If you have followed my previous thread where i was struggling whether to reconcile or divorce - so this is final and i have divorced and back to single life again (back to the market) hahaha..

So i've known this girl from my previous company (my ex colleague). She is still single and we have been connecting quite well (already know her before my divorce). I would not say we had a fling during that time and I always a BIG BORTHER amongst the group, and to her also.

She was one of the first to person to know that i will go for a divorce, and we did hang out occasionally like in cafes - no any romantic dates so far. BUT, there's once i offered to pick her up from airport from her trip and she agreed, we then had lunch and I sent her home.

Throughout this period and i always felt we had chances to build a deeper connection until one day, she sent me a "STOP TEXT" that says she only ever saw me as a big brother, and asked me to reciprocate from my divorce.

I accepted the "rejection" and stopped contacting her for a month. Recently, I tried asking her for a dinner she agreed for meet up. During the meet up, the vibe was super casual and normal - we chat, laughed and enjoyed the moment, as if the stop-text was never a thing. After the meet up, things gone slow again.

In short, I know i have been "bro-zoned", and i may have been over-thinking all these while. And i know my divorcee status may have pulled her back as well cos she did mentioned that my divorce was still fresh, when i was jokingly saying I'm back to single now.

What puzzles me:

- If a girl does not like you, or only treat you as a bro - will she ever let someone to pick her up from airport, and let you send her home?
- If the stop-text was final, she still agreed to meet up, and treat the text was not ever sent (i prepared that it will be an awkward meet-up)
- Getting close > Reject > Reconnect > Avoidant

In anyway, I'm trying to moved on from her and meeting someone new. Deep down, the mixed signals are still lingering.

Share with me your view on this situation

UPDATE:
Expressed to her my feelings for her is still there for after the first rejection. And yet she replied almost the same, so another rejection. I'm all done with her now. Tried whatever I can by giving her space, hang out as casual friends, no expectations, etc., ended up in the same outcome.

By the way, myself and our peers confirmed she is more or less a relationship virgin (like for 33 years). So she may be afraid and already shut down for good to get into a relationship, OR maybe she is a Bisexual kinda girl - as i do not see she's been hanging out with guys at all.

Whatever it is, I'm closing her off and she need to be gone for good. I muted her IG stories and no more contacts, so that someone new can come into my life.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Aug 24 2025, 11:19 PM

100% agreed and spot on. I'm pretty sure she would think of this and hence the pulled back.

Not necessary "eager", as i know my divorce is still fresh, and i'm totally aware of this. Our meet up is like only once every two weeks, and casual texting (not day till night and not daily). I always been keeping the boundaries clear.

Yes, in the content of the stop text there is hidden sentence meaning "as a rebound", but i know i have fully let go and moved on from my past marriage, but words cant show her than actions. So, I accepted this and then we disconnected for a month. While we were disconnected, i do focus on myself and stay emotionally grounded.

When we met up recently, first she said was wow I looked different and noticed my shift of energy. In fact, i have always been ok and accepted to stay as friend, and let it be whatever life lead us (after the stop text).

I dont know when if my shift in energy (more emotionally grounded) makes her more confused now or may be even not want to be friend anymore, as she has not been replying (no double text from me).

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Jun 30 2025, 11:56 AM

Well, likely this - that emotional hopes that lingers.

Maybe we were just a mere friendship from the very beginning after all, and i over-think.

I'm not able to make any move as she is in avoidant mode now. Of course now i want to sit down, deep talk and speak the inner truth from both us. And just close our chapter and move on.


Yea, all the things to do that make your self occupied, self growth physically and mentally - been doing it. Ask yourself, always when there is a moment you will be all by yourself, and the loneliness kicks in. We used to have a partner (since you are a divorcee also) that stay by us all the time, and now you are all by your own.

Btw, i'm not rushing things, just i'm quite troubled by the relationship with her that seems to be OK at first, then reject, then reconnect, then gone cold again.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Jun 30 2025, 02:44 PM

Yes and No for this. On this, she knew the whole reason and story behind my divorce. Yes - she might somehow feel insecure to build a a deeper relationship with me. I'm totally aware of this.

Maybe before the stop text was sent - the casual chats and hang outs would make her felt so, hence she built her inner defense wall i guess.

I did not confess to her. Let me clarify some thing here:

1) The airport pickup - She rejected my offer to pick her at first, only after my few attempts, only she agreed.
2) Casual meet up - She is not that kind of person where I ask her out, she would instantly agreed. Normally i need to ask few times only after couple of days, only we meet. All the bills we are on AA only.

I admit the act i did above may be a bit needy at times, and so i do slow things down and give her space by not contacting and pursuing her.

So i do not think she is taking me for granted as she set her boundaries pretty clear.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Jul 2 2025, 11:19 AM

Yea i admitted what i did in the past was too needy and overly intense, which scares her off.

Anyway, we have been recently reconnected and met for dinner. Now we just merely hanging out as a friend, no expectations and keep everything light and casual.

At least is good to restart everything as a normal friend, in fact I'm feeling better now too. No hard pursue, no expectations - just let everything flow as it is.

Thanks for your comment bro!

Yea i already accepted the rejection and I am at the road on moving on. Just saying during those period, I may have living on my own fantasy where she don't really reject me as a person, but the timing was just not right (the whole pre and post divorce thingy). I believed if my background/history is clean - not a divorcee, single guy, we would have worked it out.

Just my siok sendiri feeling ya.. anyway thanks all and I'm moving on, no relationship expectation and just staying connected as a normal friend

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Jul 7 2025, 04:39 PM

If my next partner is the right one, and she is open for family plan - yes, i will go for second marriage.

Sorry to hear that bro. Yea at least you have a companion or partner that will take care of you when you needed them.

This is in contrast to others where they said they enjoy being single. In reality, every human needs to be feel loved or care. Somemore, a divorcee like us where we were so used to have a partner, and now back alone. That feeling is never good, and only time and maybe a new partner will get over it.

Whilst I got divorce when I'm hitting my prime. So i tell myself this is her loss, not mine. And the same been knowing my ex wife for a decade too, but she or maybe us can just changed just as when she will.

Like how my previous started - If our marriage has kids, things MAY be different, maybe only but it's all over and moved on now.

Been struggling with the new girl in my post, and yet another disappointment. This is all my love mid life challenge crisis. Reciprocating now and building myself back by next year to welcome the right one for me.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Aug 24 2025, 11:06 PM

Yea.. at least i got the closure i need, rather than keep guessing and waiting. I've learnt that a relationship is mutual, if a girl is interested with you, it will be.

I'm actually feeling more relieved after this closure, meaning the "pursue and hope" finally came to an end, and back to market again when I'm ready.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Aug 25 2025, 07:17 PM

Got it bro..

But my case was a lil different if you can recall how me and her actually knowing each other before - where I'm still married, then divorced, then back to single, then getting close with her, and then ended. She is not like someone i met for a short while, then decided to pursue and go-after-her after kinda straight forward situation.

Btw just to share with you - I got to know from our close peer that she actually told her that we have been hanging out (though i tot all of our meet up were made discreet), didnt managed to korek more from the peer but she did mentioned to her that "she has some concern" about us (likely either my divorce is still quite fresh, or i'm a divorcee). Yet, the peer did not ask me to move on from her (assuming if she's not interested with me, she will just tell her that i have no chance).

Whatever it is, there's already a closure, accepting that she is not interested in me but value our friendship more than a romantic relationship.

Anyway, I really appreciate all of your comment and i take this as a life lesson, and to be a better self for my next one.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Aug 26 2025, 02:39 PM