sorry, i really dont get ur last joke.... so the kid going to catch some widows is it?

the kid was dragging some p*$$y willow. So, go figure what he's planning to catch.

sorry... edited

hahaha quick thinking by the old guy

Great work junnie87 and aLittleMisfit for keeping this thread alive and funny, i love all your posted jokes (been following lately only, so haven't check the earlier ones yet )

Same as the one on the page before, but different twist.

Would You Marry Again? Part II

A husband and wife were lying in bed together one night. The wife rolled over and placed her hand lovingly on the chest of her husband.

"Honey," the wife said, "if I died would you get married again?"

The husband said, "Never, my dear."

The wife said, "I''m sure you would."

So the husband said, "Okay, I would"

"Would you let her sleep in our bed?" the wife asked.

And the husband replied, "I suppose so."

Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"

"Nope," the husband said. "She's left-handed."

yaaar wei... those 2-3 pages made my morning!

just to highlight lol

this what makes the thread rocks

A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girlfriend's birthday. As they had only started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: personal, but not too personal.

Accompanied by the girlfriend's younger sister, he went to Dillards and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got the panties.

The guy sent the package to the girl friend with the following note:

I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped me has a pair that she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night. All my love.

PS: The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

AN AFFAIR

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

A NASTY DIVORCE

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "Really? What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!"

HEARING PROBLEMS

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?"

The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?"

He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.

Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer.

Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for supper?"

She replies, "For the sixth time, I said CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN.

READING PRISONER'S MAIL

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

Bubble Blowing Duckies


Three ducks were swimming in a pond after midnight and were arrested for trespassing. The next morning, they were called to appear in court. The judge called in duck number one and said, "What where you doing in the pond after midnight?"

"I was blowing bubbles." The judge then called in duck number two and asked him the same question. "Judge, I was blowing bubbles."

He then called in duck number three and said, "So let me quess, you were blowing bubbles too?"

"No, I'm Bubbles."

^^ haha..cute...

Great Lovers


The Italian says,

"When I've a finished a makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstacy."

The Frenchman replies,

"zat is noting, when Ah've finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body, and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue, and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy."

The redneck says,

"That aint nothing. When I've finished porkin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my weener on the curtains.

She hits the freakin' ceiling."

LOL! made my day lil misfit

WEDDING NIGHT

Honeymoon at Home:
Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go
back to
Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his
breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his
Mom
if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks,
"Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies,
"I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks
his Mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,

"Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His Mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"

He says:
"Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave
him
my airplane glue."

omg, why does the little brother has vaseline in his room?
airplane glue, that should keep fred and mary out from daily activities for the whole day.

some ppl uses vaseline during summer to avoid skin crack... i mean elbow, knee, bla bla...