Well, I heard somebody saying that you do not split the bill no matter what on the first date even if it isn't good.

So what do you think?

I also feel not good la...as a guy gentlemen sikit. Unless the opposite side is a biatch that leech for free food.

But how would we know she leech free food? She might come out all nice and all, then later say "Sorry I only see you as friend aka brother"

No need to split bill...unless one of them bring friends

That somebody is right.

there are few reasons why you should initiate paying as a guy:

-it looks better as you signal provider attribute
-it makes it easier for you to ask out 'high quality' girl (but its subjective, there are females who just want free dinner so they purposely dress better and only go out with rich guys)
-if you can afford rm200 lunch, that means you probably have a decent place to invite girls home for fun time

It just makes everything easier, but its not a must.

you can still bang some cute and attractive girls by spending less, but your pool of choices become limited, there are girls who don't give you much of time when they see your instagram post has nothing going on

Absolutely correct, please dont show your cheapskateness as a first impression if you want to progress.

You won't know for sure. I put this as one of those "initial cost of doing business".

As a rule, my first date is at a moderately priced venue. Not cheap, but not expensive for my budget.

First date for me is just screening. The second and third dates are more critical.

Ah, the age-old debate: who should pay for the first meal?

First of all, it is (un)fortunately the norm - what society expects in general: "guys should pay for first meal". If you don't follow the norm, you'll stick out like a sore thumb. That said, I also do not agree that this means men are always on the losing side - please read on.

To me, intentions behind words/actions are important.
If a woman refuses to pay the first meal, she's a selfish bitch.
If a man refuses to pay the first meal, he's a stingy ass.
The art of socialising with another human is to play ping-pong on your intentions. Ideally to me, the story of first meal should go like this:
1. Man offers to pay first (the norm)
2. Woman is grateful and offers to pay for next meal/tea. (If first meetup already decided it's not a match then just split bill and call it a day)
3. Man is grateful and accepts her offer.
It's a give and take and everyone is happy. I love the art of give and take because I feel happy to be pampered, at the same time I'd love to let you feel the same way! By splitting bill all the time, you kill the opportunity.

Of course, I would hate to be with a gold digger or someone who doesn't appreciate / always takes but hardly gives, but the (sad) reality of life is that you're not always lucky with meeting people, and there are always people like that who would take advantage of others. When you take the initiative to be the "man" in step 1, you choose to be vulnerable to the "predators"/bitches. A good woman would recognise that and reciprocate your generosity. I have a friend of my age, she told me one of her online dating experience with a younger guy. She offered to pay first meal knowing he was new to the workforce and he let her. A few meetups from there, the man never offered once. She felt used and throughout their encounters, she was hardly enjoying her time with him because he never did anything nice for her. Eventually she called it off because she felt it was a one-sided friendship. He didn't say anything and it was over. Although she didn't really fall for him or anything, she still felt hurt because he didn't appreciate the relationship at all, even though it was still in the friendship stage. It's a rare case because women generally don't offer first, but my friend took it as an experiment to try to be different from the norm, and basically learned how guys normally feel when girls take advantage of them lol.

This is also why...
Guys, paying for the first meal is the easiest to filter out bitches
Ladies, offering to pay the next/split bill easily puts you above the bitches

how much you talking about

Ive been ghosted after first date as low as rm30
If a girl initates split bill on initial meeting, its usually no 2nd time again as a courtesy
if i genuinely find her boring and borderline impolite (ie keep looking at her phone), i will also ask her to split

Say whole bill about 80-150.

Well I had a worse incident.

Girl agreed to go out for whole day, literally Lunch till Dinner + Movie in middle.

Everything I paid including popcorn and all.

End up, no more dates and "Sorry, I see you as a brother only"

This post has been edited by redracer2004: Oct 17 2023, 02:09 PM

If you have no plans to get under her skirt, go dutch then. If you wanna get under her skirt, then I say it is worth the investment.

Bersangka baik...Maybe after giving u chance of one day, you cant deliver?

Apologies ..No hard feelings bro..

Anyway, maybe can follow my policy. First date is short, about 1-2 hours only. 1 hour if no chemistry, a bit longer if got. Its usually tea rather than lunch or dinner. Movie is a definite no-no. Unless of course you target piap on first date.

I spent like below rm100 (include motel fee)
and piap the girl, all from beginning to end less than 3 hours

this is called efficiency
clearly your mindset and strategy is wrong

If you chase her until she agree to come out on a date with you, of course you pay lah! Simple case. If she asked you out on a date and you agreed, then be a real gentleman and offer to pay as well.

Now if you don't like her, don't even go out on the date in the first place.

most women will pretend like you should be the one paying, its unwritten rule, there are some nasty girls who just say next time i belanja you la with that innocent tone, then proceed to ghost you

If the guy cant afford to pay, might as well go something cheaper

Dont split the bill..... take it like a man should. If you like the girl then go for 3 - 4 dates. Along the way she offer to pay something then can continue. If always you must pay, then must think about it liao.

There must be some reciprocation.

As a girl, I'd prefer to go Dutch all the way. If I'm capable of earning my own money, I should be capable of paying for my own share.

Also, I don't wanna feel like I owe the guy anything if I'm not vibing with him throughout the date.

There are many ways for a guy to show his gentleman side so don't limit him to just footing the bill.

ditto. it's like a game of chance. a 50/50 bet.

In practice, how do you do this on a first date?

Do you call for the bill yourself and ask for separate bills?

Do you discuss it with the guy? Then do the calculator thing?

Or maybe quickly swipe first then ask him to transfer money to u?

All very romantic stuff 😆

I'd inform him about it before we go on our 1st date.

If guy likes the girl (attractive/same level of chemistry), it would feel good for the guy to pay the bill rather than the other way round (It's a pleasure).
If guy somehow didn't enjoy the date so much, it would feel good for the guy if the girl insisted to go dutch (especially if the guy had a series of uninteresting dates)

me myself if asking someone going out for a date , definitely i will pay for the bills , it doesn't matter later on she likes me or not or not more then just a friend , it's once in a while not everyday

Interesting. I never faced this one b4.

Usually its offer to share at end of meal or the next one on me thing.

I just don't want do the stupid, awkward wallet dance with the guy when it's time to pay for the meal. It's better to be upfront abt it.

Anyway it's almost 2024 now...i don't understand why society still expects guys to pay. Such an archaic mindset lol.

i wanna bao ka liao but the girl insist since she also earning

Are you single and looking to mingle right now? (Probably the dumbest question to ask)

there are girls who will use just-because-im-a-woman-you-should-pay card, better keep the costs low if you dont know the person well

Whoever's idea to go on a date should be the one to pay the bill entirely. It is up to the person who was invited on a date, to suggest splitting the bill. Then it is up to the person who initiated the date to accept whether or not to split the bill.

Typically the men invite the women on a date so he should foot the bill. Don't bring a gal to a fancy restaurant that you cannot afford.

Unless your date is ordering every expensive item on every single page/section of the menu. Then you should just bail.

This post has been edited by Lahaha: Oct 18 2023, 01:58 PM

Years ago, a guy from a dating app asked me out for lunch, so I went. He was an oil and gas engineer, and he told me he asked 10 girls out in two weeks when he was not offshore. He said out of the 10 girls he met, he liked 4 of them, and I was one of them.

After lunch, I paid for my own meal (around RM30) because he wanted to split the bill. That's when I realised why men became calculative with a single meal despite their high earnings. There are men who frequently use dating apps to ask girls out + want to keep the dating costs as low as possible for their own benefit.

In my twenties, I went out with about 26-30 men for lunch/dinner dates (they asked me out), and only 2 didn't pay for the meal. The oil & gas engineer was one of them, and the other one was a relationship manager for a wealth management consultancy. The latter then liked me further and brought me to expensive restaurants. He then explained he didn't pay for the first meal as he had met too many gold diggers. After we got to know each other better, he pampered me with fine dining.

So ya, just sharing some male psychology and behaviour that I observed. Based on my experience, 9 out of 10 men would pay for the first meal. The 1 man who didn't pay probably had some motive/concern as I shared above + other possible reasons.

In general, if a man asks a woman out, he pays for her meal... unless the woman insists on going Dutch.

So did you ended up with the relationship manager? Haha

We liked each other and got closer physically. He asked me to meet his parents and thought of marrying me, but he wouldn't kiss me nor tell me that he loved me. I guess he was afraid to give his heart as he had failed relationships before. Also, he wasn't sure if he wanted to have children.

After that, my ex-bf returned and wanted reconciliation, so it became a love triangle. I had feelings for both men, but my ex-bf was more decisive. He straightaway went to see my parents and asked my dad for my hand in marriage.

In the end, the relationship manager chose to let go unwillingly. I could only say he didn't fight hard enough because of his past relationship failures and his feelings for me weren't deep enough. Until today, he's still single in his 40s and seeing/dating many women.

I think he really liked you.

I know. He expressed it through romantic actions. I liked him a lot and thought of marrying him too... It's a pity we didn't reach the official couple stage.

That's why it's important for men to be more resolute when pursuing women. Previous relationships are in the past; don't let them affect current and future relationships. Be bold and open to love again.

Probably better for u. The RM world is filled with young attractive female colleagues, many with the career ambition of marrying a wealthy guy.

If the man first ask out then he should be gentle pay all the bills.

What? You both are malay or what
so you been seeing each other quite awhile and no sex happens?
I wonder how much trauma this guy have to let go

happily married with your then ex-bf?

It's subjective actually, I didn't go much date but a few suggested me to split bill. A few just assume I will pay which I personally don't mind, I'll consider this a way to thank the women for willing to go out for a date with me.

depends on type of girl u dating

How do you feel about your current marriage ?

You still chose your ex in the end

its fine u just dodge a bullet

Yes, better don't coz first impression is very important. Pick some place that is not so cheap and not so expensive. Even after first date become friendzone also not rugi lah.