Dec 29 2015, 10:32 AM
QUOTE(kkb888 @ Dec 29 2015, 10:10 AM)
Thanks brother. Your revelation is in-line with what I believe, but I am also thinking to myself, what if until i die, or when the lord comes, I'm still doing this sin. I can imagine I will not have the "face" to face the Lord.
I really want to break free from this. I shared my struggle with few friends before. They prayed for me. My pastor at church, also prayed for me. But I'm still coming back to sin.
The longest I held up before was when I was living with a church friend who is a very devoted Christian at overseas, and I managed to hold up for around 45 days. and that was it. I never went without committing this sin any longer than that since ever.
I kind of think that the reason of my constant failure was because I lack the toughness, and possibly faith, to face the downside of my life. I think I also tend to be a perfectionist, but I like being perfectionist sometimes, because it drives me to move and work for the better of things. But, the contradiction to this perfectionist nature is that, I care A LOT how people think of me. I can give you an example of this contradiction:
I studied overseas and now working in my hometown in Malaysia. I notice, for example, my colleagues are very laid back, chit-chat a lot, and sometimes even listen to music during working hours. Well, I could of course easily solve this problem by wearing an ear plug as far as the noise and distraction is concerned. But I also thought I could have come up before them and to tell them their chit chat and music distracted me, which I think it is what I "should" do (perfectionism kicks in here); but I did not do, because I lacked the courage to assert what I want because I want to have good terms with my colleagues!
Furthermore, I feel particularly lonely since I came back from overseas, the laid-back nature in my hometown, making me feeling unmotivated to do what I want. Because whenever I assert what i want, i get pissed off and would scare people away (I don't like scaring people away as I said I care A LOT how people think of me: Cuz if i do what I think I "should" do, People would think: this fellow why so serious, this fellow should just go along with the culture and don't make it too hard on things la; if this fellow wants to change things, sorry but he has to be more proactive and persistent, and for me, I will just see how things go and MAYBE follow him if he could bring better things for me. (at least this is what I see of the mentality of the people in my hometown)
But thing is, I want more, do good things for the society with skills I have, lead people to better life, do God's will, be truly satisfied and to fully utilize my living on this earth. But I lack the power of will, lack support, not even my family provides enough support for me. And every time I feel stuck in this, I revert back to pornography ...
Bro, sorry for throwing out all this grumble, hope it does not wear you out
No prob, bro.I really want to break free from this. I shared my struggle with few friends before. They prayed for me. My pastor at church, also prayed for me. But I'm still coming back to sin.
The longest I held up before was when I was living with a church friend who is a very devoted Christian at overseas, and I managed to hold up for around 45 days. and that was it. I never went without committing this sin any longer than that since ever.
I kind of think that the reason of my constant failure was because I lack the toughness, and possibly faith, to face the downside of my life. I think I also tend to be a perfectionist, but I like being perfectionist sometimes, because it drives me to move and work for the better of things. But, the contradiction to this perfectionist nature is that, I care A LOT how people think of me. I can give you an example of this contradiction:
I studied overseas and now working in my hometown in Malaysia. I notice, for example, my colleagues are very laid back, chit-chat a lot, and sometimes even listen to music during working hours. Well, I could of course easily solve this problem by wearing an ear plug as far as the noise and distraction is concerned. But I also thought I could have come up before them and to tell them their chit chat and music distracted me, which I think it is what I "should" do (perfectionism kicks in here); but I did not do, because I lacked the courage to assert what I want because I want to have good terms with my colleagues!
Furthermore, I feel particularly lonely since I came back from overseas, the laid-back nature in my hometown, making me feeling unmotivated to do what I want. Because whenever I assert what i want, i get pissed off and would scare people away (I don't like scaring people away as I said I care A LOT how people think of me: Cuz if i do what I think I "should" do, People would think: this fellow why so serious, this fellow should just go along with the culture and don't make it too hard on things la; if this fellow wants to change things, sorry but he has to be more proactive and persistent, and for me, I will just see how things go and MAYBE follow him if he could bring better things for me. (at least this is what I see of the mentality of the people in my hometown)
But thing is, I want more, do good things for the society with skills I have, lead people to better life, do God's will, be truly satisfied and to fully utilize my living on this earth. But I lack the power of will, lack support, not even my family provides enough support for me. And every time I feel stuck in this, I revert back to pornography ...
Bro, sorry for throwing out all this grumble, hope it does not wear you out
There are no perfect christians, only a perfect Jesus to look to to be saved.
When we all meet our Lord face to face, all of us have flaws in our corrupted body. God is not oblivious to this, he knows..that's why He said, It's not the healthy that needs a doctor but the sick, the unrighteous, the ungodly, etc. I really thank God Jesus said that. All of us qualify.
We will only be in a perfect state when we receive our perfect glorious body from Heaven. That is written in 1 Corinthians 15:52.
Well I always argue like this: If we can through our own ability and strength abstain the standards of God, Jesus didn't have to come. Because by that logic, we can qualify ourselves. And if we can qualify ourselves, the 10 commandments is all we need, there is no reason for a saviour to come.
Salvation is not about us, what we do or don't do. Salvation is all about the work of Christ, What He did. Our focus under the New Covenant is to constantly look to Him and Him Alone as our Righteousness. When we do that by Faith, the Holy Spirit goes into divine work, transforming us from inside to live right.
But the flip side is also true. If we keep looking at ourselves, whether we have done enough, performed enough, abstain enough, then the problem of self kicks in, instead of divine power.
God has in a way warned us in the Old Testament in Jeremiah 17:5;
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if we look to ourselves, there is no power because self will always occupied with self rather than Christ. In a way it's a sort of a curse. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 12:9,
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Grace and strength of Christ is attracted to the area of our weakness, not our strength. If we have weakness in pornography, that is where God can work out his power when we admit we have no strength of our own. The more we are at rest in Christ, the more grace and power of Christ Flow. In fact the opposite is true, the more we exhibit our own strength, it repels God's Strength and Grace further away. It may not happen immediately. may take failures after failures, maybe months, maybe years.. but if you keep receiving this grace; to acknowledge and confess that your sins each and everyone of them committed already judged at the cross, the power of sin will have no hold over you.
Hope this helps a bit.
This post has been edited by unknown warrior: Dec 29 2015, 04:27 PM
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