always praying for a miracle

But this is pretty much like a nail to the coffin:

"
"no worries. Thanks for driving me"
"Goodnight"

"

Some may say that an interested girl wouldn't want to cut the conversation short.

An optimist may say that she doesnt want you to think that she wants the conversation to be prolonged.

interesting story. you sure you are not hurting yourself bro?

yeah . i tink its all over. thanks guys.

EDIT: damn.. been getting very unhelpful advises lately :/

Last night I was so broken. But nvmind, I tink wat really happened last night was,

I opened the wrong topic.. Something that she easily gets pissed about.. hahaha..

So, I dont think she actually wanted to avoid me already wishful thinking.

But I tink everything will be okay soon enuf. Will keep u guys updated yeah.



This post has been edited by noonies_naruto: Jul 7 2014, 05:44 AM

hi guys.

Today I was going thru 9gag.. suddenly came across this joke, that was familiar to the both of us.

Soo.. To break the ice, I sent her that pic la. Hoping that she'd reply..

But she din.. until 2 hours later! hahahaha.

But wasnt anything related to the picture, she opened a different topic, bad mouthing someone, and ended it with a laugh.

All is well

Now please stop feeding me harsh reality BS. Not denying the possibility,

But it does not end until i confess, and I, totally rejected. No point feeling down over something I'm unsure of.

hi guys. its been a while a week to be exact.

so things has happened for the past week. I thought that I've already made this thread a personal place to, release and to archive my memories. Might as well just add up to the collection eh? haha.

So, tracing back to the time we were texting (see my last post above).

the next day, I went to office and then saw her. thats the first time meeting her after i sent her that, less-thought-of message complimenting her. So she saw me, i saw her, said hi, no trace of awkwardness at all (altho I was kinda beating fast >< ) too bad we weren't sitting next to each other. haha.

So, I was just doing my thing, when she opened a chat box with me. Blahblahblah. Gossip here gossip there. Totally normal. she complain to me this that. gossip that person this person. I was relieved. And then,

She: I lost my mechanical pencil
Me: get over it. Juz buy new one.
She: You don't understand my pain.
Me: pffttt.

So I do feel a bit pity la, coz she was searching here n there. She seem to take great care of her belongings, so I came to her place to look2 a bit, but really cudnt find.

Soon, time to go back, and we walked together. Too bad I didnt drive >< otherwise can send her back. oh well.

The next day, I was on leave. So i was thinking.. "hmm.. how about if i go and buy a new one for her?" and so I did.

Next day, went to office again. All of us had a meeting, she came in late, asked me to cop place for her, but I myself still chatting with some colleagues on an other level. She was texting me again if I was at the meeting room, but I told her i wasnt. So she asked me to cop a place for her at that level I was sitting. I told her I'd wait for her and then we went to the meeting room together.

she sat next to me, blahblahblah meeting blahblahblah. I go open her pencil case, in case she found it already.

She: what u doing?
Me: see la maybe can find
She: sudah betul2 lost already. Buy one for me?
Me: *giggles*

How? Apparently shes joking, but I've bought it anyways. But I didnt know how to give it to her. Soon, meeting was over, and we went back to that level where we left our bags at. We were sitting beside each other.

so I had some stuff to do, sth to do with the job we were both in but for next year. I was juz mumbling to myself, but she could hear. And then she said something, macam advise me how to do, but went and mess around like this:

Me: I wasn't talking to u
She: OKAY. NEXT TIME YOU DONT ASK ME FOR ANYTHING. I REALLY NOT GOING TO LAYAN U.
Me: *gulp*

So.. I was obviously joking.. then.. I call2 her name, she just ignored me >< I call again again.. ignored... for 1 hour >< And then I asked this stuuupid question,

"ey, you still pissed at me?"

Her face.. turned into something... o_O ... I've never felt such fear. then i quiet.. Anyway, we were supposed to walk together back anyways, and its almost time to go back. But shes still pissed ><

So I tried again

Me: hey.. lets.. go back?
She: YOU WANT TO GO BACK YOU GO BACK LA. NO NEED TO CARE SO MUCH.
Me: *literally gulping*

first time I saw here exploding like that >< But after like.. 5 mins.. I tried again..

Me: hey..
She: WHat?
Me: I'm sorry. Really2 sorry.
She: its okay la..

Then onlyy! then only she talk with me.. talk this talk that. then only pack our stuff and left. So while on the way, right before she left for the train, I..

Me: Hey, I'm sorry okay. Didn't know u really pissed
She: I was really angry with you.

Right before we part ways, I told her to

Me: Eh wait!
She: ?
Me: *hands over the stuff* Nah. I bought for you yesterday.
She: *eyes open wide* WAA U BOUGHT FOR ME? THANK YOU THANK YOU.
Me: okayy byeee *wanted to escape asap!*

So me waiting at the platform, she text me,

She: Now u make me feel bad for being angry at u. Anyway thanks.
Me: Dont la angry. I was messing around.
Me: I was at (bullshit story commence) Aeon stationery when I saw the purple one, so I thought why not. Coz u also last time bought me stuff too.
She: This one I will pay u back. What I bought for u cannot compare to this. I insist.
Me: not nice when people buy gift and u insist want to pay back.
She: if u broke my pencil then I will take, but this one i lost it so I will pay u back.
Me: whatever man. *i was pissed*

Haiih.. i din like this situation at all. Like, she dont want to accept? What does that make me then? Surely I've been found out right? as if before this there wasnt enough to show that I was into her hahahaha. Anyway2,
later that night we were still texting blahblahblah. hmm nothing to talk about that, simply mentioning it here

Next morning, in office, I was there early, she a bit late. I texted her asking where she was

Me: Where u at?
She: In lrt, y u ask? u not even coming also.
Me: Im here since an hour ago
She: boss there ah? Please check for me
Me: boss sitting too far la.
She: u lazy asss. Dont want to help then say dont want to help la.
*this part she was nagging blahblahblah while I go check out if boss was around*
Me: *looking at the long list of nag* can u juz chill?!
Me: Boss is around with bigger boss
She: Stop asking me to chill.
Me: Cant u juz say tanx? I went all the way.
She: thanks for ur hardwork.

and later she arrived in office, and sat right next to me. We chat as usual. And then suddenly she hand over me the 2b lead that came together with the pencil, just the lead. I din want to say much just took it from her. But, butt... she didnt end up paying me back for it hahahaha. Never want to mention anything also. I also just quiet la. hahahahaha.

So what happened earlier that morning was.. me... planning the whole thing.. I wanted to send her back home, becoz it was the last chance to do so. There would be more but not until next year i think. The night before I was just planning any instances that she wont be going back with me, like she has to work overtime etc but boss will be around half day, so thats sorted. So early morning, woke up early, fill fuel, etc. Arrive at parking lot, feeling refreshed, cudnt wait until after office hours. and then..

Later that noon, she was telling me about her...friends.. ajak her go makan2 that night. At first she say dont want to go, but problem is one of her friends is already at office, so go together. I felt so downn >< devastated. I spent so much time thinking this and that and some friends just ruin everything (T_T).

but I was betting on her not wanting to go. So i told myself to chill first la, who knows she really wont go.

Me: hey, I'm going back now. U want to go back home with me or u have to follow friends?
She: I dont want to follow them but have to already la. They here already.
Me: Oh.. okay then.. I chow first
She: see u next monday.

And I ....walked alone... feeling sooo soooo sad coz my plan was ruined. Was sooo not feeling like going thru the jam for nothing. Shud have taken the train. But wat to do.. Shit happens. If jam with her in my car and we do our usual stuff which is singing then ok la shiok jam longer also nvmind. Wat to do right.

when I was walking to parking lot also, I tried walking slowly.. who knows.. she might change her mind right pfffftttt... when i got into the car also, just warm up first and wait a bit.. until really cannot.. haiihh.. drove out.. see all the wonderful cars in front of me, thinking how shitty the day was.

This post has been edited by noonies_naruto: Jul 13 2014, 06:42 AM

Wow.. keep it up bro

Nothing much for me to say already actually haha

Hi guys,

its the week of a new job, and I'm in the same team with her again

What had been nice for the past week was that it was always a plan between us to sit next to each other everyday, well except for yesterday, of which I'd explain a bit later. Some big dramas also happened.

Everybody knows Tuesday was a public holiday right? regardless I went to work. Out of 10 people only 4 showed up for work that day, she included. And myself, well, I was just there because she was there, (managed to do some work too )

So it was like a normal working day. At sometimes we chat, see client, etc. And then it was time to go back, and both of us went back together. I told her that I'd be early, so she told me if i should get the key to the room, as I'll arrive early. And how I replied was like,

Me: its always me who has to keep the key
She: Dont want to keep the key then no need la
Me: ME ME ME. nvmind la, makes sense for me to hold it.

Didnt get the key anyways because the senior who had the key said he'll come much earlier than me. So okay lah, went down to parking lot with her and at that time, we were just chatting as usual, as normal, biasa. I even followed her to check out her new car before she left. And right before she closed the door,

She: Drive safe~
Me: Drive safe~

At the same timeeeee okay nothing to talk about that. Just felt like announcing it. pffttt...

So as we arrived home, senior texted that both of us left our laptop adapters at office. And I straight away text her

Me: Looks like we no need to do work tonight

and then.. this was how she replied

She: So, now you're talking to me?
Me: Eh..?
She: I might b overthinking it but the way u talk to me is like I'm trying to blame u for everything and ask u to do stuff.
: Defensive all the time
: Dunno what I did to u also
Me: eh wait wait whats going on??

At this point, I was shocked. I really didnt know what she was talking about. I was scared. The way she put it was like she was damn pissed. But it was so weird that she was fine talking with me, even after that key incident, and now suddenly this happens. So I called her straight.

Me: hey, whats wrong? why suddenly?
She: I really dont know how to talk to you anymore. If i say it like this u dont like say like that also u dont like
Me: But ... I really didnt mean it that way. Big deal only right?
She: ya la everything big deal to you. Ya la good laa.
Me: Sometimes I'm just messing around with you. And memang I is like that. So I really dont know why u so pissed
She: Probably I should change the way I talk to you, like just talk like very biasa. Normal colleague.
Me: Eh dont la. But I think, its nothing, biasa saja.
She: OH? BIASA SAJA? ok la biasa saja. after this biasa saja lah.
Me: ok ok ok not biasa saja. Haiihhh..
She: *silent*
Me: okay2, lets just chill out first. I really dont know what to say.
She: *silent*
Me: okay lah. Bye.
She: Bye.

Right after that she text:

She: Forget about it.
If u dont get it, what im saying is that i talk to u like a friend at work and i get treated like im nobody trying to be ur friend
then when we're not in office u talk to me so nice like a friend
Maybe I'm being sensitive. U dont have to care.

I sat down and thought about allll the things that might have led to that. Sometimes she bully me tell me do this tell me do that, and I'll just react like hmmpphh always me always me but I'd do it anyways coz I'm just messing around with her. I thought she knew that, because right after everytime she'll just talk to me as usual. On that tuesday too she was telling me to shut down the main laptop, when I was like at another corner of the room and she was nearer to it. So I told her, "eh I'm sitting like soooo far away now onli u tell me to do it? U closer right, u do la".

And then.. I slowly felt bad about it. Began to rethink if she was really pissed at me. Began to regret and scared if she'd change her ways with me the next day. I knew I had to fix this somehow. Tried calling her but she never pick up. And then like after 20 mins she replied:

She: Eh sorry, I was busy.
Dont worry, ignore me. Today hasnt been a good day. Must be coz of the dream I had last night.
Sorry throwing tantrum at u. Have a good evening. Hehe

And like 5 mins I called again, but she din pick up. After like 10 mins she text:

She: Eh sorry, U called again? Chill I', ok I'm ok. I;m sorry if i pissed u off.

Later, I sent her a picture of a flower. I said, "nah. flower. Dun la marah2"

She: Thank you thank you. Sorry, I was just too stressed up. Unfortunately U had to be the victim. My bad!

And I called her, and we talked it out

Me: Hey.. How r u feeling?
She: ok laa. Just stressed up.
Me: Tell me la whats wrong. Why suddenly so angry
She: No la. Its just that. And yeah, I was really terasa with how u talk with me
Me: I'm so sorry. I never meant anything bad. Just messing around. Joking.
She: yea i know. its okay.
Me: What about that dream?
She: It was fuzzy. When I woke up din feel to good.
Me: But at work just now you okay saje.
She: Just act only. Hahahaha.

At this point, I think its bullshit. About that dream. I think she could have vividly remembered it. Otherwise, how come a small fuzzy dream can piss u off so much.

Me: U sure or not? Anything else bothering u lately?
She: Work la. I takut if cannot finish in time
Me: aiyah, just do slow n steady la. blahblahblah
She: ya la. Ok. thanks for ur advice.
Me: Sleep early la. You'll feel better after that.
She: Yea. Ok la. Thanks.

So even after we hung up, we still texted each other. Blahblahblah. And tomorrow come to work, we were as normal again But it was funny when i saw her face that wednesday morning. She asked why I laugh.

So.. it was Friday.. I came in a bit late but she wasnt there yet anyways. But my spot was taken by a senior and there was onli one seat in between him and another girl.

It was like a meeting table btw. So I sat at the opposite side, because there were 2 seats. Hoping that she'd come in early enuf, and suddenly.. our manager came in and sat right next to me.

Then she came in, walked to me, look left look right.. no place to sit, and end up at that single seat that I left. And now cannot sit beside anymore.

So nvmind lah, can still chat2 right.. and suddenly.. the senior guy (this guy actually im okay with, but he likes to joke and flirt2)

So this guy joking2 with her. She laugh2. I din like it at all

My mood was out. I din talk to her. She say this say that I macam hmm hmm hmm okay hmmm.. really no mood.

Go back home, whack food. go gym lepas geram.

She whatsapp, send me this video that video also i no layan.

damn son... jealous to the max like too much hahahahaha.. stupid la me.

But I know she noticed my reaction. Probably not to how the senior joke with her, but because i suddenly quiet and macam x layan her.

Coz she was trying to get a conversation going between us, but I was like hmm hmm.. yeah yeah.. hmm. . . .

Yea yea i know. Memang I already too much. Just wanted to rant here.

Today morning, felt empty. Felt like want to talk with her. How la.

This post has been edited by noonies_naruto: Jul 19 2014, 07:53 AM

I am silent reader of this thread for quite some time but today feel the need to comment something on this issue.

Have to say I somewhat understand the drama going on between you too. I believed there is pent up emotions inside both of you and the fact you guys can't say it out loudly is causing all this tensions.

My advice to be honest is to just tell her everything that is inside of you. I'm not sure what her response will be. It could be either one but trust me it would really help to break the tension spell and perhaps bring clarity to both of u. Nothing is far worse than keeping your feeling inside and having to deal with all this drama daily.

Trust me I have gone through this.

This post has been edited by Len32: Jul 19 2014, 12:05 PM

no offense, but i feel that both of u are not really mature (both of u really need to control ur temper) and even if both of u become couple, both of u will have lots of arguments...

Heyy, thanks for ur post and thanks for reading my story.

You are right. Hit me right in the head. Too much drama but less communication. But i guess its not easy. To me, I'd sometimes really like to show some affection, but I dont want to make it obvious. To me yes,

emotions build up so easily but how exactly to let her know? Sometimes I feel if i reveal too much, she'd be like.. "emm okay.. this is uncomfortable.. " and after that things might change.

I'm truly afraid of that. I hate it when everythings been going so fine until i mess up at one point. boom. byebye. no chance at all.

I dont know about her pent up emotions though. That one incident when she shot me down was the only one i can think of. Probably she does that to everybody else.

So for time being, I'm always pretending to be cool about a lot of things. Not showing my emotions here n there.

And yeah, I cant possibly let her know now..at this point. If the reply isnt good, even if things are clearer, i dont think we can work together anymore.

i dont deny that i do like drama. haha.


Thanks! i guess its fine tho. We're not even together anyways, so if we quarrel also, it'll just be something like this. which is theres nothing. I'm being like this because i always keep it as reserved as possible.

Unless if im really someone to her, then its different right? I wont be as reserved and show how i feel a lot better, probably that would reduce all this stupid temper.

This is based on my experience. I went through somewhat like your situation not wanting to rock the boat and keep telling myself not to say anything because worry our friendships might end up badly or that I can't face the fact I will lose him even as a friend. And stupidly enough for almost 10 years both of us didn't know we actually had the very same feelings towards each other.
Although for my case fortunately I had a happy ending story cos somehow we managed to get it together in the end and we are now a couple but that is 13 years later. All these years we could be together we wasted it. I guess I am very lucky or perhaps I am destined to be with him.
But looking back there were many times where we could easily let go of each other and never realize how much we meant to one another.
I guess my point it somehow you have to accept that eventually all this drama has to end and you both need to go to the next step. Why not figure it out together and get clarity on the issue rather than dragging it on. It's not healthy on your and I'm sure for her too.
Haha sorry for the long winding story here. Hope it helps!

This post has been edited by Len32: Jul 20 2014, 12:47 AM

wow 10 years! And I've only got another year left (coz both of us confirm resigning next year)

Well, yea u certainly have a point. Sometimes I do think that, if i keep on like this playing safe, then probably she wont know that I'm serious and end up.. with some other guy

That, would really be my fault. But seriously, at this point I'm not ready to say it yet. Some here might know that the only time I'd be ready is when its near our resigning date but..

many things can happen before that.. Still working on that courage and confidence to say it before that. Still working on it.. still doing things. Still building that, boldness and confidence.

Still building a good impression, a good image, basically to look good, that reaches a point where, even if i get rejected, it wudnt hurt so bad coz.. it was something i really cant control anymore.

Let me get all the shits together first, once im really ready, then I am ready. And surely I'll update here.

and thanks! ur story was inspiring. And happy for u as that chance waited for u for so long and was never lost! Even after a decade!

Wah 13 years. O.O Unbelievable.
Sry bro, for the late respond >.< I actually also dunno why she is pissed. Is she on PMS? Sometime i also dunno why female suddenly pissed.

no worries man. know ur busy.

Yea.. tiba2 saje. seriously dont know why.

But deep down, certainly feels good kena marah like that. I am a bit messed up.

Tsundere characters my taste yo. HAHAHAHA

Haha yes sometimes I think we need something to trigger the confessions. For my case it was indeed something that forced us to be apart for a few years from one another that finally triggered our confessions to one another.
Perhaps in your case your resignation can be the catalyst for it to happen.
We are indeed lucky and blessed and perhaps destined too.
I wish you the best of luck!

I see. There would be an event where confessions are made easier, or, more like 'the time has come" moment yeah. Haha.

but then I wonder, after both of us resign.. then how would we get to meet anymore? ahah.. or worst.. rejected and no longer keep in touch. which would mark the end.

We'll see how it goes from here. I'll try out all sorts of things.

Anyway, thank you very much for sharing!

Wishing u a wonderful relationship!

Haha thanks for the understanding >.<

Sorry this time i got not much to offer. As I dunno why she suddenly angry >.<

Hi ts, I've just finish reading all your stories. One thing that I could think of is, probably she has feelings for you too, but due to different religion and race, maybe she has to think about it. Perhaps on the potential issues like family disapproval etc. That's why dare not to start anything who you yet. This is my personal opinion la..

Its okay braah. Juz keeping you all updated

Even until now I still think theres sth else behind her throwing a fit.

Because the way she described it, as if there are so many parts left out. Dunno why >< wish that its nothing to my disadvantage.

Actually theres been so many times when I ask her if shes got a problem, she tells me about it,

but leaves certain important parts out.


ahh thank you so much for reading!

yeah, reality check for me Every time I am forced to think about that, I'll always say things like this,

"Get her first, think about 'that' later" and probably spend the next 3 years together until one point we really have to think about that.

Not easy. Look what I've got myself into hahahaha..

Probably, its best we just keep it this way. No ties but the feelings present pffttt stupid me.

Anyhow, I always have a buffer to keep my emotions in check. No matter what she does, I am happy about it, but in the same time, might not mean the way I thought it would. heck, everything up till now could always mean its not really how I wanted it to be.

Maybe I am just a friend. Thats been the usual stuff thats happened to me for the past few years.

coz everything i do, it seems.. girls.. just see it like I'm just a regular friend. Nothing more than that.

I really dont know what different strategy, or different methods should I follow anymore. I've been doing things based on past experience, and what my heart tells me.

Maybe thats why I'm still single

This post has been edited by noonies_naruto: Jul 20 2014, 03:13 PM