Now that's the best free gifts I ever heard.
My tl;dr review, got slight spoiler, so your risk.
I still can't fathom what my parents were thinking that time. Why bought GI Joes videotapes for me to watch ?
GI Joes : A Real American Heroes was chocked full of US propaganda against the Communist during at the peak of the Cold War. The display of how the Joes defied gravity and common sense with their brain, brawn and almost superhuman acts to thwart any evil attempts by the Cobra, a terrorist organization in the cartoon.
And at the end of the day it was all out fun and tried-and-tested good VS evil theory.
Ironically, in my eyes, it was the Cobra that actually steals the Joes' show. Hasbro keep on churning out various kind of Cobra armies and vehicles that can make even a staunch Joe supporter to mutter "cool". Face it, evil is way f***ing cooler than the self righteous dickheads. HISS Tank rocks !!!
Hell, without Tomax & Xamot, there's no Longcat and tacgnol meme.
Fast forward to 2008. When official posters reveal the live action GI Joes : Rise of Cobra, not every Joes were happy about the changes Hollywood made. As for me, I been there before, with Micheal Bay's Transformers live action movie, so it was not a problem for me. This movie was on a jinx run, as false rumor in interweb spread that the director, Stephen Sommers, got fired on the spot during post-production for how suck the movie was and Paramount was already pushing the panic button as the preview for general audiences did not get satisfying result, some walked off the preview in (nerd)rage.
All was 7 or 8 months ago.
With the toyline hit the shelves last month, the promotion was a go and it couldn't be halted, with the movie premiered finally yesterday, and with me already watched it just afternoon, how was it ? How did it fare ? Was it suck as the early previewers had experienced ?
It was all lies.
GI Joe : Rise of Cobra is a well-paced roller coaster ride. When it starts it won't stop and you couldn't go out to toilet for pee to miss out all the action.
Synopsis : The movie kicks start with history of the McCullen clan, and how Sir McCullen was sentenced to wear iron mask for eternity for his so called treachery against France, as he sold weapons and armours to both sides. Fast forward to present, the decesdent of Sir McCullen, James McCullen, now a head of MARS industry, demonstrates the nano mites, while a mysteries general looks on.
Duke and Ripcord were assigned on an escort mission to transfer the nano mites to a destination but got assault by an unknown armies which kill all squad except the 2 noobs, until GI Joes show up with Snake Eyes, Scarlett and Heavy Duty intercept the assault and make the unknown invaders to retreat. Duke reeling from his confusion as during the assault he saw Baroness, whom happen to be related to him in the past. To solve the mysteries, he and ripcord dedicate to join the Joes to find out and reveal the sudden assault on their escort. This is where the epic adventure begins.
Overall, the actions are pretty well paced and didn't left the audience confused with shakey cameras and too up closed shots. You experience as if you are flying around watching the actions wander their course, which was a good thing. The CGI isn't as bad as most people make out, sure it is not ILM that good, it is passable and still good to enjoy.
As for the actors and actresses, they pulled it off nicely. Dennis Quaid as General Hawk makes me happy, as i feel he always got overlooked for his talent and manliness

~~. Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans as Conrad Duke and Ripcord respectively are the star of the show, as Duke provides seriousness while Ripcord cool it with his sense of humour, which fortunately doesn't dent the whole show unlike Revenge Of The Fallen's teenage innuendo overdose. Ray Park (Darth Maul dude !!) as Snake Eyes does some serious kung fu moves along with Lee Byung-hun as Storm Shadow, GI Joes famous Arashikage ninjas.
As for the women ? Sienna Miller as Baroness is just hot. At least she is way more useful than Megan Fox. Baroness not only show tits, she blasts you away before you can finish "Bow chika bow wow". Rachel Nicols as Scarlett also not bad, and on par with Baroness with her booty and wits.
As for the Doctor aka Rex Lewis, which he reveals himself as the commander, was just like any other previous Cobra Commander, sinister and insane. Hope to see more of him in the sequel, and change the mask please.
The movie itself also gives notes to past GI Joes cartoon, like "Knowing is half of the battle", "They never gives up" and "Kung-fu grip". Corny ? Depends, if it is used at right moment it does't sound bad at all, and they pull it through.
Yes I admit I don't like the costumes for Neo Vipers, like movie Starscream, you have to see them move to see how cool they are. Ruthless, obedience and powerful when injected with nano mites, these guys show no pain and get the job done, even with their bodies on fire.
Cameo by some actors, especially Brendan Fraser and Jonathan Pryce (the allies general in Red Alert 3) is quite sneaky. Arnold Vosloo as Zartan also mark his return to spotlight in acting. All I can say is there's a lot of stars which act in The Mummy with Stephen Sommers. Larry Hama, the father of GI Joe stories, also made a well deserved cameo in the movie, watch out for him early part, google his face if you have to.
Finally, how do I sum it up ? Does it rape everyone's childhood ? f*** no. It is an acedemy award potential ? Nope. Is it as bad as the false rumour said it? Of course not. GI Joe : Rise of Cobra deserve a praise for its well paced action and light humors, which surprisingly mixed well.
Go watch it, cause reading reviews is only half of the battle.