The wife is one of those people who has the amazing talent of being able to shake my wallet and know exactly how much money is in it.

Because it's empty.

Paul's wife of 20 years confessed she had made a porn video before they were married.
After insisting that they watch it, Paul said "Why did you pull such strange faces?"

She replied "That's what happens when I cum".

OUCH!!!! LOL

Young Parents:
The young parents used code words when discussing sex in front of their children. The terms for intercourse ws "washing machine".
They were lying in bed one night when he said to her, "Darling, washing machine."
"Not now, I've got a headache", she replied.
An hour later, he ran his hand down her leg and said, "Darling, washing machine, please! washing machine."
"I've got a headache!", she complained.
An hour later, feeling sorry for him, she turned to him and said, "O.K. washing machine."
"Don't worry", he replied, "it was a small load so I did it by hand."

Was laying in the bed looking at the stars in the sky when I thought to myself.

Where the f*ck is the celling?

man A : Just had some awful news.
man B : Sorry to hear that but what it is the news
man A : My Thai wife has testicular cancer.....
man B :

haha

Apple Computers announced today that they have developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBreast will cost $1499 to $2499.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough since women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Jun 20 2011, 10:31 AM

So a teenage couple sneaks back at the guys crib at 1 am in the morning

They see that his little brother is asleep but they wanna have sex.

So the girl tells the guy she'll say tomato when she wants him to go faster and she'll say lettuce when she wants him to go slower and she'll say ham when she wants him to change positions

So the girl goes : "Lettuce Ham tomato, Tomato Ham Lettuce, Tomato Lettuce Tomato."

The little brother wakes up and says "Hey can you guys stop making sandwiches your getting mayonaise all over me."

To save money on expensive sex lines,

simply call a suicide hotline and say you will kill yourself unless they talk dirty to you.

"Is it in yet?"

"Nope"

"How about now?"

"Not even close"

"Is it in now?"

"No"

"Is it close?"

"Not at all"

"How do you do this?"

"For f*ck sake Mary, get out the car and let me park it.

A ridiculously pretty woman came into the clinic complaining of problems with her vision.

"Get your breasts out and tell me what I'm doing," Doctor said.

"Erm..erm," she sputtered squinting her eyes. "Are you trying to get your pen working?"

"Good," The Doctor replied. "Now just stay sat there until I get the ink out".

Sh1t. Dr Bukake lol...

"I'm sick of you teasing me about my weight," the wife snapped as she walked out the door.

"Please babe don't go," He pleaded. "Think of our son."

"What son?" She said.

"You're not pregnant?"

win.

Just after the wife had given birth, Sam asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at Sam and said "Well, I'm off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park."

winrar again for gay doc!

I am in love with this girl, the crazy things happened when she's around

When she asked me to meet her brother, a beggar comes... I don't have small change, so(to look good in front of her brother) I give the beggar RM 10. The brother then tell me that the people that begs here were fakers and hinted that he think I'm pretentious. Oh the shame-the shame.

Son: "What's algebra?"
Dad: "Something you take off a mermaid so you can play with her tits."

lol took me few moment to understand it