Alright I know this has been asked a gazillion times but here I go again with a twist.

1) You met a girl that has a bf.
2) You know you can't touch her and you tell yourself that you shouldn't.
3) However, most of the time, you end up spending time with her alone and you 2 get to enjoy the times in a very simple way.
4) You keep telling yourself not to do so but at the end still fated to be with her.
5) The girl doesn't go out with guys alone and already openly declared it but you end up getting invited to go out with her.

Would you just go and get this girl?

I believe in karma, because there are so many people who do things that deserve payback. Fate is bullshit. You make decisions that influence what goes on next. Fate is just for lazy people who just lie back and hope stuff happens the way they want

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Sep 13 2010, 08:41 AM

if she can leave other for you be prepare for she she leave you for other as well.

Enjoy it. Forget karma. Everything has cause n effect. What's the prob? If u dun take risk, wat's de point of living?

The logic of "she can leave others 4u then she can leave u 4others" is crap. Then if ur gf can decide to marry u then she can also decide to marry others as well?

If you're fated to receive bad karma, why even bother asking this?

yes actually.

A few words of advise, Dont Spannar people's gf. Unless she broke up with him and comes to you, otherwise don't do what is not right.

Sorry i need to rephrase that. I meant "your wife had married you then she can also marry another man as well".

And yes, anything can happen.

So, why set so many rules & live in a box? Karma might or might not happened. Take the risk, a calculated one.

Nobody dictates the "rule & etiquette of courtship". If TS is in fact better than the bf, Law of Natural Selection applies. It takes 2 to tango.

Read this lol.

http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/1454995

Have you consider yourself as a rebound guy/girl to the girl herself?
And point no. 5 gets me to think that you are a "girlfriend" to the girl..

And to the post on ^ of me, yeah, dating bf gf is game on, spanar/dispanar can happen.. FFA area. But most of us here hate spanar action..

Ditakdirkan bersama with your loved ones..

This post has been edited by SwooshY: Sep 13 2010, 12:18 PM

but you were talking about "if she can leave him for you, she can leave you for someone else". If she can marry you, she can leave you for another man too!

Dude,u better believe in karma,it will come back at u or your family.No joke.

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Added on September 13, 2010, 12:28 pmperhaps u feel great if someone spannar your gf or perhaps u feel better if someone spannar your father or mother.

This post has been edited by Agent 45: Sep 13 2010, 12:28 PM

i believe in what is meant to be will be.

in other words, u take ur responsibility in what u do. but whether her relationship with her bf fails or the relationship between u two wins, it is solely dependent on her alone. it takes two to clap.

But then again, from the scenario, it seems that the other hand is clapping as well. I know you guys will come out with quotes like:

"Why can't you choose girls that are single?"
"Why must you destroy the happiness of a couple?"

But then again, I would say in reality that 9 out of 10 men in this world, if they were faced in such a situation, they'd go straight and spanar. Many men (including my friends) say "Happiness is something you fight your way for. If you don't struggle for the said happiness, you will lose it." Although at first I was at a disagreement on this but it seemed that the above scenario that I have encountered, opened me up to the fact that maybe Fate and God wants me to pursue my own happiness in a 'spanaring' way. Nobody knows.

However, if the girl above really did have feelings on me (of course she did at that time if I explained further), then was I the only one at wrong? Don't tell me if I didn't take care of her needs and care for her, it be better and she won't fall for me?

If you guys know the full story, you'd say I be right to spanar because the fact that SHE LIKED ME. But then again, maybe it's too late now.

Agree. Anything can happen. A wife today might not be a wife forever. Humans change. Even if the partner/spouse is too good, it doesnt mean the other partner/spouse wont be promiscuos. No hard n fast rules.

@agent 45
Karma does happen, but love is not a waiting game. Ops... maybe this is not love afterall. He wanna jump into the hole, he shld be prepared to climb out. If not, its his fault 4being ill prepared.

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Added on September 13, 2010, 1:29 pm+1
Tell whole story pls. Long time no story liao. Lol

This post has been edited by furryfluffy: Sep 13 2010, 01:29 PM

1st thing is, are you really sure if she would jump to your side?

But there's a question on her, if she is willing to be spannared by you, what makes you think that she won't get spannared by another guy in coming years?

Go ahead spannar, you may bring short happiness or long. No human can tell you what kind of outcome will happen. Good luck. Who knows if the bf of your spannared girl takes a parang and you appear on news? No one can tell. By all means do what you think you should.

i need to clarify something,i didnt say that love is a waiting game.....did I???

its hard to say. but as i said, it takes two hands to clap. other words, both are clapping the hands.

whether one to choose the path or not, its up to the person. when someone goes astray to someone else instead of the bf/gf.. it means there's a problem in the relationship or the person. whichever way it is.. if there's no discussion made, n no solutions placed.. it wil end up as a breakup.

why are u comparing yourself with those ppl??yes,we fight for our happiness but i believe that most ppl misjudged this statement.if the girl is SINGLE then u all may go ahead and have a fair competition.in this case,u fight for your happiness.in a competition,there will be a winner and losers,sometimes u win sometimes u lose.u dont screw up ppl's life by spannaring their partner.

This post has been edited by Agent 45: Sep 13 2010, 02:17 PM

I was referring to not to spanar someone's gf/bf. Sometimes it's not advisable to wait. Btw, u already said so in latest reply above. As long as not married, the competition still on n valid. If u wait till she/he is single, hw long r u gonna wait?

I understand wat u r saying. If no bf, then any number of suitor can compete. But im saying, as long as not married, any suitor still stand a chance. Ppl call this spanner, i call this OK. Depends on everyone's interpretation n attitude towards relationship.

On legal issues, it is an offense to "enticing or taking away a married woman". As long as not married, it's only moral issue, which is subjective.

TS, first things first. Forget fate n karma BS.

What you need to know is, is this girl just "playing" with you to kill time when her BF is busy. If yes. STAY AWAY or you'll get burnt playing with fire.

Else, if she is really interested in you (and already bored with her BF), then you might have a chance. Then just go ahead. But ask her to end things with her BF BEFORE you guys start anything. Else, he has all the rights to come beat you up; at least in my books.

What can happen is you guys may really hit it off but do remember, if this scenario can happen to her BF, then it can also happen you (when you become her BF) if she gets bored with you or whatever her reason maybe. But then again, at least she won't be "the fish that got away"

All the best

This post has been edited by teelim: Sep 13 2010, 02:35 PM

u are right,depends on one's attitude.But i cant accept this immoral method
no need to wait la,just move on there are still many girls out there.when u are starting to have interest with someone,u should check on her background 1st b4 u make your move.

what if

1) the girl has bf but never loved him but only his money..
2) you know you want her that you can do anything to get her
3) you like being with her
4) you know you wanted her for yourself
5) Even if she declared, but she might also want you as well
(most girl/boy has more than one gf/bf)

which i think might land you in two ending..

1) you get the girl and you lose your conscience and moral
2) you lose the girl but keeps your conscience and moral.

(as long as she is not married, i would suggest you go for it.. as they were saying, may the best guy/girl wins)

why not just ask her to properly end things with the BF before starting another relationship. Then can get the girl AND keep you conscience and moral.

I once had a huge, huge crush on a girl who had a BF. And because of that - also because I was too young and stupid and didn't know how to get a girl - I never did anything about it.

Then she broke up with him. And got together with another guy who treated her like shit and dumped her. Then she got back with the first guy. Then broke up with him again. Then found another guy who also dumped her and broke her heart so badly, she made a sudden decision to go study overseas. Never saw her again after that.

You think I don't regret spanaring her? You damn right I regret it. The clues were all there from the beginning - her 1st BF was dull and unemotional, they hardly ever went out together and she rarely even talked about him. Her 2nd and 3rd BFs were charming assholes who treated her as something to conquer, then throw away. She clearly needed someone to give her love, and that's why she bounced from one guy to another - all of whom were wrong for her.

I don't know what would've happened if I did go after her. Maybe she would've rejected me. Or maybe we'd be together for a while and then eventually break up as well. But I do know - I'm 100% sure - that I would've been better for her than all those other guys. I would've saved her all that pain.

So yeah, now I laugh at people who keep whining "dun spanar ppl!" You're only scared of getting spanar-ed because you're insecure about your own relationship.

+9000

Someone said "dun destroy others' happiness"... but how sure r they that the girl wont get happiness after TS spanar her?

Seems I need to tell my whole story just to let you guys know how 'stupid' and 'justice' I was for not spanaring.

i asked since page 1 post #14. Tell lar.

Answer this type of thread gazilion of time but my answer is still the same

Whats wrong is wrong, whether karma/fate or whatsoever, dont purposely do something wrong since u know u shouldn't for whatever excuses.

Here comes the story, will keep it simple:

2 years ago met girl. Girl very quiet and doesn't talk. I tot girl won't talk to me but at the end she opened up. Found girl was quite interesting and wanted to know her more. Eventually, fate played the way (as I would say it) because every gathering that is supposed to be a gang, the other 3 would be late or absent and I end up being alone with her. Strangely she would open up to me and talk to me about various things that I never tot her gang (whom she knew longer) don't know about it. Some are personal things like her family condition and all. She never mentioned anything about her bf until the others talked about it.

One time she had to go to a place to settle something and did not know the way. She asked me if I knew and I offered to go with her there. She initially refused but I insisted because that area is quite dangerous. So we went and while she was settling her stuffs, I was outside waiting. Then another young couple came in and the girl went in to settle the same thing while the guy waited. I suddenly had some haywired thoughts but I got through them.

One time on an exam day, she called me up in a crying manner saying she was afraid that she couldn't remember this and that. She said she felt like being absent. I told her to quit thinking about absent and I consoled her for about 30 mins and finally she managed to get over it and appear on the exam. She said that it was thanks to me that she could overcome the fear. She said she called her bf up before and it did not work and it got worse. She said I was the one who re-established her confidence.

After the exam times, a few days before Xmas, the gang originally planned on going out. However, a week before the day, they all had problems to settle and couldn't make it. So I asked her if she would still want to go out. She said, why not, I promised to treat you lunch after you have been guiding me through and I will honor that. I went on asking what day she was available. She said she is available any day in the day time. Then I went to ask what about dating? She said, normally dating with bf just at night dinner and go home. So finally we went out and we got to talk with each other more and got to make some jokes too. I was actually surprised that she would go out with a guy (me) alone because she clearly said that she WOULD NOT GO OUT WITH A GUY ALONE and have REJECTED MANY OFFERS FROM GUYS ASKING HER OUT ALONE.

After the next semester started, I got to talk with the other girl from the gang and she was terribly shocked to hear that I actually went out with the girl alone. She was like "Didn't she say she wouldn't go out with a guy alone?". Though she made a point where she said the girl might have fallen for me subconsciously (yat gau shang ching in chinese) and slowly without realising.

In the first 2 months of the semester, I decided to take the front seats while the other gang wanted to sit at the middle. I was thinking, maybe I'd be alone again but she followed me. She sat beside me all the time and I was like, this is something. Everyone were looking at us at that time thinking that we might have coupled up.

In days without classes, she would call me up about 1-2 times a day asking for college work. She would be quite punctual, calling me at about 8.45 to 9am everyday and wake me up. And will start by saying "did I wake u up?". Then the conversation would go for normally 15 to 40 mins depending on how much she drags the conversation. There were a few times that she called me up for 40+ mins asking on where to place 'commas', 'full stops', and 'colens' in sentences and my PARENTS WERE LIKE, YOU SURE SHE'S NOT DIGGING YOU?

Things went on like this for quite sometime and around after about 8 months + to 9, the final exams came and the whole gang said that we go out one more time. A new guy who joined later, said that he originally thought that me and the girl were couple when he saw how close we were, talking and smiling to each other.

The strange thing happened on gathering day when on the day itself, she did not SPEAK A WORD WITH ME. I was like, trying to ask her questions and all and she wouldn't answer. So the day went on until it was dinner time and she still did not directly answer any questions from me. One of the gang members suggested a Japanese cuisine dinner and everyone agreed, even she that I KNEW FROM A LONG TIME AGO CANNOT EAT RAW STUFFS. So, during the dinner, she wasn't eating and a few of them seemingly forced her to eat sushi and she did at the end. However, she had to throw the thing out because she could not swallow it. I was like, I told them, she doesn't eat Japanese, stop forcing her. She still kept silent and just said to them (not to me) that she actually doesn't eat and she was full. So when it was parting time, I got to follow the other girl (whom I talked with earlier days) to take the trains. There, I asked her why the girl wouldn't answer me and why did you guys knowing her for so long did not know of HER NOT EATING RAW FOOD. She was shocked that they did not know but I did.

When I thought everything was over, 2 days later, she found me in MSN and wanted my help on how to answer job interview questions. So we did a little practice session on MSN. Hours later, she called me up and said she would be going to an interview around my place (her place and my place are very far from each other). I asked her why she would want to go. She said it was for fun. Out of curiousity and a little scheming I asked her since that she was around my place, why not she take a bus to a place where I can meet up with her and I bring her around. She said ok. However on the night before, she asked me if I would be able to meet her at her interview place and go take strolls after her interview. I agreed and I met her up there and eventually she got another call for an interview on the same day and we had lunch and she went up there while I waited downstairs. She asked me to leave if I felt too boring and what but I still waited. She kept contact with me when she was up there saying it wasn't her turn yet and I should leave if I was tired or what but I said I will wait and DID. After the interview she came down and was not at all surprised to see me waiting. I walked her back to the station where she would go back her home and I go back mine. Back at home, my parents were asking me if 'SHE WAS GIVING ME A WRONG SIGN or I WAS ACCEPTING THE WRONG SIGN'. I never got to know as after that, I heard from the other girl that she ignored me totally after she heard from an 'anonymous' person that I liked her and was about to confess to her. She said if I did confess, it be very bad. I don't get it, why bad?

So this is the story. Do you think it was worthwhile to spanar?

Ohhhh yes.

She was probably waiting for you to make a move. She probably got tired of waiting.

to me i believe non of it... for example to me i think things are like meant to be... no matter hw u change it... it must be like that... say for example abt this thread.. i think its fated being post at that time... n i believe that god made ts to start this thread.. i believe that even ppl spanar other ppl gf cos its fated... n that fact cant be change... like 1+1=2 rite
it no matter hw it cant be 1+1=3 rite???

Well, you're saying that this was a fated spanaring case? GAWD! I am regretting now.

So much problem with the girl.....if i were u, even im actually have feeling to her,
i would feel worse after gone through all those.

Anyway, if u truly have feeling to her and wanted to confess, go ahead.
Theres nothing wrong confess to the person u like.
However, it is a diff case if u wan to spanar.
It is not illegal but unethical even if ppl is not happy with their current relationship.

What problems do you see in her?

What's the difference? What's your definition of "spanar"?

TS, since you have been with her for quite sometime. It is a good chance to make a move to have a clear stance for both of u. being in your state only make the situation worse. either be couple or move on to other girl.

it will be good if u can ask about her situation and her bf first. so no more day dreaming here.

well it seems that god made u spanar her at that time... its all in HIS book

And it was a dang mistake that I didn't. I was holding on too much on my 'JUSTICE' and my morals. Shouldn't have taken that into too much priority.

well... his book asked u to do that.... its already meant to be in this specific way... so what can u do nw???

Don't make the same mistake next time.