People change. The concept of the self changes invariably through the experiences a person lives through.

There is no such thing as a man or woman who is the same as before and will be the same in the future.

A lot of people measure themselves as who they are in the present. Who they are now, who they were before, is who they will always be. This is not true.

Perhaps if people understood the fact that nothing stays the same, not even themselves, then they would endeavor to steer their own destinies more, even if just in small, little ways.

Having standards includes having standards for yourself. There's always little things (if not big things) that a person can do to improve his abilities or quality of life or depth of experience.

If people thought like that, then the drive for positive change and dynamism would be as natural as breathing, as opposed to the ever prevalent need for comfort and the familiar.

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Added on August 1, 2009, 5:53 amWhen life isn't fair, sometimes you gotta grow a pair...



Never compromise on your wants and needs, never apologise for your desires.

This post has been edited by Dickson Poon: Aug 1 2009, 06:21 PM

I am basically trying to "so call improve myself" by being determine to "open up my mind in this respect" to learn some social skills as in "people dealing skills", "communication skills", and "interaction skills" as such... However, to be honest, it is (and it has been) an "uphill battle" for me as I am "simply just not" that type of person... But right now, my parents are placing an extreme amount of emphasis into my head on "Social Skills", "People Dealing Skills", "People Interaction Skills", and "Communication Skills" etc as such... They think that I am "Seriously Lacking" in this aspect, thus I MUST "Bark-Up" in this area... (Yeah, that is what my parents think.)

So right now I am just trying to 'Improve' myself in this area/aspect. Hmmm..., does this go against the theory/advice/suggestion (of this topic)?

This post has been edited by L33T_73: Aug 1 2009, 04:56 PM

We are social creatures, so social skills are important.

You have to look deep into yourself and decide why is it you're anti-social. Is it because you're insecure? Is it because you're depressed? Is it because you're afraid of what people think of you? There could be a myriad number of reasons, but you will have to find out what it is.

Types are not fixed. A person can change his self or life direction at any time as he discovers new things about himself and his environment. People change, people grow, but you have to be open to such changes and see if they fit who you are. Changes don't happen overnight.

In respect to your social learnings, I suggest you remove all expectations from it. Rather than do it because "it is good for you", try to enjoy the interactions for what it is. You may find that slowly and naturally you become more social. Everyone has their own "style", find yours.

It does not go against the theory/advice/suggestions in this topic at all.

I've spoken to a few introverts, most of them older, and they do tell me that learning social skills and even extroverted traits has actually helped them in many ways, even though they still prefer their own company and privacy most of the time.

These were men and women who pretty much had no parental or peer guidance in this area, so they had to learn and discover the importance of this need and ability for themselves.

Hmm, I'm curious though. How exactly are you learning social skills at the moment?
Which areas are you perceived to lack, and how are you addressing this?

P.S: Btw, I pretty much agree with everything that Silverhawk said on the matter.

This post has been edited by Dickson Poon: Aug 1 2009, 06:32 PM

perhaps the most obvious reason as to why I am rather anti-social today is in the following story >>

I used to be a social-beast last time, and that trait continued all the way into high-school... I made a lot of friends and have always liked to make friends and have friends... in fact, I was among the most popular of all in high school, among my peers and teachers and all... I placed priority on making friends and establishing relationships with them... well, it all went on that way until toward the end of my high school life...... where EVERYTHING played me out in the following order >>

NO. 1: I have seriously neglected my studies and have been sacrificing it all to all of my heavy socializing activities... (I have also been playing too much with my friends and all...)

NO. 2: I was seriously prank-ed at, made fun of, mocked at, jeered at, socially discriminated, and all toward the very last minute of my high-school life... Probably my friends were already getting fed up of me for being too popular among everyone else in the school (including being favoured and used as a good example by the teachers) and being a popular, humorous, and entertaining character to the girls and all... (Yup, my guy friends all started to gather together in unity to conspire against me; they wanted me OUT.) >> Thankfully I was still alive when I left high-school for higher-education later-on... (Which is where I am at present.)

The bottom-line, I have been bitten by it before, thus now I am very weary/careful of it all... At the stage of higher-education, I made myself very determine to focus on my studies very seriously this time, no more being the social beast, no more placing priority on making friends (to get into trouble again), to be serious, to be proper, to be attentive, and to stay out of trouble. >> So this is what I am today: Quiet and cautious of my surroundings..., to learn to listen more and talk less, to think before I speak (lest I offend people), to pay attention to the lectures, to avoid getting too involved (or at all) in activities not concerning my studies/education, to be on the safe side, to stay out of trouble, to avoid trouble, etc... As such... << (So all of these is where I am today, at present, currently...)

Anyway, I am getting very distracted by girls in higher-education at this very moment... Where the situation seems to demand that I become sociable with good people dealing skills and such... (yet I feel that I am not/no-longer that type/kind of person now.)

Right now, basically what I am doing is to "Stick to my Guns" and be "who I am/what I am" today. (On the other hand, I am also secretly working on my people-dealing skills inside - which is improved over and different from the version I had during high-school.)

You may be wondering why should I be having any problems in socializing and dealing with girls or anybody today, if I had been such a social beast during high-school:

The answers;

Firstly, I only impressed girls during high-school through my character, but never learned how to get into friendship nor relationship with any. TODAY, if I want girlfriend, I will have to LEARN how to get into friendship or relationship with girls (correct me if I am wrong).

Secondly, my high school social life caused so much consequences (racked so mush havoc) to my studies, and lead to such a bad - nasty ending that it has made me weary, careful, and cautious of socializing in college/university; the unpleasant - unforgettable event/experience and consequences of my social experience & social life during high-school has literally changed/alter my beeing and mindset. (It has basically taught me what to do, and what NOT to do; in higher-education life.)

Hence I am "somewhat" anti-social today at higher-education. (It is because of all those that has happened to me.)

I am basically now "Re-Learning" how to socialize, how to deal with people, how to interact with people, how to communicate with people etc as such, and (finally something new) how to get into friendship and relationship with girls.

BTW, I am really learning a lot from this topic/thread.

Regards.

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Added on August 1, 2009, 7:47 pmThanks a lot.

Right now, basically, I am trying to learn and improve my social skills by "Opening up my mind and myself" to others out there (especially those in my institution such as my lecturers and group-members) and just try to talk to them, discuss with them, and (or) get involve etc... as such... (sometimes it requires a bit of effort, and it is that little bit of effort that I must be willing to ignite.) Very soon, it would be happening naturally and spontaneously!! (Then it is no longer a problem.)

This post has been edited by L33T_73: Aug 1 2009, 08:13 PM

Sucks to be treated as such by people who you would call friends. Still, its now obvious the social problems you have are due to fear, and not because its part of your character. You went from being too social to too anti-social. One extreme to the other. You need to find a balance, too much of anything isn't good for you.

I agree, that is why I am trying to strike a balance today; by trying to be more sociable.

G`luck mate Hope life takes a turn for the better for you.

Thank you, thank you.

but in this gene, hard to find virgin gal la.

Itu lu punya problem lor.

Leet 73, I think that you're on the right path. What you experienced in high school must definitely have been quite a shocker.

The most important thing is not to let that get you down. If those friends of yours had malicious intent, then their intention would be to forever change you in such a way.

I pretty much agree with everything Silverhawk has said but I'd like to add two more things:

1. Learn how to be a good judge of character. Not all people are equal, in character at least. The unworthy are not deserving of friendship.

2. It's more fun socialising when you're participating in an activity you like! When a group of people have a similar passion and interest then it becomes much easier to socialise. Who knows you might even make real friends! So go join an activity you're really interested in and talk to the people there.

Somehow my coursemates all damn passive one lo. I love sports. They don't even want to walk to the sports complex. Hence my passion for sports died on the spot. Along with a lot of other stuffs. Sad.

I don't feel like doing all of these stuffs alone tho. Now I will la, no choice I want to break free from this shithole.

Don't let driveless eunuchs affect you like that. Good choice to break free from their shithole clutches.

Try posting notices and meeting people at the sports complex itself? Who knows, if the staff there are friendly they might even help you out to find a team or summat. Then you no need to be alone oredi.

For what it's worth, +1. Short, concise and to the point.

people cant change. theres science in it. its in the BLOOD. GENES. DNA. CHARACTER. what u are at 3yrold is what u'll be at 80-chinese proverb.

the so-called 'change' is just being pretentious. admit it. Dont try to change for anyone. just be urself

Did somebody say genes and DNA?

Well, the environment affects GENETIC EXPRESSION.

People owe it to themselves to put themselves in dynamic environments and situations where they can bring out the best of themselves through experience and learning.

A man or woman does this, they'll get very far in life compared to a chode that doesn't do squat except "be himself".

The latter probably ends up as an aged video game nerd who lost his virginity to a hooker.

You're discounting that experiences can change a person a lot as it gives them different perspectives which they may not have seen before.

People can and do change, whether its for better/worse only they will know.

Anyway,just read the first post again.

Great thread,hawks.

Thanks.

Here's a short video I found very inspiring, that happens to be relevant to the topic at hand



This post has been edited by Dickson Poon: Aug 13 2009, 04:14 PM