"leads me to feel so down because of all the beautiful girls in porn and i know i couldn't compete with them"...i ask her to up her game la, is it wrong for her to try saving their marriage?whats ur suggestion to allow her to safe her marriage?she cant change the other part aggresively. Btw, no left hand is better than a woman touch la.

I am with you. Men and women need to do things to remain attractive. That advice is akin to telling a guy that "you earning 2000 ringgit per month is perfectly fine at 40, I am sure if you dump your complaining wife there will be lots of women out there who will appreciate you"

I think how many people in her household is important, because if only husband and wife and nobody else, can do a lot more to spice things up.

Saying that in public is wrong for MUslim even behind fake name

This is not a behavior problem, either he is intentionally pushing you away, because he don't want to initiate the divorce, or he has a serious problem.
you must find which reason is more likely then find solution.
porn is not a substitute for sex for any man unless he has physiological problem. normally he still need real sex even if it's not satisfactory to the twisted fantasies he build up in his mind.

if he was attracted to u at first your body changes will not matter much at the long run unless became ugly or repellent.
no husband still attracted to his wife or any woman body for long time, but to memory, habits, comfort and love are what keep him relatively attracted to his wife, even if he seek more.
wife body and attractive behavior will only reduce the husband tendency to seek more, but familiarity will make other women more attractive to any man even if less beautiful than his wife, being in touch with more attractive women will increase such tendency to see his wife not attractive especially if he is using porn, but no fantasy could substitute real relation for all normal men.

your last sentence is an an anchor if he is really seeking other relation or marriage, but feeling obligated towards you, his behavior could be to push you to initiate the divorce so he don't feel guilty for abandoning you after all this years, he may even think you will keep a kind of friendship.

She already mentioned in her posts that she has been trying to save her marriage. She could be very attractive yet the husband is the one being sexually impotent or kayu or selfish or cheating.

This post has been edited by klein: May 14 2020, 05:43 PM

TS if you're still here , cerai for good . In Islam if a husband can't give nafkah batin like sex then you're eligible for a divorce under fasakh.

May be your husband tried to avoid because he physically weak to avoid embarrassment

can be a lot of factors, really hard to tell

TS, how was your husband's bedroom performance in the past?
Did he enjoy sex or did he face some problems with intercourse?
How long has he been addicted to porn?
(These are private questions; you may keep the answers to yourself.)

FYI, sometimes, men avoid sex because they don't want their women to find out their impotence or erectile dysfunction. This may be why he's addicted to porn because it's a form of "physical exercise" for him, or it may be because porn addiction causes him to be even more dysfunctional.

I may be wrong, but this is one of the possible causes of why he loses interest and refuses physical sex.

Being a man, he definitely won't tell you about his inability to have normal, healthy sexual intercourse. It's too embarrassing for most men to tell their women that they just can't perform well in bed.

Here's a medical research that relates porn and sexual dysfunction:




I hope this can shed some light on your current situation. Please seek professional help.

This post has been edited by Ralna: May 19 2020, 07:50 PM

most likely your man have ED.. or he have things preoccupied in his mind lately than affects him mentally. not necessarily he have woman outside.
if i am you, probably find out the genre of the porn that he frequently surf to.. do a surprise role play out of the porn scene that he is into.. or make him his favorite meals, give him massage etc..
don't recommend you to find your lust quencher outside your marriage as it is destructive and unhealthy..

Dear ts, I seriously believe that if there’s a man in ur life that makes u feel less a woman/ doubt urself / and to end up in such dire need for validation / approval/ human touch, he’s seriously not worth having.

Ok, let’s say u do manage to get slim and fit into those superficial standards, get boob jobs and injection here there n he still end up not giving u attention and love that u absolutely deserve? Won’t that make u feel even more horrible than u already are?

I absolutely believe n stand firm on that love should makes us feel better and happier in our skin. If it’s the other way, I really can’t think of a reason how a relationship can be sustained and reap beautiful fruits.

Huh ?
Is he only good for sex ?

Sit down, think and ask yourself this
Your husband does anything else that make you happy other than sex ?
1) he help around the house chores
2) he is provider of the house funds breadwinner
3) he give you advise and emotional support when you have problems
4) he guides you and provide leadership in the marriage
5) he help carry heavy thing for you and he does the repair work when house got problem
6) YOu have kids ? is he a good father figure and help provide for them ?

He has an addiction problem that is for sure. But don't just end the marriage on pretext of sex. There is more than sex in a marriage.

I think both ofyou have to help solve his sexual addiction. religious counselling ? But if he is a good husband other than the sex part than you should also consider those factors.

Not true, man who has been sleeping with the same woman would get bored eventually, hence sometimes he rather masturbate to porn. I am one of them.

I could be mistaken, but I agree with someone who says you have grounds to file for divorce. A spouse duty is to provide support emotionally and physically. If either party has failed miserably, your application will be heard.

Having said that, you need not fear embarrassment should it become known among family/friends if that is the outcome of it. Some remain in a failed marriage simply to avoid the stigma of a divorcee. Fret not. Your happiness is a priority. If it can't be found where you are now, move on.

But know this. That should be your last option upon exhausting all avenues to improve it.

So many people just ask her to divorce the husband, quite harsh but what do you guys take marriage for?

Tbh TS, you need to communicate with your husband tho, what can you two improve in order for him to return back to you.

It's easier to do the blame game like oh it's his fault, this is all his fault, but it might be something that you do that also turn him off.

I'm not siding anyone here, but in most case of divorce that I saw unfortunately the couples usually have communication breakdown which lead to more fights.

You have to understand that every human being is dff and through time we change as well. What seems nice yesterday might not seem like the best thing on earth anymore.

However, if you don't communicate with your spouse and just let go and get divorce without knowing what cause it in the first place, you will go into the next relationship carrying the same attitude and baggage from the current one.

I hope you and your husband work things through.

Most likely there is another women outside. Track his whereabouts and any suspicious MIA

Probably only works for the woman.

Its common for wife's not to give sex to their husband quoting 2001 reasons which will be accepted by the court.

The husband will be accused of not being understanding and lose custody of the kids and half of his assets

Hahaha...Pros and Cons of the faithful and believer of religion...
Commits no sinful act. No test drive. Once the seal is broken, considered SOLD FOR LIFE.
I'm a abit agnostic. Strong believer of free market. I trade and be traded in both brand new and 2nd hand market.
I do spend reasonable amount of time in workshop to keep mint condition.

Anything to take away here; in both brand new and resale market...BE IN MINT CONDITION...They sell like hot cakes regardless of age.

P.S. 1) You don't believe; check out RX7. Could have made so much more money if I hadn't sold it.
P.S. 2) He becomes all holy when u wanna f*ck as his legitimate wife. When he was wanking looking at Anissa Kate banging some else; suddenly god flew straight into trashbin for him. Aiyoyo...These are the type of stupid people that we have to deal with. They DON'T realize how stupid they are.
P.S. 3) You pretty reasonable demand, still within boundaries. Just thought, no act. I already made peace with the devil and hell. Well, u can't have your cake and eat it. I just eat it. Think later.

Communication. Worst case scenario he will be gay... Or marry second wife that fits his fantasy. Not sure about polygamy issue but try to discuss.

If he is not fulfilling his duty as husband and you dont want a divorce, just do what is right.

Jgn mengarut
That's height n weight is slightly obese only
Her husband won't marry her if he care about appearance

So the best explanation might be his husband didi can't naik