Oct 25 2022, 11:09 PM
QUOTE(curlydog02 @ Oct 25 2022, 06:06 PM)
Today, I wish to share stories about my marriage life. I've been married for 20 years and have 2 children. Recently because of some argument, my wife said wanted to divorce and the reason is our point of view is different. She said I didn’t coax her during the time we argued and let herself calm down for a week. She also complaint thru these 20 years of marriage life, our 3 life viewing angle (三观) is different. She always said our way of thinking, financial freedom and mindset are not the same.
Thinking:-
She always said our children are grown up, we can go out and do whatever we want. Is time to let go but I’m not thinking that way. My children are still in their teenage years and during these periods they need more attention. These periods are the time they step out into the social world, a wrong step might cause their whole life.
Financial freedom:-
My wife's income is twice of my income. Due to that, she will spend most of her time at work.
And for my job, it is more simple. So I can have more time to take care of my home and family.
So, 80% of household issues were taken care of by me. Like cleaning, cooking, sending children to school at 6AM every morning etc.
I had spoken to my wife, since her job needs more time, so I’m staying back to take everything, so she can concentrate on her work and be hassle free when back from work.
Mindset:-
Her job gives her many opportunities to explore new things compared to my work, everyday I just sit in my office chair and work. When we had a conversation, she had many things to say but for me, everyday is the same. Whenever she seeks my advice she will say I sit too long in the office. The business world is different now.
Actually, I agreed with her. The business world had changed a lot and her pace moved faster than me. In my opinion, our children's pace is still slow. Someone had to move slower to guide them and take care of everything. Like those dramas, a successful husband will complain that their house wife knows nothing and end up divorce them. I have the same feeling now.
It looks like the one who stays back taking family might end up getting dumped.
You put yourself at a very vulnerable position & the result could be of your own doings. Thinking:-
She always said our children are grown up, we can go out and do whatever we want. Is time to let go but I’m not thinking that way. My children are still in their teenage years and during these periods they need more attention. These periods are the time they step out into the social world, a wrong step might cause their whole life.
Financial freedom:-
My wife's income is twice of my income. Due to that, she will spend most of her time at work.
And for my job, it is more simple. So I can have more time to take care of my home and family.
So, 80% of household issues were taken care of by me. Like cleaning, cooking, sending children to school at 6AM every morning etc.
I had spoken to my wife, since her job needs more time, so I’m staying back to take everything, so she can concentrate on her work and be hassle free when back from work.
Mindset:-
Her job gives her many opportunities to explore new things compared to my work, everyday I just sit in my office chair and work. When we had a conversation, she had many things to say but for me, everyday is the same. Whenever she seeks my advice she will say I sit too long in the office. The business world is different now.
Actually, I agreed with her. The business world had changed a lot and her pace moved faster than me. In my opinion, our children's pace is still slow. Someone had to move slower to guide them and take care of everything. Like those dramas, a successful husband will complain that their house wife knows nothing and end up divorce them. I have the same feeling now.
It looks like the one who stays back taking family might end up getting dumped.
20 years of marriage & only recently she vented it out, there were many things which could have accumulated over the period of 20 years but you didn't realize it or pick it up.
Marriage life is not only about raising children. You put too much focus on your children until you neglect your wife needs. It is not like she didn't attempt to communicate with you, you are able to state & list down her comments but yet you failed to take any action to make the thing become better on excuse that your children need more attention.
Have you ever thought that you could be the over-protective parent by focusing so much on your kids without realizing that you are robbing your teenage children their decision making ? Kids nowadays are smarter & more resourceful compare to our time. Slow it down & balance your focus between the kids & marriage.
The stagnation part in your office is also the killer but your refusal to heed her advise to go out see the world make it worse. In relationship or marriage, the killer is always the stagnation - you are doing the same routine over & over until everything become boring. When it become a routine , it become a burden , when it become burden, there comes the arguments. Over the time , with more/growth of resources & experience , there are suppose to be more thing you can do as husband & wife. Don't make the marriage like the ending to the coupling stuff, it can still be carried out without the kids or with the kids ( trust me, the wife will prefer the kids away in the outing).
Put aside your ego & go apologies. I think you can still save this marriage. If married 4-5 years & divorce , yeah, maybe the wife is a bitch but this one married 20 years & she decided to leave this marriage after the her youth is over….go mend yourself & your marriage.
This post has been edited by nihility: Oct 26 2022, 06:49 AM
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