Minta fasakh je.

Kalau xde nafkah batin 3 bulan berturut2 tanpa alasan & kamu tidak nusyuz, kamu berhak fasakh.

Rujuk jab agama tempat daftar kawen tu. Minta nak cakap dgn kaunselor. Then go thru mahkamah syariah.

Don't wait till you're 40 baru nak tergadah... coz at that point, no point and no choice edy. Make friends with timun & terung in the fridge.

Visual aesthetics matter, it's not about being sexist. If you love to see beautiful flowers does that make you 'flowerist'? Or watch beautiful buildings does that make you 'buildist'?

There are reasons why ugly and fat landwhales are not on covers of magazines.

Reality is harsh and cruel, either face reality and do something about what we lack in, or continue to live in the fantasy world and justify with thousands of silly political correctness arguments

How is the progress of the disinterest in you? Slowly? Sudden break off? Was there an event that coincides with the disinterest? Or hes just disinterest from the start of the marriage?

There must be an underlying reason that is not related to having sex with you or porn addiction. Sometimes, little things that you did (obviously not little to him) adds up the dissatisfaction and dissapointment. Just as men don't understand woman, woman also don't understand man.

Perhaps he has ideas about being a husband and ideas of you being a wife. And perhaps you didn't fit that idea. It's not your fault though. Little things that he absolutely do not agree, but you keep on repeating it. Little things to you that you just don't even think about it. Those things adds up over time until you cross a certain line that you don't know about. He probably never talk about those little things and the bottom line. Communication is important. It's unfortunate but you need to bring in the big gun like counciling and such.

If it's a sudden disinterest at some point in marriage, it could be many reason. Either it's him cheating, or you did something really bad in his eyes.


If he's really not interested in you since the beginning of the marriage, there's a chance he might be gay, but just doesn't comes out about it. Or he didn't even realise about his 'tendecy'.

About point 3. It depends on the person, but sometimes it's not about the appearance, it's about the technique and position. It's something you should discuss with your husband.

About point 6, maybe your idea of sexiness is different than him?

About point 3 and 6, if your husband already lost trust in you to be his wife, it's not going to work to be more proactive or sexy.

Unless there's a major problem like outside interference or him being gay, there should be a major reason or many minor reasons for him to lose interest in you. Get to the bottom of his feeling, point of view or ideas with the help of professional.

ur case a bit complicated..
but before u thinking of sleeping with other men, try settling between u and him first.
tell him how u truly felt.
tell him how stressed u are.
if he use religion excuse and asks u pray, make him understand how u actually feel about that.
sad to say, many guys are kinda dumb when it comes to relationships, how to pujuk, how to understand what a woman is thinking...
u need to be direct to him.

dun ask "sayang, whats on ur mind?" questions. directly tell him everything. if not, one day u will surely depressed and even commit suicide. no joke.
that is supposed to be ur first step.

not trying to be sexy and do other things that might make him feel weird and turn off. (yes, it will turn a guy off if u do it wrongly)


guys watch porn for many reasons. u dun need to compare or compete with the girls in video lah! those girls arent real! fake boobs, fake face, plastic surgery here and there....guys normally watch porn to get orgasm aje. thats all. lepas orgasm, tutup pc and sleep.

i watch porn too. And i am married. but my wife tries to join in and watch with me whenever she could. i know shes not interested in porn. can see her boring face...hahaha.. but she took initiative and touch me as i watching porn. we end up making love in front of porn.

my second point is, join in his fantasy if u can. be brave. take initiative. and perhaps share with him ur fantasy as well. be creative. use sex toys, wear cosplays, etc...ask what is his fantasy is.. wad u two do in ur house is ur privacy...its between u and ur hubby. dun nid b shy.

This post has been edited by kaizer3000: Jun 5 2020, 02:20 AM

R u a lady or guy? Seldom lady complain lack of sex....😢

Dear FeelingEmpty

I'm really sorry that you are in this situation.

Some men don't feel sexual desire until they are aroused physically, like being touched or visually, porn, for instance.

It is not you. It is not about you. Don't make it about you.
It's his problem to 'fix' if he sees it as a problem. Learn to DETACH from rescuing him of his 'addiction'. Your self-worth is not determined by any one other than YOU.

Being desperate and needy are huge turn-offs. Research on the subject of attractive traits.

Your husband have issues and are not working on them. His issues are not for you to FIX. You can't fix him. You can only fix you.
He's feeling the pressure from you and that's the reason for the angry push back. Imagine him being full after dinner (self-issues) and you trying to feed him more (talk, complain, being needy, FIX).

I assume you are talking about marriage counselling. Well, it's not going to work unless you have a co-operative spouse intend on rebuilding your marriage. Even he agrees to go with you, he most probably will sabotage it by agreeing to whatever the counselor suggests just to keep to you quiet. It's just more pressure forcing him to go and you trying to fix things.

Most marriages starts with two person in love with each other. The problem is, most are not mature enough to understand that marriages grows into different stages. Everyone have an expectation of how their marriage should be. Well, there's two people so two different expectations. Each expecting the other to meet theirs. See the problem here?

No, both of you are not emotionally secure. Your husband have practically 'checked-out' of the marriage and unresponsive to his issues .You are drowning in desperation. Look, he has to OWN his contribution to the marriage and you, yours. Marriages don't fall apart by itself. Own your part of the problem.

That's neediness, threatening, begging, complaining, bargaining, etc. Do you see the pressure you are mounting on him? You are just pushing him away. He gets angry and withdraws every time you do this. Am I right?

I don't understand what you really want here. You want to leave or save your marriage?


I know it seems impossible that your marriage can be saved. There are ways you can do it by yourself. I suggest that you read 'Divorce Remedy' by Michele Weiner-Davis immediately and join it's associated DivorceBusting online Forum. You will find a community of people with similar issues like yours. You will find the support and guidance you need there.
This book is for your eyes only. Not for your husband. You will understand later.

First, as a start, these are the guiding principles of DivorceBusting
Get out and Get a Life.
Don't muck around the house waiting to be loved. Get busy with activities. Healthy ones.
Detach
Learn to separate you from him emotionally. There are books on this subject.
Believe none of what your husband says and half of what he does.
He is hurting badly. He will say absolute negatives.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
This is very important. No pressure.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Focus on yourself!

Understand that whatever happens in the end, you will be OK with or without your husband. But you need work on yourself first. Good luck!

Go through counselling, still cannot just divorce. I think everyone cover everything already

I feel you shouldn't need to beg for sex. That shouldn't be the way.

Tell him how it makes u feel. It's indeed not just about the sex. It's about how you feel loved and wanted when he is intimate with you.

Currently there sounds like there is some detachment in emotion on both ends, you need to reconnect for it to work. And both need to be willing to work on it.

Perhaps if you are open, maybe you would like to find out his fetish and copy some positions etc from porn... instead of fighting it and telling him its wrong, turn a negative into a positive. Could be win-win at the end of the day.

And I agree, go out, dress up etc and make yourself feel good. He will come running. Good luck!

how old are you btw?

cerai la. got any back up plans?

Since there is nothing heard from you, I hope you have resolved this issue. Here are my few cents.
There are 2 kinds of people in this world, one who watch porn and second who lie about watching porn.
Let me state it out, this man have no respect left for you otherwise he wont be watching porn in front of you, unless he wants to hurt you. Is he gay or bisexual or having an affair, none of that matters. Do yourself a favour and get out of this torture. No need to cheat or sleep around because sooner or later when your cheating is made public, you will be the one loosing face not him.

Or you can be a vindictive person, hire a PI and get info on what he is up to. If he likes men, just report him to Jawi and sit back to enjoy the show.

Realistically, just get rid of this idiot from your life and move on. Life is too short to waste on those who dont want you to be a part of their life.

This is the reason. If both of you aren't alim at all, you can try to forgo the headscarf and let your hair fall. Weight wise, ladies should keep to below 55kg.

If you're alim and can't forgo the headscarf, you can still make him interested. At night, wear sexy skimpy clothes. Lose weight most important. Tall and slim ladies are hot. Some guys also have fabric/cloth material fetishes so you can wear what he likes.

Or you can do some sexy cosplay for him.