I am happily married, almost 10 years, don't understand why some people have to cheat?

If you really think it feels better to be with someone else, then just break up/divorce first, then you can be with someone else with no issue, right?

Why secretly cheat, sometimes for many years too? What is the logic?

Want to experience different feel with many partners at the same time? Don't be in a relationship then, just be a "player" with other consensual "players", nobody gets hurt and you can enjoy as many different partners as you want.

Or if want to be in "open" relationship, get your partner's consent first, then can date whoever you want, don't cheat after your partner rejected your "open" preference, just break up or divorce first, find someone else that shares your open idea, easy right?

I really don't understand the psychology of cheaters, makes no sense.

After exposed, they beg for forgiveness, cry like children.

Cheaters with kids even worse, why hurt your whole family like that? Just divorce first, say you no longer feel the same way, then date whoever you want, as long as you take care of your kids afterward.

Sometimes both have kids, still cheat with each other, ruin two families at same time, wtf?

I cannot understand these people, no logic at all.

Maybe it's like drug addiction, cannot stop once started, brain and body out of control?

This post has been edited by adonhhk: Aug 5 2024, 11:51 PM

some married women still rely on their husband for financial help and cannot cut the tie right away, ive also met some successful carrier women who already had their child raised up to primary school, when the stress is lessened they tend to come out find some alpha seeds to be impregnated

thats dilemma of modern women
they are not able to find alpha and beta qualities (complete package) on the same guy, and even though they are able to find that horse prince, usually he aint gonna settle down earlier before her eggs dried up

That sounds sexist and made up, no offense.

reality of life bro, only the better genes will survive longer
women can work, money is not a primary factor that can get attention (solely) anymore

Is a guy going to cheong considered cheating?

Base on my life experience the problem come from character or money!

What sort of character and money from who?

Character - Bitch, Gold digger, Lazy, Materialistic, Mistress, Uneducated, Vanity.....

This post has been edited by w19: Aug 8 2024, 12:05 PM

Think about this part: you typically need to get to know someone good enough to know that you WANT to be with that person. I'd bet most cheaters don't realise they're cheating until it's too late, already invested, FELL in love...

Anyway, short answer: human is not perfect, and we all seek something from our relationships, be it romance or friendship. You cross the line* the moment you seek something elsewhere your partner disagrees with. *That line is usually agreed by both parties.

Esther Perel is a professional/expert in this topic, you can find in YouTube.


I'd love to talk more but lazy to write haha...

to me its pure chance and willingness of the other party to participate although they knew the other person is married...

Men or women? Men totally not to blame?

How can you not know you are cheating? Having feeling is one thing, but to actively pursue it and "pairing" with another, behind your partner's back, is not exactly an "accident".

How to justify?


How to justify though? You still need to actively engage in the cheating, it's not an accident, chance or not.

TS, try answering this question.

Regardless of your answer above, you WILL get disagreement from someone right here in this forum. That's the thing about being human, everyone has different "lines".

Are you fine with your wife going on meals with male friend(s)? Or the other way around, is she ok with you hanging out with female friend(s)? If ok, what about 1:1? Dinner? Weekend? Sleepover at other's house? What if alcohol is involved?

Some people would've said NO cannot hangout regardless of group or 1:1, but some are even okay for them to be physically intimate with others (open relationships). Think about your own boundaries, then discuss with your wife to understand hers. If you find disagreements there, you might end up arguing because, "who knows you already crossed her line unknowingly?!" Yeah that's basically "cheating".

I think you are fixated on the later part of cheating i.e. after the fact that one already fell for another and gives in to the instant gratification of short flings. It doesn't happen overnight and it's not always done by a serial cheater (that's also why there are many cases where one forgives the other and they remain committed as spouses).

This post has been edited by Takudan: Aug 9 2024, 10:14 PM

Most of male will cheat because its free! Serious, if male want to pay, they will pay it from the start! Beside that, whore is every where! Did you know most of playboy like to play other wife or gf because they know once thing burst or after sometime, she will back to family or bf. This is so call enjoy while we can.

How many girl sleep with superior please!?

Did you know mistress do it free in early stage please!?

To all dumb girl,

May I know what did you get when you sit inside a flash car please!?

May I know what did you get when you stay in a flash house please!?

May I know what did you get when you out with someone superior please!?

Serious, if you dont get something for what you do, 101% you are idiot!

My advice to all female, a man refuse to spend on you. Please end it.

Im very sorry I dont value dream, story, talk n so on. Please forgive me. I always love math & science.

Biologically, men are not programmed to be monogamous.

But, we are civilized and have been Christeo-Judeo-AMDK brainwashed with Victorian values (back when the British Empire shat on more than a quarter of the known world) to rise above our base instincts and be loyal and faithful to one partner.

For those who find that their moral values align, then good for them and may they find happiness long in their marriages.

For those whose biological drive strain and push against the boundaries of civic morality and societal norms, then my commiserations.

It is what it is.

Its not just morals that hold man back.

The brain also produce some chemicals that encourage fidelity, namely oxytoxon and seratonin. These chemicals are boosted during periods of intimacy. One of the side effects apparently is that when the levels are high, we find other women less attractive.

Good explanation

When intimacy goes away, usually so will fidelity.

But of course there are exceptions and outliers.

Again, to dissect and discern further, intimacy can be further divided into physical, emotional, mental & spiritual forms - and each subcategory will offer its own neurochemicals to batten the hatches and tie one down securely, or lack thereof to allow a free kite to fly free.

If I can share my point of view:
Yes without knowledge and approval of partner, he is physically cheating even though no feeling

Cheat could be for few reason.

1. Lust (if you quietly go spa, texting or fling but nothing serious with intention to sleep with the person)

2. Money (If as a guy or girl attracted by money, wealth, gift or sense of financial security which suits her lifestyle or expectation)

3. Attention (Feeling wanted, feeling adore, feeling loved which not so sure will last how long or what is the actual motive)

4. Other advantage (Normally happen in work environment or business which to trade sex or fling to obtain deal, contract or promotion)

5. Pure Bitch (Girl / Guy who feel challenged or attracted to steal or take someone elses partner

6. Power but Coward (Act so good husband, loving father but the other dark side of him date or do something which 180 degree from his daily image)

7. Fairy tale & Imagination (Watching to much movie (K-drama, Porn, etc or imagining their perfect version of partner and keep on finding it without considering the consequences)

8. Pure Stupid (Simply because the person stupid, e.g: fall in love with online scammer until trsf money)

9. Trapped in situation (purposely trap partner treat the person and purposely lead him/her to cheat because taking things for granted, abuse mental & physical, etc)

10. Real Love & Fated (It is fated and it is the better partner, normally this will lead with divorce but the initial started while still in relationship so consider cheat)

If u r not why u bother to understand