If you have followed my previous thread where i was struggling whether to reconcile or divorce - so this is final and i have divorced and back to single life again (back to the market) hahaha..

So i've known this girl from my previous company (my ex colleague). She is still single and we have been connecting quite well (already know her before my divorce). I would not say we had a fling during that time and I always a BIG BORTHER amongst the group, and to her also.

She was one of the first to person to know that i will go for a divorce, and we did hang out occasionally like in cafes - no any romantic dates so far. BUT, there's once i offered to pick her up from airport from her trip and she agreed, we then had lunch and I sent her home.

Throughout this period and i always felt we had chances to build a deeper connection until one day, she sent me a "STOP TEXT" that says she only ever saw me as a big brother, and asked me to reciprocate from my divorce.

I accepted the "rejection" and stopped contacting her for a month. Recently, I tried asking her for a dinner she agreed for meet up. During the meet up, the vibe was super casual and normal - we chat, laughed and enjoyed the moment, as if the stop-text was never a thing. After the meet up, things gone slow again.

In short, I know i have been "bro-zoned", and i may have been over-thinking all these while. And i know my divorcee status may have pulled her back as well cos she did mentioned that my divorce was still fresh, when i was jokingly saying I'm back to single now.

What puzzles me:

- If a girl does not like you, or only treat you as a bro - will she ever let someone to pick her up from airport, and let you send her home?
- If the stop-text was final, she still agreed to meet up, and treat the text was not ever sent (i prepared that it will be an awkward meet-up)
- Getting close > Reject > Reconnect > Avoidant

In anyway, I'm trying to moved on from her and meeting someone new. Deep down, the mixed signals are still lingering.

Share with me your view on this situation

UPDATE:
Expressed to her my feelings for her is still there for after the first rejection. And yet she replied almost the same, so another rejection. I'm all done with her now. Tried whatever I can by giving her space, hang out as casual friends, no expectations, etc., ended up in the same outcome.

By the way, myself and our peers confirmed she is more or less a relationship virgin (like for 33 years). So she may be afraid and already shut down for good to get into a relationship, OR maybe she is a Bisexual kinda girl - as i do not see she's been hanging out with guys at all.

Whatever it is, I'm closing her off and she need to be gone for good. I muted her IG stories and no more contacts, so that someone new can come into my life.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Aug 24 2025, 11:19 PM

There are girl don't mind letting u know their address and become her driver since it was convenience for her. Be careful since she accuse you as stalker and get you arrested anytime she wanted to. Move-on asap to establish yourself already moved on from her to everyone. Not all girl take well their bro/friend zone people moving on from them

I can only assume she just see you as friend or bro, hence still the trust and let you send her home.
I mean on her POV, if someone I trusted offer me a free ride, why not?



Same. I can only assume she says stop on further relationship only but would like to remain as friends.

Just move on la bro, atleast you are lucky as in she already gave you a clear sign by sending a stop text meaning she already doing her part on informing you officially that just be friends.

Unlike some poor fella I saw just getting used with free benefit in mind then getting dumped in the end...Without a single message and getting hang in the air like that...

Yup. I have male friends that I'll send/fetch to/from the airport and vice versa. Close friends, nothing more than that. Usually we will "pay back" by helping to buy some duty free gifts or belanja makan or something. I don't see what's wrong with allowing a close male friend to pick me up from the airport and send me home.

Stop text was to tell you to back off and that she doesn't see you like that, cause you might have been pursuing her romantically. Not everyone defaults to enemies or strangers after a rejection. It's fine to still be friends, even close friends. If both are mature enough, you guys can still have a fulfilling long term friendship. She's mature enough for that, and she even drew the line clearly for you so you know where you stand in her eyes.

Just a deduction - you may have unintentionally made her feel like she played a part in your divorce.

Even if that’s far from the truth, she might quietly wonder: If she had never known you, would things have turned out differently with your ex?

For a woman who values clear moral boundaries or is cautious about emotional entanglements, that kind of unspoken doubt can weigh heavily — not because she feels guilty, but because she doesn’t want to be seen as the reason a marriage ended, even indirectly.

100% agreed and spot on. I'm pretty sure she would think of this and hence the pulled back.

i believe she was also considering you previously, but then after you divorced you really seemed more eager to hangout with her?
made her pause and think, and sorry to say she decided not to pursue forward and only be friends.

why? well, you just got divorced. still too early to jump into another serious relationship. ever heard of rebound gf/partner? she obviously dont wanna be a temporary/rebound partner.

after some time, when you are more level headed (in terms of relationships) then i think you might have a chance.
She might not wanna be a rebound partner, hence she pulls away now. because she wants a serious long term relationship, and i believe you have a better chance then.

also, after the "stop text" she still go out see you? well simple, she already say she sees you as friend.
she doesnt want you to proceed being close to her if you want to be more than friends.
you proceeding to invite her out shows that " OK, i understand your "stop text" and i agree with being just friends and not to proceed further ".

Because i believe she values the friendship, and if u dont pursue more, she is OK with being friends if u ok with being friends.

You can still break out of friendzone if you were not decently charismatic in the past. Whether it is post or pre divorce life it doesn't matter much as long as the girl can rationalize being with you

you want to cultivate a firm mindset and right sets of actions when interacting with women

they don't want a wishy washy guy
If you like her more than a friend, try to ask her back to your or her own place. The romantic or sexual interest is already clear

Not necessary "eager", as i know my divorce is still fresh, and i'm totally aware of this. Our meet up is like only once every two weeks, and casual texting (not day till night and not daily). I always been keeping the boundaries clear.

Yes, in the content of the stop text there is hidden sentence meaning "as a rebound", but i know i have fully let go and moved on from my past marriage, but words cant show her than actions. So, I accepted this and then we disconnected for a month. While we were disconnected, i do focus on myself and stay emotionally grounded.

When we met up recently, first she said was wow I looked different and noticed my shift of energy. In fact, i have always been ok and accepted to stay as friend, and let it be whatever life lead us (after the stop text).

I dont know when if my shift in energy (more emotionally grounded) makes her more confused now or may be even not want to be friend anymore, as she has not been replying (no double text from me).

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Jun 30 2025, 11:56 AM

go meet new girls je la

no point to be very close friend with a girl.
better look for 4th wife if want to be so close.

It's fine to have some close girl friends cause they will introduce you to her other female friends also

If you don't count in time and money putting onto maintaining a relationship with a female, it can be a great experience

TS

Women likes to keep their options open.

So should you.

Keep focusing on your personal development and recovery. Thats top priority.

Once a while chat with her and ask her out and hit on her.
You might get lucky. But also date other women and make sure she is aware that she is also an option.

Why do you keep texting this girl and seeing her every couple of weeks? Do you value her friendship? Or are you clinging to the hope that one day you will say or do the right thing, the stars and planets will align, and some cosmic force be it God, fate or karma will flip a switch in her heart and she will fall in love with you and both of you will live happily ever after?

a bit close can lh... 1 year, 1 time contact...

Well, likely this - that emotional hopes that lingers.

Maybe we were just a mere friendship from the very beginning after all, and i over-think.

That may be the case for you, but good male/female friendships do exist for others.

This post has been edited by munkeyflo: Jun 30 2025, 02:19 PM

you make the move to see whether she's just friendship or something more. It's just this simple

Don't need to overthink

What’s your rush to quickly get another mate?

Use this free time to build yourself and body. Get jacked. Learn a new thing. Once you have the ’wow’ factor, she will be easily there when you least expect it.

Take it from me. I’m a divorcee too.

I'm not able to make any move as she is in avoidant mode now. Of course now i want to sit down, deep talk and speak the inner truth from both us. And just close our chapter and move on.


Yea, all the things to do that make your self occupied, self growth physically and mentally - been doing it. Ask yourself, always when there is a moment you will be all by yourself, and the loneliness kicks in. We used to have a partner (since you are a divorcee also) that stay by us all the time, and now you are all by your own.

Btw, i'm not rushing things, just i'm quite troubled by the relationship with her that seems to be OK at first, then reject, then reconnect, then gone cold again.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Jun 30 2025, 02:44 PM