altie is right. You have to make your intention known. That's from my experience too.
If you ask me, I think it's even better to do that with a friend that you got to know for NOT a long time because there is less risk and investment in that compared to a friend that you have known for a long time that has even become your good friend. A good friend means that you have probably been friend-zoned. I think TS was friend-zoned for quite a long time.
I made my intention known to my current girlfriend on my 2nd meeting (in hindsight, 3rd meeting was probably better) and she was impressed with my courage for telling her that (she only told me that she was impressed much later on). The stating of the intention fulfills several purposes:
1. It gives her clarity as to where you see her
2. It conveys sincerity that you see her more than a friend
3. It gives her confidence that you like her
4. It tells her that you don't play "games"
Oh, by the way, my current girlfriend was not someone that was introduced to me but a stranger that I had approached and talked with at a common event (actually I have approached two other girls, who were strangers, before in the past and both had positive outcomes so approaching girls whom you do not know is good, in my experience). She told me when she decided to become my girlfriend that she was also impressed with my boldness / courage because no other guys had ever approached her before.
I think most guys don't have the boldness/courage to approach girls/women they like and talk to them. Instead, they rely on people to introduce girls/women to them and even after that, they may only *hint* to them they like them. If you think about it, even if a guy doesn't have much courage, when he starts approaching girls/women, he will get better and have more courage. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.” People have to face their fears head-on. When you do the things that the uncommon people do, you can get the uncommon result.
QUOTE(altie @ Oct 23 2006, 05:57 PM)
Sigh. This is a difficult choice. But I can understand your feelings.
"A man who has not felt his heart lost to a woman, is not a man.. yet."-
Altie <-- hehe sorry, shameless plug. But I *did* come up with that myself.
Before you begin, you must understand the "battlefield". Know what you stand to gain and lose if you proceed further. What do you stand to gain? A girlfriend and possibly a life partner. What do you stand to lose? A dear friend and respect that has been built up for possibly a few years. Are you willing to make that sacrifice for the prize?
If you are, then read on.
Firstly, you must make your feelings known to her. Giving her a portrait of her sketched by you is but a hint. A glimmer of your total message. It's a good start, but now you proceed with the utmost confidence. Do not sway, do not stutter. Your next proclamation to her must be more forceful. But not to an extreme. If you're a movie buff, and you've watched "Kate and Leopold", you'll understand what I say next more fully. (If you have not, no matter, I shall make it as clear and concise as I can).
You've got to make your intentions known as clear as possible.This is like a battle horn. So.. what exactly do you do? You ask her out for a drink. This should be fairly easy, you've known each other for a long time. You tell her:
"There's something I'd like to tell you. We've been friends for such a long time. I've gotten to know you very well and because of this friendship we've had, I'd like to get to know you better than that. What do you feel about that?"Pause."Of course, if you do not feel the same way, we can still be good friends. I'm just asking for the chance for me to prove myself to you, that I can be relied on to take care of you.The key is NOT to rush her. We're just opening a door here. We're not here to push her through the door. If she decides she likes your proposition, congratulations. If she decides that either you're not worth it, or that she's not ready to, then my friend, you have to be ready for the fall. I won't lie to you. It won't be pretty. It will be sad, it will be depressing, but GOD DAMN IT, get over it and just be her friend. That's all she wants now. Maybe.. in the future, she may take up your offer. Which depends on whether you're still available, which by then, will be HER loss.
I hope my insanely long post does not make you feel that this is impossible. Go for it. You don't even have to use any of my suggestions. A lot of this "love" business is played by ear. You improvise as you go along. Just make sure you enjoy the ride. It's not the end that counts, it's the ride.
Good luck, dude.
Mar 5 2014, 08:01 PM
Quote
0.0256sec
0.58
6 queries
GZIP Disabled