Get Rich Quick Plan


A gorgeous young woman decided she wanted to get rich quick, so she came up with a plan. She proceeded to find herself a wealthy old man and planned to screw him to death on their wedding night.

The courtship and wedding went off without any problems, even with the more than half-a-century age difference.

On the first night of their honeymoon, she got undressed and waited for him to come out of the bathroom and join her in bed. However, when he did emerge, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.

Fearful that her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"

The old man replied, "There are two things I can't stand ... the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"

wow! 10k page count... I never thought I'll last this long.

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Second Honeymoon


An elderly couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

"We'll go to all the same places we went to on our first honeymoon," the old woman said.

"Yup," said the old man.

"We'll do all the things we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.

"Uh-huh," the old man replied.

"And, we'll make love like we did on our first honeymoon," the old woman added.

"Yup," replied the old man, "except, this time, I get to sit on the edge of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!"

keep them coming......

A Couple of Black Eyes


Louis arrived home from work one day sporting two black eyes.

"What on earth happened to you?" asked his wife.

"Well, while I was on the bus this morning going to work this fat lady got up to get off," Louis explained. "As she passed by, I noticed that her skirt was caught up in the crack of her butt. Hoping to save her some embarrassment, I reached over and pulled it out and she turned around and hit me in the eye."

"And how do you explain the other eye?" his wife inquired.

"Well, I figured I must have done something wrong," Louis said, "so as she turned to walk away, I reached over and tucked it back in!"

Making Puppies


A man and his son were walking through the park one day, when they saw two dogs having sex.

"Daddy, what are they doing?" the young boy asked his father.

Thinking fast, the father said, "Well, son, they're making puppies."

Everything was fine for a few days. Then, one afternoon, the father was making love to his wife when their son walked in on them.

"Daddy, what are you doing?" he asked.

Thinking fast, the father said, "We're making you a baby brother."

The son thought for a moment, then said, "Well, roll her over, Daddy, I'd much rather have a puppy!"

this has become my daily must read thread... nice work... keep it going...

OMFG!!! so funny !!! haha
aLittleMisfit, u f***king rocks !! haha keep it coming !! thanks!

Tie Me Up


A man comes home from work and is greeted by his wife. She's dressed in a sexy little nightie.

"Tie me up," she purrs, "and you can do anything you want."

So, he ties her up and goes out for a round of golf.

Wanting To Get Weighed


Jim took his blind date, Kelly, to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kelly?" Jim asked.

"I want to get weighed," Kelly said, so they went over to the weight guesser. He guessed 125 pounds. Kelly got on the scale, it read 122 and she won a prize.

Next, they went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jim again asked Kelly what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," Kelly replied.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had already been there, he guessed her weight correctly and Jim lost his dollar.

They walked around the carnival and again, Jim asked her what she would like to do next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Jim thought she was really weird and took her home, dropped her off and ended the evening with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date. "How did it go?" asked Laura.

"Oh, Waura, it was wousy!" Kelly moaned.

the part where he's awake all the while is the joke

L = W, W = L?

na...just l=w, cos she can say i want , not i lant....hahhahah

Yawo... ahahhahaaha..

She wanna get laid -.-"

Delivering The Best Toast


A contest was held to see who could deliver the best toast.

Murphy won the contest for the best toast of the night, which was: "Here's to the best years o' me life, spent between the legs o' me wife."

When he got home, his wife asked him how the Toastmasters meeting went. "I won the contest for the best toast of the night," he replied.

She then asked what his toast was. He said, "Here's to the best years o' me life, spent in church with me wife." "How sweet of you to include me in your toast," his wife replied.

While out shopping the following morning, Mrs. Murphy ran into the local policeman on the beat, who also attended the Toastmasters meetings.

"Mornin' Mrs. Murphy," he said. "That was a wonderful toast your husband gave last night. He won first prize."

"Well, I'm afraid he wasn't quite honest with the facts," Mrs. Murphy replied. "He's only been there twice. The first time he fell asleep, and the second time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Lose The Beard


A married man was spending the afternoon with his girlfriend when she asked that he shave his beard.

"I do like your beard, John, but I would really love to see your handsome face," she said.

"My wife loves this beard, honey," he replied. "I couldn't possibly shave it. She would kill me."

"Oh, please?" his girlfriend purred.

"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.

That night, John crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

His wife stirred, felt his face, and said, "Oh, Robert, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

ROFL, keep it up dude

Lol.Nice jokes,as usual.

At The Circus


A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them.

"Mommy, what's that long thing on the elephant?" he asked.

"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.

"No, not that. What's that long thing that's hanging between the elephant's legs?" asked the boy.

Embarrassed, the mother replied, "Oh, it's nothing, son." She then left to get some hot dogs and sodas.

While she was gone, the young boy turned to his father and asked, "Daddy, what's that long thing hanging between the elephant's legs?"

"That's the elephant's penis, son," explained the father.

"Well, why did mommy say it was nothing when I asked her?" the boy asked.

Taking a deep breath, the father proudly replied, "I've spoiled that woman, son!"

Young Japanese Bride


A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she got married she was to please her husband and never do anything to upset him.

So the first morning of her honeymoon, when the young Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love, she stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes and let out a big fart.

She quickly looked up and said, "'Scuse please, front hole so happy, back hole whistle."