QUOTE(silverhawk @ Aug 1 2009, 05:21 PM)
We are social creatures, so social skills are important.
You have to look deep into yourself and decide why is it you're anti-social. Is it because you're insecure? Is it because you're depressed? Is it because you're afraid of what people think of you? There could be a myriad number of reasons, but you will have to find out what it is.
Types are not fixed. A person can change his self or life direction at any time as he discovers new things about himself and his environment. People change, people grow, but you have to be open to such changes and see if they fit who you are. Changes don't happen overnight.
In respect to your social learnings, I suggest you remove all expectations from it. Rather than do it because "it is good for you", try to enjoy the interactions for what it is. You may find that slowly and naturally you become more social. Everyone has their own "style", find yours.
perhaps the most obvious reason as to why I am rather anti-social today is in the following story >>
I used to be a social-beast last time, and that trait continued all the way into high-school... I made a lot of friends and have always liked to make friends and have friends... in fact, I was among the most popular of all in high school, among my peers and teachers and all... I placed priority on making friends and establishing relationships with them... well, it all went on that way until toward the end of my high school life...... where EVERYTHING played me out in the following order >>
NO. 1: I have seriously neglected my studies and have been sacrificing it all to all of my heavy socializing activities... (I have also been playing too much with my friends and all...)
NO. 2: I was seriously prank-ed at, made fun of, mocked at, jeered at, socially discriminated, and all toward the very last minute of my high-school life... Probably my friends were already getting fed up of me for being too popular among everyone else in the school (including being favoured and used as a good example by the teachers) and being a popular, humorous, and entertaining character to the girls and all... (Yup, my guy friends all started to gather together in unity to conspire against me; they wanted me OUT.) >> Thankfully I was still alive when I left high-school for higher-education later-on... (Which is where I am at present.)
The bottom-line, I have been bitten by it before, thus now I am very weary/careful of it all... At the stage of higher-education, I made myself very determine to focus on my studies very seriously this time, no more being the social beast, no more placing priority on making friends (to get into trouble again), to be serious, to be proper, to be attentive, and to stay out of trouble. >> So this is what I am today: Quiet and cautious of my surroundings..., to learn to listen more and talk less, to think before I speak (lest I offend people), to pay attention to the lectures, to avoid getting too involved (or at all) in activities not concerning my studies/education, to be on the safe side, to stay out of trouble, to avoid trouble, etc... As such... << (So all of these is where I am today, at present, currently...)
Anyway, I am getting very distracted by girls in higher-education at this very moment... Where the situation seems to demand that I become sociable with good people dealing skills and such... (yet I feel that I am not/no-longer that type/kind of person now.)
Right now, basically what I am doing is to "Stick to my Guns" and be "who I am/what I am" today. (On the other hand, I am also secretly working on my people-dealing skills inside - which is improved over and different from the version I had during high-school.)
You may be wondering why should I be having any problems in socializing and dealing with girls or anybody today, if I had been such a social beast during high-school:
The answers;
Firstly, I only impressed girls during high-school through my character, but never learned how to get into friendship nor relationship with any. TODAY, if I want girlfriend,
I will have to LEARN how to get into friendship or relationship with girls (correct me if I am wrong).
Secondly, my high school
social life caused so much consequences (racked so mush havoc) to my studies, and lead to such a bad - nasty ending that it has made me weary, careful, and cautious of socializing in college/university; the unpleasant - unforgettable event/experience and consequences of my social experience & social life during high-school has literally changed/alter my beeing and mindset. (It has basically taught me what to do, and what NOT to do; in higher-education life.)
Hence I am "somewhat" anti-social today at higher-education. (It is because of all those that has happened to me.)
I am basically now "Re-Learning" how to socialize, how to deal with people, how to interact with people, how to communicate with people etc as such, and (finally something new) how to get into friendship and relationship with girls.
BTW, I am really learning a lot from this topic/thread.
Regards.
Added on August 1, 2009, 7:47 pmQUOTE(Dickson Poon @ Aug 1 2009, 06:28 PM)
It does not go against the theory/advice/suggestions in this topic at all.
I've spoken to a few introverts, most of them older, and they do tell me that learning social skills and even extroverted traits has actually helped them in many ways, even though they still prefer their own company and privacy most of the time.
These were men and women who pretty much had no parental or peer guidance in this area, so they had to learn and discover the importance of this need and ability for themselves.
Hmm, I'm curious though. How exactly are you learning social skills at the moment?
Which areas are you perceived to lack, and how are you addressing this?
P.S: Btw, I pretty much agree with everything that Silverhawk said on the matter.
Thanks a lot.
Right now, basically, I am trying to learn and improve my social skills by "Opening up my mind and myself" to others out there (especially those in my institution such as my lecturers and group-members) and just try to talk to them, discuss with them, and (or) get involve etc... as such... (sometimes it requires a bit of effort, and it is that little bit of effort that I must be willing to ignite.) Very soon, it would be happening naturally and spontaneously!!
(Then it is no longer a problem.)
This post has been edited by L33T_73: Aug 1 2009, 08:13 PM 
Jul 31 2009, 10:23 PM
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(Yeah, that is what my parents think.)
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