Quick Thinker
After a late afternoon get-together of co-workers, a man drove his secretary home because she had too much to drink. Although nothing happened between the two of them, he decided to not bother mentioning it to his wife.

Later that evening, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he suddenly noticed a high-heeled shoe sticking out from under the passenger seat. Thinking fast, he asked his wife to watch out her window for a parking spot near the theater and as she was busy looking, he grabbed the shoe and tossed it out of his window.

They arrived at the theater a few minutes later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, "Darling, have you seen my other shoe?"

Backseat Cook
A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stared at him and asked, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."

Some Good News
A woman called her husband at work and told him she had some good news and some bad news. "Which do you want first?" she asked.

With a sigh the husband replied, "Let me have the good news first dear."

"Ok," she said, "well ... the air bags work ... "

Some Good News
A woman called her husband at work and told him she had some good news and some bad news. "Which do you want first?" she asked.

With a sigh the husband replied, "Let me have the good news first dear."

"Ok," she said, "well ... the air bags work ... "

Trophy Winner
Jim was so excited when he staggered home from the stag party, he just had to wake up his wife to tell her the news.

"Look, honey, I won it!" he told her, holding up a cheap-looking trophy.

"How?" asked his wife, still half-asleep.

"We had a contest to see who has the longest d***," he said, beaming with pride.

"What!" she screamed. "How could you make such a fool of yourself? You took it out in front of all those people?"

"Hell no, honey, not all of it," he said, "just enough to win!"

how long exactly is his birdie