wtf!!!

Dave's little voices


Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go..."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:

"Dave, you're a vet..."

EWWW

Lucky frog


A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,"Ribbit. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog
and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow, that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?"

The frog reply's "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides
to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 Wood." The guy takes out a 3 Wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,"OK, where to next?" The frog replied, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog
says,"Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks," What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't
know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

LOL!!!!!

The post you entered in was too short. You must have at least 10 character(s) in your post before it will get posted.

hahaha...so fake...

Single purchases


A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she had selected the following items: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A half carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A small head of romaine lettuce, A 2-pound can of coffee, And a 1-pound package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

muahahaha pawn!!!

Haha i heard this one before but another version to it.

1. A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his
neighbour, a Singh, came out of the house and went
straight to the mailbox. He opened it, looked inside,
slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house.

A little later he came out of his house again, looking
nervous, went
to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut
again.

Angrily, back into the house he went. As the man was
getting ready to edge the lawn, here our Singh came
again,looking very heated up. He marched to the
mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder
than ever. Puzzled by his actions, the man asked
him,"Is something wrong?"

To which the ferocious Singh replied, "There certainly
is! My stupid
computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

---

Added on October 25, 2007, 2:10 pm2. One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America
. A lady came asked him, "Are you relaxing?" Singh
answered, "No, I am Banta Singh."

Another guy came and asked him the same question.
Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!"
Third one came and asked him the same question again.
Singh was
totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun.
He went up to
him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Singh was
a lot more
educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."

The Singh slapped him on his face and said, Stupid,
idiot. Everyone is
looking for you and you are sitting over here!"

---

Added on October 25, 2007, 2:11 pm3. A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the
pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were
in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly
soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T"
2. How many seconds are in a year?

The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are
Today and
Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow
answer, even
though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you
get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well,
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.

---

Added on October 25, 2007, 2:11 pm4. Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching
high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are
hidden cameras here?"
Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing.
Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are
watching the Star World channel'. How does he know
that?"

---

Added on October 25, 2007, 2:11 pmHaving lost his donkey a Singh, got down to his knees
and started
thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your
donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"

The Singh replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it
that I wasn't
riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have
been missing
too."

---

Added on October 25, 2007, 2:12 pmSardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University
final examination. He takes his seat in the
examination hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes
his shoes off and throws them out of the window.
He then removes his turban and throws it away as well.
His shirt,
pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator,
alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he
says, " it says
here, 'Answer the following questions in brief' .."

---

Added on October 25, 2007, 2:12 pmTwo Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them
was crying like hell. So the other asked, "Why are you
crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood
test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ? "
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood
test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first
one was
astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."

---

Added on October 25, 2007, 2:13 pmA Singh goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After
eating he goes to
wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Mr. Singh,
what are you doing?"

To this the man replies,"Oye, see the board here, "
Wash Basin "."




player_27

This post has been edited by jenniferyoke: Oct 25 2007, 02:14 PM

wrong thread, jenniferyoke. relationship jokes.

yep yep. should be here

lol, after reading so many singh jokes only to notice this is "relationship jokes"

The old indian chief


An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him.
"Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it.
No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.

roflmao! . white man got pwned.

thats thoughtful..but i can't find the joke

can i donate too??

cow breeding ... hope this is not a repost

An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and is lamenting this fact to a few of his friends down at the local grain silos. One of them says, "You know, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but got it fixed really quick."

"How did you get it fixed?"

"Well I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right after her."

He goes home to the farm and decides to try it. He grabs a cow, dips his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubs it all around the bull's nose.

The bull gets a rip-roaring boner and jumps on the cow immediately.

That night, he gets into bed with his wife and can't get the effect on the bull out of his mind. As she lays sleeping, he dips his fingers into his wife's vagina and feeling that it's nice and wet,
he rubs it all around his nose and gets a rip-roaring hard on. He quickly shakes his wife awake and cries out loud,....

"Darling. Look at THIS!!!"

"She rolls over, turns on the light and says, "You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?"

rofl talk about bad timing

eewwwwwwww
hahaha.... that is nice one.