Recently, i discovered that my dad has a child with a china woman outside. I felt so angry but i couldnot do anything.
My dad is about 57 years old with a new born baby child! That could be even be his grandson. We are aware that my dad has been flirting around outside and my mom has been so good too him. Take caring of 3 children, we are now all grown ups and discovered this.

I couldnot tell my mom about this, but at the moment I am not sure what will be the consequence if my mom found out.
And my mom even tried to kill herself many years ago after she discovered that my dad had an affair.

Feel so helpless and I could only keep this secret and wait for the it to be revealed by itself one day. What i really worried is my mom.
What should/can i do? Do you guys think I should confront with my dad?

as long as ur dad still fulfills his responsibilities to your family, close 1 eye only lah.

Really, come ask your mum consult with me after she find out.... i will brainwash her...... Tell her death will never solve a problem.....

Talk to your father with your other siblings but without your mother's presence. Speak up and carefully deal with the situation without hurting your mother.

Confront your dad. Don't tell your mom.

Tell your dad you're aware of the affair. Ask him to think about you, his wife and his other children. If your dad still doesn't want to change, you probably need to take more serious measures.

stay out of your dad's business. your mom doesnt need to know. u're not a baby anymore and u should be more mature in accepting human failings. forgive your dad.

dont tell your mum, now old already, health not so good scared later she cannot take it. as everyone here say, confront your dad or just close one eye, talk to your siblings

hmm
ok this too

I dont think this issue is black and white. It's hard to understand ur dad's perspective unlesd you already do in which case i think you can easily forgive him.

I would just try my best to make sure everyone involved gets along with the situation as best as they can with the greatest understanding they can.

Confront your dad.

Take care of your mum and leave him if you guys are grown ups and financial capable.

Mistake can be forgiven. But only once, not twice.

What's wrong with men having an affair? I believe all these years yr dad has fulfil his responsibilities as a dad and a husband. so let him have all the sex he wants now since I believe yr mom cant satisfy him any longer. It would be silly for yr mom to leave the house or divorces yr dad bcoz of his woman.

Leave your dad alone.
Tell your mom to accept it. Your dad has done most of his responsibilities since all of you are grown up. Take care of your mom and shower her with love and affection. Get your dad to set his priorities right as to the distribution of his assets, if he has any. Get him to transfer the matrimonial home to your mom.

Whaaa???

Whatever happened to "in sickness and in health, for better or for worse"?

Shit...............does that mean if you get married and touch wood, one day you lose your job or have the misfortune to go bankrupt then your wife has the right to dump you and go find someone else cos you aren't rich enough???

1. You can't ask your dad to leave his mistress anymore as they have a child already. Asking him to leave his mistress is not much difference than causing another kid to live without a father

2. Is your dad still working and have his fixed income source? if yes then probably nothing much you can do as he have his right on how to spend his own money. If not, then just cut off his source of money and i'm sure the mistress will leave your dad in no time. I believe the mistress will leave if your dad can no longer provide her money

3. Regardless of what's happening, please inform your mum about this and do monitor her closely to prevent her from taking silly action. She definitely have the rights to know about this

A mother reaction towards certain issue changes throughout time. Hopefully now when she is older and maybe wiser, she could take this with calm

Stupid mistress! Having a child with such an old man! Obviously she didn't do the maths.

Anyway dont tell your mom or if possible send her away to live with one if your siblings. Leave your father be; it's his loss if he wants to go thru all those nappies changing and sleepless nights.

Good luck my dear

Kill the child and the China mother, burn them.

Before they lay more eggs.

Your father's affair is his business, leave it alone and stay out of it.

If you're really 'grown up', you'll know that this sort of thing happens a lot and as a loved one, you have to love them accept them for who they are. Breaking the news will probably break up your whole family, think properly and choose the wise decision.

Exactly. I think some guys are just ridiculous trying to justify their acts of infidelity just because they claim that it's purely "biological desire".
What differentiates us from animals which just f*cks around then?

Wow, just wow. I came across this topic and i just have to post. First of all, im sorry that u have to go through this, please stay strong. Second, im just disgusted and flabbergasted at some of the comments here. So what, a father and husbands duty is not only confined to providing money. Oh, so he has done his "job" that does not justify him for sleeping around. Ts, i have gone through family issues myself and a few of my friends come from broken families too. Let me tell u, they are doing just fine even without a father. My advice is not to let your mother know about this first, and discuss this with one of your more emotionally stronger sibling coz u need all the support that u can get. About confronting yr dad, is he a violent or abusive person? If he is dont even think abt confronting him or discussing this issue as it will not work out. But even if u choose to close one eye, will it be good for u and your mother in the long run? If all of yr siblings including u are financially stable and grown up, i dont see why u have to put up with your fathers betrayal and bull****.

---

Added on June 16, 2012, 10:52 pmShock munkeyflo, not u too? To each his own i guess...

This post has been edited by SereneAshley: Jun 16 2012, 10:52 PM

This... shows how much an 'animal' u r when ur gf/wife no longer satisfy ur needs... it's a disgrace to even read this :facepalm: ... so I assume ur partner should be glad that she has the choice to dump u whenever u failed.

Nothing wrong but sex driven only. Well, I believe that everyone has the right to do whatever they like to fulfill their needs but not create a mess or suffering to the closest or others innocent.

This post has been edited by cutiepooh: Jun 16 2012, 11:41 PM

that is marriage scam, you all really believe that? if ts's father is a pokai means takde wang or bankrupt, his mother would also leave the father lar. don't be so naive. the father is 57 yo , how many more years he can live? if he wants to play girl, let him play lar since we only live once.


please don't call me an animal. so you expect the father who has a high sex drives to live unhappily with the wife who can no longer satisfy him in bed? masturbate till he dies? what's wrong with him having other woman? as long as he still fulfil his responsibilities as a father and husband

I think the mother should learn to accept it. why want to be unhappy over the husband affair. i believe she also ard age 50+. so carry on with life and be happy. .

I really really hate the fact that guys who sleep around are considered 'OK' and girls who sleep around are sluts. Guys who sleep around should be called sex maniac/perverts. And i also hate the fact that females are being said useless in sex when they get older. Well, males are the same!!! When they get old, their **** gets old too!!!

okay. cool down.

like this 100000000 xx

China b****es are Horrible. The purpose of having baby is just to milk money from those old man.

Suggest you talk to your father first. Go and identify whose baby is his. This baby might be someone else. Dont fall into her trap.

Also, i believe she might holds temporary or holiday visa to enter malaysia. For such a short term, how your dad have affair with her. Call immigration and report her. It sounds bad, but at least u can stop her harrasing your family now.

You are selfish, please don't always think and ask women to tolerate. You also mentioned she is 50+ but how to be happy when the husband had fun outside and god they got a new born baby soon? Another 15 years of life enduring all the pains, how other peoples giving comments to her and TS?

+99

I would say this is not the second time my dad having affair with other women. My mom has chosen to keep one eye closed over this problem. She told me that as long as your dad doesn't have a committed family outside, she wouldnot want to care anymore. Now situation has changed, at his age of 57, he has a new born baby child with other woman. What would my mom react if she find out? How is she going to face our relatives and her friends? Even, me myself also cannot accept and embarrassed of my dad.

Yes, my dad does responsible to us and our family. However, he is so stingy to us, even in education. He rather spend his money playing with other women than to support me to study in an university. I have no option to choose but to study part time, thank god I am kiasu enough and manage to complete my professional degree by myself! Luckily he did support the other two of my siblings to study. Because I am girl! (but cannot compete with china women outside)

I was thinking, how many years that my dad has to live? And what happen to this child outside who is so innocent? Who is going to responsible for that child when my dad is not here anymore? I couldnot accept having a "made in china" small little brother. This "child" is going to impose a very huge problem to my family.

This is about a broken marriage at the age of a couple who has been married for almost 30 years. I'll discuss with my other siblings, because there is nothing that we can do as of now and I donot know who and where the china woman is currently.

This morning, my mom asked me to send sms to wish my dad "Happy Father's Day" What a joke! Ask the china woman and the baby infant to celebrate with him then!

Anyway Happy Father's Day! (to all the responsible and GOOD dad!)
Not every dad deserves to celebrate this particular day!

This post has been edited by untitled99: Jun 17 2012, 10:25 AM

No doubt about your hate, I had seen many of my father's friend, in their mid 40-50, from heart warming family turn into damnation, son even ask the dad when he gonna die and pass him the money. All happened because of the dad selfishness and horniness to get laid by another woman.

Blame the father for all you want. I also don't condone this kind affair. A fact is a fact and what is done cannot be undone. If TS thinks that the family will be better off without his dad, by all means take the necessary action. It's not just your mom decision, it's a family decision.
Well, please note that most men reaching the age of 40+ are likely to stray and it's advisable for their spouse to keep an eye on their movements and behavior. And men over 50+ are more attracted to china dolls but fathering a child is really stupid and dumb!

bro , don't insult china girls pls. How if I insult yr mother? do you like that? Not all china girls are bad. I met some really good one.

i cant believe ppl like u still exist and still dare to post like this so openly like you're damn proud of it.

Wait till it happens to your loved one and you'll soon find out how it feels.

People like you is among the many reasons why ppl lost hope in humanity.

Just because my views/opinion differ from you, you criticise me. i think our freedom of speech is threatened. oh wai, since when our freedom of speech is not threatened. learn to accept different views. not everyone has a same thinking cap as you do. Everyone has the right to pursue happiness. Very often we allow ourselves to be unhappy so others can be happy. What's wrong with human being be a bit selfish to pursue our happiness?

This post has been edited by jayqc: Jun 17 2012, 10:43 PM

What responsibility that a husband and a father has? For me a husband/dad has the responsibility to keep the family in order, to be there and to love them. A father's responsibility is Not to provide for the family financially and f***s around cause his wife is old. Do you know we women can earn more than our husbands? We have equal bargaining power and we can leave anytime we want. If my husband did that to me, go f*** around and have a child, i will leave.. my children will definitely follow me and that i am financially capable!

I think you all misinterpreted me. I know many women who earns more than their husband. My point here is since his father wants to play outside, let him play outside. His father is 57yo and he is not getting any younger. Ts i assume is an adult most probably working. so you would prefer yr husband to live with you unhappily and sexually deprived just because you don't want the family to separate?

do you know we women enjoy sex as much? do you know we want varieties as well.do you know we watch porn as well.. not all women, but most of us do want to satisfy each other. I believe if my husband tells me that our sex life is dull, maybe we can work things out. We too want sex as much, so if my husband under perform, too tired from work to have sex, does this mean i can go f*** another guy and be pregnant with his child?
i dont blame your thinking, maybe its bcoz u are quite traditional guy who thinks only guys can enjoy sex and have fun. You get old too, u will underperform too... teach your wife new things, explore together.. instead of having the excuse that she is old and wrinkled and unappetizing. I believe growing old together with someone we can trust and a loving family is better than having a responsible husband but leaves the family to seek his own desire.

sometimes there is no feelings for each other anymore. how to have sex? not all marriages ends happily. there are many cases were happy marriages in the beginning, towards the middle and the end, it start to fade. there is no more feelings liao. Cant blame them. there is no right or wrong. In life you can meet someone new and start to fall in love again.

Great !

I dont understand you, no feelings means you wont patch things up? Not happy means no need to put effort in repairing your family? Remember, its you who ask for her hand in marriage, you take her hand means that you promise to grow old together.
Yes there is no right or wrong, thats why there is arguments but people do try to patch things up and compromise, thats what the marriage institution is all about..
and yes we can meet someone new, but if we so easily fall for someone new, why would you want to get married in the first place where we meet new people everyday.
its commitment towards rship, not happy then settle it.. if cannot then divorce, why want to make both parties miserable staying in a marriage when my husband is having an affair outside?

Yes, from your opinions it shows you're a true blue selfish person that should remain unmarried so that you wont bring hurt to your family members. Be happy all you want, just dont hurt other ppl.

Thank God my father is not like you.

This post has been edited by slushie: Jun 17 2012, 11:26 PM

instead of arguing with him, lets just focus on helping the ts.

i agree with the confrontation+ dna test thing.
the china girl might as well have other guys.

Please get yr english rite. You are insulting the whole of china. you call them china bitc***. Isn't that insulting? that is not freedom of speech. it is like you are saying all our MPs are stupid. A police report can me made against you.

This post has been edited by jayqc: Jun 17 2012, 11:31 PM

No, a police report cannot be made against him, u cant defame a group. i am a lawyer and i know my facts

PRC are everywhere in Singapore being insulted, why don't you go to any Singapore forum to protect them ?

1st point, sometimes things are beyond repair. Like a person character can never change or will take a longer time to change. so another party cannot tolerate. there are many factors resulting in marriage failure.

2nd point, go on living in a fantasy world. if you think a guy takes his partner hand, they have to grow old together. it is fine with me, but i don't agree with you on that.

3rd point, we refer back to tered starter problem. Since his mother doesn't know about the problem, I don't think ts should cause unnecessary trouble in his family by telling his mother abt dad's affair. I think ts should not confront his father too. Who is he to confront his dad? he is just a son. remember yr dad fed you all these years. You do not bit the hand that feed you. If i am in ts's shoe, I would just let the situation as it be. spent more time with my mother. tell my dad to at least come home everynite and be by mother's side.


Thank you for jumping to the conclusion abt my character without knowing me thoroughly. I hope you wouldn't get a heart attack if someday you found out of yr dad activities outside.

---

Added on June 17, 2012, 11:45 pmokay. you know law better than I do. but it is still unethical to call them b******.

because I m not in singapore's forum. anyway, i feel it is not wrong to call them bitc***. they are human too. have some respect.

This post has been edited by jayqc: Jun 17 2012, 11:45 PM

jayqc, i dont want to debate with you cause we can go on all night. What i want to say is, a marriage is a long time commitment, i didnt say you MUST grow old together but its a promise that each of us hope to grow old together with the person who has bear u children, who has gone thru 20-30 years of ups and down.
And i am not living in a fantasy world, nobody enters into a marriage to foresee that the family will be torn apart, to be broken. we each have a role to play in how youdecide the outcome of your marriage to be. Things change, feelings fade but if you dont love her in the first place, u wouldnt have choose her to be your partner.. its how you choose the outcome.
Not all guys cheat, so i hope you dont generalise and put them in the same shoes as you.

Jonrev, we can debate till the cows come home also cannot reach an agreement. we are just two people looking at things differently. anyway, sleep early and goodnight.

Having an affair is one thing. Resulting in an innocent child to be born into this world due to irresponsible behavior, now that brings the situation into a whole new level of sh*ttiness.

How's your dad looking into the whole situation? Does he regret it? Or he thinks he's doing nothing wrong, because he's a man who has desires to "spread his seeds as far and wide as possible"?

With the child, it makes things so much more complicated. Because the child bears your dad's share of genes, he will be attached because it's also his son.

I foresee, sooner or later, he may need to come into a situation where he has to make a choice. Be prepared when that happens, should it come to a point where your side can't accept the family of the other side, there may be a possibility that he will walk out. At this point, you have to be tough as a family without the dad. Be there for your mom, be supportive to her. Hold the family together as one.

A complete family is always ideal. But sometimes when the worst happens, you need to be prepared for it. And your lives will definitely be changed and greatly impacted by it. It may even come to a day where he doesn't even say a word to you, doesn't visit you, don't give a sh*t about what goes on in your life, and you live life like you don't have a father anymore.

For now, it's better not to tell your mom about it, if she can't handle it. Also, try to see from your dad's perspective and why he's doing this, if this can still be saved.

It's really saddening to be saying this on Father's Day. I hope he chooses to stay with you, and keep the family intact. It stinks to live without a dad.


@jayqc: Seriously, people like you shouldn't even get married or have kids at all. You don't understand the basis of keeping the family together. Ruining a complete happy family is okay, because things change? You probably don't give a sh*t about how other people feel, or the hurt you cause others, as long as you're getting things your way.

Don't understand what are you implying.

Hey guys, please get back to the topic. TS, i have almost similar case, but slightly differ. I would recommend,
1. Do NOT tell your mom (Take care her feeling, old folks think a lot)
2. Ask your dad, what he plan / wanted to do (He need to responsible to what he had done, at least from my view for sure allocation of asset should be fair enough to your mom), often none given cause brainwashed by mistress.
3a. If he seems doesnt care of your mom anymore, so do u and your siblings. Let him enjoy his life as long as he never bother you, siblings and mom.
3b. If he care about your mom, then u may still look after him after this.

*No point arguing with him, he will come out with excuses like, i had hard time bringing u guys up and yet u guys abandon me, etc etc. Everything is too late for argue,quarrel or even discussion. Just make it straight to the point. What he WANT, what u WANT. Thats all.

+10

+100

TS family all siblings also grown up d, both parents are in retirement stats. Still want argue and scold like hong kong drama?

Your mom should just go on vacation and live her life out of those family matters. you guys are all grown up d, she no longer need to fight for you all. Just laugh at your dad have to start again from zero taking care of a child at old age. haha

Just make sure your dad doesn't being stupid sell out your home.

This post has been edited by shinkawa: Jun 18 2012, 10:11 AM

well said here

To TS,

1. Ask your mum to get a divorce, get yourself and your two brothers to take care of her. I'm pretty sure you both can.
2. Stop having hopes that he'll come back.
3. When his money runs out and his second wife ditch him, then decide whether or not it's worth anything to take him back.

The last person I knew doing something similar, died alone in a house he rented. His body wasn't discovered till a week afterward.

Know your priority on this case. Take your mum out of this. She's still in the relationship because of you and your siblings. Nothing else.
Things will become much more simpler after.

For Jay.
As for the logic of he's old and should be let do whatever he wants to. Does the same logic applies to this?



You're freaking retarded. Being old is not an excuse for acting like a horny 15 year old boy.

sad to hear your story...

confront ur dad 1st...slow talk is better than u straight bomb him,,

if only if, ur dad follow the mistress. then let him, i think ur mom have the right to know...
since your're grown up, u can persuade your mom that u guys can live without ur dad...
but, u guys have to spend more time with ur mom... vacation blabla...
not sure ur mom have lots of frens or live alone at home...let her join her frens go play mahjong,sing K or watever activity..

Jayqc, if u still think u r right and defending over something that's completely a rotten perspective, something is seriously wrong with ur upbringing. pity ur future family.

---

Added on June 18, 2012, 10:54 amAnyway TS, sorry for derailing the topic.

do stay strong, be independent, provide however much you can for your mom and family. They need you now.

As whether to inform your mom or not, you may want to weigh out all the pros and cons since you know about your family's situation the clearest.


This post has been edited by slushie: Jun 18 2012, 10:54 AM

I'm sorry. I can't make sense in what you have written at all. Just because your mum is old doesn't give your dad all the right to be unfaithful. So, based on what you have written; does it mean that it's you mum's fault for not sleeping around and have fun while she was still sexually desirable when she was young? And only settle down when she finds that she is no longer as attractive? Nonsense! A husband's infidelity can't be justified by pushing the blame to the wife being unattractive. Because, IMO, other than love, marriage means the women stop choosing at their prime in return of men being faithful when they are not. Your mum chosen your dad when she was hot. And I don't think it's too much if your mum expect your dad to be faithful still when she is not.

Unbelievable to see someone that preaches the beauty of open-relationship and anti-marriage will say anything like this. I wonder if it's because age is catching up.

what I m trying to say here is I don't see anything wrong for ts's father to have another relationship with a woman. He is just finding his own happiness. Come on, he is 57 yo. How many more years can he live? If he wants to have fun, let it be. Why make a big deal out of it? The mother shud accept the fact that their marriage is practically over.

+1

Again, being 57 doesnt' mean he can act like 15.
Life expectancy for Malaysian in 2010 is 73.8 years.
Life Expectancy in Malaysia
He doesn't exactly expire 58.

Age is NOT an excuse.

This post has been edited by Lucifer96: Jun 18 2012, 01:00 PM

you are taking two different issues entirely. one takes life while the other just cause unhappiness.

just because you disagree with me doesn't mean you are right and i m wrong. And pls don't pull my family here. tq. ntg to do with them.

This post has been edited by jayqc: Jun 18 2012, 02:25 PM

... and does it look retarded? Of course it does. It's using the same logic you did.

In what way he acts like 15yo? just because he has extra marital relationship doesn't mean he acts like 15.

Nope, not being able to keep his d!ck to himself is.

Some people has 'big appetite' . not everyone is like you, eat one bowl or rice. some need 2 bowl of rice

aiyo.. then why u want get married in the first place? go cheong la, rm200 per session can satisfy for 1 hour.. can eat so many dishes.. eat till you old loh..
with your mentality, there is no reason for u to get married

whos dupe are you? acting like a female. in real life is a male. some marry because people perception on you is better. got family means more steady , good for career advancement.

It can happen, my cousin didn't go bankrupt nor lose his job, just that his ex-wife expected him to earn more.
Could see that from many years ago, after since he was with that girl he changed so much. He stopped taking pills,
stopped being a "player" (or whatever term its called), to striving hard to earn more, being a good partner, got married
and being a good parent yet his wife left him.

Their biggest problem all along was just the finance part. What can my cousin do, he still loves his ex-wife, being down
cos he's also worried about his kid's future growing up under a broken family. All he can do now is just to accept it and move on.

what? girls dunno what is cheong? dunno market rate? pls la.. dont think girls so naive now la.. if u can prove i am a guy then prove it to me.
if you marry is for peoples perception then just put a ring on your finger, better than hurting ppl in real life

You can lie to the whole world except me. I do not have to prove you are a guy anyway. if you think you are a female then fine.

Sounds like you can't keep your d!ck in your pants neither.

What's wrong is wrong. No matter how you justify it. It's still wrong.

okay lar righteous man. standing next to God. Our sinful world is not suitable for you, pls migrate to another planet.

This post has been edited by jayqc: Jun 18 2012, 03:27 PM

people nowadays are just getting more and more complicated.

frm 'eating fish' outside of marriage is acceptable until married with purposes. what happened to the 'true love' .. and don't hav to sound me that im living in a fairy world.

jacqy, its good that u shared with us ur valuable opinions but the fact is, TS is asking for advice on how to deal with an unacceptable situation at home rather than listening to all ur theories of 'no wrong having a bigger appetite' advice.

there is no reason for me to pretend to be a girl here, i think u got problem with thinking that girls know a lot more stuff than they are supposed to know. yes i know bcoz my bf have frens who goes cheong whom are single and that does not bother me one bit. i dont need to prove anything to u.

I'm an atheist, in some religion I'm suppose to go to hell.
I feel sorry you've to still live in the same planet as my self righteous butt. /lol

If you think true love still exists. then go on believing. sometimes it is good to live in a perceived wonderful world. to the question ts asked, I already answered in one of my replies.

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Added on June 18, 2012, 3:49 pmokay jonrev. my bad for thinking you are a guy. If you think you are a female , i m fine. bcoz i m not having sex with you. so doesn't bother me.

This post has been edited by jayqc: Jun 18 2012, 03:49 PM

You are right when you say you are entitled to your own opinions. I don't think anyone can dispute your rights. But it goes back to the fundamental understanding of morally right or wrong.

I read through your replies and i am really amazed on how you argued your opinions.

Wrong is wrong, having an affair is wrong no matter how you say or defend it. Having an affair plus having an extra "offspring" through other woman (be it accidently or intentionally) is wrong.

I don't understand your statement when you say, if he is happy, he can do it lah. Sorry, this is purely an irresponsible statement.

You don't make yourself happy at the expense of your family. Humans are selfish yes, but there is a limit and you clearly cross that with your thinking.

Yeah this world is evil, and that's because of people thinking like you.....People who thinks that a wrong is right because is right to him even though it is not right.


Is just as good as saying, you gonna rape a girl because you have "big" appetite and you will take responsibility afterwards. So, to you, this is not wrong isn't it?


Back to TS issue, i think is a very hard decision for you right now. But i personally think your mum will be hurt someday, is just a matter of time whether the truth is reveal now or later.

Perhaps you should speak to your father first??

this is what a 'right' man's thinking about..+100

Actually that's what men with 'small appetite' would think.

/end sarcasm.

so u agreed with hungry man having more appetite outside??

TS just wanted some opinions and ideas from us and funny how I can read something really out of topic like jayqc. Are you a god, saint, king or the only man in the world? Stop telling people how logically your instincts or experiences or real life you have met doesn't mean other should agree. Yes I agree guys got their freedom to have fun outside so do women. From all of your replies, I don't see any advices but kept telling others whatever a man do is always right. ----------------> Not every man got the same thinking like you do

This post has been edited by cutiepooh: Jun 18 2012, 04:22 PM

1st point, I personally believe one should be happy. If he feels happy with that woman and wants to bore a child with her , go ahead. since ts is i assume in his 20s. I believe he can take care of the mother himself financially even without the father support. If ts is like a small kid, I would advice the father not to have affair and have another kid, since his ts is till young. Better not to break up the family, as it will afffect the upbringing of ts.

2nd point, you are talking abt rape. entirely different thing. I not gonna even discuss abt that.

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Added on June 18, 2012, 4:29 pmTS question

i answer ts question again more precisely. If I am in ts shoes, I would hide this from my mom. I would advice my dad to at least still care for mom eventhou he has another family outside. If my mom really found out, I would of coz console my mom and tell her not to feel bad abt it. that is life. accept it. dad still loves you no matter what. and tell me mom you would prefer dad still active and healthy and even can take care of another child better than him sickly and lying on the bed to be cared of. I prefer to think positively.

This post has been edited by jayqc: Jun 18 2012, 04:32 PM

I really don't want to turn this topic away from what TS is trying to express and garner a few opinions but i just couldn't resist replying to your thinking.

Have you notice in all of your replies, is all about you being happy? Being happy allows you to do everything you want.

So how does that make a difference with the example of rape i've given to you. I admit it may be on the extreme side, but your fundamental understanding of being happy and the extent of sacrifice to be happy is totally wrong.

Is not about just being able to support your family and you can just go out and have fun. I guess this is just what people like you think nowadays. As long as i done my job as a man, boyfriend, husband, father, i can do the rest i wan SO THAT I CAN BE HAPPY, even if it includes things like sleeping around with other woman, gambling away my money...... ALL BECAUSE I DID MY JOB AND I WANT TO BE HAPPY.

To be honest bro, selfishness is normal. But in ur case, is totally way off the line.

Let me ask you 1 thing, assuming what you did is purely for your happiness, and assuming you are "right" with that understanding, how about those who are hurt or affected by your actions? I am pretty sure your answer will be, "well, i only live once, as long as i am happy, is fine."

This world can be very realistic, but i am going to say it again. Is because of people like you who think of yourselves only, not even your family members or those that are close to you.


Sorry TS for shifting the topic. I guess i just couldnt comprehend how jayqc can defend his thinking just because he thinks happiness is the utmost thing in life, even if it comes at the expense of others.

You know, I know a few men with your kind of thinking. And I venture to guess that both I and them are a fair bit older than you. I've seen where this kind of thinking leads to.

They are not happy. Not by a very long shot. They are wracked with guilt and regret. Regret that they married the "wrong woman", because "someone better" has come along. And guilt that they are hurting their wives and children, neither of whom they can even bear to look in the eye anymore. Don't for one second think TS' father is living a happy and carefree life with his bit on the side. He's miserable. As are all men who think they can have it all - the respectable wife and family at home, plus the fun and excitement of the other woman. You can't. Not without ruining your life, and others', in the process.

That's where your path is heading, buddy.

Nope, just quoting mr jay there.



We all have needs, how we control it, is what separate ourselves between human, or that dog we've straying around in the roadside.

Ts, if I am your friend and you tell me this family problem you facing face 2 face. i probably will give you a slap in yr face. What 'made in china' kid you talking about? is that innocent kid a object to you? Have some respect pls. If again i m in yr shoes, I will get to know the woman who bore the kid with my dad. If some day my dad is gone, at least i can still contact them and care for them. for they are also part of my family. I will care for my step brother like my own little siblings. Give him food and education. I hope yr dad in his will ,will leave some money for the mother and kid .

I really salute yr mom for being so kind even in difficult situation. still asking you to respect and love yr dad. kudos to yr mom.

This post has been edited by jayqc: Jun 18 2012, 04:53 PM

You failed at the first place. You told so much here but have you helped TS to make up her mind and accept your advices? Talk is easier and louder than action. Accept it and so easily? Don't ask others to take your advice cause you are not really in TS shoe. Your father didn't trouble you and find his happiness and present you a bro/sis now. Talk like a normal human being instead of acting like a saint here. Law and regulation are not ruled by you. Shame on you

This post has been edited by cutiepooh: Jun 18 2012, 05:06 PM

Obviously you don't know much about me then.

1. Yes, I may be open to the idea of open relationship, only within reasonable grounds and responsibilities. I wouldn't entrust such freedom to a guy if I can't trust that he'll take responsibility and not go overboard and do stupid things that will jeopardize our relationship. TS's dad and this jayqc, for example, these guys will definitely abuse the freedom given.

2. Since when I'm anti-marriage?

3. Age has nothing to do with my stand on family and relationships. And it has never changed.

This post has been edited by ace.princess: Jun 18 2012, 05:24 PM

what is advice? advice not necessary need to be followed. So if I have not experience it, i cannot give advice. if in that case, 90% of the advices here given by other fellow members to not need to be followed since how many had not experience such a issue be4. from yr reply, I assume you are a person who are hot headed person from yr reply. I wonder how yr bf/ future bf gonna handle you next time . really need to pray hard that you can find a good bf who can tolerate you

don't even know me yet jump to the conclusion. If I have extra marital, I would handle the issue way better than ts's dad. I will care for both my family equally.

HAHAHA!! Oh really??? Let me ask you, do you have a stepbrother or stepsis? If you don't, then don't talk so much crap here!

And to get to know the other woman??? Seriously??? How would your own mom feel? And worse, what if your dad walked out and stopped caring for you, because he loved the other family more? Or he felt so much guilt or ego, he won't even talk to you anymore? Don't tell me you will never ever shred a tear over that, or that you wouldn't even have a slight feeling of hate towards the people who took your dad away?

Get everyone together under one roof and sing the happy Barney song? Until you deal with having such a situation personally, you're just bullsh*tting about how "great" you will be. Kiddo, I don't think you understand how complicated these things can get. And to discount everything like it can be easily solved, that's insulting to all who have to go through very emotional tough times.

That reply wasn't for you, dungu. =.=

Ha, it seemed like you are the person really like to comment others future bf/gf/family. I pity you that you don't have anyone right now that's why you love aka dreaming that you are the most experience and only human in this thread. I wonder a person like you love asking mostly sex, marriage, gf/bf thingy you are indeed a loneliness man have no one to talk to. 9/10 disputed your replies cuz you were not furnishing any good recommendations but bullshhhiitttinggggg with the wrong approaches to TS.Thank you for praying hard for my family and my good lover cuz I pity a guy like you got no one now plus so free to give all the useless replies and also trying be rational but failed , failed and EPIC FAILED

This post has been edited by cutiepooh: Jun 18 2012, 06:10 PM

hey guys and girls! This thread has trigger so many arguements, but thanks all these have indeed given me a lot of ideas how different people thinks about this situation, especially JAYC who strongly stands for my dad. Thanks for letting me know what is the reason behind for a man to do such thing to their wives and besides my dad, you are also one of the kind! And JAYC, I would say you are man full of loves, and hope you cherish all your love to all gfs/wives in an equal distribution.
I realised I am not the one suffering these. By the way, I am not a man, thus I wouldnot understand!


Thanks for everyone out there, i should know how to handle this situation when it comes. They are many of you who sincerely sacrifice and loves your family. =)

This post has been edited by untitled99: Jun 18 2012, 05:44 PM

Oo.. now i re-read again I got your sarcasm.

Seriously jacqc, i think by right now you should be able to differentiate between the wrongs and the rights. You may keep those 'right' advises to yourself but not to even suggest to others this path when you're not even in her shoes. I wonder will you be so generous and present your dad to the chick your dad has outside (if only case). Otherwise, you won't be stressing so loudly that "MAN IS SO DAMN RIGHT HAVING A MISTRESS OUTSIDE BECAUSE HIS NEEDS ARE NOT SERVED PROPERLY AT HOME".

On the other hand, I also wonder.. have you ever thought of the consequences of you allowing your dad or yourself committing such shameful acts and crawling back to your families/kids when you're down with some kind of STD? Will you still celebrate the fact that as long as 'my dad or I am happy' i dont give a f to the people around me. I have done my responsibilities and they shall take care of me now. LOOK, they're INNOCENT!.. at this point of time, I even doubt at your capability to judge who's innocent or at guilt

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Added on June 18, 2012, 5:48 pmyou're welcome girl. Remember, be strong and rational when it comes to handling this

This post has been edited by cutiesbaby312: Jun 18 2012, 05:48 PM

Girl, I hope you can make a firm and right decision. Nevertheless, they are your parents. You still got a long life to go. Love yourself more and you will know how to love others too. Cheers