Seorang anak perempuan(Cahaya) bertanya kepada ayahnya:

Cahaya: Papa, bila papa nak kawen dgn mama?
Papa: Dah kawen laa...
Cahaya: Bila?
Papa: Sebelum Aya lahir lagi...
Cahaya: Oooooo... Patut la tak jemput Aya...
Papa: ???@#$%

So cute

I can't believe my mother-in-law persuaded my wife to leave me.

And to think, I thought badly of her all these years.

The reason I haven't had sex for a long time is because my girlfriend said she wanted to wait until we were married.
It's taken me ages to find a new girlfriend.

I sat there with a smile on my face as my girlfriend wrapped her hand around it and started to tug at it. An even bigger smile when she gave it a little wiggle and started moving it around. I couldn't contain myself when she started using two hands, so I eventually laughed out:

"Here love, I'll change gear for you".

My wife stood before me and had some items in front of her. Without a word, she picked up and emptied a large jar of mayonnaise and proceeded to fill the empty jar with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" diameter, then asked me if the jar was full.

I agreed that it was.

So my wife then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. My wife then asked me if the jar was now full.

I agreed that, yes, it was.

She then picked up a bag of sand and proceeded to pour it into the jar with the result that the sand filled up the remaining spaces between the rocks and pebbles.

"Now," said my wife, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your wife who loves you, your health, your children - anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed.

The pebbles are the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff. Your X-box, soccer, the booze, porn. If you put the sand or the pebbles first, there is no room for the rocks.

The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, material things, you will never have room for the things that are truly most important."

I was dumbfounded.

Where was she going to get more mayonnaise from for my sandwich?

A: Do u have friends ??
B: yes , i have all ten seasons . forerverarone.jpeg

sorry if repost ..

EPIC! LOL!

Dear Thelma,

Please help! I've found out that the mild mannered man I married, is really a sex maniac. He make love to me any time he can. When I'm washing up, When I'm cooking, When I'm hanging the washing out, it's never ending. What can I do?

P.S. Please excuse the shaky handwriting

Snape: That's 10 points from Gryffindor!

Harry: Are you f*cking serious?

Snape: How did you know about Sirius and I?

LOLOLOL

I was at a recent job interview when the questions started to get a bit weird.

"Have you ever cheated on your wife?" he asked.

"Well, actually" I said shamefully, "There have been a few occasions when I've been unfaithful".

"How about dabbling in drugs?" he persisted.

Again, with my head hung low, I admitted to the frequent use of illegal substances.

"What about convictions for assault?" he added.

"Yes" I replied, "I have been charged with assault and street brawling."

"You're hired!" he said with an accompanying handshake.

I can't wait to start my career as a premiership footballer!

can anyone tell me wtf this means?

"Friends" is an american sitcom.

What goes black white black white black white....
a nun rolling down a hill.

This post has been edited by GloryKnight: Jun 13 2011, 02:25 PM

here i deliver pictar.

As I went to the bus stop, I saw a heavily pregnant woman there.

"When's it due?" I asked.

"Two weeks", she replied, with a lovely smile on her face.

"Well I might as well walk then..." I said.

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

I was on Facebook last night and got pissed off by one attention seeking girl. It was all stuff like, "I'm bored..." and, "Feeling sad today..." and, "I just need someone to love me..."

Eventually, I looked up from my phone and said, "Shut the f*ck up and eat or this will be our last anniversary meal."