Conflict with in-laws quite a common topic.

There is another option. Why not you try to "bribe" your MIL out of this. "Bribe" can be by giving some benefits to achieve mutual win-win scenario. If you know she like something, try to "bribe" her heart.

Life is short, don't go against each other, if she willing to cooperate, both you & her can have better days. She "make" her day, you "make" your day, there is no need to go against each another.

She can't. Technically the husband & wife already moved out & staying at their own house. The MIL now come to stay with them because the FIL already passed away.

If the old people really talk don't want to listen, be friend with them they don't appreciate & kwailan abit some more, they will find soon themselves the path to old folk home, that will be the usual stories public get to hear. Then what comes next will be the story about the char siew children alleged for mistreating their parent for sending them to old folk home.

The ending need not have to be such sad, go negotiate the better ending with the MIL. Not worth for such ending.

The best fate arrangement you could wish now - some neighbors / relative son send their parent to old folks home because the old ppl too kwailan. That incident will become a lesson for your MIL to tune down.

This post has been edited by nihility: Apr 27 2023, 05:28 PM

If I were in your place, if it were to happen to me. These should be the sequence of options:-

1 )Try to befriend the in laws. She goods, I'm good, everyone happy. If bribing her can do the jobs, I won't mind spending the cost.

2) If option 1 don't work, second worse scenario. The in-laws do her stuff, don't encroach the boundary. As long as she respect that boundary, that will do.

3) If option 2 don't work, 3rd worse scenario. Vent it out. There is limit on each one can take, instead of complain direct to your husband, just get into direct fight with the in laws, if need to shout just shout. If she don't want to see this scene, ask her to better behave, if not, you just need to make sure you is the devil that she will regret to provoke. The eldest DIL is bad, send 1 signal that 2nd DIL is worse if she continue to be kwai lan.

4) Look for the old folks home, sign her up. Call the eldest son, each family to share the expenses.

This world, people fear the ruthless & bully the kind ppl.

If possible, there is no need to go till option 3) & 4). The best case scenario is 1).

If you didn”t realize, what happened to you at present is influencing your future decision making. You felt that this should not be the way & you will not make the future generation to face the same fate.

Your then future mother in law potential behaviors' (now legally mother in law) was made known to you 15 years ago. 15 years ago & you decided to proceed to get married ~ you decided to accept the flaws. After you accepted the flaws, now you suddenly you cannot accept it, 15 years time not sufficient to prepare for today?

Old ppl hygiene level drops as they aged. Even my own mother used to be very particular on the cleanliness but somehow , as they aged, they will compromise it. Their brain cells deteriorating as the time pass & could no longer have good memory.

You really need to figure out a middle point, else it will not do any good. 15 years is hell lot of time for preparation. Your husband stated before "it was his responsibility" knowing he is 2nd child , he already let you know about this possibility years ago.

This is not how life work. There is no room for regret in life. In life, there is only 1 way forward, no such thing as second chance or second life or alternate universe shit. Your shitty condition, you need to work on it to get better. Complaining & talk about it will not make thing better.

The world don't give a damn on how each individual life outcome. Regardless the ending, the world is moving forward & doing its refinement /improvement endlessly.

A good outcome will become role model for the other. The bad outcome will become lessons for the other.