can take your place. I love you.

All my love,

Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.