A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Chicago:

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous to some and none of us realize the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75 year old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

its about time misfit starts to fit

so guys and girl avoid wedding cake at all cost............

bwahahahahaha!! +1

oh mai.. just finish reading from post #1

Ironies of life

Men :

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.


Women :

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just 'an old rag'.
6. Although their clothes are always 'just an old rag', they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

When things go wrong, when sadness fills ur heart & when tears flow 4rm ur eyes, just let me know, coz I want 2b there 4 U!

I am selling TISSUES, BUY 1 GET 1 FREE!

Thanks

misfit i need you =*(

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

let's go out date

even though 1 number is missing.. but u still get 5 number

hehe

Hahaha!

Farmer Joe and his Mule

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"
''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--''
''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.
''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"

---

Added on November 14, 2008, 12:42 amThere was a very religious man named Jim, who lived near a river. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat came along and told Jim to get in the boat with him.

Jim said, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."

So, the man in the boat drove off.

The water rose higher, so Jim climbed onto his roof. At that time, another boat came along, and the person in that one told Jim to get in.

Jim replied, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."

The person in the boat then left.

The water rose even more, and Jim climbed onto his chimney. A helicopter came along and lowered a ladder for him. The woman in the helicopter told Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.

Jim said, "That's okay."

The woman said, "Are you sure?"

Jim replied, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me."

Finally, the water rose too high and Jim drowned. Jim got to heaven and was face-to-face with God.

Jim said to God, "You told me that you would take care of me! What happened?"

God replied, "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"

This post has been edited by tyssxp: Nov 14 2008, 12:42 AM

^ Nice!

Oo.. wait. these aren't relationship jokes!

/riot

bah.....don't care

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar with money in it and a horse standing next to it. The bartender told the man to put a dollar in the jar and make the horse laugh. So the man put a dollar into the jar and told the horse something. Suddenly the horse began to laugh hysterically. The man took the money and left.

The next day the man walked into the bar and saw the jar of money and the horse standing next to it. This time, the bartender told the man to make the horse cry. the man put a dollar in the jar, walked over to the horse, and the horse began to cry. The man took the money and as he was about to leave when the bartender asked him...

"How did you do that?" the man replied, "On the first day, I told the horse my d*** was longer than his, and on the second day, I showed him."

ouch!

Means the gardener is the father la ! the gardener slept with his wife !

GOOD DRIVER


There was this guy sitting on a park bench muttering to himself and spitting. He would mutter, then spit, mutter, then spit, he would say, "Damn, that sonofabich can drive", then spit, "Damn, that sonofabich can drive", then spit, "Damn that sonofabich can drive", then spit.

A man sits down next to him and asks him, "What's going on here? You keep saying, "Damn that sonofab**** can drive, then you spit."

"Well," says the guy, "My friend just got a brand-new sports car, so he calls me and asks me if I want to go for a ride. So I say sure, why not?"

"He picks me up and we drive up to the mountains. After we have lunch, we start back down the mountain and his brakes go out!! He's pumping the pedal, and nothing!! So now we're picking up speed and the road is all twisty and curvy. We're going faster and faster and it's hard to stay on the road. I've got my fingers embedded in the dashboard, and I'm pleading with him to do something!! We're going about 90 mph now, with a sheer cliff on our right, a 500 foot drop on the other side, an 18 wheeler right on our ass, and an overturned motor home right in front of us.

Well, I figure this is it!! I just know we're gonna die!! So I turn to him and say ..."Buddy, if you can get us outta this, I'll give you the best damn blow job you've ever had!!"

"DAMN, THAT SONOFABICH CAN DRIVE!!" ..... (SPIT)

DAMN THAT SONAVABICH CAN DRIVE!!!

Lmao!!!!