u are right,depends on one's attitude.But i cant accept this immoral method
no need to wait la,just move on there are still many girls out there.when u are starting to have interest with someone,u should check on her background 1st b4 u make your move.

what if

1) the girl has bf but never loved him but only his money..
2) you know you want her that you can do anything to get her
3) you like being with her
4) you know you wanted her for yourself
5) Even if she declared, but she might also want you as well
(most girl/boy has more than one gf/bf)

which i think might land you in two ending..

1) you get the girl and you lose your conscience and moral
2) you lose the girl but keeps your conscience and moral.

(as long as she is not married, i would suggest you go for it.. as they were saying, may the best guy/girl wins)

why not just ask her to properly end things with the BF before starting another relationship. Then can get the girl AND keep you conscience and moral.

I once had a huge, huge crush on a girl who had a BF. And because of that - also because I was too young and stupid and didn't know how to get a girl - I never did anything about it.

Then she broke up with him. And got together with another guy who treated her like shit and dumped her. Then she got back with the first guy. Then broke up with him again. Then found another guy who also dumped her and broke her heart so badly, she made a sudden decision to go study overseas. Never saw her again after that.

You think I don't regret spanaring her? You damn right I regret it. The clues were all there from the beginning - her 1st BF was dull and unemotional, they hardly ever went out together and she rarely even talked about him. Her 2nd and 3rd BFs were charming assholes who treated her as something to conquer, then throw away. She clearly needed someone to give her love, and that's why she bounced from one guy to another - all of whom were wrong for her.

I don't know what would've happened if I did go after her. Maybe she would've rejected me. Or maybe we'd be together for a while and then eventually break up as well. But I do know - I'm 100% sure - that I would've been better for her than all those other guys. I would've saved her all that pain.

So yeah, now I laugh at people who keep whining "dun spanar ppl!" You're only scared of getting spanar-ed because you're insecure about your own relationship.

+9000

Someone said "dun destroy others' happiness"... but how sure r they that the girl wont get happiness after TS spanar her?

Seems I need to tell my whole story just to let you guys know how 'stupid' and 'justice' I was for not spanaring.

i asked since page 1 post #14. Tell lar.

Answer this type of thread gazilion of time but my answer is still the same

Whats wrong is wrong, whether karma/fate or whatsoever, dont purposely do something wrong since u know u shouldn't for whatever excuses.

Here comes the story, will keep it simple:

2 years ago met girl. Girl very quiet and doesn't talk. I tot girl won't talk to me but at the end she opened up. Found girl was quite interesting and wanted to know her more. Eventually, fate played the way (as I would say it) because every gathering that is supposed to be a gang, the other 3 would be late or absent and I end up being alone with her. Strangely she would open up to me and talk to me about various things that I never tot her gang (whom she knew longer) don't know about it. Some are personal things like her family condition and all. She never mentioned anything about her bf until the others talked about it.

One time she had to go to a place to settle something and did not know the way. She asked me if I knew and I offered to go with her there. She initially refused but I insisted because that area is quite dangerous. So we went and while she was settling her stuffs, I was outside waiting. Then another young couple came in and the girl went in to settle the same thing while the guy waited. I suddenly had some haywired thoughts but I got through them.

One time on an exam day, she called me up in a crying manner saying she was afraid that she couldn't remember this and that. She said she felt like being absent. I told her to quit thinking about absent and I consoled her for about 30 mins and finally she managed to get over it and appear on the exam. She said that it was thanks to me that she could overcome the fear. She said she called her bf up before and it did not work and it got worse. She said I was the one who re-established her confidence.

After the exam times, a few days before Xmas, the gang originally planned on going out. However, a week before the day, they all had problems to settle and couldn't make it. So I asked her if she would still want to go out. She said, why not, I promised to treat you lunch after you have been guiding me through and I will honor that. I went on asking what day she was available. She said she is available any day in the day time. Then I went to ask what about dating? She said, normally dating with bf just at night dinner and go home. So finally we went out and we got to talk with each other more and got to make some jokes too. I was actually surprised that she would go out with a guy (me) alone because she clearly said that she WOULD NOT GO OUT WITH A GUY ALONE and have REJECTED MANY OFFERS FROM GUYS ASKING HER OUT ALONE.

After the next semester started, I got to talk with the other girl from the gang and she was terribly shocked to hear that I actually went out with the girl alone. She was like "Didn't she say she wouldn't go out with a guy alone?". Though she made a point where she said the girl might have fallen for me subconsciously (yat gau shang ching in chinese) and slowly without realising.

In the first 2 months of the semester, I decided to take the front seats while the other gang wanted to sit at the middle. I was thinking, maybe I'd be alone again but she followed me. She sat beside me all the time and I was like, this is something. Everyone were looking at us at that time thinking that we might have coupled up.

In days without classes, she would call me up about 1-2 times a day asking for college work. She would be quite punctual, calling me at about 8.45 to 9am everyday and wake me up. And will start by saying "did I wake u up?". Then the conversation would go for normally 15 to 40 mins depending on how much she drags the conversation. There were a few times that she called me up for 40+ mins asking on where to place 'commas', 'full stops', and 'colens' in sentences and my PARENTS WERE LIKE, YOU SURE SHE'S NOT DIGGING YOU?

Things went on like this for quite sometime and around after about 8 months + to 9, the final exams came and the whole gang said that we go out one more time. A new guy who joined later, said that he originally thought that me and the girl were couple when he saw how close we were, talking and smiling to each other.

The strange thing happened on gathering day when on the day itself, she did not SPEAK A WORD WITH ME. I was like, trying to ask her questions and all and she wouldn't answer. So the day went on until it was dinner time and she still did not directly answer any questions from me. One of the gang members suggested a Japanese cuisine dinner and everyone agreed, even she that I KNEW FROM A LONG TIME AGO CANNOT EAT RAW STUFFS. So, during the dinner, she wasn't eating and a few of them seemingly forced her to eat sushi and she did at the end. However, she had to throw the thing out because she could not swallow it. I was like, I told them, she doesn't eat Japanese, stop forcing her. She still kept silent and just said to them (not to me) that she actually doesn't eat and she was full. So when it was parting time, I got to follow the other girl (whom I talked with earlier days) to take the trains. There, I asked her why the girl wouldn't answer me and why did you guys knowing her for so long did not know of HER NOT EATING RAW FOOD. She was shocked that they did not know but I did.

When I thought everything was over, 2 days later, she found me in MSN and wanted my help on how to answer job interview questions. So we did a little practice session on MSN. Hours later, she called me up and said she would be going to an interview around my place (her place and my place are very far from each other). I asked her why she would want to go. She said it was for fun. Out of curiousity and a little scheming I asked her since that she was around my place, why not she take a bus to a place where I can meet up with her and I bring her around. She said ok. However on the night before, she asked me if I would be able to meet her at her interview place and go take strolls after her interview. I agreed and I met her up there and eventually she got another call for an interview on the same day and we had lunch and she went up there while I waited downstairs. She asked me to leave if I felt too boring and what but I still waited. She kept contact with me when she was up there saying it wasn't her turn yet and I should leave if I was tired or what but I said I will wait and DID. After the interview she came down and was not at all surprised to see me waiting. I walked her back to the station where she would go back her home and I go back mine. Back at home, my parents were asking me if 'SHE WAS GIVING ME A WRONG SIGN or I WAS ACCEPTING THE WRONG SIGN'. I never got to know as after that, I heard from the other girl that she ignored me totally after she heard from an 'anonymous' person that I liked her and was about to confess to her. She said if I did confess, it be very bad. I don't get it, why bad?

So this is the story. Do you think it was worthwhile to spanar?

Ohhhh yes.

She was probably waiting for you to make a move. She probably got tired of waiting.

to me i believe non of it... for example to me i think things are like meant to be... no matter hw u change it... it must be like that... say for example abt this thread.. i think its fated being post at that time... n i believe that god made ts to start this thread.. i believe that even ppl spanar other ppl gf cos its fated... n that fact cant be change... like 1+1=2 rite
it no matter hw it cant be 1+1=3 rite???

Well, you're saying that this was a fated spanaring case? GAWD! I am regretting now.

So much problem with the girl.....if i were u, even im actually have feeling to her,
i would feel worse after gone through all those.

Anyway, if u truly have feeling to her and wanted to confess, go ahead.
Theres nothing wrong confess to the person u like.
However, it is a diff case if u wan to spanar.
It is not illegal but unethical even if ppl is not happy with their current relationship.

What problems do you see in her?

What's the difference? What's your definition of "spanar"?

TS, since you have been with her for quite sometime. It is a good chance to make a move to have a clear stance for both of u. being in your state only make the situation worse. either be couple or move on to other girl.

it will be good if u can ask about her situation and her bf first. so no more day dreaming here.

well it seems that god made u spanar her at that time... its all in HIS book

And it was a dang mistake that I didn't. I was holding on too much on my 'JUSTICE' and my morals. Shouldn't have taken that into too much priority.

well... his book asked u to do that.... its already meant to be in this specific way... so what can u do nw???

Don't make the same mistake next time.