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 How to handle this situation?, I feel kind of annoyed

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TSredracer2004
post Sep 28 2024, 11:34 AM, updated 2y ago

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My gf of 3 months now is always telling me to go "try talk to other prettier girls" and telling me to "try to get the prettier girls if I have the chance".

She's been constantly saying this and she said like "If I was in your position and if I got a shot at a Korean Oppa, I would".

I am getting quite annoyed on this. I have tried telling her nicely that she's all I want and I do mean it but she said "Since there are better ones out there, I am at loss for not trying the better ones". And also she keeps mentioning that "I can just put her at the side and treat her like side chic cause she accepts the reality that nothing is eternal and that she isn't committing 100% on this relationship with me because she doesn't want to get hurt too much".

Yes, she had gone through an ex cheating on her but it was like many damn years ago. I feel very tired handling this.

Any suggestions?
Baconateer
post Sep 28 2024, 11:42 AM

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Red flag.

Looks like she isnt committed in the relationship with you.

You might have more headaches in the future the longer you stay with her.

Better leave while you can.
acbc
post Sep 28 2024, 11:44 AM

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She's telling u to a break off and start anew. So, just do it.

Or she already found someone else and currently in a relationship.

Don't be a greenhat.
zuozi
post Sep 28 2024, 11:52 AM

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Are ts pretty and leng zai than your gf?or your gf more 美少女，美女 than you? If yes probably one of the reasons

If no then she don't know how to tell you to let you open mouth saying lets breakup , so can make ppl think you the bad guy dump her

Or
Your gf family telling her outside still got many more good, better, best , selection.if yes then try harder for better life only find new gf/wife.

This post has been edited by zuozi: Sep 28 2024, 11:54 AM
TSredracer2004
post Sep 28 2024, 12:08 PM

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QUOTE(zuozi @ Sep 28 2024, 11:52 AM)
Are ts pretty and leng zai than your gf?or your gf more 美少女，美女 than you? If yes probably one of the reasons

If no then she don't know how to tell you to let you open mouth saying lets breakup , so can make ppl think you the bad guy dump her

Or
Your gf family telling her outside still got many more good, better, best , selection.if yes then try harder for better life only find new  gf/wife.
*
According to her, she feels she doesn't have much market, so I am not sure what she means actually.
Buffalo Soldier
post Sep 28 2024, 12:22 PM

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RED flag kaw-kaw.

Ini baru GF/BF... kalau dah kahwin, lagi teruk nanti.
zuozi
post Sep 28 2024, 12:47 PM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Sep 28 2024, 12:08 PM)
According to her, she feels she doesn't have much market, so I am not sure what she means actually.
*
Doesn't have much market meaning you are very 校草 ？ And she don't look pretty?or she 校花 or average girl? but sudah kena piap many time and can't give you her first time who serious and good to her because she feel you doesn't deserve because of her past record? feeling guilty?

TS please loh, nak cerita bagi cerita habis lah, sikitx2 sikitx2 Don't lah so婆妈 。

This post has been edited by zuozi: Sep 28 2024, 12:48 PM
TSredracer2004
post Sep 28 2024, 01:40 PM

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QUOTE(zuozi @ Sep 28 2024, 12:47 PM)
Doesn't have much market meaning you are very 校草 ？ And she don't look pretty?or she 校花 or average girl? but sudah kena piap many time and can't give you her first time who serious and good to her because she feel you doesn't deserve because of her past record? feeling guilty?

TS please loh, nak cerita bagi cerita habis lah, sikitx2 sikitx2 Don't lah so婆妈 。
*
She thinks she not pretty and nobody actually will choose her. She said she piap only her ex bf and another potential only. The other potential didn't work out and then came me.
zuozi
post Sep 28 2024, 03:01 PM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Sep 28 2024, 01:40 PM)
She thinks she not pretty and nobody actually will choose her. She said she piap only her ex bf and another potential only. The other potential didn't work out and then came me.
*
welp if she insists then just let her go loh , don't need 为情 fikir hardx2 menyusahkan diri sendiri lah, is not like whole Malaysia got only her if you have a good条件 no need to worries unable to find a new gf/wife, she also type of 滥交 if you rly want a serious relationship find a proper gf lah , that all i can advice good luck.

This post has been edited by zuozi: Sep 28 2024, 03:01 PM
nihility
post Sep 28 2024, 03:58 PM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Sep 28 2024, 11:34 AM)
My gf of 3 months now is always telling me to go "try talk to other prettier girls" and telling me to "try to get the prettier girls if I have the chance".

She's been constantly saying this and she said like "If I was in your position and if I got a shot at a Korean Oppa, I would".

I am getting quite annoyed on this. I have tried telling her nicely that she's all I want and I do mean it but she said "Since there are better ones out there, I am at loss for not trying the better ones". And also she keeps mentioning that "I can just put her at the side and treat her like side chic cause she accepts the reality that nothing is eternal and that she isn't committing 100% on this relationship with me because she doesn't want to get hurt too much".

Yes, she had gone through an ex cheating on her but it was like many damn years ago. I feel very tired handling this.

Any suggestions?
*
The way I read the message sound like she is asking you not to put too much commitment as she is neither putting much commitment. By telling you beforehand that she will jump ship should there is a better Oppa appearing in the future, is an attempt to make her feeling less guilty if such event really took place in future.

Under this scenario, you cannot control what other ppl think or act, hence it is pointless worrying about something you have no control over it. What you can control is how you act personally. Knowing that she is not committing 100% & can call it off anytime, do you still want to waste your time to continue or you think it is worth event if it is for a temporary ? If you think it is worth your time, just continue. If you think it is not worth your time, move on.

This post has been edited by nihility: Sep 28 2024, 04:02 PM
Savor_Savvy
post Sep 28 2024, 09:17 PM

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Either it's a test of your character, or she's hinting something obvious.
Ralna
post Sep 28 2024, 10:13 PM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Sep 28 2024, 12:08 PM)
According to her, she feels she doesn't have much market, so I am not sure what she means actually.
*
QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Sep 28 2024, 01:40 PM)
She thinks she not pretty and nobody actually will choose her. She said she piap only her ex bf and another potential only. The other potential didn't work out and then came me.
*
From what I see, this woman is still hurt inside from her previous relationships. Her self-image and self-esteem is badly affected by what happened, and she constantly feels she is not good enough for any man to fall in love with her and commit to her.

There's a fear of abandonment and betrayal from the past; hence, she is afraid to commit to you and expose herself to the risk of getting hurt again.

I can relate to her feelings; quite normal among women actually.

If you love her and want to be with her, give her some time. After all, the relationship is still new. Whenever she says all these negative stuffs, just hug/cuddle her and reassure her.

Suddenly, I'm reminded of this Backstreet Boys song "I'll Never Break Your Heart"

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


If you're serious about her and the relationship, be a man who keeps to your words and stay consistent to your actions.

If not, just let her go. She's better off alone than to get hurt again by another man (you).

Cubalagi
post Sep 29 2024, 11:23 PM

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Looks like this girl having PTSD from past relationships. Beyond certain age (about past 30) pretty common for single girls to have some form of ptsd.

You need some patience here. On its own, to me, its not a deal breaker. More important for your decision is what she brings to the table in this relationship. How she treats you, her effort, how she expect to be treated in return.

In other words, she might think she is not worthy, but is she putting in the work to be worthy of you? If she does, then she might actually be worth it.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Sep 29 2024, 11:25 PM
silverhawk
post Sep 30 2024, 12:43 AM

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Frankly, just break up with her

This behaviour will not change, and there's nothing you can do to fix it, nor should you even try. Its for her to fix on her own.
Takudan
post Sep 30 2024, 07:31 PM

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She has an emotional baggage and is wielding it as a self defense weapon. She has low sense of self worth to the point that she doesn't believe anyone would like her at all, and I'll bet it's because she doesn't like herself.

Considering her past, it sounds like you'll be walking on egg shells around her because whatever you do, she'll imagine that you have something going on behind her back. Since you're already in the relationship, I suggest putting in the effort to help her fix herself. But first, she needs to be open to that idea so you'll have to talk.... You can do your part to be faithful and loving, but can she do her part of loving herself and not attack anyone who tries to be nice to her?
TSredracer2004
post Oct 1 2024, 03:24 PM

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QUOTE(Takudan @ Sep 30 2024, 07:31 PM)
She has an emotional baggage and is wielding it as a self defense weapon. She has low sense of self worth to the point that she doesn't believe anyone would like her at all, and I'll bet it's because she doesn't like herself.

Considering her past, it sounds like you'll be walking on egg shells around her because whatever you do, she'll imagine that you have something going on behind her back. Since you're already in the relationship, I suggest putting in the effort to help her fix herself. But first, she needs to be open to that idea so you'll have to talk.... You can do your part to be faithful and loving, but can she do her part of loving herself and not attack anyone who tries to be nice to her?
*
Well I did talk to her about it yesterday. She keeps insisting that she was just merely mentioning the truth and don't see what's wrong in saying those things again and again.
She said that she was single for about 6 years and never had that thought until she got a boyfriend. I told her that it's her trauma that she has not gotten over. She refused to believe it saying that she has been single for 6 years so it shouldn't be the case. But I did tell her the issue is with her not really facing it when it happened while she just kept it aside.
Lembu Goreng
post Oct 1 2024, 05:15 PM

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Pretty obvious she's not into you and trying to get you to break up with her
cakoilembutgebu
post Oct 1 2024, 05:22 PM

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Most likely she has already started cheating on u with other guys, and she's saying all these just so she would feel better. Ppl in a serious relationship wouldn't say shit like this
Pikichu
post Oct 1 2024, 05:24 PM

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If you are tired, get some rest and go for a vacation.
You can decide after you have clear your mind.
Takudan
post Oct 2 2024, 01:33 AM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Oct 1 2024, 03:24 PM)
Well I did talk to her about it yesterday. She keeps insisting that she was just merely mentioning the truth and don't see what's wrong in saying those things again and again.
She said that she was single for about 6 years and never had that thought until she got a boyfriend. I told her that it's her trauma that she has not gotten over. She refused to believe it saying that she has been single for 6 years so it shouldn't be the case. But I did tell her the issue is with her not really facing it when it happened while she just kept it aside.
*
It can also mean 6 years of bitterness and grudges against her cheating ex, so it's not really a good justification. There are a few things I learned being in a relationship:
- not all truths should be said. There is a time and place for truth, and sometimes you bring one to your grave.
- commitment to one is not just the loyalty, but also the strive for good times together. If you know your actions will hurt your partner, then don't do it. Why be together if you only want to spite him/her?

There's a reason why she's saying those things, my guess: she is seeking some sort of negative validation like, "everyone cheats" and it's not healthy for the both of you. As it is now, she doesn't even acknowledge her own issue, so good luck trying to fix it....
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