I work with colleague, she is 30++ woman, she is very independent, have a career and mature. She is sorta of the girl who overprotecting by her parent and recently break free from their parent. I am also in my 30's already.

A lot of stuff been happening between me and her. For the first few months, I don't have feeling for her until I spends too much time hanging out with her and fallen head over heels over her.

I did a mistake thought, I make thing too fast and she's got scare, some more I make another mistake is I confessed my feeling too early, so ending up she's been avoiding me and giving me the cold shoulder. The reason she rejected me because she have no experience how to date and willing to stay single for the rest of her life. To sums it up, she rejected herself and me.

I did take a step back but whenever I take a step back, she's notice it and used it against me cause we used to hang out as a group. I stop doing it and continue being myself to her, at the time I also trying to move on with my life.

After a month of awkwardness, everything settle back to normal, no big deal. She will tease me often in subtle way and I did the same to her but thing is a little different. All the chat is initiate by me, and she will tell me what's going and honestly telling me everything about her work but never tell me what's going on with her life but whenever I go out lunch with her and a colleague of mine. She also talks about other guy in front of me, but only briefly, saying that friend can help you find business.
She's always on her phone, I begins to suspect that she moved on to another guy or I just thinking too much.

After this, the period where she's been emotional sad, cause something happens to her, she's told me about it, her personal story and so i just listen to her and give small bits of advice. She's been real friendly and comfortable with me lately. Not showing any awkwardness but she kept texting a "guy" friend, thats i know so far.

So ladies, am i in the friend-zone, my guts tell me I AM!

This post has been edited by Plant: Oct 19 2013, 01:09 AM

when you confessed and she avoids = friendzoned.

Why she wants to stay single? Why she must choose you instead of being single?

erk, yes.

there could be few probable reasons:

1) both of you are colleagues (same dept? team? floor?). so if there's a romantic r/s going on, it'll be very well "known" in the office. the girl may not want that attention. so handle this with care, professionally (in office). keep neutral for the time being until she is ready to commit further. subtle hint to her that office romance is not forbidden, just need to be careful.

2) as you mentioned above, "she have no experience how to date". this could be true. either she had bad r/s before this or she never dated anyone. you're currently taken a step back, which is a good sensible thing to do. dont scare her too much, just a little tease here n there should keep the momentum rolling. she's now easy and not feeling awkward, so that's a good start. keep is slow n steady!

3) constantly chatting with a "guy". ermmm yeahhhhh girls no need to overthink this portion, although you cant help to think THAT other guy. until she tells you she's into another guy, you're probably (temporary perhaps?) friendzoned by her. again, keep it stead and observe. she may be using this tactic to test you? or perhaps to make you jealous? to see/know if you really care for her, unconditionally? keep doing what you're doing with her. action speaks louder, so subtly engage with her as a close friend/colleague. she need someone but she may not aware of her feeling or even aware of YOU as a potential partner. proof her wrong!

4) seriously, she may not be single. LDR with her bf? or got a bf but not telling. some girls really do that. keeping her options open or dont want to be "branded" as someone's gf. still, keep the r/s as is. no need to over-chase her. since you both always hang out during lunch, trick her to confess! tai-chi this to her friends till she cant keep it a secret anymore. that'll be a good sign to you whether you should proceed or stop (unless you're a spanar).

regardless of her "status", if you really like or love someone dearly, you'll cherish her dearly. you may not be fated to be with her, for now. loving someone from afar is hurt/confusing/killing you inside-out but that's what unconditional love is all about. be happy that you have someone to love, hope she'll be happy, safe, and healthy.

keep observing and be patient.

Are you sure she is single? Go ask her that you are curious, ask her if she is seeing anybody or already attached. Check with your colleagues, ask them about her status.

Her behaviour doesn't seem to show that she is single. Women in their 30s, they are turning into aunties, usually when they are single, they despo for any guy. It is when you are after girls 28 and below, they behave like that because they know they got many choices and they want to wait longer to search for the right guy.

By the way, despite her being 30s, is she hot looking?

can't tell why she wants to be single but i know the reason why.

1) Yes you are on point there my friend, when I confessed to her, she told me this reason as well.

2) Yea, all my friends says this is good thing, and tells me not to do anything drastic. They says when the time comes, it will comes, you will know what to do. I was like huh? I told them i never were good at this expressing emotional stuff.

3) She will never sees me as a potential partner.... but everyday I kept trying to proof her wrong but I think i am losing my sanity soon.

4) Dunno how to trick her to confess, I did tried the other day, and feels like she is in interrogation, and that moment i pull away.

Right now, whenever I asked a question, she always honestly answer it, like there is no secret between us. Even she asks me question, I would be honest about it and tells no lies. In the past, I remembered in the past, if a girl rejected me, most girls will just give me one line answer and that's it, sometime even lie about it. In conclusion, I think she don't want to hurt me.

trust me bro, finding a bf isn't her priority and she have a lot of guy friends. Like i said in my first post, she is very independent girl and career driven. I won't judge a girl appearance. This may sound bullshitting, I like her personality and I always go to her if i got some problem, because she might have the knowledge to help me out, job wise la, but if it is "life" related, read my first post. In other words, I respect her.

Is she hot? ya she stills hot in my perspective.

This post has been edited by Plant: Oct 19 2013, 10:55 PM

Yes and a potential spare tyre.

I don't know la because I usually don't have a problem approaching ladies in their 30s.

It is those below 29 that I usually have difficulty asking them out. I do get them out but with a lot of difficulty, they play hard to get.

My advice is lay low for awhile.

bro..sorry to break ur assumption but..MOVE ON..u r being treated like a doormat..u expecting more from her..she dont feel the same..why waste time bro for someone who is vague with you???YOU CONFESSED!and she still looks around for other guys....aiyo bro...be A MAN.many flowers at the park..many fishes in the sea...just GO

and if she really really likes u..she will think of u..she will find u..she will ask u out too..isnt it too obvious?maybe she keeps playing around..the reason why she still single..

1. Learn to respect her choice; every lady has her definite choice whether to step in a relationship or not

2. Be friend with her; try to observe her likes and dislikes, learn how to communicate in ways that she would feel comfortable and not stressful

3. A lot of times it has to do with the family where a person raised up from. There might had been trauma, physical or verbal violence happened on a person but he or she would not show it in front if people that they feel not safe to talk to, in deeper way.
\
It might be even possible that a person would try to run away from any more control on their life, because of the ways their family treat them.

It might be possible that there're lots of resentment or frustration within a person over certain things in their life.


4. Relationship works in mutual way and the fundamental elements are built on Trust, Respect & Understanding.
How much have u worked on these 3 elements when u're trying communicate with her ?

Every lady's thinking and mindset are not entirely similar, and some might be seen as "weird" from others crowd of people, but it's actually perfectly normal.

It takes some time for u to be able to really comprehend her mindset pattern. And when the right time and atmosphere arrive u may try to understand how she think about "Relationship"; what 're her viewpoints.


4. Thus, learn not to jump into conclusion too quickly on someone, especially on ladies.





This post has been edited by Life_House: Oct 20 2013, 08:06 PM

wah double post! thanks bro! I am trying to move on and yea I feel like her damn doormat. I think I am gonna focus on myself more and there is something going with my life at the moment, good thing la.

Oh... I see, i never thought of it this way. Damn..you are right about how her family treat her, your one smart dude/gal but let's leave it at that.

On the weekend I have been doing some self reflection, recalling back when I first meet her to the current day, I have concluded that I have make some mistake leading to this situation. I can says I learned from this and next time won't do the second mistake again.

And yes, you're right about her point of view relationship and yes, it may take some time for me to understand but If I can make her happy without her being my bf, that's fine with me. due to her family controlling and struggling freedom, I think she deserve some happiness, if she is happy I am happy. I really do not want to go the route of "don't want me, well pfft your lost" and be super jerk to her. I only do that if the girl is a b****.

I think what my next move is, it's to leave her alone and remain distance between me and her, but I'll do it in friendly way la of course, she is my friend after all. BUT, I need to protect myself as well if I don't want to be hurt again.

Thanks all, for helping me out. It's good to heard some good people helping each other out in this difficult moment.

This post has been edited by Plant: Oct 20 2013, 11:18 PM

ASk her is she wants to feel left out from her FB friends.

u are her emotional pillow. She know u have feelings for her, so u will "Listen" to her problem.

well, that's my exact situation & intentions now all i can do is stop going after her and leave it as is (stay neutral and try detach any feelings/crush). i've tried various subtle intentions but almost no response, so I just know it wont go anywhere. why push is that far if the signs are not there?

anyways, moving on.......

The only reason why a woman decide to stay single for the rest of her life is this. She has bad hurt experience before, and she does not wish to endure it again. How much do you know about her, TS? Her dating experience, her break up, etc?

In short, take your time to know her better. Go easy on her. Feeling is not build overnight, Rome city is not build in one day.

frenzoned
move on
date other girls
if shes jealous, got chance
if she say good for u, then 0 chance

Obviously she was never interested in you, before or now and probably future.

bro..you are just emotionally attached to her...happen to me before and i know how it feels...seriously and at the end of my story is that i didnt get together with her...

So in short...moving on now, better then to getting stuck to the current situation. YOu will get hurt more...

Lets say you waited for her and thing pan out but this will affect your future as you being the one giving in all the time...Do u want that?...Relationship wont be balance at all and you will try hard to change things which is damn tiring and End of the day break up..

So dont force it if it doesnt feel right.
if its love it will turn on spontaneously NOT by so call Patience.

No offense to the Girls but seems like she has the upper hand..

Just my 2 cents

i took some of u guys advice and did what i had to do.

I talk less to her and focus my work, I don't show much initiation and didn't give her attention at all.

After few days past, she's been all flirty and talks to me very often and she makes a lot of effort to talk to me, but I just gives her normal answer.

Then recently she asked me why I have been so lansi(action), I guess she sees that I talk less to her and my behavior bother her, I just told her that I have been very stress lately, like work.

Then after tmr, My colleague who knows whats going on to between me and her, only he knows, the rest office colleague don't know. He informed me that she asked about me, the way why I had been so strange toward her.

Today, she's been acting even more strange, she's been mimicking my behavior and my colleague point it out to me. Geez, this woman can't let me move on is it?

Also, whenever I have conversation to her.

Me: so, you and your mom go out la?
Her: what do you think? DATING with my mom?
Me: huh? I don't mean that le..

I was like no need to RUB it in my face one...I really got offended. There are number of time where she disregard my feeling... =/

No idea what i need to do... help?

interesting girl

but guess she's teasing you. but for what reason, no idea.

Plant, try not to totally ignore her. just normal casual interaction is enough. they are sensitive creature anyway.

suggest you continue as normal but once a while hint to her that she's giving signals that bothers YOU. if she play dumb-dumb what signals, then you confront her mildly, saying her signals are as if she's interested with you but you're confused

no harm be upfront once a while too. see her reaction if she's serious to spend time with you and considering to go further, OR she's just plainly like to play/tease you.

Finally got TS update. Sometime going low profile rather than high profile work well. Look like she paying you some attention at least. Keep it up but dont be so cool la all the time. Try talk like a normal fren will do, come out eat together, share stories, etc

how about a confession for the second time? this time you just tell her straight that you're a little in love with her, and if has no intention to accept you, then both of you will just be friends, just normal friends, and you'll move on, look for another suitable one. try doing it during a lunch or dinner, just both of you, where she can't just run away like that..

Well, if you can tahan stay like that, just friendly layan her like the above forumer says until there is moreobvious signs or maybe if you're lucky, she will confessed to you.

If you want to solve it once and for all, confessed the second time, this time states clearly that if she dun want to accept you, you want to move on for good and hence, act the way you act right now to her. Just give her a clear explanation, you don't want to be hurt anymore and can't focus all attention to her anymore as your attention are now shifted to "a new girl". The rest is up to her, either she ask for some time, accept it, or don't want to accept you've done your part, now she must do hers. She can't blame you anymore because you already clear it all up anyway.

Yes you are friendzoned and she thinks you are not good enough for her. All sort of excuses are plain bullcrap I honestly tell you. When you fall for someone, you want that person. So she has no feeling for you that why she says she wants to be single for the rest of her life until she met someone she wants and desires. Move on and get a better girl, you just reach 30s and you can get a better girl at a lot younger age.

this type of age 30s girl. they wont wanna waste time pak toh lovey dovey dy. they look for people to marry dy riao.

no ler, not that desperate

thse girls some of them are mostly probably established/stable (career, financially), so not rushing oso.

at this stage, the dating period could be shorter (1yr perhaps), instead of 2-3 years for younger couples.

1yr, imo, is enough to know the person, the bad and the worse. the personality, habits, behavior, family n friends, etc.

couples at this age range also more willing to share than hiding/secrecy cuz these "games" will prolong the relationship, and they are not willing to waste time doing so

1 year, maybe for you is enough

Continue giving her the cold shoulder treatment, but dont ignore her. As in like dont make her a priority, if you have plan go ahead with it rather than be with her.

Continue doing so until she ask you why you're treating her this way. Then just tell her you're just trying to move on with life (since you already confessed).

Then see what she says.

problem with most of the guys nowdays, they dunno how to kau lui.

True that, most guys when the girl show some slight interest, they already show them all their undercards.

So you must learn how to play the fishing and poker game.

She wants to be single yet not happy when you don't bother abt her, proves that she wants attention n she is yearning fr it since no one will give it other than you, now that you have gained the upper hand find other girls n rub it in her face

According to my colleague, she's doing that because we passed that period and now she thinks I am okay and now we can be friend, however when I pulled back, she got offended, that's what my colleague interpreted it.

Of couse, will keep you update.

From my point of view, no need to confess twice to gives her the satisfaction of validation or stroking her ego. IF she ever confess to me, I think I would think twice before accepting her into my life. Will she bring happiness into my life or will I be the one who needs to constantly validated her ego. I look into mirror and be honest to myself, since she don't have any experience in relationship, I would be the one suffering but the question is.. will she learn how to be in a good relationship, will she sacrifice her work in order to be with me? Relationship needs each other help and create balance, that's what i see in a relationship. I really do not want to be her emotional tampon.

+1 she knows my bad traits and its either my greatest weakness or my greatest traits. It's my temper, this traits of mine either help me to motivate other worker to fear me or people will scare of me but I think i only shows my temper when it is work related cause I am passion on doing my job.

but some people called it confidence.. lol

Tell you a story, bro.. when I was young, I chased a girl for 2 years and the half, I did not get her.. and getting over her took me 1year+.. haha but this is when I was young. lol Have you watched 500 days of summer...?

This post has been edited by Plant: Oct 25 2013, 03:10 PM

I was thinking to do this, but my colleague says that she will never understand why cause she never experience this "move on" thing before. If one cannot understand these feeling, one could only be angry at that person. :-/

That's a high chance that she will says "Why.....?!! I don't understand."

I dunno how to kao lui one.. lol

Yea, she wants my attention! but i really don't want to lower myself to rub it into her face... =/ I feel like I am lowering myself to her level.. isn't that right?

yes you are right, she has been single for so long she has forgotten what its like to be in love and now that she has felt it she wants to get more of it from various sources and also try her luck with a few guys, my suggestion is dont be with her even if she is pretty she os bad news for you, such a girl with so much insecurities in life would have easily dumped you and leave for another guy, she doesnt know how to love a guy and knows only how to play around with the feelings of others , just ignore her, you can get better girls than her, let her have her wish of staying single until her final days

+1 for second time, if no then move on and don't waste time playing courting with such childish wimmin.

Some wimmin loves to play tug with you, like TS's wimmin even in their 30's.

Man up or completely let go. Lowering yourself? Who are you to begin with. You are nothing more than a lowly chimp to be egoistical. Simple Yes or No to a wimmin in your life.


Grab the wimmin or completely let go (be foreveralone keep fapping at /k wimmin drillz and moan to yourself every night being alone in bed).

you need to show her that your market still in high demand, give her the idea that without her u still got alot of girls outside waiting for you. Let her feel that she is just a small potato in your eyes.

With that, she will easily stick back to you. I mean, if she still have interest towards you la. Or else, is even better just let go of her.

No need to think that far yet la dey, just that from your update you seems like kinda getting annoyed with her asking why she acts like that, why can't she let me move on etc2. If you still have some feeling for her, why not go try again but since you seems like not interested in her anymore, either ignore her or if you want, explain your action to her once and then go separate ways. No need to be too nice la, just layan professionally, focus go capture new gal pulak.

I have known many girls who were still quite attractive when they were in their 30s. Just like TS case, they were having a relatively good career, etc but somehow were not successful in the relationship department.

Many of them were also choosy,

John is a smoker – CANNOT
Paul has a beard – CANNOT
Eric still Lives with Parents – CANNOT
Raymond earns less than me – CANNOT (this is the 2 nd most popular reason)
David is younger than me – CANNOT (the most popular reason)

Today, all these girlls that I knew are all in their 40s and sad to say, past the shelf life already. As they are already past 40, it is unlikely than an eligible bachelor in their 30s would be interested in them and hence, their choices are Uncle in the late 40s and beyond which means either Divorced or got some problem that these guys were single for so many years. Even then, these Uncle can get Vietnamese wife in the 20s and 30s, why settle for an Aunty in her 40s.

So, for TS, I would say that since you are also not young, don’t waste time and confront (not confess) this woman again and tell her your intentions. Your intentions are no explore the potential of a romantic relationship with her but the two of you should get to know each other better. You have no intentions to ‘just be friends with the opposite sex’ and if that is something that she cannot accept, then she should let you know so that neither of you will be wasting your time.

Good luck though, I believe that you think you found your potential soul mate but she may think that its just friends only.

Ya hor, why I think so far ahead and yea you are right, i got annoyed the way she act, no idea why she mimicking my behavior, seems childish to me. I don't care about her anymore, I have move on, at least I think I am, err I hope I am!


When I confessed, and she rejected me and gave me this reason, however this happened 1 months++ ago.

1) Our value are different ( No idea is related to salary or not )
2) She older than me
3) I don't date rules apply
4) Will not believe in love whatsoever
5) all her close-friend are single, hurt by other men.
6) Still living in the past.

she is honest girl, all I can tell u guys that. When I asked something, she answer it honestly and don't hide secret.

I tell u guys one thing la, last week is my birthday, when going lunch with her, I talked a bit of myself, such as last few year ago my friends gave me birthday cake, so nice, then she told me she also have birthday cake, Twice, which mean two groups of friends. Feel like kena lansi, then after lunch, behind my back she told one of my colleague that because of u guys didn't go eat lunch earlier, she missed a client meeting.

Then after that, she continued tease me and mimicking my behavior... i got really ignored and its was my birthday. =(

but wait! Don't cross her a b*tch yet! She's actually a nice girl la, she helped the unfortunate people and community. Everyone thinks she is a really nice girl but when comes to me, different case.

Maybe its a trap to catch unsuspecting targets,unfortunately none taken the bait but you hence u were treated diff
Maybe she's frustrated but don't wanna let go of your attention at the same time

Maybe I missed this so let me comment on some of her reasons:

“Our Values are different”

If this are her exact words, it does mean a lot when a woman says these words. It means that she has accessed you (in a very quick and perhaps biased manner) and has concluded that the 2 of you have different goals and objectives in life.

Some examples are

- She wants kids and the you don’t
- She believes in taking care of Parents and you don’t
- She believes in financial planning and you are care free
- She believes is doing charity work, helping the less fortunate you don’t. I suspect that this is one of the reasons cos u mention that she likes to help the less fortunate.

So, I have to ask you to think long and hard, what are the values that you hold dear compared to hers and whether you think, if the 2 of you got together, would you be able to compromise on those values. Who would give and who would take.

“She older than me”

As mentioned, this is a favourite excuse but its out of fear really, as women age faster than Man. She’s afraid that after she looks older and you still look hot, you will start looking at other women. She may also think that you’re not serious and just flirting with her and will move on.

This reason could also be linked to 3 to 6 which is that she was hurt in the past and does not believe in love anymore.

The only way to counter this is to stick around long enough for her to realise that you are indeed serious about her and that you are different. The only questions is whether she is indeed worth all your trouble. After all, there are still a lot of fish out there.

She teasing you

This is the part that I don’t get, why is she teasing you and mimicking your behaviour. It does not take a genius to realise that most people don’t like it. But did you tell her, to her face that such actions are:

- Insulting to you
- Will damage whatever friendship is left between the 2-of you

As you can see, I deliberately did not want to use ‘hurt your feelings’ cos I think that you should avoid revealing your feelings anymore to someone who would deliberately hurt you.

What’s your Next Plan

I think that you should meet more people, join more activities. You seem like a Nice Guy, too nice that some people may even think that you’re a door mat. Join more social activities.

If you can afford, go for activities like Speed Dating, Lunch Actually, broaden your horizon and you may meet another nice girl.

Then you can tell this Girl about all these activities. Gauge her reaction. And then you decide who you want, this girl or the new girl that you just met.

Something to add on, on the realm of attraction, only results matter.

If she didn't give you any results that you want, why would you waste your time with her?

Unless you're content with constant rejection and enjoy her teasing.

the only teasing to enjoy is the sexual kind in nature

short answer:
-she's not interested to be in a relationship with you.

long answer:
-if she is not sure but still interested, she will tell you why not hang out more often to get to know each other more.


longer answer:
-she already started texting other guys, testing her attractiveness, see whether another guy will get attracted to her or not
-she probably has a long distance bf, but since the bf is not around, she just want to kill some time


verdict:
-nothing wrong with you, she just not telling the full story, move on and save your time on better girl

friendzoned..move on plz

this happens when we get too close with colleagues of opposite sex. the saying dont shit where you work is super fckin solid.

at times like this i suggest you move on, and let her initiate texts or chats if there will be any. get some self respect or your work will be affected.

plus u dont even know if she told someone in the office abt your confession

it's the game of courtship.

if you want to get her, u must find other girls as well.
why did i say so ?? girls are competitive and jealous creatures.

if i use another scenario, you are a property buyer and she's the seller.
Right now you are begging her to sell her property to you.
in sales, you should indirectly tell her that you have other options as well and you are also in pursuit of another house.
Let her know her opportunity with u is also slipping away.

Therefore you are raising your ranking and if she's interested in you, she will lower her ego or expectations to get u.

if you are free, please read this Ladder Theory
http://www.laddertheory.com/

it's practically how women choose men and how men choose women.
deep down all of us, we only want to get someone which is within our expectations.

^ hell yeah!

TS, you've done your part. it's up to her to decide and behave accordingly. the girl confusing you only

continue your work, work harder, proof her that you're awesome and great in the office. with or without her, you're still a great person. if she couldnt see past that, you've gotten the answer.

Update:

Haiyoh, what a terrible day I am having. Today, I tried to confront her that her behavior toward me is unacceptable to the point of work related is involve, I cannot tahan anymore and need to solve the problem. She literally mimicking my ACTION, like whatever I said in the past that I "subconsciously" hurt her feeling, come bite me in the @ss.

She also apologize to me but I can see it is not sincere at all, she is very spiteful woman and told me I am super sensitive, I am like I am just expression my emotion and wants a mature conversation with her. Whatever I tried to says something, she always cut me off half way then assume that I am judging her, I am like no... I am just having an adult conversation only... cause I want to fix our work relationship. Communication with her is so hard, I pointed out is it bothering her? She says no. Then, she always talk about her behavior and her feeling, and don't really care about my opinion or how i feel. When i talked to her, she is very defensive, I gave some body language, she pointed out that I am judging her. wtf! Also, she remembered everything, she finally comes out of her shell and tells me why i didn't do this, why i didn't reply her text message and etc etc... the part where I didnt reply her text message is because I was sleeping the whole day and the day after tomorrow, I checked my phone, and somehow forgot to reply her.

I am like o...k, so we don't have any problem, she says no we dont, and gives a false smile. I am trying my best to salvage our friendship but it seems that it's already beyond saving.

what to do.... i am thinking writing a letter to her =(


This post has been edited by Plant: Nov 4 2013, 10:01 PM

No, the only way is to ignore her and cut her off like a cancer.

Writing a letter is going to blow up in your face should she decides to share it with everybody you know.

And being spiteful as you described her, she could just do that.

Good point, never thought of that!

I can't ignore her or cut her off, i work very closely with her.

Just don't show any emotions or react to any of her teasing.

Minimalize all contacts and socialization with her.

Find solutions so that you wouldn't have to work with her. This will solve most of the issues, because should there's anything happened between both of you, it'll be your words against hers, and we all know society in general will always take sides with women.

Don't ruin your future, or lose your job because of women, it's not worth it.

This post has been edited by Tyler__Durden: Nov 4 2013, 10:10 PM

No, don't write or made any contact with her. Dunno, either she is childish, or has a screw loose somewhere, or just wanting some revenge on you, I don't know. But enough is enough, go play the man, buat bodoh saja lah TS. Let her mimick or joget or whatever she wants, buat bodoh suda la, this woman is beyond help already. 30 already still like this, aiyoo Act professionally, smile, if she suddenly want to gossip about you, smile, be calm, be cool. Let she do all she can think about, let's watch her go insane slowly with your coolness, and you will have the last laugh.

finally she showed her own stripes.

continue ignore her as usual. as the comments above, let her do what she want, without you being part of it.

Frankly, I've got a much better solution, but I believe because my solution is sooooo wonderfully effective (I can guarantee you it will 100% work), that I'm not going to give it to you for free.

If you really want her that badly enough, you'll have to pay me to teach you how to get through this.

The choice is yours.

this is part of the journey for a guy to learn deeper about the various aspects about a lady, and make choices whether or not to accept a lady with this and that kind of characteristics, and Why a guy can accept it;
depend on whether or not a guy have enough "Big" heart space, enough "Wisdom" and determination to learn how to put up with the lady's characteristics and behaviour,
and whether or not a guy really want and able to live with a lady of such for the rest of their life.

in relationship, it's about choices.

u need to do it now bro. It's time for some piap piap

aiyo bro,

this is girl really like u if not she will no mimic all your action.
She do this because she have no idea how to say yes in relationship.
Now is the time go for it 2nd time confess. If she reject then stop and search for new target.

dear plant... i don't believe that there is such thing as a friend-zone OR i don't understand any definition for this phrase

our culture is such that confessing is taboo. I hate it. We can't help much but to adapt.

In conclusion, you still have a chance, be yourself but remember that being a friend is the same as having a chance to go to the next step in a relationship, there is no need for confession BUT you must not deny your feelings when asked... just answer very very casually like "yalah, u know i like you right... so u can make me take out all my safe deposit without black magic or hypnotism"

sorry guys, i have decided to not go for her.

I now realize she isn't my cup of tea, I am looking for a girl who genuine positive but this girl i tell you la... to those who thinks I still have a chance.

when me and her only.. she's non-stop using her phone, I told her can you at least put down your phone, I am trying to talk to her, but no, she reply
"I am working, just talk to me like this..."

Also, There is one job I am solely responsible for, I told her I can do it, no problem, after a month, I was having doubt and thought of her to give reassurance to boost my morale up but in the end I kena criticism from her and mock me even... saying like "see see, I told you!" I feel so sad cause if she is my friend, at least tell me I can do it! Anyways, I manage to pull the job together, and now is underway without her help.

I don't even talk to her anymore because even if i talk to her, she always talk about herself... then kept mention her mom criticism her character.. she have very different mind-set as I do. My mind set is, I can do it but her mind set is all negative. When I talked to her, I feel my mental and physical draining...

One time, when one of the colleague ask her to go Karaoke, she reply with a "Don't want la, my mom dont want me to go" plus she is really good singer, because she sometime sang in the office. Come on, lady.. already 30++ la..need parent permission meh = ="

One time, I mention why she simply wear clothes lo, she reply "lazy..le" after that I showed concern that she's recently not really happy and asks her what's going on with her life, but she didn't tell me, but i knew it's a family problem.

After a week, she go back wears nice clothes, smiles very often and talks to me... but i ignore her because sometime I asks her to go dinner with colleague, most of the time denial, telling me bullshit such as work need to finish. If i go dinner with her, she always talks about her mom and dad... I got sick and tired listening that shit! =/

One thing I don't understand, she's care what I said to her, and recently I ignore her completely, we talked only when job related, other then that I don't want to talk to her, I think I starting to hate her, so much... and I haven't hate someone sooo much since I was in high school..

She makes me feel small and miserable, sometime she hits me with my self-esteem... =(

of course she have some good traits, such as very good IQ and nice caring person.

This post has been edited by Plant: Nov 15 2013, 01:24 AM

'

I am happy for you. Leave the wimmin alone and close this thread.




You are not compatible with her and obviously you missed what she is telling you. Example like she talks about herself because she trusts you enough to tell you her affairs. You are not looking for this wimmin because she is timid, boring, you want someone who is independent from her parents and able to speak for her thoughts.


Close thread and look for your type of wimmin.

This is what I understand from what you said.

1. She is emotionally sticking to you, but her brains could not accept you. When you confessed to her, she rejected you outright, cause this is her brain talking. Later on, her emotion start to kick in, and you can see that when you try to ignore her.

2. She is seeking attention to you, conscious or not. She is rejecting you, and looking for a small reason to accept you. Because of the stir in her heart / mind, this gets her very emotional, and while she keep on trying to reject you, subconsciously, she is trying to get your attention.

3. This means you got her attention, and if you can maker her brain accept you, you win. However, from what I think, she have this:

a. She does not know how to control her emotion, and will let loose on the person, ie you
b. High IQ does not contribute to high EQ. She mimics you is a method she subconsciously do, and that is to get your attention as well. In a sense, she is someone who has very high pride, proud of her achievement.
c I was having doubt and thought of her to give reassurance to boost my morale up but in the end I kena criticism from her and mock me even... saying like "see see, I told you!" - this is quite funny, really, no joke. In a way, she is mocking you, but to her, she is not. She does not even know she is mocking you. The first thing her brain did was to tell you, "YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTEN TO ME!!!. I am telling you this cause I am concerned about you!!". But her low EQ does not prevent her, and she did not realise that she put in salt to the wound. Hence, in this, I can say that she her social skill in immature. If you asked her, why you tell me this, she will throw another tantrum on to, mostly to cover her ego.


All in all, leaving her is a good choice, I cannot say it is the correct choice. She is over 30 years old. Molding her, or making her more mature is really hard. Better spend your time looking for someone that have better personality. If you go with her, be prepare to endure her outburst

fully agree with runemastertan

Seems like the usual hot-n-cold treatment, when she is not getting enough attention, she comes for you.

When she is getting enough, she tend to ditch you. That's why you are always hearing bout her talking bout herself because it is indirectly saying, PLEASE GIVE ME MORE ATTENTION!

And then come the usual friendzone scenario, they tend to not date you cause they know, you will always be there for them: doormat.

Whenever shitstorm happens, come back to you for assurance and help them pick up the pieces, once its over, SORRY G2G.

Then again, knowing all these shits, sometimes I find myself stuck into this game also.

F*** me.

I wouldn't say they're incompatible. I'd say he's childish.

Frankly, I wouldn't mind a woman who sees a glass as half empty, or has a side that I don't.

But this guy just doesn't want a gf, he wants a mother.

Wow, you seemed like you know the person than I do, and yes she told me exactly the same thing, I dunno how to reply with her action except calmly reply "oo.. okay, I understand"

you know, at first when I first chase her, before the confession, she have some really bad habit and I pointed it out, politely suggesting to change her habit, and you know what, she did change it but after so much accusation and tantrum from her, I just stop caring anymore, all she did was giving me headache, heartache and losing sleep. I tried to talk to her as a adult, obviously she throws tantrum at me non-stop, I tried to be civilized, friendly and courteous about it then she go do the ignore thing at me for few months.

Then after that, my colleague told me she likes her too, I am not surprise at all and he knows what's going on between me and her. According to my colleague, he told me both of us have problem and done something wrong. I admit, I did offended her in some occasion =(

I think my boss begins to suspect, the other day I arrive at the location and boss told me to go in the building, I said okay, lets go in together but he told me I go only.. I was like.. okay... then i go in building, first person i sees is her. Okay, i thought like my boss just fooling with me only.

Then after that, my boss always try to do something related to me and her... =/

This post has been edited by Plant: Nov 18 2013, 01:42 AM

Politely suggesting to change her bad habit is polite to you, but not to her. I dunno why or what happened, but most girls will go tantrum to you. But believe it or not, this is a good sign. I am not basing this on relationship like close friend with close friend, I am basing this on you confessed to her earlier on. She throwing tantrum to you is a sign that she cares for you. They don't like people they care (conscience of not) seeing their weakness. If the same advice, same method was used by someone like her friend, she might accept it calmly, and thinking logically. Get it? I am not expert in this, but if you wanna tell her about her bad habits, and not causing her to throw tantrum, you need to find out how to talk to her. For me, I usually will bring them to Holland (pun intended), make them confuse a bit, point out other people's fault, same or almost the same as them, but not directly pointing to them. This usually is enough to make them think, unless you did not make it clear enough. Well, there was once I got hit too cause the girl realized I was talking about her (she's smart, and she caught it quickly), and ended up not talking to me for a week

Bro, take a break from all these madness. Have peace.

I has a similar situation with TS, an elder girl in her early 30s, colleagues, she's career driven but at the same time a very sweet and friendly girl... we became very close, clicks well, then i fell in love with her... Did things such as dating her out one on one during weekends, buy her small gifts to make her happy... always chatting and msging over the phone at night...

but there's always a hidden part where she would date another guy secretly who she would hide from all the other colleagues including me...

Overtime the truth came out, she is actually in a relationship with another guy (not the secret date)... so I guess she is just keeping her option open for a better person to appear in her life... which I don't think I even stand a chance... I gave up and moved on... But i still keep a healthy colleague relationship with her... She noticed the change but I guess she just couldn't be bothered with a small fly like me...

so what if you being friendzone, friend? this happens so common, time to branch out even into facebook, get to know others http://f45f61ssnlmknl2woblw1vdsf7.hop.clickbank.net/

I think u are not ony froendzoned by her but also brotherzoned by her. She treat u as a bro already

ok, exactly how you make the confession?
this makes a world of difference.

no need detail on confession anymore because it's been 4 months plus already.

Update : I don't talk to her much and she notice it, and she gets really mad about it because all she wants from me is being friend with her, the thing is i don't want to be friend with her and according to my colleague it's been a big misunderstanding.

so in conclusion, we don't talk much lol.. dunno what i could do about it.

good that you're "spared"

even if big misunderstanding, she shouldnt be too clingy with you at the first place. i'm sure being normal casual friends is ok, but the way she "stick" to you is borderline scary

bail out letgo,, get next girl n introduce it to her, let see how she going to react

dunno, i feel like an @rse sometime, like work related thing i never inform her and continue do my thing. She got really piss LOL.

I also found out she likes another guy already, but the thing is i dunno the guy like her or not. =/

Mr_AK 47, I already let her know that i have other option out there already and constantly talks to my ladies colleague without her into conversation. Sometime my colleague would come and disturb me saying thing like "Oh.. you texting a "friend" is it?" actually i am texting a client of mine = = and i buat bodoh. It maybe my imagination, i notice the girl i like give up some kind of reaction.

cybpsych, dunno about sticking part but according to my colleague, all she wanted me to forgive her and be friend with her, now.. she don't look into my eye already.

Actually i like another girl, young girl.. this time i go slow and steady..

well pal, after reading all your interesting stories, now I know that you have a story of your own in your life.

Golden Rule : Never Confess

Why?

1)Make yourself and herself feel comfortable about each other
2)Be there always when ever needed
3)Dont show any signs, be more than friends
4)Call her, text her always
5)A good morning and a good night must always be there
6)Cook her some food, date her to some places

Most importantly, make her feel good about everything (A sales person should knows about this)

and someday, if everything goes well as per 1-6.

She'll get confused, feeling awkward and throw you a pile of questions (What are we? Are we together?)

That's when she realized she has already fall for you.

all the best