A Real Ball Buster

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!

haha quality check time!

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at her children all the way through the entrance.

The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice children you've got there. Are they twins?"

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:
"Of course they bloody aren't!

The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you really think they look alike, you d*ckhead?"

Absolutely not, "replies the greeter,

"I just can't believe anyone would shag you twice!"

A Small Problem

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''

Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!''

''How!?!?!?'' she asks.

''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''

''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.

''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.

''How did you know that?'' she wonders.

''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'''

Lol...

This is even funny.

Nice jokes.

12- Pack

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''
The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''

Mating bulls


A man takes his wife to the county livestock show, and they head down the aisle that houses the bulls. The sign on the first stall states, THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR.

The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year. Isn't that nice!" After passing a bull that had mated 65 times, she grinningly quips, "You could learn from this one!"

They reach the last bull, whose ownder is stroking the massive beast's head. "How many times has your bull mated this year?" asks the wife.

"This here's the pride of the County: 365 times, ma'am."

The wife's jaw drops, and she turns to her husband. "Wow! You could really learn from this one. You should ask him what his secret is!"

The fed-up man turns to the breeder and says, "Hey, was it all with the same cow?"

A blind joker


A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

Hah? cant get it?

It means he would have to explain the joke to the blondes because they wouldn't be able to understand the first time.

Hmmm.... hopefully I'll only have to explain this once LOL

Gender roles


A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.

She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.

She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"

Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines"

Point system


You make the bed .............................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
.in the snow.......................+8
..but return with beer...........-5
..and no liners.....................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron.................................+10
It's her cat..................................................-40


AT A PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party......................... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking
buddy........................................-2
.named Tiffany.................................................-4
.Tiffany is a dancer...........................................-6
..with breast implants..........................................-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner.................................... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..........+1
Okay, it is a sports bar......................................-2
.and it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colours of your favorite team...................-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal.................................................+5
The pal is happily married....................................+4
Or frighteningly single.......................................-7
And he drives a Ferrari.......................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)...................-15


A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.......................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate..............................+6
You take her to a movie you like..............................-2
.it's called Death Cop 3.......................................-3
..which features cyborgs that eat humans........................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly...........................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of
it........................................................+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and
Hawaiian
shirts..............................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter that you have a big belly
too."..............-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?"
You hesitate in responding...................................-10
You reply, "Where?"..........................................-35
Any other response...........................................-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression................ 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes..............................+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the
TV...........................................................+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep..........-200

^ LOL...demerit system

now only I realize that I got more than -1000 .................

This post has been edited by lexasp: Oct 5 2007, 01:47 PM

Brokeback baby


Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm together, and then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.
A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the two gays, she points out that the happy child is theirs. Isn't it wonderful?," one says to the other. "All these unhappy babies...and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves our love for one another." The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when we pull the pacifier out of his ass."

kecik kecik sudah ghey

Stolen peanuts


An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.

One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.

"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."