Sauce : http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Malaysia#Education_of_Malaysia

Favorite quotes of the Customer Service representative at TMwait Slowmyx / TMnerd Shitmyx


"We will assign a contracter to your place to look into the matter by tomorrow(in fact a week)."
(if u r using external ADSL modem)"Is the light of the ADSL light blinking or off??"
"Windows XP firewall make your slow koneksion"
"What is the error code shown? If u using router, please try manual konek and call us again."
"Please turn your modem upside down and try again"
"Please unplug your network cable and turn it around and plug it back in" (Witchcraft lah, just stand up and turn around 3 times, your internet will be aaalrite!)
"What version of Windows are you using?" (If it ain't WinXP, fuxx you, we do not support Mac, Win2k or Linux)
"Please unplug your microfilter and plug the modem wire directly into the wall socket" (I can hear the pages flipping, she's either reading Kosmo! or from a frickin' manual, which I can also do, and Fuxx You very much, I already tried, my microfilter is brand new)
"You must plug your SATA modem to the IDE floppy disk and put your USB monitor to the 2-socket plug. Then only can you turn on the 30-Amp power to your Acer.
"I tak tahu..." / "Saya don't know..."
" "Currently, we have no service distruption in malaysia" <--- a good reply when international cable breakdown. Stupid Customer service dont even know.
" Nonit talk so much la..... Let me make report for u. U take the report number and keep quiet... Wait for technician to come( if he remembers).. Bye.... tooo..tooo..
" Now restart your comp....
" Uninstall and then reinstall the network driver. That didn't work for you? What you don't have your original disks? No problem, use this web site... what do you mean you have no Internet without the driver? Are you trying to question me?"
"Please reinstall your modem"(driver)
" I am sorry, our support does not cover that. Try calling the company that made your computer or Microsoft. (I have no idea what you are talking about and my script does not cover these sorts of things. Rather than tell you I have no talent, I am instead telling you to go somewhere else and passing the buck to them. Yet I know they also have help desks in Malaysia so I am phoning them ahead to warn them about you. You are so fuxxored.)
"Talk talk talk... Please wait while all our staffs are engaged on line...(Stupid tmnut song plays... played over and over hundred of times.. then, line disconnected" - This happened when all the staffs went to minum kopi, lepak, talk cock ...etc watever and refused to answer the phone because they know they can't do anything other than saying "Please wait while our technical workers are currently fixing the problemss"
"Huh ?"
"Cannot... cannot" -TMNET customer service on speaking to your supervisor
"Tomorrow you come lah... to tmnet center" -TMNET customer service typical panics
An official reply via email from their customer service: "Send email with details can ? We no receive your email at all." Same email recycle until customers give up.
"Suh... you made no payments" -on the bill you paid 3 months ago, now they're threating to block your connection
"Oh unplug your cable lah, then you squeeze squeeze should be ok adiiiiii!!!"
"Slow? I think you should upgrade to Slowmyx 1 Meg. How much you are paying now? Just add little bit only ma."
"Unplug your telephone line, rub it towards your breast, let the telephone line gets high, then plug back in ur *******. I'm 100% u can use ur internet to see BOGEL INTERNET."
First time calling: "We need three working days to solve this problem." Call after three days: "We need three working days to solve this problem." and continue the process.
Huh????Our connection is the fastest among the Asia...u still wan to complain.....our 1kbps speed is faster than a Porches 911...
"We're very sorry. All our staffs are busy at the moment. Please call back later. Thank you for using streamyx..."
Nobody answers.

Uncyclopedia is great...
You see, Uncyclopedia always makes fun of the fact, usually make it the other way around.

But when it's about Malaysia, it's always the fact and yet, it's FUNNYYYY.

Rofl.

hey guys lately I've been experiencing a lot of problems like downloading music and anime, sites has gone much slower on downloading, surfing is normal though (w/o proxy) popular sites like mmosite, crunchyroll, and esnips are rather slow... youtube are kinda slow too... last time dl get 118 kB/s now became 8 kB/s. shakehead.gif BT dls are slower than usual.. not peer problem, neighbour gets 80kB/s and i get like 20 kB/s.. walao i think i wanna migrate after i graduate... rclxm9.gif youtube super duper slow... streamyx combo konon... aku rasa nih taktik utk kebas duit aku sudah... dah la customer support x reti apa tu msn messenger.. celaka punyer screamyx.. even my mother was going berserk when she can't access malaysiakini and malaysiatoday...

It happened again... speed barely hit 20k with/without vpn

'
yep, same here... i wanna ask Osama bin Laden to bomb TM headquaters...

Please

My internet connection is worst i only get 8kb of download and ftp like 10kbps, youtube also slow like snail, and i under 512kbps package haiz. TM= Tak Malu

I want singtel and starhub come to malaysia offer us thier internet service

Damn jealous when I remote my gf's computer and saw that her download speed is like heaven to me. Download Skype took like less than 5 mins while mine took about 20 mins. See how big the difference is?

My gf is using SingNet though..

yeah, Singaporeans are a small tiny red dot, but high tech... damnit and this is my friend's internet speed!

---

Added on August 9, 2008, 8:50 pmthe price of her broadband is 5 pounds sterling per month


This post has been edited by KuzumiTaiga: Aug 9 2008, 08:50 PM

Streamyx block 4chan?

Or just 4chan down?

TMNut is throttling our normal DLs and surfing now

Damnt Im downloading a 100MB file at a rate of 6kb/s, im gonna shoot those sohai tmnut employees if i see them

Poor JonSpark you should finish downloading that file tonight . TMnut speed last week was fine for me now they started throttling again. What's pissing me off is they have started to throttle http. TMnut discovered people are finding ways of bypassing everything they do so the easy way out is to implement a global throttle on their servers. So now even if your on a 4mb connection your still brought down to 30KBps.

It's getting ridiculous to a point that soon a 56k connection might actually surpass this goddamn broadband we have. I am sick and tired of their excuses and also changing their terms of condition to protect themselves. TMnut is now officially a mafia based ISP. I have never seen such ethics in the business world that goes this far. I mean if your doing such illegal activities of course you hide it from the public but TMnut now doesn't even bother because they know their one and only so they just rob you in broad daylight.

I sadly have no alternative ISP so I'm stuck. So many of their IP's are routed so badly they have request timed out or very slow speeds. I have to waste time trying to get an IP that is decent. My friends in other countries laugh when i have to disconnect reconnect for half hour or more just to get a cetain IP. I hope this issue gets sorted out soon or the newspapers publish something to at least pressure these mafias. Why the F was i born in this country F regret F big time.

If we had another ISP I would definitely switch.

Boycott TM by not paying bill until they improve their services. I'm sure we can gather 1 million Malaysian easily. Open a group in facebook and spread the news.

http://www.new.facebook.com/group.php?gid=22759629004

how to boycott ? haizzzz

so GANGSTER LA THIS COMPANY

suka buat apa apa saja...damn

Finished this afternoon. Now downloading at a rate of 4.7kb/s, sigh

Wanna call SC to release anger ? I did this after after giving that 'pok kai ham ka ling' my username

my lagness now happen at midnight... ==

those day is from afternoon then night then now midnight..lol

what a retarded company

lol.. i feel the slow speed started since july....... getting even worse now.

jus now tm ppl came to my hse and check the problem...sigh...i really dont know what to say anymore ... they just give me a modem to check whether is my own modem problem bcoz the DSL blink itself sometimes...