Well, besides how he treated his parents, there were also two occasions where he didn’t apologise but retaliated when I asked why he was 30–60 minutes late without informing me in advance. Taken together, these four incidents made me feel he wasn’t mature or independent enough.

There’s a saying:
成人的世界，只筛选，不教育，只选择，不改变。
(In the adult world, we filter, not teach; we choose, not change.)

Many women enter relationships hoping to change their partner, but to me, what you see is what you get. Red flags at the beginning won’t turn green simply because you try to correct him. Any real change has to come from within. Of course, we can communicate our concerns and observe how he responds. But if he can’t take feedback, then there’s really no point continuing.

This applies to men too; trying to change their girlfriend or wife rarely works unless she herself recognises her flaws and is humble enough to grow.
Yes, I completely agree that it is decision, not emotion, that carries us through the hard times in a relationship or marriage.

Sometimes I still reflect on what got me through eight years of a long-distance relationship with the same man (my ex-fiancé), including three years of forced separation during the pandemic. My conclusion is that I made it through because I was committed to making things work, even though, in the end, we called off the marriage due to his health issues. I’ve asked myself whether I regretted waiting and committing only for it to end, but I don’t. It gave me closure and self-accountability; I didn’t walk away when things got hard or inconvenient.

I also reflect on my relationship with the analyst guy and wonder why, even after a year of not directly talking to each other, I still haven’t given up on him. Logically, I should have walked away long ago. But seeing how he’s been retreating to do his inner work for about seven months now, I’ve told myself to wait until next year while focusing on my own growth. To me, he deserves a chance to choose again — this time from a healed heart.

When he first pursued me, he was only partially emotionally available, and soon after, his fearful-avoidant side took over. I think he realised his flaws when I told him how confused I felt by his hot-and-cold behaviour. He wanted to move forward with me, but something was holding him back — his past issues, which only he could confront and resolve. I respect him for not dragging me into his mess and instead choosing to step back and work on himself.

That’s why I believe true change can only come from the person himself. It’s never a woman’s duty to fix a man, though she can inspire or encourage him to grow.

From my observation and chats with female peers (mostly urban Chinese women in their 30s), most aren’t in a rush to get married or have kids anymore.

Partly because of past failed relationships; many feel it’s better to stay single than date or marry the wrong men. Being in a relationship is exhausting, and they’ve had enough of crap from men.

Another big factor is that having children is expensive, plus the extra burden from in-law expectations and the complications that come with pregnancy.

On top of that, many are just content with where they are—happy being single, having a stable career, and enjoying time with friends.

I also have married female friends in their thirties who have chosen to remain childless.

Hence, the fertility clock that used to scare women doesn’t seem so scary anymore.

Given this sentiment among urban Chinese women, urban Chinese men may face a harder time finding girlfriends or marrying women who want to have children, unless they consider other races or foreigners.

You missed my point. I'm answering your earlier statement (as quoted) about women's fertility.

Statistically, the trend for women to get married and reproduce has been going downwards for years now. It's a current fact, regardless of whom I chat with.