Gals, do you make comparison of ur friends' bf/husband with urs?

I found I did that recently and it really brings down my mood.
I stayed with my bf for 1 year+.
We didnt think of financial problem for the past 1 year as we take turn to pay for each other for our living or dating expenses.
But I start to worry when think of marriage now.
My bf has a stable job but his family background is not that good, he needs to support his family financially from time to time, therefore he didnt really have enough saving for buying a house or prepare the marriage.
I discussed this topic with him before, he said he only can promise will save money slowly for our future but if his family need helps , he cannot ignore them also.
His temper is not that good, he will get angry easily if I continue to argue the thing alr set in his mind.

When I look around, my friends around me most of them have a good marriage.
All the marriage expenses n items are well prepared by the husband or husband family, and even after married they may resign with the current job and do whatever they interested in as financial is not a problem for them.

I know this kind of comparison is not healthy at all. But I just cant' stop myself from thinking all this.
Did you have this experience before?

hihi...i will do comparison, i don't think we are wrong if we make comparison. we are just envy others, we just want the one we love can give what we want. but..sometime.....the one beside us ...usually....can't fulfill what we expect and we keep making comparison.....thats normal.. after all those comparison, we are the one who will sad behind. because we are sad that why we can't be just like others...so envy ..so...envy...

comparison sure will exist..my bf's family background also not that well..everytime go out with him..need to consider many things too..who doesnt want a wealthy bf or husband...since together then work hard together lo...

my ex-wife have the same idea as u .. and i have the same condition as ur bf ...

guess what happened to us , i mentioned ex-wife

I guess you did not think much before you decided to stay with him. So you can either stick with him and hope he will be able to save money for your wedding or you get yourself out.

It is good if he willingly takes care of his family. The uglier one can be family members demand a lot from him. One is "receive", the latter is "take".

One thing you cannot change is his ties to his family. That is why people said we don't just marry the person. We marry the family also.

So it is important we get to know someone really well and know what we ourselves want/can/cannot tolerate.

This post has been edited by barista: Jan 2 2009, 04:46 PM

You should love someone for who he is, not how much money he has.

Thats just my 1 sen worth and imo

A girl has every right to make comparison, however do remember that the guy can do a comparison of other girls to YOU AS WELL. So if you want to compare that's your choice but don't start whining when your husband compares your breast or face or intelligence when you're old. If you can compare so can they guy, it's a free world.


This post has been edited by Drian: Jan 2 2009, 07:32 PM

agreed these...

I guess not all of your friends need to support their family. Even if some may need to, maybe not all are willing to financially support them too. I think your bf is a very good son. If one day you have a son/daughter like this, you will be grateful too.

I think some times, people do make comparison.
But you have to know that in real life, nothing is perfect, and nothing is fair.
Eventough there's so much things you wanted to have,
but you don't always get what you want.
You have to appreciate for what you have now, and not envy on what people are having.

Totally agree with it, marriage need a long plan and not just rush here and there.

i'm sorry for you, man..

before having the thought of getting married already started to compare

Lets put it the other way. Say, a girl is facing some serious financial problem (family problem). Her bf, come from moderate family background, with better and steadier income, has been supporting her for some time. His saving is minimal though, and could only plan for a simple ceremony.

Many times, the girl feel that she had burden her bf, and asked for breakup. They argue, quarrel, fight. The bf also do complain about her neverending family problem. Yet he knows, he can't leave her especially at time like this. And still he remain by her and support her.

Sometimes, rather than comparing our partner with others, we might want to look at ourselves first. How good (or perfect) are we comparing to our own circle of friends, and our partner circle of friends. If you are considering single life, then go ahead and take charge

If you are looking at marriage as part of your life, then you may need to give it a second though thou. Comparison and desire is to drive us to become better, not discourage us. Life may not be happy all the time, but it was the unhappiness moment that makes us treasure the best moment even more. Give it a second thought.

it's time to change.....to another BF that is....

My opinion, if a girl want something out of her life, she should go ahead do it and achieve it rather than hoping the bf or future hubby give it to her.

I really looking down on these type of girls; no vision, no determination, scare to try, dare not to lose, a lot to complain and whining. You are who you make yourself are! Please just dont just depends on the boy side, they are from normal human family just like where you come from.

As a son and man of the family, it is their responsibility to take care of the whole family. As a woman, you marry into the guy's family and live with them and under their roof in peace and love.

I'm sorry if i sounds big man ego, and i dont deny my man ego. This is what keep things balance in life, rather than one side endless giving, then other side endless receiving, like paying an endless debt.

i dont like comparing.comparing just bring back the past to the present just for the sake of comparing.i used to compare stuff but now not anymore.just be happy and glad with what u have now

dump him and find a better one

As a guy and a working adult, I will try 2 break of from da parents burden, as this hinders my future advancements like money for investments, money for starting a business or so. It may sound a bit bad, but wat i mean is dat I try 2 make sure I relocate a lump sum of money enough for my parents n save da rest.

As for da comparison part, I think if u compare too much, it gets u nowhere. I myself is considered a professional with a degree in Engineering. Even I am not confident dat I can give my other half da life she wants, like wat u say, quit their job after marriage n lace around. In order to achieve dat, how much does ur husband need 2 earn? I would be looking at more than 10k per month. Even with a professional degree, how many can do dat? If yes, at wat age? Definitely not at a young age. Many young gals forsee dat, dats y they tend to stick to guys with parents inheritance. But u noe wat, I take pride in earning my own money.

Agree very much with all of them here.. TS, dun compare too much and it's not good for your relationship.. try to think in his shoes, i believe u dun wan hv the same treatment from him too.. i did hv a fren like to compare a lot among her bf n his guy frens/colleagues n even directly told her bf wat he lack of.. n of coz her bf feel very stress n unhappy every times she did tat.. maybe it bcome a habit to compare between them.. i hv advise my fren not to do so but she just cant help it.. juz pity her bf..

No one o nothing is perfect even urself is not perfect so dun expect too much from other.. u wan something good then start from urself first..