So these ex gfs are religious.

Snce u say its them, then I can say that you are not very and are more open to premarital sex?

Next question: How long ago was the relationship with the last gf?

Ok, lemme analyse in quote for clarity. Btw, you can multi quote and reply in 1 post instead of spamming many in a row.

I don't see anything wrong with a checklist, especially in the older dating landscape. Time is a much more valuable resource as you age.

Example of a single person at different age:

Young
⬆️ Energy
⬆️ Time
⬇️ Money/Resources
Lots of energy to explore and do a lot of everything. Lots of time to spare as you explore and have less commitments.

Old (retired)
⬇️ Energy
⬆️ Time
⬆️ Money/Resources
You earned a lot. Probably lonely because parents gone, some friends gone or sick, some with families. You have a lot of time to waste, but not so much energy to go far for long.

Middle
⬆️ Energy
⬇️ Time
⬆️ Money/Resources
Career is your main focus as you work harder to rise or even stay afloat. Aging parents may require your commitment. You have strong long term bonds with some friends, there's a lot of socialising to do... If only you have time.

This is where the 30s-40s ladies are. They have no time for incompatible men and/or incompetent bums. It's no wonder they go straight for the portfolio like a job interview, crossing out candidates who missed the mark. Some people have longer checklists than others, so they end up where they are: single until middle/old age. For me, I strongly advocate having a small but uncompromising checklist e.g. desire for kids, (non-) smoking, (non-) gambling, harmonious/functional family... The idea is to have a good foundation so you don't have to waste your own precious time trying to change someone you can't accept as-is, while embracing his/her potential for the future.

How are you judging your candidates? You've only focused on the reasons you're rejected, but I'm curious to hear why you reject others.

On a similar note, I'd like to see your dating profile to see how you're projecting yourself, if you don't mind. Please redact personal details and cover your neck and upwards for your own security/privacy.

To be clear, it doesn't have to be a "badmouthing session". We're all humans with quirks and flaws, some quirks are cute to some while others may find them annoying.

Continuing from above, those 30s-40s ladies are generally people also looking to build long term relationships. Let's not kid ourselves: nobody wants to take care of a dead weight. So more often than not, people want to see what you can offer to a relationship.

Some "tick and tact game" I think are normal could be:
If you don't cook and won't wash, then why expect me to do both? Maybe it works if you'll wash the toilet or do some other chores..

My point is, a healthy relationship is fair. Both parties give and take in a way they're happy and feel reciprocated. It's never a strict 50/50 in every aspect and each couple will find their way to fit each other like a jigsaw puzzle with jagged edges.

I don't disagree with your idea of curiosity and kindness, but I would find it shallow and idealistic if you expect only that and no reciprocation. For example, I would diss women who expect men to pay all the time. I would also diss men who expect women to cook and do all the chores. In modern society, both genders work and earn so it's fair to say both must contribute monetarily.

What do you really expect, if not reciprocation? You want to always give? Or always take?

I find it strange someone would judge you for not having sexual history. Who told you these? If it's your circle of friends, I'd re-evaluate them...

Not sure if there's any context behind the labels, for now I don't completely disagree with those statements. I think your notion of a good date or relationship, is idealistic, or one can say, optimistic. I believe in a healthy dose of calculations to keep tabs between couples' "given and taken", in order to keep one's own inner justice in check. So if there's emotions of imbalance, it's a lot easier to identify where that unfairness stems from. I'm sure you've heard of experiments about fairness -- it is in our instinct/nature to demand fairness/equity.

Perhaps the younger ones don't know what they want yet. For example, me in my 20s I used to say looks don't matter. It took me one dating app experience to learn otherwise - picture looked bad but conversation on text was good. My guts said no but I went against it and met him. I was appalled by his unkempt look and even gave him one more chance to confirm my own negativity AND requested him to improve his looks. It wasn't much better, I had to learn to say no to a really kind and quiet person who was clearly into me, it was kinda painful.

Just saying, 30s-40s people probably experienced enough, got hurt enough, some even have their defenses up. The defense mechanism can manifest in their biases or cynicism. They see some familiar traits of their exes, they immediately correlate to some bad past events and cross things out.

You must have some battle scars yourself, so I wonder what's your defenses... For now, I see you're quite focused on deflecting "accusations" or labels against you. That may hinder your ability to self introspect.

Are these in your dating profile? Curious

Now, I'm not sure how much thoughts you put into it; I'd suggest maybe take a 3rd person view of your whole day on a weekday and weekend, from day to night. Evaluate your own emotions, reactions and actions to the events. E.g. what if you spilled your coffee? Broke a plate?
Change perspective: What if your partner did those instead?

For example, my cleanliness standard is higher than my bf and I noticed some mess he left at home. In time I developed a bias and would often jump to conclusions whenever I see some mess, "Aish again". Eventually we had a big argument and he made me realise that bias I had, so now I learn to withhold that bias and point less fingers, meanwhile he tries to clean up after himself a bit more.

Tbh some of your description of these 2 traits don't match the stereotypes in my head. In those context, immaturity to me is:
- bad finances like YOLO
- bad planning
- casual hookups

I do checklist too.

Perhaps you can tell us what went wrong with your previous relationships so we can better evaluate and help you? Do you have trouble showing your vulnerable side because everything you say seems to be "massaged" like you're writing a company resume. Just an observation.

if I follow reddit women standard, your first paragraph already answered why you are single. I dunno about the standard in Malaysia though.

For 40, please stop thinking about married n baby as you do not want to work until you forget wake up!

My advice for you is just spend your time n money with under 21 female.

Enjoy!

Where to find these under 21 females who want to hang out with 40 yo guys?

A lot!

Important you must have money + power.

1. Male 50 (Uncle Ex Minister of Health), Female 18.
2. Male 57 (CTO in listed company), Female 40.
3. Male 49 (HOD), Female 35.
4. Male 51 (HOD), Female 35.

As our friend is 40, to get 21 years old gf I don't think is hard.

To make sure 101% happen!
1. Money
2. Gym
3. Flower + Sweet Talk
4. Flash car
5. Flash house

With 1 to 5 n not happen, please let me know. I let my daughter married him.

or not taking accountability, cannot admit they're wrong, etc.

He already exhibited that behavior in his first post, and confirmed it several times

Bro, you have my respect if you are virgin + true from heart want to keep it for your future wife!

I know another girl who are virgin also at the age of 42, did you want to know her please?

On other hand, her plan is married and look for someone willing to spend on her. (Family with firearm, no joke.)

She not looking AA type of guy.

Bro, last time you say you have STD, now you are virgin!

You are "JOKER"!!!!

I never say anything about STD. That's mystery. You got the wrong user.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Oct 5 2025, 09:20 AM

Well, a childish person wouldn't know they're childish themselves, because the realisation would allow changes to happen.

For TS case, I don't wanna jump to conclusions first lol cuz I feel there's more to find out like his personal experiences.

Anyhow, I think it is easier to explain clearly to TS, or at least I find your replies a bit too abstract la. After all, he is asking for blind spots evaluation so whatever we say may be a blind spot itself. Hopefully TS will process my essay so that we can continue.

Immature == unrealistic expectations?

What I’m looking for
A long-term, committed relationship aimed at eventually settling into family, built on kindness, laughter, and sharing everyday moments. No rush. What matters is mutual respect, clear communication, and showing up for each other in life’s big and small moments

What I’m looking for
Warm, respectful, low-drama partner who wants long-term and teamwork. (And no, I’m not looking in clubs.)

If plan to hv family aka kids, big chunk of women above 35yo are not suitable

If looking for low drama partner, lady below 28yo that still hv dream knight might not suitable

You might want looking for lady btw 28 to 35 who eager to get married and hv more realistic expectations on spouse. Those ladies likely hv multiple relationship before and come with emotional baggage. U would need to expect comparison with their ex is norm

Btw, engineer social circled are quite limited. Most engineers hv career and money but lacks of time. Would joining more social events help to get more potential leads?

TS listen to the hawk. He is like always right in these matters.

My advice is just go date more, serious or not. You will need all the experience and skills when u actually found the right one, then you won’t stutter or be clueless. Courtship is a skill not pure vibes shown on TV. Either you know or don’t when you are in the game.

Also, you have many problems with your pattern. As pointed out by others

If you have a blind spot, and I point our the blind spot to you, but you refuse to see it and act like that spot doesn't even exist and change the topic.. is it still a blind spot?

TS likely has another condition he may not be aware of, and I suspect he has it.

Thanks for the vote of confidence

Nice. Come I date u. I need tips to be young at heart.