I work with colleague, she is 30++ woman, she is very independent, have a career and mature. She is sorta of the girl who overprotecting by her parent and recently break free from their parent. I am also in my 30's already.

A lot of stuff been happening between me and her. For the first few months, I don't have feeling for her until I spends too much time hanging out with her and fallen head over heels over her.

I did a mistake thought, I make thing too fast and she's got scare, some more I make another mistake is I confessed my feeling too early, so ending up she's been avoiding me and giving me the cold shoulder. The reason she rejected me because she have no experience how to date and willing to stay single for the rest of her life. To sums it up, she rejected herself and me.

I did take a step back but whenever I take a step back, she's notice it and used it against me cause we used to hang out as a group. I stop doing it and continue being myself to her, at the time I also trying to move on with my life.

After a month of awkwardness, everything settle back to normal, no big deal. She will tease me often in subtle way and I did the same to her but thing is a little different. All the chat is initiate by me, and she will tell me what's going and honestly telling me everything about her work but never tell me what's going on with her life but whenever I go out lunch with her and a colleague of mine. She also talks about other guy in front of me, but only briefly, saying that friend can help you find business.
She's always on her phone, I begins to suspect that she moved on to another guy or I just thinking too much.

After this, the period where she's been emotional sad, cause something happens to her, she's told me about it, her personal story and so i just listen to her and give small bits of advice. She's been real friendly and comfortable with me lately. Not showing any awkwardness but she kept texting a "guy" friend, thats i know so far.

So ladies, am i in the friend-zone, my guts tell me I AM!

This post has been edited by Plant: Oct 19 2013, 01:09 AM

can't tell why she wants to be single but i know the reason why.

1) Yes you are on point there my friend, when I confessed to her, she told me this reason as well.

2) Yea, all my friends says this is good thing, and tells me not to do anything drastic. They says when the time comes, it will comes, you will know what to do. I was like huh? I told them i never were good at this expressing emotional stuff.

3) She will never sees me as a potential partner.... but everyday I kept trying to proof her wrong but I think i am losing my sanity soon.

4) Dunno how to trick her to confess, I did tried the other day, and feels like she is in interrogation, and that moment i pull away.

Right now, whenever I asked a question, she always honestly answer it, like there is no secret between us. Even she asks me question, I would be honest about it and tells no lies. In the past, I remembered in the past, if a girl rejected me, most girls will just give me one line answer and that's it, sometime even lie about it. In conclusion, I think she don't want to hurt me.

trust me bro, finding a bf isn't her priority and she have a lot of guy friends. Like i said in my first post, she is very independent girl and career driven. I won't judge a girl appearance. This may sound bullshitting, I like her personality and I always go to her if i got some problem, because she might have the knowledge to help me out, job wise la, but if it is "life" related, read my first post. In other words, I respect her.

Is she hot? ya she stills hot in my perspective.

This post has been edited by Plant: Oct 19 2013, 10:55 PM

wah double post! thanks bro! I am trying to move on and yea I feel like her damn doormat. I think I am gonna focus on myself more and there is something going with my life at the moment, good thing la.

Oh... I see, i never thought of it this way. Damn..you are right about how her family treat her, your one smart dude/gal but let's leave it at that.

On the weekend I have been doing some self reflection, recalling back when I first meet her to the current day, I have concluded that I have make some mistake leading to this situation. I can says I learned from this and next time won't do the second mistake again.

And yes, you're right about her point of view relationship and yes, it may take some time for me to understand but If I can make her happy without her being my bf, that's fine with me. due to her family controlling and struggling freedom, I think she deserve some happiness, if she is happy I am happy. I really do not want to go the route of "don't want me, well pfft your lost" and be super jerk to her. I only do that if the girl is a b****.

I think what my next move is, it's to leave her alone and remain distance between me and her, but I'll do it in friendly way la of course, she is my friend after all. BUT, I need to protect myself as well if I don't want to be hurt again.

Thanks all, for helping me out. It's good to heard some good people helping each other out in this difficult moment.

This post has been edited by Plant: Oct 20 2013, 11:18 PM

i took some of u guys advice and did what i had to do.

I talk less to her and focus my work, I don't show much initiation and didn't give her attention at all.

After few days past, she's been all flirty and talks to me very often and she makes a lot of effort to talk to me, but I just gives her normal answer.

Then recently she asked me why I have been so lansi(action), I guess she sees that I talk less to her and my behavior bother her, I just told her that I have been very stress lately, like work.

Then after tmr, My colleague who knows whats going on to between me and her, only he knows, the rest office colleague don't know. He informed me that she asked about me, the way why I had been so strange toward her.

Today, she's been acting even more strange, she's been mimicking my behavior and my colleague point it out to me. Geez, this woman can't let me move on is it?

Also, whenever I have conversation to her.

Me: so, you and your mom go out la?
Her: what do you think? DATING with my mom?
Me: huh? I don't mean that le..

I was like no need to RUB it in my face one...I really got offended. There are number of time where she disregard my feeling... =/

No idea what i need to do... help?

According to my colleague, she's doing that because we passed that period and now she thinks I am okay and now we can be friend, however when I pulled back, she got offended, that's what my colleague interpreted it.

Of couse, will keep you update.

From my point of view, no need to confess twice to gives her the satisfaction of validation or stroking her ego. IF she ever confess to me, I think I would think twice before accepting her into my life. Will she bring happiness into my life or will I be the one who needs to constantly validated her ego. I look into mirror and be honest to myself, since she don't have any experience in relationship, I would be the one suffering but the question is.. will she learn how to be in a good relationship, will she sacrifice her work in order to be with me? Relationship needs each other help and create balance, that's what i see in a relationship. I really do not want to be her emotional tampon.

+1 she knows my bad traits and its either my greatest weakness or my greatest traits. It's my temper, this traits of mine either help me to motivate other worker to fear me or people will scare of me but I think i only shows my temper when it is work related cause I am passion on doing my job.

but some people called it confidence.. lol

Tell you a story, bro.. when I was young, I chased a girl for 2 years and the half, I did not get her.. and getting over her took me 1year+.. haha but this is when I was young. lol Have you watched 500 days of summer...?

This post has been edited by Plant: Oct 25 2013, 03:10 PM

I was thinking to do this, but my colleague says that she will never understand why cause she never experience this "move on" thing before. If one cannot understand these feeling, one could only be angry at that person. :-/

That's a high chance that she will says "Why.....?!! I don't understand."

I dunno how to kao lui one.. lol

Yea, she wants my attention! but i really don't want to lower myself to rub it into her face... =/ I feel like I am lowering myself to her level.. isn't that right?

Ya hor, why I think so far ahead and yea you are right, i got annoyed the way she act, no idea why she mimicking my behavior, seems childish to me. I don't care about her anymore, I have move on, at least I think I am, err I hope I am!


When I confessed, and she rejected me and gave me this reason, however this happened 1 months++ ago.

1) Our value are different ( No idea is related to salary or not )
2) She older than me
3) I don't date rules apply
4) Will not believe in love whatsoever
5) all her close-friend are single, hurt by other men.
6) Still living in the past.

she is honest girl, all I can tell u guys that. When I asked something, she answer it honestly and don't hide secret.

I tell u guys one thing la, last week is my birthday, when going lunch with her, I talked a bit of myself, such as last few year ago my friends gave me birthday cake, so nice, then she told me she also have birthday cake, Twice, which mean two groups of friends. Feel like kena lansi, then after lunch, behind my back she told one of my colleague that because of u guys didn't go eat lunch earlier, she missed a client meeting.

Then after that, she continued tease me and mimicking my behavior... i got really ignored and its was my birthday. =(

but wait! Don't cross her a b*tch yet! She's actually a nice girl la, she helped the unfortunate people and community. Everyone thinks she is a really nice girl but when comes to me, different case.

Update:

Haiyoh, what a terrible day I am having. Today, I tried to confront her that her behavior toward me is unacceptable to the point of work related is involve, I cannot tahan anymore and need to solve the problem. She literally mimicking my ACTION, like whatever I said in the past that I "subconsciously" hurt her feeling, come bite me in the @ss.

She also apologize to me but I can see it is not sincere at all, she is very spiteful woman and told me I am super sensitive, I am like I am just expression my emotion and wants a mature conversation with her. Whatever I tried to says something, she always cut me off half way then assume that I am judging her, I am like no... I am just having an adult conversation only... cause I want to fix our work relationship. Communication with her is so hard, I pointed out is it bothering her? She says no. Then, she always talk about her behavior and her feeling, and don't really care about my opinion or how i feel. When i talked to her, she is very defensive, I gave some body language, she pointed out that I am judging her. wtf! Also, she remembered everything, she finally comes out of her shell and tells me why i didn't do this, why i didn't reply her text message and etc etc... the part where I didnt reply her text message is because I was sleeping the whole day and the day after tomorrow, I checked my phone, and somehow forgot to reply her.

I am like o...k, so we don't have any problem, she says no we dont, and gives a false smile. I am trying my best to salvage our friendship but it seems that it's already beyond saving.

what to do.... i am thinking writing a letter to her =(


This post has been edited by Plant: Nov 4 2013, 10:01 PM

Good point, never thought of that!

I can't ignore her or cut her off, i work very closely with her.

sorry guys, i have decided to not go for her.

I now realize she isn't my cup of tea, I am looking for a girl who genuine positive but this girl i tell you la... to those who thinks I still have a chance.

when me and her only.. she's non-stop using her phone, I told her can you at least put down your phone, I am trying to talk to her, but no, she reply
"I am working, just talk to me like this..."

Also, There is one job I am solely responsible for, I told her I can do it, no problem, after a month, I was having doubt and thought of her to give reassurance to boost my morale up but in the end I kena criticism from her and mock me even... saying like "see see, I told you!" I feel so sad cause if she is my friend, at least tell me I can do it! Anyways, I manage to pull the job together, and now is underway without her help.

I don't even talk to her anymore because even if i talk to her, she always talk about herself... then kept mention her mom criticism her character.. she have very different mind-set as I do. My mind set is, I can do it but her mind set is all negative. When I talked to her, I feel my mental and physical draining...

One time, when one of the colleague ask her to go Karaoke, she reply with a "Don't want la, my mom dont want me to go" plus she is really good singer, because she sometime sang in the office. Come on, lady.. already 30++ la..need parent permission meh = ="

One time, I mention why she simply wear clothes lo, she reply "lazy..le" after that I showed concern that she's recently not really happy and asks her what's going on with her life, but she didn't tell me, but i knew it's a family problem.

After a week, she go back wears nice clothes, smiles very often and talks to me... but i ignore her because sometime I asks her to go dinner with colleague, most of the time denial, telling me bullshit such as work need to finish. If i go dinner with her, she always talks about her mom and dad... I got sick and tired listening that shit! =/

One thing I don't understand, she's care what I said to her, and recently I ignore her completely, we talked only when job related, other then that I don't want to talk to her, I think I starting to hate her, so much... and I haven't hate someone sooo much since I was in high school..

She makes me feel small and miserable, sometime she hits me with my self-esteem... =(

of course she have some good traits, such as very good IQ and nice caring person.

This post has been edited by Plant: Nov 15 2013, 01:24 AM

Wow, you seemed like you know the person than I do, and yes she told me exactly the same thing, I dunno how to reply with her action except calmly reply "oo.. okay, I understand"

you know, at first when I first chase her, before the confession, she have some really bad habit and I pointed it out, politely suggesting to change her habit, and you know what, she did change it but after so much accusation and tantrum from her, I just stop caring anymore, all she did was giving me headache, heartache and losing sleep. I tried to talk to her as a adult, obviously she throws tantrum at me non-stop, I tried to be civilized, friendly and courteous about it then she go do the ignore thing at me for few months.

Then after that, my colleague told me she likes her too, I am not surprise at all and he knows what's going on between me and her. According to my colleague, he told me both of us have problem and done something wrong. I admit, I did offended her in some occasion =(

I think my boss begins to suspect, the other day I arrive at the location and boss told me to go in the building, I said okay, lets go in together but he told me I go only.. I was like.. okay... then i go in building, first person i sees is her. Okay, i thought like my boss just fooling with me only.

Then after that, my boss always try to do something related to me and her... =/

This post has been edited by Plant: Nov 18 2013, 01:42 AM

no need detail on confession anymore because it's been 4 months plus already.

Update : I don't talk to her much and she notice it, and she gets really mad about it because all she wants from me is being friend with her, the thing is i don't want to be friend with her and according to my colleague it's been a big misunderstanding.

so in conclusion, we don't talk much lol.. dunno what i could do about it.

dunno, i feel like an @rse sometime, like work related thing i never inform her and continue do my thing. She got really piss LOL.

I also found out she likes another guy already, but the thing is i dunno the guy like her or not. =/

Mr_AK 47, I already let her know that i have other option out there already and constantly talks to my ladies colleague without her into conversation. Sometime my colleague would come and disturb me saying thing like "Oh.. you texting a "friend" is it?" actually i am texting a client of mine = = and i buat bodoh. It maybe my imagination, i notice the girl i like give up some kind of reaction.

cybpsych, dunno about sticking part but according to my colleague, all she wanted me to forgive her and be friend with her, now.. she don't look into my eye already.

Actually i like another girl, young girl.. this time i go slow and steady..