Disclaimer: This is a generalization and possibly a stereotype ... but these are all based on truths at some point.

This is an article about "Nice Guys" vs "Jerks", the terms used by people who like to talk about women walking all over "nice guys" and preferring to date "jerks". I don't know how much clearer you want this to be. Using "nice guys" is NOT misleading. There are the insecure "nice guys" and the "genuine nice guys"

I also NEVER claimed this to be my own - http://www.heartless-b****es.com/rants/nic.../niceguys.shtml

Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless b**** for dumping him."

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys ™ are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of compromising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherently unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.
~~~

And the whole LOT of you, with a few exceptions, disgust me with your insecurities.
Grow up.

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Oct 16 2010, 11:11 PM

Good article. Though I think you should rename it as 'insecure guys'. Don't make 'nice guys' sound so bad lah... Real 'nice guys' aren't insecure about who they are, they're confident that they can make a girl happy, AND achieve success in the relationship.

The example above sounds more like a typical loser, doesn't rhyme with me as a 'nice guy'.

This post has been edited by ace.princess: Oct 16 2010, 04:40 AM

Quite a long post huh? I actually finish reading it.
Anyway is Spunkberry so happen to be bs3 ' Strawberry'?

Btw normally guys called themselves nice guy probably not a nice guy.
A nice guy would NEVER call himself a nice guy. Most of the time ppl around call them so if he really is.

In my opinion a nice guy would always know what he wanted in his life like above mention. And knows how to play with the pull and let go string concept. haha

This "nice guy" syndrome has also been expounded in more detail in the book No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover.

That's no nice guy, that's a somewhat pathetic guy....though Im half of it...haha. But true, its just pathetic when you NEED a girl. It makes as if like without them, you'd die of a horrid suffocation which strangles your esophagus and turns your face blue. =|

thumbs up spunkberry!

this is an interesting articles I must say.

hence the "nice guy" quotation marks. this is a generalized view of what the nice guys really are ... the doormats I call around here, the ones that cater to every whim and fancy of their girlfriends.

Yes I am bs3 strawberry.

This part I dont agree.The "hard luck" cases are the ones who needs 'nice guys'.
If not, you want to pair them with who?

But I dont think anyone has that mentality that by helping someone, the person will love him more.Anyone who thinks that way is an idiota.


I have to say something cos you struck a nerve.
During highschool, I fell for a girl with a phobia for rain.

Shes cute,sweet, smart, and polite, but when its rain, shed cry( it was something traumatic in her childhood )
Due to this, she wont go to school if its rain,
and she will be 'missing' if it ever rain when shes in school
(the teachers knew, I went through a lot to know about it)

Dating her was hard with her overprotective family and all
I was so serious about our relationship, that Id refer to her father as my father in law to my friends
I went as far as reading books to help her

But in the end, I couldnt help her, and decided to let her go
cos I cant stand watching her cry everytime its raining.
I mean, I could be by her side and lend her a shoulder everytime,
we could live somewhere where it doesnt rain(yup, I thought about things so far ahead..lol)
but when her pains become your pain, its really hard


Now, my question is,
is a nice guy for her or not?

Is she better off with a person not caring about her enough that can stand watching her cry everytime?

Or a person like me who CANT stand her condition and wishes to help her in any way possible?
(ppl like me, later sure cant tahan watch her suffer, then leave her broken-hearted )

But we all know, the BEST person for her is THAT "nice guy", who can both stand her conditions even though it pains him,
and tries his best to cure her.


TL,DR:
Hard luck cases are where the nice guys are needed.You wont survive if you're not "nice" enough.

she doesn't need a nice guy. she needs to get over that fear. Her issues aren't anybody's to handle except herself. if her phobia drives every guy away, then that's her problem not his.

.....so the point is, u need to balance being a douche and a nice guy?

cant believe that i actually feel better after reading this article...wow!

It sounded more like asking the guys to just get over their own insecurities. There is nothing wrong in being nice to the girl that you like. Whether she will interpreted it as a good will from you or not is another story.

Heck, the title "nice guys" sound a bit misleading.

This post has been edited by spitfire111: Oct 16 2010, 12:13 PM

+1000000000

quote from family guy:

"women like it when we treat them like crap dont they?"

hahah, somehow, i think that applies here. not really like crap, but u know what i mean.. hopefully

typical close minded person.
doctor also cant help.
if its so easy, shed already over it.

just try put yourself in her shoes la.early childhood already went something so traumatic.
you think she didnt try to be brave?
ppl like her la the ones who try to show that they are brave, cos some things are just out of their control.
she tries hard, every day of her life, and it really shows

just imagine
you have a really effing good photographic memory,
everytime rain, your worst nightmare flashes vividly before you, and tears will flow.
being reminded of the worst part of your life is one thing, and then theres ppl around staring at you and wonder "wtf?".

just so you know, youre the kind of person that makes ppl like her have a hard time.
shes good looking, smart, this one weakness she have, and ppl like you shoot her.

If she's ugly and not smart, I cant imagine.

I guess some ppl are unsympathetic and only can relate to someone else's problem if it were his/hers

This article only proves that my theory is becoming a more logical path... lol!

Men should learn to behave that relationships and sex are secondary needs rather than behaving as though "no gf = failure"...

Men should focus in a career and get proper education to enhance himself... Let's face it, even you get a b**** and she divorces you and runs away with your money, you'd still have a career and education to rely on to build yourself up...

I posted this because I believe there needs to be a balance...

This post has been edited by Flaming_lion: Oct 16 2010, 02:16 PM

I had an epiphany after reading this. Thanks for sharing.

Y the source of the article was not credited?

http://www.heartless-b****es.com/rants/nic.../niceguys.shtml