Quick Thinker
After a late afternoon get-together of co-workers, a man drove his secretary home because she had too much to drink. Although nothing happened between the two of them, he decided to not bother mentioning it to his wife.

Later that evening, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he suddenly noticed a high-heeled shoe sticking out from under the passenger seat. Thinking fast, he asked his wife to watch out her window for a parking spot near the theater and as she was busy looking, he grabbed the shoe and tossed it out of his window.

They arrived at the theater a few minutes later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, "Darling, have you seen my other shoe?"

Trophy Winner
Jim was so excited when he staggered home from the stag party, he just had to wake up his wife to tell her the news.

"Look, honey, I won it!" he told her, holding up a cheap-looking trophy.

"How?" asked his wife, still half-asleep.

"We had a contest to see who has the longest d***," he said, beaming with pride.

"What!" she screamed. "How could you make such a fool of yourself? You took it out in front of all those people?"

"Hell no, honey, not all of it," he said, "just enough to win!"