How to move on from someone we have attachment/love/like to. Dont said those generic like. Dont know how long gonna go on like this. All this years depress due to loneliness. Now depress due to love even though got someone being so nice and already with me so long but have no feel to her yet gaslighting her. My feeling to her is more caring own families rather than love

-Delete photos(I can't do it as i know i might never see her again so photo is very precious)
-Keep ourself busy, go gym. Tried it but it just a cover. When night comes basically cant sleep cause when mind empty, all sort of though/memories rushing into my head instead

I know the feeling might fade but i also know it will never go away.

This post has been edited by kesvani: Sep 11 2024, 11:03 PM

Recently divorced?

Ex having baby

Go out meet friends

treat yourself better. invest in yourself more. at the moment it will be tough but time will heal. i'm going through this as well now. keep yourself busy. as long as you utilize your day well, trust me reach home terus tidur

Wat the…having bb edi u still can’t let go.

This third. First and second age 7 and 5

U are not really missing her. U are missing the s3x.
Go out find another girl and it will solve your problem. Impossible your ex 3 kids u still thinking about her.

Now I still living with my old Ex and we still have sex. So lack of sex?. Nope. Why I missing her I also dont know

wth, weird lh... she working? take leave lh stay with her longer until no missing...

Bro, you are itchy (Playboy) type! Last, please dont married!

Whose baby? Ur baby?

Not mine lah.

So u break up with her, she got a new guy and got herself a baby and you still cant foget her?

Is that the story?

KNN guess so accurate better go become tukang tilik

Bro, I've been following your story on & off for a while now ... this is a latest development of sorts and I must have missed the pivotal moment when you found out. My commiserations ... I'm sure you didn't want it to end that way.

What you mean latest development.

Just wondering why my whole life my i can only happy for awhile like all those happy moment never satisfy me me enough although i know am very lucky compare with those out there like no one can brag ever sleep in 4 star hotel for 1month, having very special love journey and can say movie or book worthy already, one kind of company i join etc...

You are still in the search for your life purpose (you are directionless at the moment). 2ndly, you are overstaying at the certain phase of life & that phase of life no longer give you any life progression.

The life purpose can be your long term goal. It will requires commitment in time & dedication. Why are you so afraid toward such commitment? Scare of making wrong choice? scare it is too hard & failed halfway?

Overstaying at your life phase - imagine yourself playing a video game. You pass all the levels with your eye closed, will you not feel bored & feel you are wasting your time? Bring this analogy to your life, answer can found at your within yourself & your surrounding.

Life process is simple, if you made a wrong choice/decision in your life = you will suffers. You need to spend time to rectify the bad decision made & you will loose the "time" of your life or resources that you made from your time.

If you made a good choice/ decision in your life = you will flourish. You will use less time & resources to move to next level.

"The journey to heaven feels like a hell, the journey to the hell feels like a heaven."

This post has been edited by nihility: Sep 22 2024, 03:36 PM

Almost same like me... i am not sure what am i missing. I have everything, car, house, financial independence, a son, (divorced mutually), travel overseas anytime but still i am not happy.

My suspect is i still cannot get over my 1st one (12yrs and broke cos LDR is hard and i met and get entangled with one and pregnant, married then D)

Married due to pregnant seems unlikely to last. Thats why I told my Ex to abort when she pregnant.

Curious how old are you. You seems kinda well off people.

Because u want drama.
U yourself know u are very 'lucky', but u just cant get happy. Like u are unique person special one kind one.
U just love the drama la. Once u gets older u might understand this.

I definitely searcing what is the purpose of living. I really dont how to progress to next phase. Marry my Ex??I dont want to make a big mistake in case i found another one with better compatilibility.

My wrong choice is didnt run away from home earlier. I only run away from home when age 29 when other also already marry and have children. 29 is very old age to run away from home

Since come back from Jakarta i definitely feel more belong to there than back in Malaysia. Never get along with Malaysian whether own race or other but easily friends with Indonesian.

This post has been edited by kesvani: Sep 22 2024, 11:21 PM

Your purpose of life, no one is able to answer to you other than yourself. By far, the easiest & most systematic way of finding the answer I ever come across is the Japanese's concept of Ikigai.

The convergence of ikigai's four primary elements: what you love (your passion), what the world needs (your mission), what you are good at (your vocation), and what you can get paid for (your profession).

How to progress to next phase? I think the answer can be found on the previous phase of life before. For instance, before you enter the work force, you go to school to learn first. Hence, before you move to next phase of life, you need to learn the what is expected at the next phase of life. It is a repeated process but at different level of difficulty.

Your level in life is very deep leh. . Also dont have much time to play play anymore. Already 37 next year 38.

My passion = Well... this change over time so no fixed answer. Once got it the passion become dull
My Mission = Now i hope can live in Jakarta and find my life there
My vocation = this a bit blur blur.

Means its not your passion la

Passion is the thing that drives you, harder to detect in your current state. So reflect on your life so far and find the common element in all the things that you do on your own accord.

For example, many would see gamers as "no life" "wasting time", but many gamers actually are drawn to games because they simulate something. Most of the time its problem solving, but maybe it could be exploring story, finding cheats/bugs, etc.


Your mission, needs to be bigger than yourself.


Not everyone has a vocation, if you don't really have one then you need to find it or build it.

i am just into digit number 4. LOL.. old AF

Then I only younger than 3-5 year but have no asset 😅😅.

My too. Cannot get over the second one that I feel most compatible with

you don't think it as moving on.

she will forever be part of you till the day you become dust.

Just accepts that she was a chapter of you and who you are today now.

is not going to be easy. is hard. very hard. cry it out once awhile. and smile to the love you once had.

la la land is a good watch

True. I'm sure i will never forget her and she will always be part on in my minds and memories. I want to delete her photos taken with her but so hesistate even though i know will never meet her again. I basically triple backup photo of my me with Ex 1 and 2

You want to tell more about yourself on this matter? Your relationship with your parent ? their treatment to you ? Any grandparent living with you since you are young?

(* reply at your leisure time only - forum activity should be least priority in one daily to do list).

This post has been edited by nihility: Oct 14 2024, 08:05 AM

I oso no delete.

Sometimes ter see then feelings up again haha

How you hide the photo video from your current waifu of course unless your waifu tech dumb😄😄

If your ex malaysian then you can meet her again..Mine different country

This post has been edited by kesvani: Oct 14 2024, 09:36 PM

No hide. Berlambak photo in fon. Mau cari oso susah

We seems to have same past. Do you actually miss her and wish can meet her again at least be friend?

All this time you with waifu. Do you ever felt sometimes you wish can be her instead of your current waifu?



Ok. Final question. Ever get caught by your waifu you calling out her names when dreaming. Why i ask. Cause my Ex1 said i call Ex2 name when dreaming. Not sure she made it up or real but i do from time to time dream about Ex2 and get up middle of night overwhelm with saddness

watch the scarious horror movie?

go find other lover?

Is between wish vs no wish.

idk how would I feel if we be friends again. so is better just leave it like now.

no. because we breakup means x sesuai. miss is miss but know won't be able to be together.

will take time, maybe 1 year to 3 years it depends.

Baby could have been yours.
Some other dude beat you to it ?

Could be. Could be never also but for sure EX2 already does

Confirm not mine. This i can confirm.

in my case , just concentrate on my hobby things that i love to do .. it helps a lot

You still got meet her or even a call?.

All those hobby is just diversion. When sleep or mind to free or something make me remind of her then come back all the though

We remain as friend, but who knows one day we might be back together, as for me i dont put any high hope, just let it be natural

At least still friends and can meet up. Imagine if like me will never see again her again and can see photos only.

My advice always think a good moment with her and keep yourself busy so that you can have a good life, it takes time

------edited---------

This post has been edited by NinG: Dec 28 2024, 11:49 PM

Maybe

Also subconciously keep compare her to EX/GF 1, as she the one understand what i have in mind even though we so far away, she always act and talk mature. Its like adult talking to adult, can have proper discussion.

For sure she will forever in my heart till i scare to lose her photo when with her till i put her photo in my important triple backup flow. Now at night i try not to think of stuff that will make me remember of her.

This post has been edited by kesvani: Dec 13 2024, 11:26 PM

No matter what she do, or said will always caught you.

Today waking up suddenly think of EX2 so go beside browse her photo for a moment. Guess time does not heal after all. Just a patch which can leak occasionally.

1. Delete all contacts from phone, socmed & business. For socmed, create a new profile and delete the old ones. Inform selected friends of the new profile only.
2. Throw or burn all gifts. Expensive gifts like PlayStation can donate to charity.
3. Go for a long vacation alone.
4. Don't answer calls from ex's friends or family members. Cut off all ties immediately. They probably too KPC will ask why and how.
5. Splurge on something nice like a new car, watch, laptop or clothes.

Most importantly, cut off all ties! A single tie back to u may bring all the bad memories back.

Been there before and recovered almost immediately.

This post has been edited by acbc: Dec 22 2024, 11:08 AM

I'll tell you a true story about the Vietnam veterans of which the U.S waged a war back in the 1960s.

This was something real that's happened back in the past btw, and it's up to you to decide if you really want to commit and change. And what happened was that the Vietnam vets were found to be addicted to heroin and other sort of drugs, and a vast majority of them all were doing so.

Due to the pain and mental agony that the soldiers had to live in, longing for peace, love, and rejoicing for better times that they resorted to using all these.

But you can imagine what these soldiers were going through ----- leaving their society, friends and family to fend and conquer a backward country's wilderness. There were times that their comrades who they were just talking alongside with the day before, the minute before, or someone who has gone through difficult times with you to have just perished in the day or night - whether by ambush or gun firing, or even just moments ago to put it into context.

There were also times when they would lose their limbs, organs and stuff, and would have to endure being disabled for the rest of their lives.

Add that to the mental trauma that they had to endure.

So they all went into all sorts of drugs, and I really mean most of the soldiers, and this was found by the U.S administration. They then decided to create a program or pass a law to recall these soldiers back to rehabilitate them.

To the scientists' shocking discovery, in a time where they thought if you ever had to use and abuse drugs, the general consensus was that you are f---ed for life. No matter what, you are just f---ed for life. You are just done and there is no turning back. Your brain is fried and you are a hollow shell of your normal life. But to their absolute shock, what they found was that their scientific belief was absolutely wrong.

Apparently, as they recall these soldiers back, a huge majority of them was successfully rehabilitated as though their addiction vanished out of thin air overnight. It was somehow a miracle to their times and beliefs then.

Further studies found was that it was the environment that subconsciously and primarily influences your habits.

They found that if you would like to change any of your habits, the first and foremost thing you have to do is to change your ambience, and this influences your behaviour and altogether thinking.

So what can we relate back into a heart break?

You already know the answer.

Actually the more you try to avoid it, the more it'll haunt you.

You just need to accept the loss, and move on. You know there's no chance to get back with her.

Be very honest with yourself, the "her" that you miss, that you love, that you are attached to, is the "her" back then. The person she is today is already a different person, and going to get a baby already.

I don't know if its your ego not allowing you to move on from the loss, or you were so into her that you can't let go. Either way, she's gone and the only person stopping you is yourself. There's no need to delete photos or do anything extreme, because it is how you feel that is stopping you.

When we can't change things, we change how we feel about things. As for the "how", you must fully immerse yourself to feel the loss, to feel sad, to feel all the emotions associated with the loss, and after that forgive yourself for losing the person, and tell yourself you can be better and do better.

Everyone we meet in our lives, whether they are stay in your life, or were just a tourist stopping by your life, is here to give you something. Be it joy, sorrow, loss, or whatever, it is part and parcel of life. Never knowing loss, you may not have the appreciation you'd have down the line, and the joy that comes with it.

You will visit this tered 10 years down the road and laugh at yourself being an idiot. But we were all idiots once, and just grow (hopefully) wiser

Not sure where you got the story from, but that conclusion is not quite right.

The addiction is a symptom, so if you address the cause of the symptom, the symptom goes away. People get into drugs because they are in pain and the drugs help them escape the pain of reality. When the vets got back, many of them returned to their families which had good relationship and support. So they became happy again, and don't need drugs to escape; then can focus on dealing with the trauma.

This became known when they did studies on rats. Initially they got the rats hooked on drugs, that's why they concluded that drugs were so potent. Someone realised that the environment the rats were in was depressing to begin with. So instead of a rat cage, they build a proper home for the rats to allow play and socialising. Then they found out the rats don't get addicted to drugs, and even find in unappealing.

So just changing his "ambience" won't work. He needs the thing that's basic to happiness, which is meaningful and purposeful life, which often requires accountability in a community as well.

Atomic Habits book by James Clear.

You broke up with your ex because argue on something or just broke peacefully ?
I bet 60% is argue on something

No1 or 2. If its 2 we broke due to distance and she know I have 1. Also she is islam and have 2 kids so she distance herself slowly. Disappear into thin air. This just summary but its very long long story

Make you cannot tahan thinking first or second 1?

Keep thinking of second. The first still stay with me

No come out sit down and talk peacefully bila putus ?
If got and become normal friend I think you will be better ,
I suffer-ing something similar like you . Keep thinking and trying to move on .

Problem is she indonesia. Also if not mistaken back to her husband already. I dont mind being friend problem is differemt country.

We putus like she distant herself and using some reason to avoid meet me when I at there. Can sense it already when there last time.

Now reply to you cause I suppose to sleep now but see her facebook new photo and and kinda overwhelm with sadness/depress keep thinking about her when try to sleep. So now I outside taking wind before go back home to sleep. Help a bit to supress the sadness.



This post has been edited by kesvani: Jan 2 2025, 01:00 AM

Now again think of her again cannot sleep back hearing after mosque azan because that time when I at there I stay near mosque thus every morning will hear azan.

This kind of little stuff keep make me remind of her when i try to sleep and its been almost a year like this. Its affecting my work when I lack of sleep.

I see , thats the problem . Didn't sit down and talk to figure it out what problem you guys are . Believe me , heart still damn pain but atleast better 50% if do like this . My story is , almost a decade of love planning 2 years lagi will marry but problem still exist jadi both of us have to step back and let the problem to be solve . We still love each other and we have our own way to tell that (not s3x) now but not like couple chitchat before .

Wow. Almost a decade?. Mine elaborate more?. Take your time to reply

Yeah , now already a decade .... I try to summary it simple as possible , my broken english hope you can understand also lah hahaha...
I "love" her at first sight , many peoples don't believe this... Hard to explain what's the feeling ... but yeah... you will feel it automatically she are the right person you want ...
After few years , she got some matter and asking me whether i able to help her or not ? and yeah... the problem appears....(she are a trustworthy person , this is no doubt) ... after that , couple mah confirm got some argue 1 ... many times we argue will bring us back to the "matter" but nevermind lah after that we also good as before like nothing happen and still so love each other ...even we passed ldr when covid happens... recently , we argue lagi and then bring us back to the matter again ... we notice or admit it this is the problem we both need to step back and let it solve first only can move to the next stage .... we sit down talk peacefully and nicely , admit our problems ... both of us know we can't loose each other just need sometimes let the problem to be solve ... at the end , i so regret my decision...this is my soooooooo wrong decision in my life...if not sudah married and got family long time ago ... here is all the simple summarize story , impossible i tell the full story here...hope you can understand lah...

This post has been edited by Goodguy909: Jan 5 2025, 05:36 AM

Suddenly missing her right now cannot sleep even though already lost communicate for few months 😔😔😔

The trigger... azan that I heard just know which trigger my memories when at there

This post has been edited by kesvani: Feb 2 2025, 07:00 AM