Think about this part: you typically need to get to know someone good enough to know that you WANT to be with that person. I'd bet most cheaters don't realise they're cheating until it's too late, already invested, FELL in love...

Anyway, short answer: human is not perfect, and we all seek something from our relationships, be it romance or friendship. You cross the line* the moment you seek something elsewhere your partner disagrees with. *That line is usually agreed by both parties.

Esther Perel is a professional/expert in this topic, you can find in YouTube.


I'd love to talk more but lazy to write haha...

TS, try answering this question.

Regardless of your answer above, you WILL get disagreement from someone right here in this forum. That's the thing about being human, everyone has different "lines".

Are you fine with your wife going on meals with male friend(s)? Or the other way around, is she ok with you hanging out with female friend(s)? If ok, what about 1:1? Dinner? Weekend? Sleepover at other's house? What if alcohol is involved?

Some people would've said NO cannot hangout regardless of group or 1:1, but some are even okay for them to be physically intimate with others (open relationships). Think about your own boundaries, then discuss with your wife to understand hers. If you find disagreements there, you might end up arguing because, "who knows you already crossed her line unknowingly?!" Yeah that's basically "cheating".

I think you are fixated on the later part of cheating i.e. after the fact that one already fell for another and gives in to the instant gratification of short flings. It doesn't happen overnight and it's not always done by a serial cheater (that's also why there are many cases where one forgives the other and they remain committed as spouses).

This post has been edited by Takudan: Aug 9 2024, 10:14 PM

No shit Sherlock