After I announced I was single again in Sept 2024, about ten men pursued me in the months that followed. And this was without even touching dating apps.

What puzzled me, though, was that 4 of them were younger than me. Like… why? I was 35 then. I’ve always liked older men, so dating younger guys felt unfamiliar and a bit baffling.

Being myself, I made it difficult for those younger men—partly because I wasn’t confident in dating younger men, and partly because I was still healing from my breakup and emotionally tangled with the analyst guy back then.

I remembered a guy friend who once told me in 2023 that he didn’t like “xiao mei mei” (girls younger than him). He preferred older women and always pursued them. In fact, he married a woman four years his senior; she was 39 and he was 35.

*

Last month, out of curiosity, I asked some younger male friends, and they said they didn’t mind dating women 1–5 years older. They like the stability, care, and guidance that older women bring. It makes them feel safe, nurtured, and able to manja a little. Financially, older women tend to be more stable. The relationship works more like a balanced partnership, rather than the usual older-bf-younger-gf dynamic—which often comes with more drama and burden. To them, slightly older women are like “jie jie” (elder sister) they can trust and confide in.

They also said women in their twenties can feel needy, insecure, and high-maintenance with “princess syndrome”. Younger women are fun for sex, but draining for a relationship. Women in their thirties, on the other hand, are stable, mature, loyal, and serious.

Interesting perspective, right? Many unmarried women in their thirties are judged harshly as 剩女 (leftovers), but younger men apparently don’t see them this way.

I’m sharing this to hear more input; just trying to understand what younger men think and whether I should open myself to that possibility.... and maybe also give some hope to other older women.

Older woman can be childish depends but that said older woman can give better piap.

Generally older woman should be more matured and less needy.

Some guys prefer 10-20 years younger woman, while some prefer older.

Just a matter of preference.

Why dont u try younger men? Probably "stronger" maybe u will like it.


Last but not least, maturity does not comes from aging but from experience.

101% yes if she can pay me well.

I know this one girl who prefers younger men. Shes not old herself only late 20s, but her fiancee is 3 years younger. The bf before the fiancee was also a few years younger.

Intrigued, so I asked her about this. She said that her parents were like that as well, her mum being older than the dad. And she follows her mum.

Digging deeper, it seemed that for her (and her mum), they play a more alpha role in their relationship. The male partners are more follower.

I implore you to open up can already see in this forum, age is no indicative of one's maturity. Some younger people can be more mature than others.

Since you have so many pursuers, you have the luxury to compare and choose. That said, "comparison is a robber of happiness" or something like that -- be careful not to be too critical as you cherry-pick every good trait from 10 different men and expect one to have it all. We're all humans looking for someone who can accept each other's bullshit.

depends , but most older women no longer firm inside. All saggy, with loose skin.

Men are not like women....like very restrictive to a certain age when dating.

Generally, men can date woman of any age as long as she's attractive. That's why terms like milf appears because men also like older women.

Unless the guy has a specific objective of wanting a kid from that lady, then he might prefer a younger woman.

Dating and marriage are different.

If the guy does not plan to hv child, then women age not really an issue. It is all about vibe

If guy do plan to hv kids, then they might looking for younger and smarter girl. Pregnancy while younger is safer to both mum n child. Meanwhile child IQ is influence by X chromosome and mum impact on son is significantly higher

agreed. it all depends on what you are looking for. if you're looking for family and have kids, then ya perhaps older men may appeal to u as they are more matured, financially stable (not all though) and mentally ready for a family.

if older men like me, who got kicked out of a marriage, i tend to look for women of any age as long as they provide me what i'm looking for, companionship and someone to grow old with.

As usual, it depends on the needs of the couples involved.

Typically the older person will be the one leading the relationship. So if the guy or girl doesn't mind that, then that's ok.

I have a few friends like that, and the common theme in all the women is the need to be the one in control of the relationship.

Yes i would, and why not date someone 1-4 years older than me 😉

Woman to woman, I learnt the hard way that some older men can be immature even though they're in their late 30s or 40s. In other words, age doesn't determine their maturity level or their cability of taking care of you. Take the time to find out their personality and the values that they believe in instead.

I've read all the replies. Thanks, everyone, for your input.

I do agree that some younger men can be surprisingly mature, while some older men can be quite immature. Maturity is definitely attractive to me.

*

Years ago, I got close to a Singaporean guy three years older than me. We liked each other, but I was put off by how he treated his parents. His dad was late picking us up one day, and he spent the whole car ride nagging his dad. He couldn’t drive himself because he’d get carsick, and when I asked why he was still living with his parents, he casually said, “Then where would I get a maid?”—referring to his mom. That was a huge turn-off, and I didn’t continue seeing him after that.

Then there was another guy who pursued me when I was 19. He came to my parents’ house, introduced himself, and promised he would take care of me. He said he could cook, clean, and do laundry, and he wanted my mom to feel reassured about letting me be with him. He was 18 back then.

So yeah, maturity and character matter more than age.

we same fate ^^

Your relationship your choice.

But never tried never know

Honestly, I think it’s because people naturally get drawn to those who seem more grounded and emotionally stable.
Older people tend to have better self-awareness, clearer values, and a calmer mindset that’s attractive energy.
You’re basically a reflection of who you surround yourself with.

If you spend time around mature, stable individuals, that becomes your baseline.

But if you hang out daily with people who are emotionally messy or childish, even if you’re not like that, your behaviour and thinking will slowly shift to match theirs.
My brother’s a good example — his girlfriend’s super childish. Even though he wasn’t like that before, being around her all the time kinda made him pick up those habits. It’s the same principle.
So when younger guys are drawn to older women, it’s not weird they’re just craving that kind of grounded energy and maturity they haven’t found in their own age group

That’s such a grounded take. I actually think how you respond to moments like that says a lot about your own personality too.
Most people are quick to judge, so their relationships don’t really have space to grow.

It’s okay to have judgments they show what we value and where our boundaries are.

But the real test is whether the other person is willing to grow when you communicate it.
A lot of people behave a certain way simply because that’s what they grew up around.

I once heard something that stuck with me: “Marriage is a decision, not an emotion.”
It reminds me that love can start from feelings, but it lasts through conscious choices.
At the end of the day, in any relationship or marriage, the key is communication not assumption or judgment.

Well, besides how he treated his parents, there were also two occasions where he didn’t apologise but retaliated when I asked why he was 30–60 minutes late without informing me in advance. Taken together, these four incidents made me feel he wasn’t mature or independent enough.

There’s a saying:
成人的世界，只筛选，不教育，只选择，不改变。
(In the adult world, we filter, not teach; we choose, not change.)

Many women enter relationships hoping to change their partner, but to me, what you see is what you get. Red flags at the beginning won’t turn green simply because you try to correct him. Any real change has to come from within. Of course, we can communicate our concerns and observe how he responds. But if he can’t take feedback, then there’s really no point continuing.

This applies to men too; trying to change their girlfriend or wife rarely works unless she herself recognises her flaws and is humble enough to grow.

Yes, I completely agree that it is decision, not emotion, that carries us through the hard times in a relationship or marriage.

Sometimes I still reflect on what got me through eight years of a long-distance relationship with the same man (my ex-fiancé), including three years of forced separation during the pandemic. My conclusion is that I made it through because I was committed to making things work, even though, in the end, we called off the marriage due to his health issues. I’ve asked myself whether I regretted waiting and committing only for it to end, but I don’t. It gave me closure and self-accountability; I didn’t walk away when things got hard or inconvenient.

I also reflect on my relationship with the analyst guy and wonder why, even after a year of not directly talking to each other, I still haven’t given up on him. Logically, I should have walked away long ago. But seeing how he’s been retreating to do his inner work for about seven months now, I’ve told myself to wait until next year while focusing on my own growth. To me, he deserves a chance to choose again — this time from a healed heart.

When he first pursued me, he was only partially emotionally available, and soon after, his fearful-avoidant side took over. I think he realised his flaws when I told him how confused I felt by his hot-and-cold behaviour. He wanted to move forward with me, but something was holding him back — his past issues, which only he could confront and resolve. I respect him for not dragging me into his mess and instead choosing to step back and work on himself.

That’s why I believe true change can only come from the person himself. It’s never a woman’s duty to fix a man, though she can inspire or encourage him to grow.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Oct 19 2025, 11:03 PM

101% agree!

Each relationship bring additional emotional experience and burden as well. It is not ease to move out. So people tend to prefer younger partner.

It applied both to men and women

However, men have the advantages of time as its key asset value (material plus experience) increase over time.

Meanwhile, time is against women as fertility rate is declining

That the reason older men with young wife is happening while opposite is rare.

I do hv friends that married older women up to 8 years gap. Yet, these ladies are all pre35. Even managed to hv 3 kids.

This post has been edited by abelyap: Oct 20 2025, 08:02 AM

Open secret.

Man take older women 101% is "POWER & MONEY" but no man will admit it.

Serious, not shame n you are lucky!

*First

Friend wife is 8 years older that him.

Business Start Up Fund, Car, House all his wife provide.

Now, he also have mistress who are beautiful & young.

*Second

A girl who are from superb rich family but she is 150cm 100kg.

She like me but Sorry, Im with dignity.

After that, one of my friend want to know her.

So, I just intro then few months they married.

This girl also provide A to Z.

Now, he also have mistress who are beautiful & young.

*Third

Friend wife is 4 years older that him.

His superior, provide A to Z.

Then in a car accident, his wife pass away.

He is the driver & cause.

Now, he also remarried an girl who are beautiful & young.

After remarried, wife side no more connect with him.

*Forth

Own story.

We love each other but "MALAYSIA RELIGION LAW".............

Last, to all girl please use brain to think man with "BRAIN & MONEY" who need an older women please!? Bring mom out!?

Its same to all boy, women with “RATIONAL BRAIN & MONEY" who need an useless man please!?

Why a lot of people not married please!?

2 main reason

1. PRINCE OR PRINCESS SYNDROME

2. BIG HEAD

Marriage to last forever

*LOVE, Commitment, Communication, Compatibility, Mutual Respect, Mutual Support, Shared Values, Trust and Understanding.

*Both individuals to operate as a team with shared goals and responsibilities, where control is not an issue.

From my observation and chats with female peers (mostly urban Chinese women in their 30s), most aren’t in a rush to get married or have kids anymore.

Partly because of past failed relationships; many feel it’s better to stay single than date or marry the wrong men. Being in a relationship is exhausting, and they’ve had enough of crap from men.

Another big factor is that having children is expensive, plus the extra burden from in-law expectations and the complications that come with pregnancy.

On top of that, many are just content with where they are—happy being single, having a stable career, and enjoying time with friends.

I also have married female friends in their thirties who have chosen to remain childless.

Hence, the fertility clock that used to scare women doesn’t seem so scary anymore.

Given this sentiment among urban Chinese women, urban Chinese men may face a harder time finding girlfriends or marrying women who want to have children, unless they consider other races or foreigners.

Yeah, that’s the thing I’m wary of.

I’m highly educated, have strong earning power, and own assets, investments, and passive income. I want to date men who are equal to or more capable than me, so together we can multiply our resources (1 + 1 > 2). If I have kids, I want them to grow up in a well-off family. If I stay single, I want to fully enjoy financial freedom and abundance.

Dating younger men usually doesn’t bring such benefits, unless he:
- is driven, disciplined, and determined
- is loyal and faithful
- has a growth mindset

Otherwise, it’s like having a 小白脸 (toy boy) or a 陈世美 (Chen Shimei, a two-faced, opportunistic man who betrays the woman who once loved him) rather than a partner who can grow together for a lifetime.

The chat likely had wrong audience. Why not chat with male instead?
At the end of the day, marriage is between male and female.

Between, what do u expect the unmarried female to answer? Desperate to marry?

Sis, you know A to Z but you still "BIG HEAD"!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I dont think so.........

I know a lot of girl who are above 30 give free to "SUPERIOR MAN".

You missed my point. I'm answering your earlier statement (as quoted) about women's fertility.

Statistically, the trend for women to get married and reproduce has been going downwards for years now. It's a current fact, regardless of whom I chat with.

Note:
I will only respond/reply to logical arguments and rational discussion, not to trolls, irrelevant, or sidetracked replies.

I seriously dislike it when people shit on my thread.

I heard u. But need to differentiate perception vs scientific fact. Fertility declined over age is real.

Marriage actually is a protection for women. Meanwhile child is for motherhood / fatherhood experience.

Unless u plan to date but not to marriage or having kids. Else, why not think from POV of male?

Man with high education, great earning power and good EQ would have plenty option. Do he need a partner of similar characteristics? Or he need someone that can complement him?

At my current age, I would not date an older woman cos I am already an old uncle in my 50s.

I remember seeing TS tread about “how to date a rich man” some years ago. At that time, I thought TS was already a career woman in her 30s but she was only in her last 20s then and is now in her mid 30s.

Assuming what TS says is true, she is considered to be a confident and successful career woman, earning a good salary and already has her own fixed assets.

She is looking for someone who can match her in areas of financial and intellectual wealth and share common interest. Her partner should also be of course, fit and healthy and the list goes on.

Actually, I am surprised as I thought that TS should have been married by now as her previous partner was some C-Suite officer earing a good salary and they have been together for quite some time. But I suppose, sometimes life has a different path for us.

The issue is not about whether a guy will date an older woman but also would an older woman date a younger guy. And the key question if what is the purpose of dating this older woman.

If it is just for physical, of 10 guys, more than 9 will not say No, cos that is the nature of men.

If it is for a long term commitment with view of marriage, then this depends on the younger guy financial situation. If TS is 35, the men that she is looking for is about 30 to 33 and is guy about making it to middle management position with salary range of about RM10K to say RM15K.

I assume that TS is making much more from the way she describes herself.

Is that enough for a Man to consider starting a family. Well this depends of course on the type of woman the Guy is dating.

If the woman expects the guy to pay for everything, then sadly, its probably not enough unless the guy already has bought a house and the car is fully paid off. But TS has described herself as a self made woman who will not hesitate to contribute to the household.

So that should be enough but this is also depended on the Man. He must be self confident and not be intimidated by a woman who earns more than him. Cos society does expect the man to earn more than the wife and the man does lose some self respect when the Wife earns more than him and contributes more to the household.

Of course, going out with a younger man with view of marriage will also get some resistance from the in-laws, both from the Man and the Woman. The MIL will not be supportive and will ask the Son to date a younger and more fertile woman and the Woman own parents would also ask the daughter to marry someone who is more financial stable.

All this has to be taken into consideration as TS is no longer a spring chicken. At her age, she should consider dating multiple man at the same time to see who is the best candidate before eventually going exclusive.

At the mid-30s, there isn’t much time to waste dating man and wasting time going outside. Once past 36, market value starts to drop rapidly. By 38, the choices are even more narrow and by 40, the train has left the station.

I know quite a number of career women who are quite pretty but due to choices that they made, either to focus on the career or dating the wrong man, many are single and in the late 30s to 40s to 50s.

Of course, some do find their life partner at a later age but that is very rare.

Good luck to you TS

From advocating/bragging of/about marriage to wealthy partner to now, relatively speaking, settling for men in their 30s who are far less financially established.

How the mighty have fallen. Time is everyone’s hubris.

Yes, I'm aware of it. However, age is just one of the factors affecting fertility. I’ve known a former colleague who had three miscarriages in her mid- to late twenties, and a friend’s friend who had her first child at 48. I also know couples who got married in their twenties, tried IVF several times, but still couldn’t have children even after five years of trying. At the same time, I know couples who, despite being in their late thirties, have twin daughters.

After seeing and hearing about such variations, I think fertility depends on both a woman’s physical health and age. For women concerned about their age, options like ovum-freezing provide additional choices for the future.

Speaking from my own experience with those men, in their opinion, having plenty of women around (quantity) doesn’t automatically mean quality.

Sure, younger women in their twenties might have higher fertility, but does that make them good wives or mothers? Are they emotionally mature and financially stable enough to raise children and take care of their husbands and in-laws, or are they still figuring things out as young women and might get restless or gatal in their thirties?

As for what kind of women such men like, it really varies by personality, but at the core, they tend to prefer women who add value to their lives.

You would be much wiser than you sounded here if you had fact-checked.

I did write in my Oct 2024 thread about why women should consider dating ordinary guys, based on my unfavourable experiences with top 10% guys.

You do have good memories. Yes, I was with my ex-fiancé for eight years. We didn’t proceed to marriage due to his health issues. He called it off.

Your analysis is spot on. There’s a lot to consider before entering an exclusive relationship, especially with a younger man who’s less established or less confident. Relationship dynamics can get complicated when in-laws and societal expectations come into play.

I think the “market” is always there for women, but the objective of a relationship shifts as we age.

Realistically, if a woman in her 40s or 50s is dating primarily with the hope of having children, her chances won’t be high. But if she’s dating for companionship or shared experiences, there’s definitely still a market. The key is positioning oneself correctly to target the right kind of relationship and partner.

Personally, I’m at a crossroads. This year, I haven’t started seeing other men or using dating apps yet, because I’m still holding out for that analyst guy. Some things happened between us, so I'm waiting for a clear answer.

Lastly, I really appreciate the time you took to write such a detailed reply. It helps me consider more things from an older man’s perspective, and this is exactly the kind of discussion I enjoy having. Thanks a lot.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Oct 21 2025, 07:30 PM

i was suspended for 14 days because of my comment .

Me too, you are not alone!

There’s a quote that says, “There is more than one path to reach the mountaintop.” I believe that’s quite true. Here’s an alternative way of thinking that leads to a similar conclusion — just through a different path.

Point 1: Standard Deviation in Life

We all know that nothing is ever perfect. In construction, a structure remains safe even when a beam is off by ±50 millimeters; a batch of goods is still acceptable within a ±5% margin.

The same principle applies to people. A few years of age difference doesn’t make someone less compatible or less capable of love.

If we can accept small variations in the things we build, why can’t we accept them in the people we meet? In this case, the “parameter of deviation” is age.

There is a parallel saying that resonates with this modern adaptation of the standard deviation. In ancient times, there was a quote stating, “The living things are flexible; the dead things are rigid.” This further reinforces the point — we must remain flexible where we can.


Point 2: Patterns Across Generations

The patterns of the present generation often reflect those of the older and younger generations — and vice versa.

If there are men of great character within my generation, there will also be women of similar quality within the same group. This reflects a polarity view — seeing what is possible, even when it’s not yet visible in our surroundings. If such qualities exist today, they must also exist among both older and younger generations. Through a cross-generational view, we can observe what is possible across the past, present, and future.

If this observation holds true (at least to me personally), then it seems premature to conclude that all men and women of the younger generation are immature.

Mature young minds do exist — perhaps fewer in number, but present nonetheless.

*

Based on these two points — tolerance for age deviation and the existence of maturity across generations — the conclusion arrived:

It may be worth giving younger pursuers a fair chance.

Depends how old she looks like, if her age doesn’t match with actual looks, just stay far far away.
About age 38-45s is maximum age for me.
Whoever more than 45s not intrested. Make sure she had dated previously, if pure single so problematic one.

This post has been edited by Benefon: Nov 9 2025, 01:31 PM

Seriously, my advice to all those career minded woman out there...Dont get too attached to your career lar...today you are a big time director...in another 20 - 30 years from now, the company can just ask you to leave with 1 months' notice...

Also the same to men what? Company can just ask the men to leave. Whats the difference?

he probably means to imply that a man in his 50s can still marry a younger woman in her 20s and start a family but a woman in her 50s will have more physical limitations to do the same

That would be assuming the men had wealth isnt it. If he had no wealth then a 50s women wont look at him at all too.

Also, while its true women had physical limitations if she is 50s and wanted to do the same, i doubt any single women at 50s still dream of those. Probably already gave up and choose a road that is suitable to her.

Proudly say 8 years into marriage and she is senior by 4 years apart.
Unsure what you are looking for the partner you like but I think you over-think and make things over complicated, do you get many white hair, wrinkles or worst - hair drop over this?

If finance is all about it, you might want to ensure both sides of your parents are still working or having bunch of fortunate await to be spent and healthy.

Certain things are great when it is leftover - for examples yogurt, cheese and wine.

Things are learn thru either by experiences or thru observing people fall into those traps and learn from aside.
One of them is having complicated life and might not learn there mistake and the other might be cunning if you are looking from the bad side.
On the bright side, one could be happy go lucky, the other is like to prep things before it fails.


Whether he/she is happy go lucky type or cunning old fox, as long as the attraction is greater than the pushing effect, why overthink it? You only live once, if can't bear with any, alone is a wise choice too especially when I look at my single's friends.

So again, what are you looking for? Life is complicated, you'll need to make them into small pieces that easy to be understood, things could be different.

This post has been edited by blindmutedeaf: Nov 11 2025, 10:19 AM

Serious, all same!

"MONEY" is the key!

Who dont need money please!?

As I know money is a thing can do what I need!

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT............

When Im young, I always have a dream..................

TO ALL BRO / SIS,

TRUE LOVE ONLY APPEARS WHEN YOU ARE POOR, BECAUSE EVERYTHING YOU GIVE WHEN YOU ARE POOR PROVES THAT I LOVE YOU MORE THAT I LOVE MYSELF AT THAT MOMENT. BECAUSE OF POVERTY, LOVE EXPRESSED WITH THE HEART, NOT MONEY, IS CLOSER TO THE TRUEST FORM OF AFFECTION.

真爱只有出现在你穷的时候, 因为穷我为你付出的一分一厘都证明了此刻我爱你超过爱我自己,因为穷那些需要用心而非用钱表达的爱意才更贴近感情最本真的样子.

Too bad until now, I didnt meet this person!

If its a new old car, okay also wut.

I met a 46 year old divorced milf recently
dress and petite body like in early to mid 30s
most women know how to maintain esp if they already established in own career

Usually the hot ones are divorcees.

Sounds really nice....did you pursue ?

Personally I think age is not an issue if one still open to date. Yes there are people that like older and there are also people that like younger. It just a matter of preference. Why want to compare? Whether you're male or female, you also can pursue someone else. Now a days, I believe if one does not take the initiative, then it your loss.

Best is open up and meet more people, who know one day you met your fate one?

Fertility thingy, I believe this is something in between for the couple. Whether you decide to have children now or not, seriously it doesn't really matter. People will change, this is for sure. My wife just 1 year younger than me and we get married at the age 28. She decided to not have kid, but she suddenly have a mindset change and we have our first kid at age 35.

I also met a couple around mid 40 - 50 I guess, at confinement centre. They did 3 times of IVF (if not mistaken) in order to get pregnant and succeed at the last chances of IVF. I also have friend that decided not to have kid ever since secondary school! They did get married and now live happily with a dog and still don't want to have kid.

To TS, why not take the initiative on that analyst guy you mention? Not to rush thing, but to get a general idea whether you should continue wait or not.

I encourage TS not to give up hope in the love life, whether you're in 30s 40s or even 50s! Love can happen at any age or time. It just happen differently for everyone and in different way too. No harm to be a success career women.

Yes, dated 44 years old lady last week, damn hot 🔥🐝

she had her own trauma or issue unresolved
I can just focus on myself and date other people