Bologna Sandwich


A truck driver pulls into Reno after two months on the road. He stops at a brothel, grabs his bags and walks inside. At the counter, he pulls out $500 and tells the madam that he wants the fattest, ugliest woman she’s got and a bologna sandwich with hot sauce.

The madam tells him for $500 he can get her most beautiful girl and a steak dinner.

The trucker says, ‘Lady, I ain’t horny and I ain’t hungry. I’m just really homesick.’

Cowboy Visit


A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers, and when the cowboy finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. “Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?” he bellowed, making the glasses on the bar shake. No-one answered. The cowboy squinted around the room then, without looking, shot the tops off three bottles of whisky on the bar. “Alright,” he snarled at the room. “I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna have to do what I done in Texas.”

The locals shifted uneasily in their seats, as the cowboy swivelled around suddenly. “And let me tell you – I really don’t want to do what I done in Texas.” Chairs creaked restlessly. The cowboy sat at the bar again, and quickly downed another beer. The locals watched as he got up, paid the bill and walked outside – to find his horse back where he’d left it.

As he saddled-up and started to ride out of town, the bartender came out of the bar. Unable to contain his curiosity, he approached the lone wanderer. “Say partner, before you go, tell me – what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back, with a long face: “I had to walk home.”

damnit... ignore ignore! T_T

guys... be nice... its just a joke thread and i dont think anyone meant any malice.

i've stated before, relationship doesnt really meant man and women love thingy, any relationship like colleagues, business... etc... will be included.
...

..

yala yala,.. i admit i lack of new good jokes liao la!

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Added on May 26, 2009, 12:13 pmBJ's and booze


A guy walks into a bar and orders nine shots of their finest tequila. The bartender asks him what the occasion is. The guy says "My first blowjob!".

The bartender says "Well that is a good reason to celebrate! Tell you what, I'll throw in a tenth shot on the house!"

The guy says "Thanks, but if nine shots won't get the taste out of my mouth, I doubt ten will."

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: May 26 2009, 03:38 PM

New Dad


Nervously pacing up and down a hospital corridor, a man waits as his wife gives birth to their first child. After a long labour the doctor comes out and tells the man that he is the father of a baby boy.

The man is overjoyed, and rushes in to his wife who smiles weakly and gives him the child. Overcome, the tearful father asks the midwife if there is anything he can do to help. Sensing that the dad wants to share in the occasion the midwife tells him to take the baby and bathe it next door.

After a few minutes the midwife pops in to see how the man is getting on. She jumps back in dismay when she sees what the new dad is doing. He has two fingers firmly lodged up the infant's nose and is dragging the child through the water in figure-of-eights.

"Good God!" she shouts. "That's not how to bathe a new-born!"

"It bloody well is," the man replies, "when the water's this hot."

There's an old proverb

There cannot be 2 tigers in a forest

Unless one is male, another female

Bedside Millionaire


My wife and I were watching " Who Wants To Be A Millionaire " while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, " Do you want to have sex? "

" No," she answered.

Then I said, " Is that your final answer? "

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying " Yes. "

So I said, " Then I'd like to phone a friend. "

And that's when the fight started.

Wow.. 300k hits... never would i imagine this... thanks to you 300 readers
i sure hope my blog can get this kind of hit counts in near future

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Nude Gambling


Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says: "I want to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude."

They agree to her unusual request and she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams: "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away.

For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says: "What did she roll, anyway?"

The second dealer says: "I don't know. I thought you were watching."

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Jun 9 2009, 12:39 PM

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

I have this friend who has a real dilemma.

His wife won't give him a divorce until she figures out a way of doing it without making him a happy man.

A wealthy American tourist checks into an Irish hotel. Upon his arrival the tiny reception area becomes filled with not only suitcases, but golf clubs, golf shoes, golf umbrellas and several boxes of golf balls.

"Surely now, sir," cried the manager eyeing the baggage with alarm, "there must be some mistake. We`ve no golf course you see and you`ll be finding there`s not one within miles of the place."

"Well now, that`s no problem," replied the tourist. "My wife hates golf, I'm here with an excuse."

Long Time Revenge


The young boy, Billy, is so overjoyed that his family is going to the circus. When they get to the circus they get a good seat right in the front row.

Billy is so happy and the circus clown asks for a volunteer. Billy raises his hand yelling like cute little kids do: "me me me me me"

Well, Bobo the circus clown walks up to little Billy and goes "Hiya kiddo" in that clown voice they have... Billy is so happy and he answers, "HI BOBO"...

Then Bobo says to him, "Well kiddo, are you a donkey?"

And billy playing along says, "Yes Bobo"

Then Bobo goes, "Then you must be an Ass!"

All the people in the circus break out into laughter.

Little Billy is devastated. Everyone was laughing at little Billy.

From that point on, Billy made it his personal mission in life to get back at that clown.

As Billy gets older and starts Junior high all he thinks about are ways to get back at that clown.

He studies clown books and circus books once he reaches high school.

He goes to clown school from High School studying every in and out of being a clown just to one day get back at that clown who ruined his life.

Billy, now Bill, graduates clown school with honors.

Bill then takes martial arts for a year so he is skilled at kicking ass.

Finally the day arrives when Bill decided it was time to get revenge at the clown.

So Billy goes back to that same circus and walks up and sits in the front row just like he did 15 years ago.

Suddenly as he awaits the start of the circus the clowns come out. Dancing around just like usual Bill instantly spots Bobo, the clown.

Bobo jumps around the audience and asks for a volunteer and Bill raises his hand up high...just waiting to be

picked. Bobo walks up to Bill and goes, "Hiya mister... Would you like to volunteer?"

Bill stands up and walks out into the center of the circus and looks right at Bobo the clown and says, "Sure." Bobo the clown then says to Bill,

"Are you a donkey?"

Bill answers, "Yes."

Then Bobo says, "Then you must be an Ass."

And Bill turns all red, the moment he has been waiting for 15 years.

All his training for this one moment... and Bill answers, "f*** You."

Hillbilly Divorce


A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce. Attorney: "May I help you?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces"
Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?
Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere." Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."
Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."

Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?!?!?!?"

Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger.

That's why I want this dayvorce."

End of 70 years marriage


A ninety-year-old couple decide to get a divorce. They go to the judge and say, "Judge, we want a divorce."

The judge says, "You've been married 70 years and now you want to get a divorce? Why did you wait so long?"

The couple say in unison, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."

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oh yeah, thanks

On the eve of the couple's tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim wife was bragging about her figure. "You know honey," she said, "I can still get into the skirts I had before we were married."

"Yeah ?" the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the ball game on TV.
"I wish to hell I could."

The Big Scare!


Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month.

When he was asked the reason for his haste he shivered and replied:

"I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to repossess me."

3rd Marriage

Is this really your third marriage? Sure is.
What happened to your first two wives? They died.
How did your first wife die? She ate some poisonous mushrooms.
What about your second wife? She died from a severe skull fracture.
How did she get a skull fracture? She wouldn't eat the mushrooms.

Love Thy Neighbor


The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return.

One time the wife had had enuff and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine.

Finally she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell. When the model answered, the wife fumed,

"I would like to know why it is my husband takes so damn long to get something over here."

"Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't helping none either."

Friend of the bride


A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher.

"Are you a friend of the bride ?" he asked.

"Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother."

A strange kind of robbery!


Jim had been out on the town with a dazzling blonde, and he was returning home as the rosy tints of dawn began to color the skies.

Marshaling all his inner resources, he managed an air of sobriety and dignity before the suspicious eye and wagging tongue of his wife.

Suddenly, as he was undressing, she punctuated her harangue with a sharp, gasping intake of air.
"Jimmy," she asked through titely clenched teeth, "Just where are your underwear ?"

Bleakly, Jimmy perceived through the fog in his mind, that his boxer shorts were indeed missing.

Just then, inspiration stuck. "My God !" he cried with aggrieved dismay. "I've been robbed !"