is us man fate will be like this to the end?

The unspoken rule is.... women tend to date up. Meaning, men whose perceived status is higher than theirs. Or at least equal.

Often this comes down to money or financial potential, confidence and substance.

You have to size up the girl that you're aiming for and figure out where you are in relation to her, unless you're lucky enough find her willing to date down (and even then you must watch out for signs later on that indicate that she has started to feel she had compromised her worth settling for a guy with a lower perceived status like you).

Beware of women who develop an inflated sense of self-value (i.e. narcissists & gold diggers) in order to get the high status men they want, unless you have the time, energy and resources to deal with her lopsided sense of demands vs rewards.

It'll be exhausting later on, even if you've reached a certain promotion, there's no telling if your partner will jump to the next best/better guy if he's more successful. It's a game of never ending race...

The point is to have enough potential financially to be able to enjoy a relationship and have a future with her. Don't be a broke ass dude.

True she might still jump to the next guy with a better job - if she decides to monkey-branch or be a gold digger, there's nothing in the world that you can do about it. You'll gain nothing focusing too much on things that are outside your control, it's always better to focus on what's within your control so that you can have contingency plans. In this case, if you're financially OK then you can always attract another and learn to size her up better. Any loss you experience can therefore be mitigated.

Bear in mind that's just one aspect of you. There are the other stuff about yourself that you can invest in building up. If you have a good package overall, then it's always easier to find someone.

You have to keep building yourself up. Don't ever stop. Investing in yourself never goes to waste coz it'll keep paying dividends one way or another.

Unker will just share a simple tips how to get a girlfriend easier.

Especially if you are always rejected or friendzone.

The rules are really simple really.

Its all about sexual attraction.

A guy attract to a certain girl sexually. Because she have sex appeal. If there is no sexual attraction then the dude will just frenzone the girl.

A girl attract to a certain guy sexually. Because he have sex appeal. If theres no sexual attraction the girl will just frenzone the dude.

Since uni unker can already see. Those above average chicks, who do they flock to? They flock to those jocks. The rugby players. They come beside the field in groups and peacocking themselves to the boys.

It s about those physical dominance. The male bodygame. The bodies. I dont see the most brilliant, nerdiest fren in my engineering and IT dept get flocks by hot chicks.

Also women are quite funny with faces. I have few uni frens whose quite handsome. End up still didnt get any gf in all his uni years. Coz hes skinny like me during uni. Average height. Didnt gym, didnt play sports.

Contrast to some of those bigger/tough rugby players. Damn they look damn average/below average but still end up with among the prettiest girls in uni. Some even change a few gfs every few months. Women rate men physicality way higher than face.

I also try and get rejected by so many girls during uni. End up same foreveralone until working. Can try all those pickup artist skills and tactics all didnt work stillg et treated like shit.

My luck only get better when my weight naturally up from skinny/underweight to normal BMI. Yea managed to get some gf and ex gfs. Still got frenzone and reject too by some that still say im a bit too slim/skinny for them. They want someone bigger/more physically dominant.

They arent even lying. They tell me upfront what they want physically.

The minute u start to know thise girl ur interested and got to know each other. Her key question will be what sports did you do? Once you answer no i didnt do any sports/i dont do gym/workout you already fail hard in her subconscious mind.

Seriously. Just add gym workout routine in your daily life. No need to be so hardcore bodybuilder. Just workout minimum twice a week consistently will do. Also make sure ur BMI is normal to high normal.

You still need to open your mouth and socialize though. They arent coming automatically offering themselves to you. Just that you will dramatically reduce your chance from being frenzone or rejected.



This post has been edited by max_cavalera: Aug 14 2023, 07:58 PM

there are no exact rules to get the girl you wanted
however, if you want the better looking girl means you probably have to consistently make more than rm120k per year, that doesnt include the emotional compatibility for a long term partner.

As cliche saying, find a less attractive woman with great personality as your partner. And women should also be less greedy and settle for average joes. If you are influenced by social medias 'the outside moon is always rounder' mentality, you'll always feeling inadequate as a human being.

Semi uncle here, wanted to share some things that I've learned in the past.

First things first, there will always be exceptions. There will be people that can marry a rich partner, or find the hottest partner without much effort. Unfortunately that's not you, else you wouldn't be here looking for advise.

Now that we have that out of the way..

You need to improve your worth. There's a saying I read somewhere that really rings true - "don't ask how you can make girls fall for you, but ask how you can become a man that girls fall for". You can read all the strategies/pickup artist books all you want but it's not gonna be as effective as working on yourself. As you work on yourself and improve, so will your confidence and chances.

Things you should be working on:

1. Your fitness. You need to be in decent shape. No need to be Arnold, but being obese or super skinny is not attractive. This one damn easy. Go gym 2-3 times a week, pick a beginner workout and follow that. Diet wise just eat 10-20% more if you're skinny, 10-20% less if you're fat. As you become fitter you'll be more attractive. Uncle used to be 100kg++ obese af, eventually got down to 80kg and somewhat fit, the difference between attention I got was night and day.

2. Your appearance. You need to at least have basic grooming. Get a decent haircut, wash your hair - no girl likes oily hair, clean shaven unless u have a specific style in mind - the hamsap lou misai is not a good look. Wear clothes that fit decently, not too tight or too baggy. Best way to work on this? Ask your sis or female friend for their opinion.

3. Your social skills and communication. Some people have this naturally, if you don't then you need more practice. If you don't have a sister and don't have any female friends, then it's time to start making some. Mix more with females, talk more with them. Learn how to read signals, make conversation, make them laugh.

4. Your career/financials - You need to work on your career progression and have a long term plan in place. Get advise on here or reddit for your career or what you should do. Same with financials. You want to be earning more, know your budget and plan your investments so you can eventually afford a house and retirement. Even if you're not rich, as long as you are ambitious or have goals with a plan in place, that's good enough. The last thing a girl wants is a guy stuck in the same job for 20 years with no plans on own place while coming home to game 6h every night.

5. Your expectations - Specially for those guys with no gf before for a very long time. Uncle got friends who have been single for too many years and watch too much porn, kdrama and go ktv. Then when they meet girls they have no interest unless they are super hot because they already have super high standards. Don't be like them.

Questions I usually get:

"Why need to improve on appearance so much?" - Coz you want to look attractive for your partner just as you want an attractive partner. Take a pic of yourself, add long hair on the same body - would that be attractive enough for you to date if a girl looked like that?

"Why need to improve on social skills/communication?" - Because getting a girl is probably the easiest step, maintaining it is way harder. Marriage is even harder. Throughout your relationship there will be fights, arguments and other things. All of which can be resolved through good communication and trust between each other.

"Why need to improve on career/financials so much?" - If you spend 20+ years raising your daughter to be a great person how would you feel if the guy she's dating is passive as fuck and has no plans in life? Would you feel safe for her?

Some other tips:

"Aiyah why need to work so hard or self improve just for that hot chick?" Have you ever thought about how much effort girls put in to be/look great? They spend 10x more time and money for their skincare routine, grooming like hair removal, trim eyebrows, straighten/style their hair, keep up with fashion and shop for clothes that make them look great, work hard at their job, control their food/exercise to maintain their figure etc....then show up for a date and the guy is obese, oily hair, baggy clothes, bad breath, soaked with sweat, can't maintain an interesting conversation and can't stop staring at her body.

It's a numbers game. You want to find someone that has chemistry, the same goals/lifestyle as yourself and is attractive enough for you....it's not easy. So you need to start meeting and befriending girls, as many as you can. Tinder, clubs for your hobbies, through other friends, ex uni/classmates, outings etc. The more you meet the better, because you might find someone you like from there, or they might intro their friends to you.

Also, don't take rejections harshly. It's normal. No matter how much you like a girl, if she doesn't like you, you won't be together. On the flip side, no matter how much a girl likes you, if you don't like her, you also won't be together. Happens all the time. Uncle got rejected many times, but also rejected others before too.

Lastly, you can follow all the advise you want and it's possible you still won't be able to get that girl you want. It's normal. There is no guarantee. But you need to keep improving and keep trying so that when the next person that is perfect for you shows up in your life, you're ready.

Nice contribution.

Another point I want to add:





Couldnt be further from the truth.

I will add my true life experience encounter as well to show real example how unker fail miserably lots of time and how i success and maintain my 10 years marriage until now.

Gotta find the time to write very long. Will update soon.

This post has been edited by max_cavalera: Sep 12 2023, 05:01 PM

if you like her , tell her straight away or else she will straight away for another guy

how to get the girl you wanted?
It depends on
what you want (short/long term)
what she wants (culture/age group/family background/her past dating histories)

If you want an early 20s hotter female (short term casual relationship) it's better to be more polarising with your appearance and behavioral management

The more you live up to your experiences, the more you realize there's no binary explanation when it comes to anything in life.

If you're being authentic and true to your desires, people will automatically be drawn to you there's no need to constantly chase people. You attract people and things in your life because you're the pillars of strengths (fearlessness, certainty, mystery, amused mastery, nonchalance)

while insightful, this paints a picture that simplifies a much more complex human experience. You're right in saying that people should stop relying on external validation for their self-worth, but your dismissal of why this happens in the first place misses a crucial point: humans are wired to seek external approval.

It's not just peer pressure driving men (or women) to chase societal standards; it's evolutionary biology at play. We’ve evolved to compete for social status, resources, and mates, and part of that competition is about gaining approval from others. So yes, when guys are chasing “hot” women or trying to fit into some ideal, it’s not just because they’re weak-willed or confused about their needs—it’s because society has conditioned us this way, and biology amplifies it. Ignoring that won’t make the problem go away.

You talk about setting standards as if it’s a simple, linear process: figure out what you want, block out all the noise, and bam, problem solved. But it’s not that straightforward. People are social creatures, and they do care about what others think—not because they’re shallow, but because humans have evolved to value communal acceptance. The idea that "what other people think doesn’t matter" is idealistic at best and ignorant at worst. Social approval impacts everything from our job prospects to mental health. Pretending otherwise ignores basic human nature.

Now, let’s break down your argument that guys chasing "hot" women is a problem because it’s rooted in peer pressure. Sure, peer pressure exists. But guess what? Attraction is not purely a social construct. There's a biological and psychological element too. Men aren't chasing attractive women because of their friends—they're doing it because physical attractiveness has evolutionary roots. It’s how we’ve been programmed for thousands of years. Physical beauty, whether you like it or not, often signals health, fertility, and genetic fitness—traits that, biologically speaking, are desirable. So, setting standards is great and all, but the reason why physical attraction is important to many people is rooted in evolutionary biology, not just shallow societal standards.

But here's the real kicker: you talk about setting your own standards and not caring what people think, but let's not act like that's the end-all solution. The hard truth is that even if you know exactly what you want in life or in a partner, you’re still subject to the standards of others—including the women you’re interested in. You can’t escape external validation entirely because relationships are inherently about mutual selection. So sure, focus on what you want, but you’re going to have to improve and adapt to meet the standards of others too, especially if you’re seeking someone high in value. You say, “be prepared for a hard journey” if you want an attractive, intelligent, funny, loving, and loyal partner—that’s the reality. But don’t gloss over the fact that compromise is an unavoidable part of relationships.

You mention that once someone finds a partner who fits their criteria, outside opinions don’t matter. Again, nice in theory. But in reality, we live in a society where social opinions do affect people. There’s a reason why societal pressure can influence who we choose, whether we like to admit it or not. This is why even confident people feel that pang of doubt when someone says, “You can do better.” Humans are socially conditioned to seek validation from their in-group, and that’s not something you just turn off by deciding your standards. It’s a much more complicated, ingrained psychological process.

In short, your advice to focus on personal standards is good, but overly simplistic. You can’t just discard the influence of society, peer pressure, or biological imperatives. The challenge isn’t to ignore these forces but to navigate them intelligently—to find a balance between internal and external validation, and to recognize that attraction, standards, and self-worth are shaped by more than just personal willpower. It’s about self-awareness in the context of reality, not isolation from it.

Wow, this was written 14 years ago

Of course its going to be simplistic, its a forum. People write whole books on this topic

FYI, if you read properly, I'm not saying to external factors don't matter. It just shouldn't be the driving factor in your decision making, take it as input and weight them against your standards. You will have to adjust what those standards mean as you explore more and do more. Its an iterative process, but the point is to build it from within.

Take it as complement, a post 14 years ago still can draw such quality response.

This external validation parts, sometime works in a weird way. It is highly dependent on which group you belongs to. The "leader" group or "follower" group. Majority will falls under the follower groups. That's why seeing what other ppl do , the "leader" result have been set as the benchmark of reference for themselves to improve / validate.

Whereas, the leader "group", whatever they do, no one dare to question them as long as they deliver the desirable outcome.

Just take a example of such incident I witnessed.

A distance relatives (younger generation), not the leader group got married. The wedding receptions, the yi mah , gu poh, ah chu , ah kau complaint kau kau. Hosted many tables also complaint - not good enough, location not good enough ( even at air conditioned receptions hall), no tea ceremony - complaint. Just got thing to complaint la.

Versus

Also a distance relative( younger generation) - both doctors. Before married, the baby was born - ok, wor - no complaint !. Some more can get compliment. Do simple buffet style reception like ang moh's style at cafe, small reception. Relatives said bagus - role model, coz save money , smart couple.N tea ceremony- ok, rule can be bended. Food buffer style (so-so), all said bagus, no problem.

See the contrast of the treatment. If you belong to leader - F other ppl opinions, as long as you deliver the results, no one dare to criticize you. If you belong to follower group, you do what also ppl will comments. That is how cruel the world is but that is life & it is never about fairness.

It is more like the strong group will dictate the rules.

Your 14 years ago advice appear more to suite the leader group but can the follower group heed the advice & become the leader group, no one will know.

Leader/follower group doesn't matter. Many leaders are followers in a different arena.

So I don't quite agree with the analysis. In your example, I think it has more to do with the relationship with the relatives, which "status perception" can have an influence. I've seen the opposite of what you're saying happen as well. There are multiple factors involved, not so clear cut to say its a leader/following paradigm.

Typically, the biggest factor I see in how people accept things, is whether you yourself are confident in your decision. If we use your scenarios as an example. It could be the non-doctors tried their best to placate everyone, but in doing so came off as uncertain. So people will question their choices / decision.

While the doctor couple, probably being doctors are more decisive. They know what they wanted to do, and their thoughts and actions align. So even if people disagree, they have more respect for it and will follow.

The difference between a keyboard warrior and a womanizer is the ability to generate leads instead of debating whats attraction-comfort on forum. The social acuity and intuition is something that cannot be taught easily

Everyone knows how to be confident, but consistently able to execute so called plan is what makes a different standing out

I think tell her straight forward much better

Yeah Nice Share, Tq For Knowledge

Wahh.. not bad hor.. this topic hot until today. Never outdated..

there are nuances when it comes to getting the type of woman the man desired. So it can not be boring unless if he or she decides it's time to stop playing the field, so to speak

human psychology has always been interesting even though a lot of researchers have done studies on it

when you test it out on the field by yourself, its like playing a stimulator

Hahaha. Good one!