So I have been married to my partner where we know each other for 10 years (married for 2 years quite recently). Along these years, we are just a happily ever after couple but our relationship/bonding changed after my wife decided to have a dog (thanks to MCO) and this was an impulse decision - we did not discuss what and how if we were to have a pet.

After the pet came, our marriage life change drastically where my wife will put all the time and effort to the dog (treating it as if like is her own kid). We have been discussing and i stressed that i want to have kid, but she would not be able to commit. We have been petting the dog for 3 years now and our daily routine is nothing but all about the dog now. Wherever I plan to go (like a short trip or so), she will be worried for her dog, as you know in MY not everywhere is pet friendly place.

I'm not a pet person and i do not enjoy walking the dog in the park, pet cafe hopping, pet gathering etc. I'm in my late 30s now and i do not want to carry on with this lifestyle for the next 10 years (assume the dog can live for another 10 years). I have a good career and ultimately i want to have a family but not with the dog.

After all these, i have been thinking for a divorce. We have been discussing/deep talk this few times and did not managed to come a conclusion (she will not let go of her pet/and I'm not willing to go on for my remainder of my life with the dog). If i were to compromise and accept the dog as a family, i will not be happy and it will not be marriage life i want.

Additional info - I'm a man with no bad habits, typical house-husband type that does all the housework. So i do not think my wife attitude change cos of some bad from me. Just FYI.

Please my friend, your two cents of advice would be very much helpful to me.

TLDR:
Both married with no kids
Wife have a pet dog but husband dont like
Husband want to have kids but wife not able to commit
Divorce??
Reconcile??

Update:
Divorce filed. And moved on with new life now.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: May 15 2025, 10:20 AM

Did you both factor in having kids during your courtship? Ever discussed it and both agreed to have kids , hence you both got married?

I don’t quite understand what you mean she is not able to commit to having kids. Is she infertile? Or she’s frightened of motherhood?

Why you making it complicated till want divorce. She want dog then let her handle all the dog stuff. You just follow along. Why stress so much over a dog

HI TS, there are deeper issues with your marriage other than just the pet.

this happens to many marriages, especially Asian and many people are just unwilling to speak about it. so you are one of the rare ones who are willing to talk about it.

the long answer is that you need to firstly ask yourself what are the deeper issues with your marriage.

the usual suspects are

1) reduce or lack of communication.

2) Different interest between the partners.

3) spark reduce due to too long together and lack of glue to hold the partner together. normally kids or common interests will hold the partner together but seems you are lacking both.


short answers is that if you are really contemplating divorce, you need to consult a lawyer first and slowly start to separate your financial assets.

i have friends that got cleaned out by the angry wife due to divorce and this was even before the proceedings started

This post has been edited by cfa28: Dec 6 2024, 10:33 AM

I think she is more leaning towards motherhood and she enjoy petting now. Why the need for a kid where her dog "love" her so much.

We do not have anymore couple activity. Any place we go, we plan to do, she will need to settle and worry her dog first. Or even go places where are only pet friendly. Yearly holiday travelling, not anymore. The pet dog is a stopper/blocker to our relationship.

Point 2 and 3 spot on. We do communicate but it seems there is lack of common goal/interest that needed to continue the remainder of marriage life. Simple said - her life objective now is petting while mine is family.

I know divorce is the worst outcome but i do know if i were to accept the dog and move on. There is no meaning in my marriage life.

I'll put forward a very ruthless option.

Raising children has the biological time constraint vs raising a dog (has no biological time constraint)

There should the sequence of priority in life. If the dog(pet) has higher priority than the husband or kids, this kind of woman should be left to spend their life with their dog. Let her remember the divorce in her life is caused by a dog. A simple and straight forward option. There is no need to bring other element into discussion.

After the sequence of priority is correct, raising the children has taken the place, both of you have more leisure of time for the pet(dog) in future, that time it is still not too late let her have the dog again.

Hence, in between the dog & divorce - let the wife decide on the agreed date. If she choose the dog on the dateline, execute the divorce procedure without emotion. If she choose husband & kids over the dog, find the dog a new owner.

This post has been edited by nihility: Dec 6 2024, 11:10 AM

Well, i have friend similar to TS situation, but luckily they are not married yet, still got time to think.

TS really need to sit down, get a formal talk. IF hard, then pay some $$, get a mediator/consultant/lawyer to host the talk. Casual talk/discussion wont help, it will probaly come out with "ok ok ok, we see how then"

Post #2 & Post #3 obviously dont understand the actual situation, how things changes over time. TS emphasized he wan kids, and he is not pet type person, u still ask TS to go along -.-

Dealing with situations like this, generally three categories:

1. Those who can reason after a well-timed, straightforward discussion. Timing and approach are critical to ensure constructive conversation.
2. Those who may resist initially but eventually come around after prolonged discussions. Requires patience, effort, and commitment over time.
3. Those who are entirely unwilling to compromise. In such cases, there’s little point in trying to salvage the situation.

TS should know which category applies in their case, and this clarity can guide best course of action.

I totally agreed with you. The sequence of priority has gone the other way that brought to my current situation. When we talked and i asked, she did said she choose her dog over husband/family.

Setting a timeline seems to be the only option now. She has invested into a new condo (with her name only) and should be completed in Q1 2025. I think i would suggest her move out and think over the decision.


Thanks for the advice my friend.


Not sure if i'm being emotion now but current situation, #3 is likely where we are now.

If both unable to decide or commit, it would best for both to split and move on. Why bother to stay in an unhappy relationship for?

Put 1 more question to her. Ask if the dog is to mask her intention not to have kids? See if she is hiding this under the carpet all these while.

She is a career type of woman. She does worry if having a kid would have an impact on her career, and of course she will also have less time with her pet if a kid come into our life.

I also agreed to take care most of the parenthood but it is not convincing for her to commit.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Dec 6 2024, 11:48 AM

Even if she does come to a compromise to have kids, it could be begrudgingly. And she may turn her anger / displeasure on the children when you are not around.

Don’t let your future children be victims.

She doesn't want the children. That is my deduction.

Someone who want the children, will find way to make it happens. Someone who does not want the children, will find the excuses not to have them.

This is what I envisaged also even after we mutually agreed to compromise - i accept the dog and we have kid, but when there are issues arising from the kid, she will put out blame and it will come back to square one.

That's why i can not see any future in this marriage, honestly speaking.

Just proceed to divorce, to me in modern days, we should treat marriage like dating, if not happy after rounds of heart to heart talk, we just break off.. but of course getting divorced is way more complicated in legal perspective..

The reason I say that is because when marriage vows are exchanged, it was a heartwarming occasion, however humans do change over time as our Wealth, Interests, etc.. changed, hence if 2 individuals no longer come to terms, why not separate.. imagine for example, most people married on around 30, but to be honest, how can we be so sure that we can live with another person for the rest of the life span (which could be easily be more than 30 years) when we made the decision when we are around 30..

When both Paktor what u doing? Everyday busy piap? Why that time never discuss with her the future plan like u wanna have kids or children?

If u wan kid she no want kids then of course this is incompatible, should know easily before marriage. Some wan kids but girl cannot pregnant then another story, but ur case seem like u both didn’t talk it out before marriage, then sure gg la.

What is your definition of couple activities. Go eat together, sleep together. If she no longer like travelling then you can go alone or with friends. If she need to settle her dog first then tell her to arrange her time before going out. For pet friendly well this I dont know

What is your definition of couple activities. Go eat together, sleep together. If she no longer like travelling then you can go alone or with friends. If she need to settle her dog first then tell her to arrange her time before going out. For pet friendly well this I dont know