Today, I wish to share stories about my marriage life. I've been married for 20 years and have 2 children. Recently because of some argument, my wife said wanted to divorce and the reason is our point of view is different. She said I didn’t coax her during the time we argued and let herself calm down for a week. She also complaint thru these 20 years of marriage life, our 3 life viewing angle (三观) is different. She always said our way of thinking, financial freedom and mindset are not the same.

Thinking:-
She always said our children are grown up, we can go out and do whatever we want. Is time to let go but I’m not thinking that way. My children are still in their teenage years and during these periods they need more attention. These periods are the time they step out into the social world, a wrong step might cause their whole life.

Financial freedom:-
My wife's income is twice of my income. Due to that, she will spend most of her time at work.
And for my job, it is more simple. So I can have more time to take care of my home and family.
So, 80% of household issues were taken care of by me. Like cleaning, cooking, sending children to school at 6AM every morning etc.
I had spoken to my wife, since her job needs more time, so I’m staying back to take everything, so she can concentrate on her work and be hassle free when back from work.

Mindset:-
Her job gives her many opportunities to explore new things compared to my work, everyday I just sit in my office chair and work. When we had a conversation, she had many things to say but for me, everyday is the same. Whenever she seeks my advice she will say I sit too long in the office. The business world is different now.

Actually, I agreed with her. The business world had changed a lot and her pace moved faster than me. In my opinion, our children's pace is still slow. Someone had to move slower to guide them and take care of everything. Like those dramas, a successful husband will complain that their house wife knows nothing and end up divorce them. I have the same feeling now.

It looks like the one who stays back taking family might end up getting dumped.

women really sometimes ddly haiz

Question: Are you sure she is not seeing someone more viable to her at work that you are not aware about? Since she spends most of her time at work, high chances are she may be strung with someone at work and found her 2nd spring there? Children are teenagers, so I assume you guys are at least at the 40s? So she may feel there's someone who likes her as who she is?

Nowadays it's ok to be a divorcee

More peaceful

Yes, I know that.
Recently, one of my friend also divorced and also married more than 10 years. Wife also more capable than him.

Can be sure, she don't have second spring. But meet with more successful in career for sure will have.

at the end of day, at its core, women still prefer men more capable than herself, despite there is nothing wrong with u earning lesser than her and be ok with it, plus dont mind taking care the household things.
i met my fair share of super capable women at my work place, most of them either single for life or divorced, sad to say u might not survive this statistic
her reason for divorce is probably just made up too, she may simply just want something better, not necessarily means she is seeing someone

u either make the choice of stepping up your game by playing catch up with her or cut the loss
after all women nowadays are very capable, existence of men are becoming less and less relevant if you're not up to standard, think hard, what is the value of men (or yourself) if women is going to be with you? one of the obvious answer is to provide resource, and in your situation that is taken cared by your wife, so what else do you bring to table? household things? that's a good thing but only if u do it once in a while, the correct image for u is supposed to be earning more than her and elevate her life experience, no girls like to take up that role, it just feels like a man than a woman

my close friend just ended his 10 year relationship because the GF surpassed him at earning, when she asked him about the future, he couldnt promise anything, cant even afford to get a home, a home of their own is the deal breaker for her and she chose to leave. i was truly hoping this close friend of mine can prove me wrong that her GF is different, at the end still the same sad ending that ive seen many times

stay strong brother

This post has been edited by Sasuke95: Oct 25 2022, 10:52 PM

You put yourself at a very vulnerable position & the result could be of your own doings.

20 years of marriage & only recently she vented it out, there were many things which could have accumulated over the period of 20 years but you didn't realize it or pick it up.

Marriage life is not only about raising children. You put too much focus on your children until you neglect your wife needs. It is not like she didn't attempt to communicate with you, you are able to state & list down her comments but yet you failed to take any action to make the thing become better on excuse that your children need more attention.

Have you ever thought that you could be the over-protective parent by focusing so much on your kids without realizing that you are robbing your teenage children their decision making ? Kids nowadays are smarter & more resourceful compare to our time. Slow it down & balance your focus between the kids & marriage.

The stagnation part in your office is also the killer but your refusal to heed her advise to go out see the world make it worse. In relationship or marriage, the killer is always the stagnation - you are doing the same routine over & over until everything become boring. When it become a routine , it become a burden , when it become burden, there comes the arguments. Over the time , with more/growth of resources & experience , there are suppose to be more thing you can do as husband & wife. Don't make the marriage like the ending to the coupling stuff, it can still be carried out without the kids or with the kids ( trust me, the wife will prefer the kids away in the outing).

Put aside your ego & go apologies. I think you can still save this marriage. If married 4-5 years & divorce , yeah, maybe the wife is a bitch but this one married 20 years & she decided to leave this marriage after the her youth is over….go mend yourself & your marriage.

This post has been edited by nihility: Oct 26 2022, 06:49 AM

Try to workout a plan with her

i believe you have made a mistake that over taking care of your family while neglect your wife's feeling. Despite she earn more than you, have a heavier responsibility in work, but still 1 would need some love and care from their love 1. whether is to massage, cuddle, caress or "happy ending" for 30 min/ an hour, simple meal means alot to them. i'm not sure about let your wife bring tupperware to work, but you have to find out.

your children is in their teen already, occasionally leaving them for 2 - 3 hours freedom by themselves in house/ parent's house shouldn't be a problem, settle their meal and set some schedule or free time for them while have some private time with your wife. When was your last private time with your wife in the weekend/ weekday?

from what i see from what you share, you are playing the "黄面婆" role, all about "family" only which where the mistake comes. all matters should be handle in moderation. All conversion/ serious talk are just cover only... you should really look into what your wife wants and handle it in moderation for your children and wife. You can't always think just for your children, they need space to grow than being protective all the time.

you are consider quite lucky. my wife work and take care of the kids (both below 5 years old), all she complain she is tired. i have to work (at times 2 jobs), pay, clean, buy groceries, cook, take care of the kids too, fetch them... etc. sometimes my wife need a time out, then she would help out simple chores abit. our homework might be 2 -3 months once only, so don't talk about cuddle or caress from my wife. somemore i have to massage for my wife. no one have it easy bro

before you gone explode, you should treat yourself something too. spend some time do stuffs you like or go for a massage for blood circulation and relax. your marriage should be able to save as i see it isn't too late to save. talk to her, make some moderation change to a point everyone agree. i believe she can be rational but put your words in a nice way

This post has been edited by cycheah: Oct 26 2022, 12:29 PM

Sorry this may hurt your feelings but I think she is having affair at work.

She may think that she is the breadwinner, she thinks she doesn't need you since her pay is higher. But fact of matter is, nobody raises the kids as good as you do. She needs to realize whichever guy she is going to bring home, he is going to fall short of you in impressing the kids. Even if she divorce n raise the kids herself, she will struggle.

She needs to realize that if she does divorce from you, her life is going to be bleak. Why ? because the kids will hate her and all she has left is her career.

I know a story of this woman who divorced her husband, migrated to Australia became a successful real estate agent there, and married an ang moh. but she wanted to encourage her daughter to follow her, the daughter wanted to stay with the exhusband, no matter what even to this day, when the daughter became adult.

So that lady even how successful she is in austalia, she felt lonely and unfulfilled.

i think is pretty unfair after 20 blady years only she brought all this up....about mismatch with you (way of thinking, mismatch). What the heck, just live with it lah, this woman. wHY she didn't think of this when you both pak tor and asked for break up, she is 20 years too late.

First thing that came my mind too. Must be having some affair there. Impossible suddenly like this after 20 years. There must be a trigger.

I also know a friend who is 55 yo lady who want to divorce her husband. Not because she is having affair but because the kids already big, and living in Europe.

She already fed up with her husband, years of toleration of his selfishness, so once the kids big, she decided to bail out and live on her own.

but in this case since TS wife still working her career gooding twice his salary and he is good husband take care of kids, might be third kaki issue.

i hope I am wrong but I am sniffing something unusual here.

Maybe she find that you are not attractive anymore and do not give her sense of security.

She is more capable then you therefor why she need you ? or she might have a better male boss that can lead her the way she wants.

TS , you can safely rule out cheating. If she really cheated, she won’t be so angry at you because you didn’t coax her(7 days & she remembered the duration). She will happily go seek the cheater comfort & don”t even bother about the details of the her anger.

Read her intend & her actions. All her doing are trying to pull you back into her life.

She got a lot things to tell & she still tells you knowing you have nothing much to tell her. She need the advice , she still comes to you knowing you may not have answer for her. She invited you to put thing down & do thing together with her but you refused her.

spend 1 hour everyday to work out your body to look good
groom yourself up, hair, teeth, nails, smell, hygiene, clothes. look sharp.
go on date with your wife (just 2 of you like old days), have everything planned.
make her feel loved and appreciated. make yourself look attractive (or at least the effort).

long-term relationship requires long-term maintenance. romance cannot end after having children.

TS how r things ? its now 2024..... any updates on ur situation?

confirm fcuking someone else at work.

Bro, I didnt know how old are you please? If your wife want to go, just left her go! Beside that, please let your wife have all the kid.

Beside that, I would like to let you know your wife 101% look down you n fall into someone.

Serious, girl are worst investment. On other hand, let other enjoy the loose vaginal, saggy breast, skin pigmentation......

Last, Money = Freedom! Go for under 21!!!!

What comes around goes around!

This post has been edited by w19: May 29 2024, 01:07 AM

Migrate to better country and with a better partner. A kid is just a kid. She wins in life with no regrets. Dragons are not made to live in small ponds