A guy with a gun enters a bar.

"Who the f*** had sex with my wife?" he snarled.

After a moment of silence,
A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets friend!"

I said to my doctor, "Would you like to go out for a drink some time? I find you really attractive."

"Sorry, I'd love to, but I can't," she answered.

I said, "I understand, it's the doctor/patient thing, isn't it?"

"No, it's not that," she replied, "I've just got your test results."

lol poor guy

lols

This post has been edited by shinkawa: Jun 4 2012, 01:00 PM

Best Relationship Advice EVER!

I got home and found my wife and two of her friends in the living room.
"Here he is," she said. "We were just talking about having a foursome, if you feel you're up to it!" She smiled and winked.

Two minutes later, I appeared naked with my d*** in my hand. They were stood there, fully dressed, with tennis rackets in theirs.

^ LOL!!

In of current event frequent robbery

A guy tried robbing me at knife point, luckily I managed to disarm him.
I'd just bought a chainsaw.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

rofl - the first story

Those responsible for forced marriages are set to be punished by new laws.

Finally my son can be brought to justice for what he did to me.

I was about to blow out the candles on my birthday cake. My wife said, "Make a wish, but don't tell me what it is or it won't come true."

So I closed my eyes, blew out the candles, and wished that we'd be together forever.

And then I opened my eyes and told her exactly what I'd wished for.

good one

I took a fat gal back to my apartment for sex last night.

As soon as we got there she looked at me and said, "I really can't do this."

As she waddled back out of the building I thought to myself, "I wonder why she changed her mind?"

Then I saw the 'Out Of Order' sign on the lift.

It's quite scary on the roads at night now

knowing that all the guys are at home watching Football and it's only women driving round.

"I'm a bit nervous," Mikey said. "I haven't been with a prostitute before."

"Just relax, baby, and tell me what you like," she replied.

"I like turtles..."

The English FA has already booked players' flights home after the group stages.

The Greek FA has issued theirs with signs for hitch-hiking.

still a joke site....hahahahahaaa

My 15-year old daughter asked me what it was that made me want to marry her mum.

I said, "Come back when you're eighteen."

She giggled and asked, "Why, is it rude?"

"No, but I might have figured it out by then," I replied.

Some old lady dropped her bag outside Tesco this morning when my wife looked at me and said,"Well don't just stand there."

So I started doing star jumps.