If you didn”t realize, what happened to you at present is influencing your future decision making. You felt that this should not be the way & you will not make the future generation to face the same fate.

So it's just 2 sons or she has more kids ?

if it's your house, why not ask your parents to stay for a few weeks to "help with the grandkids" ? then your MIL can go back to her elder son.

obviously plan ahead so the situation is not heated, maybe just awkward so when MIL feels out of place she can find friends/her own siblings.

thats basically a lot of people are like that :X

Can't work also because she already moved out from the elder son due to conflict and high chance she will not move back again due to "face" and dignity. Her elder daughter's house got "ghost" so she not dare to sleep alone. Younger daughter just recently move to Singapore. So nowhere she can go now.

but she has her own place to stay ? if yes, persuade her to move back and arrange MIL own sibling / children to visit on a schedule ie Monday Eldest son , Tuesday 2nd Child etc

may need to get part time help / maid for her and everyone chip in for the cost or tapau food when visiting so not a burden to host so many "visitors"

No also and she not dare to stay/sleep alone. All the children have their own family too to take care of.

As for maid/helper can't work also as her children can't afford it. Both her sons' wife is the breadwinner.

I really really hope that she move back to her elder son's house since her favorite child always be him and let me have my peace back

last part not necessary will happened all the time. Some ppl are just nasty.

i have seen some aunties very mild mannered, some very toxic one

it's up to one's personality

After having been in two different relationships, i have seen one being ok (ex-gf mother), the other (current MIL) being very nosy and bossy. Two different personalities.

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This post has been edited by @lice~~: Jul 26 2023, 02:14 PM

Your then future mother in law potential behaviors' (now legally mother in law) was made known to you 15 years ago. 15 years ago & you decided to proceed to get married ~ you decided to accept the flaws. After you accepted the flaws, now you suddenly you cannot accept it, 15 years time not sufficient to prepare for today?

A good one

Well, not suddenly cannot accept the flaws. Back in that year, I stayed at their house (his parent's house) and now she stay at my house. When it's your own house for sure you have higher expectation on cleanness, tidyness and hygiene compare to other people's house and condition/situation have different already as I have children now and she might cause the bad influence on my kids.

Over the 15 years she become worst or should I say I have not know the "real" her until she moved in my house and all the patterns show up. Even I did heard a lot of complaints from her own daughters and son-in-law before but when yourself facing its you still get the shock. Even her own son cannot tahan her and choose to go cafe to work rather then come back home earlier.

Well, i raise the case as nothing i can do now

Old ppl hygiene level drops as they aged. Even my own mother used to be very particular on the cleanliness but somehow , as they aged, they will compromise it. Their brain cells deteriorating as the time pass & could no longer have good memory.

You really need to figure out a middle point, else it will not do any good. 15 years is hell lot of time for preparation. Your husband stated before "it was his responsibility" knowing he is 2nd child , he already let you know about this possibility years ago.

No matter how many 10 years for me to prepare, the ending still the same, hardly can accept

If only I see the red flag back in the 15 years ago and make some changes or different choice

This is not how life work. There is no room for regret in life. In life, there is only 1 way forward, no such thing as second chance or second life or alternate universe shit. Your shitty condition, you need to work on it to get better. Complaining & talk about it will not make thing better.

The world don't give a damn on how each individual life outcome. Regardless the ending, the world is moving forward & doing its refinement /improvement endlessly.

A good outcome will become role model for the other. The bad outcome will become lessons for the other.

the issue is just about cleanliness and hygiene? That's all that cause the argument?

what kind of expectation do you have?

Everything in the house must be minimalist?

Eg. Like sometimes old ppl collect stacks of old newspapers and put at the corner of the house, you cannot tahan see that?

Got kids? If no, divorce the wife them MIL issue resolved

Look at M Kan.

I think this issue is 1Malaysia issue. All like that my also like that but luckily for my sister's in law. 1% of the time only. So if you get mil 90% of time like that Kira you Sui lah. If you got kids, really not setting good examples for this to keep happening.

All three of you not setting good examples.

Grandmayiu listed edi.
Father like yes men to mom. Wife is a maid n child bearer? So son will grow up like what?
Mom like enduring abuse like that? Show daughters should tolerate abuse?

https://forum.lowyat.net/index.php?showtopi...ost&p=106997639 refer here

My expectation is since we are staying in the same house so we should helping each other. Like helping doing the laundry and some light household chores. No i didn't expect her to mop or sweeping the floor or any hard works. She will only do those household chore when I am at home and purposely do it in front of me. When clothes are dry, she only take hers inside and left ours out there.

Collect stacks of old newspaper and put it nicely and not blocking the way, I still fine but ensure don't make a mess or cause more problem at later time

this one need your husband to scold her why she behave like this.

Not to say scold lah, he did sound her and her answer always like "i didn't do so", "i worry your wife don't likes it", "i forgot"...

Like today my husband sounded her being so selfish and never think/care about others, she gave tons of excuses like "you misunderstand me", "i don't know", "i just simply asking/saying only no any intention" and try to change topic..