Oct 26 2022, 12:23 PM
QUOTE(curlydog02 @ Oct 25 2022, 06:06 PM)
Today, I wish to share stories about my marriage life. I've been married for 20 years and have 2 children. Recently because of some argument, my wife said wanted to divorce and the reason is our point of view is different. She said I didn’t coax her during the time we argued and let herself calm down for a week. She also complaint thru these 20 years of marriage life, our 3 life viewing angle (三观) is different. She always said our way of thinking, financial freedom and mindset are not the same.
Thinking:-
She always said our children are grown up, we can go out and do whatever we want. Is time to let go but I’m not thinking that way. My children are still in their teenage years and during these periods they need more attention. These periods are the time they step out into the social world, a wrong step might cause their whole life.
Financial freedom:-
My wife's income is twice of my income. Due to that, she will spend most of her time at work.
And for my job, it is more simple. So I can have more time to take care of my home and family.
So, 80% of household issues were taken care of by me. Like cleaning, cooking, sending children to school at 6AM every morning etc.
I had spoken to my wife, since her job needs more time, so I’m staying back to take everything, so she can concentrate on her work and be hassle free when back from work.
Mindset:-
Her job gives her many opportunities to explore new things compared to my work, everyday I just sit in my office chair and work. When we had a conversation, she had many things to say but for me, everyday is the same. Whenever she seeks my advice she will say I sit too long in the office. The business world is different now.
Actually, I agreed with her. The business world had changed a lot and her pace moved faster than me. In my opinion, our children's pace is still slow. Someone had to move slower to guide them and take care of everything. Like those dramas, a successful husband will complain that their house wife knows nothing and end up divorce them. I have the same feeling now.
It looks like the one who stays back taking family might end up getting dumped.
i believe you have made a mistake that over taking care of your family while neglect your wife's feeling. Despite she earn more than you, have a heavier responsibility in work, but still 1 would need some love and care from their love 1. whether is to massage, cuddle, caress or "happy ending" for 30 min/ an hour, simple meal means alot to them. i'm not sure about let your wife bring tupperware to work, but you have to find out. Thinking:-
She always said our children are grown up, we can go out and do whatever we want. Is time to let go but I’m not thinking that way. My children are still in their teenage years and during these periods they need more attention. These periods are the time they step out into the social world, a wrong step might cause their whole life.
Financial freedom:-
My wife's income is twice of my income. Due to that, she will spend most of her time at work.
And for my job, it is more simple. So I can have more time to take care of my home and family.
So, 80% of household issues were taken care of by me. Like cleaning, cooking, sending children to school at 6AM every morning etc.
I had spoken to my wife, since her job needs more time, so I’m staying back to take everything, so she can concentrate on her work and be hassle free when back from work.
Mindset:-
Her job gives her many opportunities to explore new things compared to my work, everyday I just sit in my office chair and work. When we had a conversation, she had many things to say but for me, everyday is the same. Whenever she seeks my advice she will say I sit too long in the office. The business world is different now.
Actually, I agreed with her. The business world had changed a lot and her pace moved faster than me. In my opinion, our children's pace is still slow. Someone had to move slower to guide them and take care of everything. Like those dramas, a successful husband will complain that their house wife knows nothing and end up divorce them. I have the same feeling now.
It looks like the one who stays back taking family might end up getting dumped.
your children is in their teen already, occasionally leaving them for 2 - 3 hours freedom by themselves in house/ parent's house shouldn't be a problem, settle their meal and set some schedule or free time for them while have some private time with your wife. When was your last private time with your wife in the weekend/ weekday?
from what i see from what you share, you are playing the "黄面婆" role, all about "family" only which where the mistake comes. all matters should be handle in moderation. All conversion/ serious talk are just cover only... you should really look into what your wife wants and handle it in moderation for your children and wife. You can't always think just for your children, they need space to grow than being protective all the time.
you are consider quite lucky. my wife work and take care of the kids (both below 5 years old), all she complain she is tired. i have to work (at times 2 jobs), pay, clean, buy groceries, cook, take care of the kids too, fetch them... etc. sometimes my wife need a time out, then she would help out simple chores abit. our homework might be 2 -3 months once only, so don't talk about cuddle or caress from my wife. somemore i have to massage for my wife. no one have it easy bro
before you gone explode, you should treat yourself something too. spend some time do stuffs you like or go for a massage for blood circulation and relax. your marriage should be able to save as i see it isn't too late to save. talk to her, make some moderation change to a point everyone agree. i believe she can be rational but put your words in a nice way
This post has been edited by cycheah: Oct 26 2022, 12:29 PM
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