thanks for sharing
its a great read!

Thumbs up. I had for a fact knew this and deep down acknowledged am a insecured person. Being branded as a 'nice guy' made me felt bad. As I am not decent at all. Deep down I know I want something, but I shy away from anything. That's why I blew up relationships and can't seemed to establish connections to any people. I think I am confident enough, but in the end, its just what I thought.. Am still very young, may roads ahead be bumpy and shitty so that I can grow the fuck up. Never thought I will bump into such writings here. Bolehla Malowyatsia

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This post has been edited by pointblanc: Jun 18 2015, 03:36 AM

Edit :: Doubleposted. Extra sorry and extra thumbs up for article. Lel.

This post has been edited by pointblanc: Jun 18 2015, 03:34 AM

how about nice and arrogant guy? LOL!

Wow thorough article. I was the insecure nice guy with my first gf some years ago when I was 19. I was most of the things you describe in your article.

She dump me after 1 year haha. It was my best buddy that told me my problems.

This post has been edited by Binyamin: Jul 21 2015, 12:27 PM

what is ur actual problem?

Insecurity. They girl I dated in australia at that time was my 1st gf, literally in every sense a genius in everything she do. Socially, math all sciences, music and she is drop dead gorgeous. She did at ripple degree in engineering, law and performing arts(contemporary dance) at the same time. You need an average of 80% every semester to do triple degree.

Being a competitive guy myself I felt insecure that she will leave me for a better guy. Before I dated her I didn't really felt my insecurities but when I was with her it got worst and worst and worst to the point I felt suicidal. She finally said she had enough of being restrained by me and the fights we had. She left. I learned my lessons and moved on. Tough one because she did the same engineering course as me and I had to see her almost everyday for the next 3 years. Haha

This post has been edited by Binyamin: Aug 2 2015, 12:08 PM

Nice read... Not to say I fully agreed, but then it's just a generalized view on "nice guy"... wannabe? I don't know.. whatever...
Had met this NICE gal who I would just treat her like how I would do to a boy... cos she's just so tomboyish... seriously, i was being a jerk in the beginning even went as far to dis her for being an idiot for some craps... well, she seemed pretty cool and would still invite me to attend all kinds of events with her, well, I turned down most of the time, cos I was really an ass that time...
Now as I slightly adjusted my attitude and think may be I shouldn't be such a jerk and trying to be nice to her... Man, I tell ya, she seemed to evade me like a venereal disease now... I'd just cut the craps... Moral of the story, the niche is many gals really think "Nice guys" are freaks, best that they can do is to make them laugh, be their buddy... nice guy gets consolation prize...

I think I'd just be my old jerk self, it's more natural that way for my walk of life with ladies ...

This post has been edited by El-LoboSolitario: Oct 29 2015, 01:08 PM

Dump her first before she dump u

Read everything, and looking at the mirror and think about myself. Honestly, I am what you said in the long long post.
It is like a bitch slap to myself by reading all this.

What is this definition of a NICE GUY that you guys are talking about?

Nice Guy = a pussy, a wuss, a pushover... a cuckold?

Thanks spunkberry for speaking our minds out. Thumbs up!

Sometimes it's not that guys being "nice" to us are bad but it puts great pressures and expectations on our shoulders. They expect us to report our whereabouts, our equal contribution or affections towards them, and keep reminding us that "you're never gonna find someone who loves you more than I do" is utterly like a blackmail.
It has too much insecurity, too much expectation and suppression that make us wanted to flee.
It also make it so hard to bring it out to discuss because we're afraid to hurt your feelings or drive you to the brink of breaking down and then suffer another drama or argument.
When we drop the breakup bomb it is really at the point we're giving up the fact that you'll never realize the problem and it's only fair for us to set both parties free.
When two minds are different, they are just different.
When girls don't elaborate the real reason for breaking up, they are saving your face.
At least that is what it is in my case.

*stalker please stay away

This post has been edited by loui: Jun 21 2016, 09:27 AM

thanks for the sharing from a girl perspective ...indeed eye opener

Well u definitely did over jerk her lol. And she kept coming back again. It's already proven most girls are attracted to jerk, alpha attributes. But it will not last long..

Now I've already known 'being nice' vs 'being an asshole' consequences, pros & cons. 'll calibrate more tackling different categories of girl/woman.

This post is just nuts and painful to read because I identify a lot with it as a guy that treated my first gf like that some years ago. Though I am recently happily married to a wonderful lady as I read the post I do wonder if I am still the insecure guy if given the right environment. Say I suddenly become single tomorrow will I be like that?

I do get what is called " imposter syndrome" on my self worth and my conpetency where I secretly think I am not that competent and I will be "found out". After a while I concluded that I have to remind myself about who am I and what l am living for. Probably for as long as I live. So for me it is a constant effort to maintain my perspective and not fall back into my old self

Edit: if I psyche myself and think that I am already there, as in I am the man because of this and that achievement as I did in the past sooner or later I find myself disappointed with my actions or with failures. So I find solace in thinking that I am never going to maintain perspective if I don't put effort in it and just sit back thinking I am all there

So for me and I don't know if it applies to anyone else, being the secure guy is a constant effort and if I don't work on it I think I will fall back naturally to a sad needy insecure person

This post has been edited by BrendonStar: Oct 13 2016, 11:51 AM

I don't think I am insecure, clingy or desperate. But I am nice to my gf because I want the relationship to work out. I am also quite indecisive sometimes. Sometimes I just let her choose places to eat, because girls sometimes say they are okay with anything, but when I suggest, she might not like it. So far she is usually ok with the places I choose.

Am I the nice guy described here?

Girl want guy to lead. so u gotta choose for her

this post its really spot on.. its actually describing my situation now.. i am very into the girl and i think my actions has make her afraid of me. i actually woke up after reading this post and i am disgusted by my own insecurities. and decided to change. i hope the girl will notice .

btw its actually really hard. i try not to over texting her by doing something i like. but its just too hard. i still miss her time to time. maybe need more time