The guys who have issues with that reality, is their ego eating at them. Because traditionally and societal norm it is expected that the guy bring the dough.

As a guy I feel if my wife makes significantly more than me, I can be the house husband.

If friends, family, even random people say to my face “oh so you’re living off your wife, eating soft rice, eating slipper rice”

I will proudly answer yes, my wife is capable and she is happy to serve me soft rice on a slipper. Got anybody wanna let you eat slipper rice?

Simply because if my wife is that capable, I’d be hella proud and let everyone know.

Your husband is reaping the benefits of your higher salary yet his ego is having an issue accepting it. End of the day when 2 people are together the biggest issue is unmet expectations. Clearly he expects you to pay more yet at the same time conflicting expectations of actually accepting it. If you know your husband ego besar, just praise him on other things lah. Say some praises cost nothing and makes everybody happy.

Money doesn’t change a person. It just amplifies who you already are.

If you’re an a55. Money just makes you a bigger one. Likewise with nice generous people. They just become more generous.

The woman already feel she can do better than (settling for) the man. When she is more successful she just feel she has more resources to choose. That’s all.

Ask Zero Correlation would she leave her husband if she were to make 10x more money tomorrow? I doubt it. And if she wanted to leave him but haven’t, then the money just enables her to do so.

I think the question is - Why did the husband did not do as well

If it is because he chose a noble cause in life and pursuing career based on his passion; eg: participate in Doctors without border, work for gov hosp although could come out to be specialist in private hospitals because he can help more people - I cannot imagine the wife not being supportive, both emotionally and monetary wise; or the husband is in gov service and couldn't go far because he has integrity and refused to take bribes or do whatever the boss demands so he can be promoted.

But if he didn't make much because he refused to put in effort and do the best he can in his career, then is it so wrong that the wife lose respect? Especially if the wife tries to advise him on how to progress and go far in his career

Of course, on the flip side, if the wife is willing to do whatever to make more $$$, obviously it's not going to work well even in the first category I just described

Maybe there's some ego in it, but I think it's much more than that.

So how will you treat your partner in your date nights? Sure we can flip the genders and say it's same as housewives receiving allowance from husband, and they can allocate an amount to treat their partner on special days.

It's very common to assume you can accept certain things until you're really in that position. I used to think I'd be okay to be the breadwinner when I saw him earning less even after working lots of overtime, but his argument convinced me:
- my bf likes to pamper me, he feels happy doing that
- I like to be pampered too
The dynamic just won't be the same if I give him money for him to give me back, because I prefer to save money and tell him he's spending too much on me. If he receives less money then he would lose the freedom to splurge on me because I would then cut the allowance (and it'd probably become a tug of war where he further skimps on himself in unhealthy ways just to spend on me).

In the end, each couple has different viewpoint on money/finance. I'll admit it's easier to go with the flow / societal norm for now, because there's already so many past couples who did that and it worked (hence, the norm). Maybe that will change later, say if we have kids then the dynamics will change a lot, it might make sense to have a housewife/househusband especially if the time spent on earning the paycheck can be better used to take care of the house.

As far as how the man himself feels, usually its the ego. Societal norm/view also ties back to how he feels about it. Clearly, he is in the position of being a househusband due to reasons that is private to him and his wife. Men's ego very fragile, lol. While I am firmly aware of it and keep it in check, it's there.



But what you described is simply a flip from the normal husband working/housewife script, no? If housewife treats husband to a date night with her allowance, that's fine with men, yet it doesn't sit well for you in the reverse? Hahaha cut the allowance... he is not your child that you are penalizing him for spending money on comics.. he is a grown adult. And the most important keyword in that sentence, he is not your child, yet your stance is viewing him in a lesser position as he doesn't make the money -- which I frown upon when men does this to their wives! You need to respect him as your peer even when he spends your money! I preach the same for the reverse, even if the wife doesn't work and spend the husband's money, he must respect her as a peer. She is not lesser or contributes less. Because money is not the unit of measure.

This we can agree on. I think a couple should sit down and be frank about money, how they each view it and what's the expectation from the partner so that they align on it. I do not believe in marriage that finances are separate, because if 1 manages finances badly and the spouse is adept, then? Need to cover gaps for the partner? That is grossly unfair. When 2 mature adults get married, they are no longer just responsible for themselves, but for their partner, their children, their parent in-law, and money is the finite resource that is required.

The "allowance" part was my way of describing how the working partner hands money to the other, but my intention was not to put the working partner on an authority, my bad. So you're right it sounds unfair, perhaps this is a better way manage it: suppose you have a joint account where both have equal access to the same pool of money.

Still, the feeling of using your own money to splurge for another will not be the same as using the joint pool -- maybe there'll be some hint of guilt, because this is after all a jointly owned money; it's a shared responsibility. I guess this arrangement will work well when both are equally responsible + aligned on how to split the pie, otherwise there'll be disasters like on the news: a housewife fell into a scam and depleted the family savings.

Lastly, I heard this from my bf but idk how other men think: it's in men's nature to want to protect and care for their woman. He cannot accept non-full ownership of the money (i.e. his own hard earned money) because he wouldn't be able to freely pamper me and feel proud. Aiya a bit touched la after hearing that, how can I accept househusbandry after he said that 😂

TS is not a guy

Just read through the comments in this thread to see how she viewed men who earns less than the wife.

hence, the thread question.

What you said above is only practical if the man and woman were already a couple before they started working. Of course the wife will not simply leave the husband just like that, let's say the woman has managed to climb higher than the husband although the husband is also equally working hard.

But let's say the man is in the process of courting a woman and if the man is in a low paying profession (eg a teacher or some NGO worker). Will you accept him assuming you are holding a managerial/directorial post high up in the ladder? I dare to say 9 out of 10 ladies will not. The woman will definitely look down on the man. Common sense of course because she will be looking for a guy with a higher earning ability.

I honestly did not read the comments after the original post...

Anyway, guy or girl, you should not put your ego into money. Big mistake...

Lana Del Ray (singer) is a multi-millionaire but she chose to marry an average alligator tour guide... You may ask why... At her level of social life, you can guess that she's surrounded by a lot of fake friends and people who'd want a piece of her money and nothing about her character...

That aside, putting your ego onto money is never a good thing... But this is also what separates very successful spot market traders than the average people... Because they take controlled risk, and that they view money as only a piece of paper...

Instead, focus on traits like mindset, character, and personality...

Should be proud of them and learn from them 😊❤️🔥

I wish she does.

but until now, I still earn 4x her pay.

I don't know what is the point of this reply other than to brag. Come back when your other half earns similar amount as you, don't have to be higher or 4 times, and tell us if you feel the same way

Perhaps your bf should understand that it is not just monetary or material things that will make you feel loved, but the gift could be in the form of something really thoughtful but not necessarily expensive; like getting you a good neck pillow if you travel a lot, a silk pillow case so you don't have hair loss from friction or messy hair in the morning
Or it could be a service type gift like giving you a nice massage, takeover the kitchen for a week, takeover the chores etc

That way hopefully it doesn't strain his finances as much

To be honest, when I read this reply, I mostly felt annoyed because there's so much victim mindset in it. I cannot get the girl not because I'm not good enough, but it's because women are materialistic, they only want ppl who earn more than them, it's all women's fault.

I can understand why a lot of successful women go for men who are more successful than them, because this fragile male ego thing is just exhausting, and they tend to have better things to spend their time on. Especially after a few bad experiences.

Besides, if the women has been successful and single for a while, you can't expect her to hide her wealth and success just to make men look good, she would likely be unwilling to.

If more men can practice what they say - be proud and supportive of their other half who are more successful than them in career and wealth; then maybe the situation can improve. Besides, all of us needs to be less defined by our career and wealth, so that we don't feel that is the only thing that validate if we are successful in life or not.

I feel that this is not a prevalent issue in Malaysia, you see a lot more of this problem in Singapore partly due to national service requirement for Singaporean men; and more equal career opportunities to women in Singapore.

I'm just asking a simple question.

If a man (let's say male school teacher) is pursuing a high flying corporate lady (eg. C level suite), will she accept him?

So, now you are saying that most women will not accept him because of a fragile male ego. And most men are not supportive of their wife if the wife earns more.

I find this a new perspective.

see it whatever you like.

I am just saying it be nice to have the tables turn and for once, the guy earns less than the girl.

She pay more lah the bills.

I think she might if he fulfills other aspects of her wants. E.g. finds his stories of students fascinating and funny, finds him attentive and good with kids, envisions him as the father of her child and having the patience and knowledge to educate and nurture the children — so she can focus on her career. It might tick her boxes.

If she wants a high flying man, then it is tough, cause the man got his own money, don’t need hers so that’s off the table.

Keep in mind, high flying capable men can provide, and thus have a lot of options. And they would likely choose the attractive looking woman. Don’t believe me? Just look at the wives of rich successful men. Again, statistics, majority is the keyword. There are always exceptions, and some men find whales attractive so there’s that.

An attractive looking woman is more desirable than a high flying corporate lady to most men. Thus we can conclude that the man who wants her probably likes her for her money or likes her for who she is. Then the question comes, is she okay that he likes her for her money?

The saying goes.. you choose people, people choose you. The man with most money has the widest range of options, and the best looking woman has the most propositions — not the woman with most money. Simple supply & demand. Economics.

Very mature thinking. I remember reading your posts like a decade or so ago, glad to see you are still around here.

Anyway don't know what the issue with men having ego bruised when partner earns more. My wife earns more than I do. I still have not quit and continue working. We share most of the household costs, but we do not calculate till the last cent. When eating out, usually I pay and when we go for nice meals she might pick the tab too. Holidays - usually she will handle the flight tix, I handle hotel and ground expenses etc.

I had been through depression from work stress, so I can appreciate you giving that option to your (future) partner. I hope he gives you that option too. Sometimes I really want to quit but I also feel obligated to carry on due to the salary.

If you don't mind me asking, how did you first started out venturing into business? I've always wanted to make that switch but I find it scary to take the leap.

Thanks for the lovely compliment! Yes, much of what I’ve learned came from life itself, especially after witnessing how my ex suffered in his corporate job. It shaped my perspective deeply.

How I started my business journey:

My first venture was a training business. After experiencing corporate burnout in Singapore, I returned to my hometown for a career break. While attending a government agency event, a manager approached me and said, "You don’t look local!" I told him I had just returned from Singapore after over 10 years working in Selangor and Singapore.

He replied, “Wow! Then you must have brought back a lot of knowledge and skills. Why don’t you start your own training consultancy? We’ll support you!”

Me: “But I just came back for a career break…”
Him: “Think about it. Help us upskill the community.”

Six months later, after having enough rest, vacation and preparation, I launched my training consultancy in May 2019. I planned, organised, and conducted public and B2B training events. I also collaborated with other trainers and companies.

My first 5 in-person events were co-promoted by government agencies. They were a success, leading to sponsorships for talks in other cities, with fully paid flights, accommodation, and honorarium. From around 130 attendees (mostly professionals and business owners), I received invitations from 20+ companies to either train their staff or co-host events. That was the 2020 plan.

*

Then, the pandemic hit.

In early 2020, the training industry pivoted from physical events to online webinars. While I adapted, I fell into depression because that was supposed to be the year I got married. Lockdowns separated me from my then-fiancé for three years.

Out of that emotional low, I founded my 2nd business: a mental health startup to support struggling adults through content, community, and access to professionals (coaches, counsellors, practitioners, and trainees).

I built the platform myself—website, sales pages, booking system, video content, e-books, and social media posts. My professional network spanned Malaysia, Singapore, the Philippines, Myanmar, Japan, Australia, and Canada. How I found them? Well, I approached them (strangers) on LinkedIn and asked if they'd like to be onboard.

We launched and got 11 sales on Day 1. But the stigma around mental health made monetisation tough.

*

At the same time, my business contacts started asking me to help with their marketing materials. It led to my 3rd business: a creative production agency.

I launched it with under RM200 (for SSM registration and domain name) and earned nearly RM100k in return. In the first year running this biz full-time, I closed 30 project deals with new clients, created jobs for vendors/freelancers, and paid out around RM40k in wages. (That was the first time I felt like a small boss. haha~)

I also acquired over 20 business clients, including a Fortune 500 MNC, and formed several strategic partnerships. All this was achieved with zero ads, zero website, zero events or sales calls... just pure word-of-mouth.

But client projects became draining. Burnout crept in again, and I decided to shift my focus back to e-learning and training (Biz 1).

*

Currently,

For Biz 1 (learning and development), I’m now creating and selling online courses and group classes to markets in Malaysia, China, and South Korea via a joint venture with an established academy (50-50 profit split). I'm also building my own online courses and group coaching programme in entrepreneurship, business, marketing, and sales, while partnering with a funnel marketer. We also do 50-50 split. These are my main initiatives for 2025.

As for Biz 2 (mental health), I’ve found a more sustainable model: producing content (writing/videos) and monetising through platforms like YouTube and Medium first. Once I grow a solid following, monetisation will be much easier. My priority is now building a strong personal brand before pushing products and services provided by those counsellors, coaches, and other wellness companies.

Biz 3 (creative agency) is still active, but I serve only existing clients and their referrals. I'm not sourcing new ones actively.

This is my whole biz journey in the last five years, beginning from mid-2019/ age 30.

*

So, you could see that I started as a corporate employee, but through events and networking, I built strong connections and converted them into collaborations. That’s how I launched businesses by leveraging what I already had: network, skills and knowledge to meet market demands in L&D, marketing, and wellness.

I’ve earned from every business. But of course, it hasn’t always been smooth. It usually takes 3–6 months to see small revenue trickles, and 2–3 years to start earning consistent paychecks. For exponential growth, it takes 5 to 10+ years.



I still take on part-time and freelance work to stay financially afloat while building my business foundations. I continue to be headhunted by recruiters, with a recent opportunity to work for a NASDAQ-listed MNC. Personally, I’m open to job opportunities because my business is flexible—mostly automated and delegated to vendors and freelancers. I work with other companies not just for extra income, but also to sharpen my skills and expand my network.

To date, I’ve been employed by 20 companies over the past 15 years in various capacities (full-time, part-time and freelance; online and on-site) across many countries and time zones. For me, working = learning + networking + enjoying.

The full-time employers I worked for offered plenty of perks: free massages, movie tickets, sports classes, gym and swimming pool access, travel discounts, bonuses, free lunches, company dinners, karaoke sessions, free beer, and more. I also get to attend lots of paid training and industry events. This is the best part of employment.

*

Seriously, starting and running your own business can sometimes feel boring, isolating, and unrewarding. It's not always glamorous as Rome wasn’t built in a day. There are also good times and bad times in volatile market conditions. Sometimes, you get bad customers, payment delays, zero enquiry, etc. Macam-macam lah.

However, running a business is beneficial because it offers the potential to earn more income compared to a regular job. In a corporate setting, once you hit 40 and above, you’re more likely to face retrenchment, slower career progression, or even age-related bias. Opportunities become fewer, competition gets tougher, and companies may prefer hiring younger, lower-cost talent with fewer commitments.

On the other hand, when you run your own business, your income potential is not capped by a fixed salary or limited by someone else’s decision. You get to decide how much to charge, who to work with, and how to scale. You can build assets (e.g. digital products, systems, brand equity, and partnerships) that continue to generate revenue even while you sleep.

Most importantly, you have control over your time, your lifestyle, and your impact. While it's true that business and entrepreneurship comes with risks and responsibilities, the long-term rewards (freedom, fulfilment, and financial abundance) often outweigh the temporary stability of a job, especially in a rapidly changing economy.

For me, I've set some biz and financial goals to hit by 40 years old. After 40, I want to semi-retire, spend more time with my future family (husband and children, if I'm blessed to have them), and enjoy life—traveling the world while doing consultancy work or speaking gigs—rather than waiting until I'm 50 or 60 to start exploring.

These future aspirations keep me motivated and focused. While there may be detours along the way, I continue to stay committed to building my business. Consistency is key.



*

In short, if I could offer you some advice on how to get started, here are a few crucial pointers:

1. Keep your corporate job while building your side hustle. Minimise unnecessary startup expenses and always test market demand before going all in. As a beginner, avoid taking loans to start a business. Failure rates are high, and the financial burden can be overwhelming.

2. Build your reputation and network. Be known for something you do exceptionally well + something others are willing to pay for. Your credibility and visibility will open doors to opportunities and collaborations.

3. Start with services, not products. Services are easier to sell, especially in the early stages. Products require inventory, storage, shelf life management, and often face stiffer competition. With services, people buy you—your expertise, personality, and connection.

4. Expect revenue to come in 5 times slower than your best-case estimate. For example, if you expect to earn RM10,000 in 3 months, mentally prepare for it to take up to 15 months. This mindset helps you manage expectations and plan for financial sustainability. If you hit your goal earlier—great. If not, you're already prepared.

5. Don’t be afraid to slow down, revise your plan, or pivot. Stay flexible and open-minded. Market demands can shift due to both macroeconomic and micro-level changes. The ability to adapt quickly and spot new opportunities is a valuable business skill. Always learn proactively and execute effectively.

Lastly, have fun and enjoy the journey. It won’t always be smooth, but it will be rewarding and deeply transformative. Running a business stretches you, challenges you, and helps you grow into a more well-rounded person. You’ll uncover hidden strengths as you push your limits and go the extra mile for yourself and for the people you serve. The impact you make in people's lives and the appreciation you receive will bring you immense joy and pride. It will remind you that stepping out of your comfort zone was worth it—and that, in the end, everything will be worthwhile.

This post has been edited by Ralna: May 9 2025, 02:01 AM

Very insightful and inspiring! What a journey you have been through. When you do a retrospect like that it really feels good to see how far you've come and how much you've achieved by yourself!

It has also been my aspiration to retire by 40. I'm almost there, age-wise (I'm 35 this year). Retirement for me means having the freedom to pursue what I like such as spending time with the fam, hobbies, volunteering, travels, or even taking a very low stress chill job.

While I have always wanted to put some focus on starting a side business, I have never made the leap. Reading your journey to financial independence is really refreshing.

Most days I just feel so mentally and physically exhausted after work and just want to shut off. Before I know it, its another work day again. The problem I have is what my friends told me years ago - that I will be trapped by "Golden Handcuffs". Me and my wife often think of quitting our jobs but it is very hard for us to walk away from the money (we earn a combined 6 figure salary monthly), especially when I feel responsible to take care of the people around me. If I quit, I deny my wife the opportunity to do so, and vice versa. I feel trapped. I do not feel wealthy; in fact, I often find myself feeling quite the opposite. e.g. during meal times (only when I am alone), I find myself pondering: I am feeling like xxx, but xxx is cheaper; most times I end up not getting anything to save the RM10-20. I only went a little cray about 2-3 years ago and splurged on some audio gears. My wife thought I had gone mad when we started receiving deliveries non-stop every other day but it felt like that was the only thing/hobby I had left from my younger days. I feel envious when I see westerners retire early and move to some hilly village in Thailand, living life freely.

You know, back then I said I felt you were interesting (evidently I am right!) and kinda wished I knew you personally. That was like 10 years ago or something . Now I am still trying to get used to kids calling me uncle and I still subconsciously take offense hahaha. Can't believe how time flies! Maybe someday I will come across some of your mental health contents and gain some new life motivation. All the best in your ventures Ralna! Your future husband and kid(s) will without a doubt be very blessed to have a woman like you in their lives.

This post has been edited by ridin: May 13 2025, 05:52 PM