Since one of the managers is my friend, I'm just going to send him a WhatsApp first to express my thoughts on the possible offer. I didn't really express it during the interview because I was sinking all in.
Went through the technical session (2nd IV), and then the excitement of knowing I'm in the pole position to join an elite company in an industry I'm passionate about, followed by the disappointing salary news. LOL

I'm just going to tell him I'm a little uneasy about the package and would like to see if there is any opportunity for renegotiation. At least he knows from me directly and not from HR.
Just going to share with him the spreadsheet I made (attached) so that he understands why Im being hesitant. Will he make the move if he was in my shoes?
Since they are Europeans, they may not be familiar with the living cost here in Malaysia, compared to the UK
I was holding my smirk when the other manager went on saying they get a 4% increment + bonus every year as if that is something unusual. 4% bonus not even half month.
He mentioned the only thing that is expensive is the house and tax, but the rest are cheap. But anyway ...

The only way to make this feasible is to cover that accommodation cost, either they
1) add that to the nett pay (means more loss to taxes)
or
2) accommodation directly paid for by the company
or
3) since it's a hybrid role, can I just work from Malaysia, once a month trip to the UK (if needed). They can pay me even less than they offered. Not sure if there would be a problem with corporate taxes.

I don't know if ex-pat packages with accommodation exist these days. I've gone through some ex-pat forums, and it seems quite rare, only available for those C or D-suite execs.

Hi,
perhaps you can really "test out" your friendship with your angmo boss and sincerely see how it pans out.
it's kind weird though as how you put it.. an elite/rolex class company, but somewhere lacking in compensation. This may reflect in 2 possibilities:

1. your prospective boss is just trying to milk you as much as possible.
2. industry is not doing well moving forward and thus hiring budget reflect this brutal honesty.

for #1, you can leverage your relationship and really see if these so called "pole position", your skillsets, how well you're needed, etc are true.. else, it's just a facade to rope you in.. if you're really what they claimed you are... stand your ground(this is not re-negotation.. but negotiation.. you don't have to give those pathetic although justifiable reasons about living expenses.. just justify based on merits alone would suffice)

for #2.. pandai pandai la.. if things are going south, everything is off the table, so to speak and nothing will be certain, regardless rolex or otherwise.

Need to include medical insurance cost.
Medical is expensive in many western countries. Medical insurance is almost a must if living there and insurance is not cheap also.

Generally those expenses related to services are expensive in developed countries, be it dentist, plumber, electrician.

Don't convert GBP to MYR to justify in the calculation.
Whatever income after conversion to MYR is irrelevant.
You earn there and spent there.
Can't justify earn GBP 4K equal to RM20k due to cost of living is not the same.
The real upgrade is when you earn RM 10K here, and move there also earn GBP 10K.

Need to include medical insurance costs.
Medical is expensive in many western countries. Medical insurance is almost a must if living there and insurance is not cheap also.

Generally, those expenses related to services are expensive in developed countries, be it dentist, plumber, electrician.

Don't convert GBP to MYR to justify in the calculation.
Whatever income after conversion to MYR is irrelevant.
You earn there and spent there.
Can't justify earn GBP 4K equal to RM20k due to cost of living is not the same.
The real upgrade is when you earn RM 10K here, and move there also earn GBP 10K.

US and UK different. UK salary auto deduct for NI contribution, so NHS is literally free. I never paid anything else when going to NHS clinics.

Also if your job is RM 10k in Malaysia, it's unlikely to be £ 10k in UK. Realistically it will be somewhere around £5k instead

US get higher pay than Europe but less social security and benefits. So need to budget for good medical insurance. No NHS in US.

Also in US can get retrenched without any mandatory compensation at any time. So got pros and cons

Don't show any figure or spreadsheet, you open up yourself to be challenged and risk anchoring on a figure. This can go real bad.

I agree with the fellow below here. What do you think is fair value for your services? Don't talk about living cost, it's immaterial to the company, also approach this from a value perspective. Companies/HR always say that they compensate based on the COST OF LABOUR, not cost of living.....since you know that you have rare skills, what truly is the cost of your labour and specialty?

Friend or no friend, all companies will try to pay you the least to get you to say less, if you show a breakdown of your living cost and expenses, they can simply tell you that you should spend less or some BS like, oh....you actually have a a surplus, so the offer stands. Never do anything stupid like this.

I don't want to speculate why they offered that figure......if friendship or having that relationship really did mattered, I would expect to have a but of premium above the average, just to sweeten the deal, to go with someone who knows the job and have a pre-existing relationship. So if the offer is disappointing then it's really either one of the 2 points below. Many times. HR will lowball because they have a notion that immigrants and foreigners will almost always accept any offer because moving to the UK is an upgrade, especially when you are not a WASP....that's just how they play the game.
Precisely, friendship, buddy buddy all goes out the window when it comes to money or when it comes to finding someone to sack or to blame............The best "friend" is still money when it comes to a business relationship. Everything else is just cosmetic....

Thanks for the feedback. I understand your point about salary should be about merit and not living cost, its a valid point.. I've mentioned that to my friend too, off record.

Im putting professional ethics aside for now so I don't care if he sees this from either a friend's or a manager's perspective.
Plus, this isn't just switching companies but countries too, with a family. I want to show them, that coming to the UK isn't in fact an upgrade....for me at least.

What I've stated is the cost of necessities, not lifestyle. So where do I spend less? Downgrade and live in a studio? Even that doesn't help.
From that spreadsheet I learn that there is little to no chance I can get a salary that can provide me with a better standard of living than what I currently have in MY.
They have to pay at least £6k per month to make this work, and from what I gathered, that is the manager-level salary (just a level above me) in that company.
So what are the options then, either the company absorbs some cost or they let me work from Malaysia.

It's a long shot but if none of it works, so be it. They can continue their search and I can go around walking and rocking like a peacock, bragging that this big-name company wanted me, but I said "Thanks but No Thanks" 

Is it common for employers to offer 13th mth salary or AWS in Britain ?

My current company (UK based) offers it here in Malaysia and in UK too.

UK? Lets invite our long term UK resident to give comment.

AfraidIGotBan

UPDATE 10/6/2023

I have received the offer from the company. After discussions with them prior to the offer, they have pushed it from 55k to 58k per annum, they said I can ask the HR for further increment but they doubt can go any higher
They offering 3k for relocation (reimbursement) which I don't think is enough as a startup cost. visa and flight cost alone for me and my family is more than 3k.
Not considering things I need to terminate in MY, deposits for new home/car/furniture.

But it is what it is. Dilemma.

UPDATE 10/6/2023

I have received the offer from the company. After discussions with them prior to the offer, they have pushed it from 55k to 58k per annum, they said I can ask the HR for further increment but they doubt can go any higher
They offering 3k for relocation (reimbursement) which I don't think is enough as a startup cost. visa and flight cost alone for me and my family is more than 3k.
Not considering things I need to terminate in MY, deposits for new home/car/furniture.

But it is what it is. Dilemma.

Why must whole fam follow leh? You go alone and “cheong” as hard as you can first la, once your salary there reach a lvl that can comfortably move them over then decide again. In fact, your wife can now afford to goyang kaki already and your kids still young, it’s not like they can appreciate the move anyways, more likely kana bully when there

UPDATE 10/6/2023

I have received the offer from the company. After discussions with them prior to the offer, they have pushed it from 55k to 58k per annum, they said I can ask the HR for further increment but they doubt can go any higher
They offering 3k for relocation (reimbursement) which I don't think is enough as a startup cost. visa and flight cost alone for me and my family is more than 3k.
Not considering things I need to terminate in MY, deposits for new home/car/furniture.

But it is what it is. Dilemma.